“Your heart has never been defective, Steve. It’s a true heart.”
It was the best one I’d ever have, and it was filled with hope.
How I Became a Fairy Godmother
Bonnie Elizabeth
Now for something a little lighter.
Bonnie, who has appeared in two previous Fiction River volumes, Last Stand and Feel the Fear, found a different voice as she wrote this story. “Thinking about wishes for young people,” she explains, “I started to wonder what it was like for the wish granter and what kinds of things they might want to wish for. I didn’t want anything too sappy or sweet but I wanted someone fun. Willow sort of took over the page and started telling her story.”
Willow so inspired Bonnie that she’s written an entire novel about her, Sun Spot Magic. But “How I Became a Fairy Godmother” is where it all began.
So I got an essay assignment to write about something nobody else knows about me. I was tempted to say I’m a fairy godmother, but I didn’t. Even if it’s true. I mean, people who know me, cynical, snarky, Willow Vaughn, would die of laughter if they read it. And they would probably make a ton of really stupid wishes, some of which I’d end up having to grant.
I suppose you want to know how it all happened. It was an ordinary day, where my folks were leaving way too early to go to the farmer’s market. I needed new nail polish, which meant to get a ride to the store, I had to go along.
That sunny early fall morning, my folks were meandering around, fondling organic tomatoes with far too much pleasure. They looked at craft items which either looked like my brother and I made them in third grade, or looked like they were secretly purchased from a production line somewhere. I really just wanted to sit down and text my friend, Sage.
There’s a garden outside and toward the back is a wishing well. Sometimes my mom throws a penny in there. Like, right. Wishes happen. I had no intention of using it. It’s just quiet and private, surrounded by bamboo. The only exit to the rest of the garden is an arched arbor covered in grape vines. There’s a bench near the well and while it has some lame metal heart and rose design on the back, it’s not uncomfortable. The bamboo would keep the sun from glaring off the screen on my phone. Perfect.
“I’m going to walk down to the garden,” I said. My mom gave a noncommittal answer which I took to be a yes.
I had my phone out when I got to the wishing well. I stopped short, seeing two men on the bench. My bench. They were snuggled together, looking at some sort of ceramic thing they must have purchased at the market.
I kicked at a stone near the base of the well. The voices of the men were a low drone in the background, saying something about the figure looking exactly like their first puppy, Sadie. Like original much? Not.
“I wish...” I whispered, thinking about what I’d wish for. Yeah, wishes are lame but I didn’t want to look like a dweeb in front of the lover boys. I figured I’d make a wish and get out of there and find a curb or something to sit on.
“What do you wish?” This older guy now stood next to me. He was close enough that I could smell the horseradish on his breath. It made me think of my mom’s home-fermented cabbage and horseradish sauerkraut. I hadn’t heard him walk up to me.
“Excuse me?” I moved a little further way. Everyone knows that you don’t trust weird strangers who approach you in secluded areas. The guy wasn’t very tall and he was thin so I figured I had a chance, particularly since the lover boys were still sitting behind me, admiring their ceramic Sadie.
“I said, what do you wish?” He nodded his head at me, smiling. His teeth had that slightly yellowed look my grandpa’s had, which my mom said was from smoking a pack a day when he was young. The guy was also wearing an ugly blue suit that looked like it was a castoff from the costume department of a bad ‘80s movie.
“Why would I tell you?” I didn’t back up again because he wasn’t moving closer. He was probably one of those creepazoids who just want to hear what a teenage girl wishes for and gets off on it. Maybe he was hoping I’d wish to get kissed by the quarterback. That was not frickin likely considering the quarterback’s mother was my mother’s best friend and we’d grown up together. It would be like incest or something. Besides, he and my brother used to have fart contests. There’s nothing more unattractive than having two guys fart Christmas carols at you.
Granted that was four years ago, but still. It’s a hard memory to let go of.
“Because I can grant it,” the man said. He seemed surprised I would ask. In that suit, he was probably surprised that I hadn’t told him to get lost or maybe jump in the well and drown himself.
“Yeah. Right.” I turned away. I didn’t leave the well. It was sort of the principle. I was there first. If I couldn’t have the bench because lover boys got there first, I got to stand by the wishing well.
“Really.” The guy didn’t seem inclined to leave, either. Was that smoke coming from his coat?
I must have rolled my eyes because the guy sighed like he was gearing up for some lecture.
“No. Really.” He was way too eager for me to wish. “What’s your wish? Come on, kid! I want to give you something.” No lecture, but it was really creepy to have some old dude promising to give me something. You’d think that would have made lover boys perk up, but they just sat there in their own little world.
“Like, are you propositioning me?” I almost laughed. I mean maybe I should have been more threatened, but I had witnesses. While I’m not some tough girl fighter, I am five-seven and this guy wasn’t much taller. Plus, he looked old. The way he was kind of stooped meant he wasn’t in that great of shape either.
I couldn’t believe lover boys didn’t notice a line like that, but if they weren’t gazing at ceramic Sadie, they were gazing into each other’s eyes. Maybe I should rethink the idea that I had witnesses. A nuclear bomb could go off and they wouldn’t notice.
“They didn’t wish, so they won’t notice me,” the old man said.
“I didn’t wish either,” I pointed out.
“Yes, but you started a wish, so I came. I can grant you whatever your heart desires. A boy you’d like to kiss? Money? Concert tickets? Tickets backstage?”
First off, a boy I’d like to kiss? Who said things like that? And if he really could grant a wish, then why the heck would I waste it on concert tickets? I’m not stupid.
Speaking of not stupid, I knew that even if he were on the level, and really I doubted it, wishes could be tricky. Wish for a million dollars? Kaching! A million dollars! You spend it and boom! The mansion you purchased gets blown up.
You want love? You get someone so brainwashed they want to lick your toilet seat. No thanks. Besides that crap would probably make this creepazoid get all excited and happy. The idea made my skin crawl.
Lover boys started making out which meant they were really not going to be good witnesses if this guy was the pervert he looked like. I considered wishing him away, but why wish for something like that out of fear? If he went up in a poof of smoke, wouldn’t I feel like an idiot? Still, I needed to wish safely.
“Willow! Where the heck are you?” I heard my mother calling. She wasn’t yelling, but her voice naturally carries, the way a witch cackle carries through a haunted house.
I told her exactly where I’d be and she was still pissed. Nothing I did...so that’s what made me say it.
“I wish I could make people happy.”
The old man smiled like I’d just promised to make out with him or something.
“Really?” he said. Now he sounded needy. Yuck.
“Yeah. And that’s my mom, so you better git.”
“Oh I will,” he said. “Here’s a card. You’ll need to be at that address on Monday night at seven. Nothing to do as far as directions. Just say I want to go here at seven on Monday night. Ta!”
Then, he hurried through the arch. Wishes my ass.
On Monday night at five minutes before seven, I sat at my computer. The card just landed on the keyboar
d. Like poof! There it was. A regular old white business card with nothing but an address on it and the words “Fairy Godmother Club.”
Yeah, right. Monday at seven. Just pick up the card and tell it to take me there. Like heck.
The card wouldn’t budge from the keyboard. I couldn’t type. In fact, when I started to get up, it moved in front of my face. I reached out to push it away. I didn’t even remember taking it from the man’s hand, but I must have because it was in my house. Of course, the card was floating in front of my face, so who knows? Maybe it really was magic.
“Take me here?” I asked, as uncertain about anything as I’ve been in my life.
However, almost immediately, I saw gray smoke plumes waft in front of me. My bedroom, with its perfectly aligned orchid and gray striped paint disappeared and I ended up in what looked like a basement, not long after a flood. There were three old sofas, two of which had legs on one end but not the other. There were some chairs, all with pillows and stuffing and looked too big or too soft to be comfortable. Everything was in dog crap brown and beige or had faded to that color. Water dripped in a corner. Yay.
“Hello.”
I turned to the voice and saw a granny-like woman. Heck, was she really holding knitting needles and yarn? And that dress? It had been washed so many times I could see her bra through the fabric. In case that does it for you, it was one of the old style ones like you saw on the show Mad Men. Of course, she didn’t have any real boobs left, but maybe she needed the lift for what was.
“Hi?” I tried to smile. Granny seemed a little surprised to see me. I hoped that I wasn’t completely freaking her out. I was in flannel pants and a plain peach T-shirt. I kind of hopped around trying to keep my bare feet on the floor as little as possible. It was cement and it was cold. Leave it to me to get the most lame-assed wish fulfillment ever.
“You’re new.” The woman nodded as she spoke.
A couple of other people popped in. I’m not just saying that. I mean literally popped. Literally literally. One minute not there and then a little poof! There they were. Light gray smoke trailed away.
“You noticed?” I asked.
“Oh we all know each other. We meet every Monday at seven, like you will from now on. We don’t get many young people.”
“I’m not sure the last time we got anyone your age,” another woman said, walking up to us. There were a few men in the group, but they appeared to be keeping their distance. One grabbed a chair as if finding a long lost love. Later I’d learn he’d grabbed the only decent place in the room to sit.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“Why, we’re the fairy godmothers of the world.”
“You’re all fairy godmothers and...er...godfathers?” I asked.
“Sort of,” the younger woman said. She was dressed in a sweater dress and leggings. Modern, kind of.
“Like, if you can grant wishes, can’t you get a better place to meet?” I looked around. There were copper pipes lining the ceiling. How old was this place?
“We’re sort of stuck at this nexus. Unfortunately the owner of the building is difficult to influence,” Granny said. “So here we are. We make the best of it.”
I noticed she was wearing a pair of pink shearling type boots that looked ridiculous on her old feet.
Great. “The creepazoid could have warned me.”
“Carl granted your wish?” The old woman clapped her hands together. If she knew Carl was the creepazoid, I had to wonder if the clap was because they wouldn’t need to see him again.
“We didn’t exactly exchange names and numbers. He gave me this.” I held up the card. “Then he was gone.”
“Carl’s been unhappy for a long time now. Last twenty years or so he’s just felt time was slipping by. How long had he done this?” the old woman asked of no one in particular.
“Two hundred thirty years,” a man called. He was heavy set but not really fat. Kind of thick, like a football player is thick, if you know what I mean. He was dressed in sweats like he trained too. Instead of trainers, he wore snow boots, the solid ones built for twenty below. Hopefully the meeting wasn’t going to last too long or else I might be wishing for feet.
“You’ll want to wear shoes here,” Granny said helpfully.
I just nodded.
She and the younger woman pulled me over to the sofas. I got to sit on the high end of one of them and I pulled my feet up under me.
“It’s different having a youngster here,” one of the other five men said. He had a slight accent that made his words sound strange.
“So you have questions?” Granny asked.
“Maybe we should introduce ourselves first,” the younger woman who had friended me said. “I’m Paula.”
“Hi Paula. I’m Willow.” I did my best imitation of my mother at one of those meet-and-greet things she sometimes holds at our house. She’s in a business circle, and she always, always seems to hold the meet and greet at our house over the summer so I get woken up by people ringing the doorbell.
“Nice to meet you, Willow,” Granny said.
A few others offered their names. Like I was going to remember them. I wished to make folks happy and I got stuck in a senior center social night. Okay so there were a few others who were closer to Paula’s age, but it was not a happening party, at least not for me.
“So, what does this mean?” I asked. “I mean I was at this wishing well, thinking of what I wanted to wish for and this guy just shows up out of nowhere. He starts asking me what I want. I was way too freaked out to ask for anything real. I thought that making people happy might be a safe wish.” Although, it was looking like it was anything but that.
There were some nods around the room. A small woman in a black sheath dress with cat fur all over it seemed to be thinking.
“You wished to make people happy. That means you wanted to give with your wish, rather than get. That means you can become one of us. I wished for world peace. I learned you can’t force people to do something they don’t want to do. The closest the fairy godmother who answered me could get was to let me be someone who could grant wishes.” She had a high voice that grated on my nerves.
“So when I wished, I really blew it?” I said. Cause if I had to spend all of my life with these folks, that was going to really suck big ones.
“No.” That was Paula. “Think about it. We don’t age while we give wishes. We can teleport to just about anywhere we want to go. You just listen for people saying the words ‘I wish’ and you can grant that wish if you want to.”
“You’ll want to.” That was Football Player, whatever his name was.
“Why?” I asked. I had to wonder if I could play tricks on folks too. Like the whole million dollar thing and then make their house blow up. Not that I wanted to do that. I just wanted to know if I could. You know.
“Because you’ll feel this pressure...” Granny started, searching for a word.
“Like a fart,” Football Player said helpfully.
“Like having a baby,” Paula said, nodding. “Cause I’ve had gas but never like that.”
Football Player and a few others chuckled.
“And it doesn’t stop until you grant a wish,” Granny finished as if she had never been interrupted.
“So, what if no one makes a wish when I need to give one?”
“Then you’ll start traveling around to places where people make wishes,” Sheath Dress Woman replied. She picked a few cat hairs off herself. It didn’t seem to make a difference.
“So that’s it?” I asked.
“You’ll no longer have to ask to come here on Monday at seven,” Football Player said. “You’ll just do it. Don’t go making any plans. Trust me.”
“Great.”
Paula smiled. “As someone underage, the rules state that you have to live with a legal guardian until you come of age. That means that you can’t wish yourself out of the house.”
“You’ll need to talk to one of us before you move out of your
home for any place but college,” Granny added.
“Why?” Great. I wish to offer happiness, like I’m some selfless Mother Teresa, and I was going to have to answer to a room full of parental figures who all got a say in my life? Talk about the boobie prize of wishes. I can’t say this experience was moving me closer to being altruistic.
“It’s in the bylaws,” Paula said. “There really aren’t many bylaws but they are very strict with underage godmothers. You’ll find a copy on your computer. It used to be in a book, but we modernized a few years back.”
“Why did you wait to give it to me?”
“We didn’t know about you. That’s why we meet weekly,” Granny explained.
I nodded. “So when you aren’t lecturing me, what do you do in the meeting?”
With that, I got to hear about all the wishes that had been granted. Lots of people asking for a million dollars, although a few were smart enough to ask for a billion now. Granny thought that was greedy. I say, umm...hello? A million is okay but a billion isn’t? Besides, what century was she living in?
A few people wishing for love. Paula loved granting love wishes, which she shared. She was sad this time because the woman wishing for love got adopted by a cat instead of meeting a man.
Sheath Dress Woman dabbed her eyes. Given the fur on her dress, I thought that might be her story.
They were winding down and a few people were standing up, some rubbing their backs.
“So I have a couple of questions,” I said.
There were nods.
“Is there any wish I can’t fill?”
“You’ll know when you can’t fill it, but generally you can’t make people do something they don’t want to do. So if someone says, “I want my husband to love me more,” and the husband is disinclined, you can’t fulfill that,” Paula said. “There are a few other things that you can’t fill, but you’ll learn them.”
“Is it only humans that can wish?”
“Anyone who can say the words ‘I wish’ in any language gets their wish,” Granny said. She made a pointed look at Sheath Dress Woman.
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