by W.J. May
***
“Thanks for the movie and dinner. I’ve wanted to come here, just haven’t made the time.” Natalie looked at Ryan and let out an alluring smile.
“You’re welcome. So what did ya think about the movie?” He dug his hands in his short pockets and bit down on his bottom lip. He felt a little apprehensive about the conversation he needed to have with her.
“I liked it. However, I didn’t expect for it to end that way.”
“Yeah, me either.” He opened the truck door for her. When he walked around to the driver’s side, thousands of thoughts attacked his mind. He balled up his hands into a fist and clenched his teeth. His brother’s voice rang loudly in his head, “Don’t be scared, just tell ’er the truth. If she doesn’t understand then she’s not the girl for ya.”
He took a deep breath, got in his truck and started it. He smiled at her. She had to be the most beautiful girl ever. Her flawless skin shimmered like satin and she wore the right amount of make-up that gave her that sexy sultry look. Her lips glistened with a light shade of gloss, which made them irresistible. He had to force himself to look away; otherwise he knew he would steal a kiss from her.
“It’s only 7:30 p.m. Do you want me to take you back to the dorm or can I show you one of my favorite places?” He held his breath waiting for her response.
She pressed her lips together, not saying a word. After a few seconds, she turned to him and said, “Take me to your favorite place.”
He exhaled. “All right… I will.” He reached up and opened the sunroof to his black Chevrolet Avalanche and drove off. He scanned through the radio searching for the right tune.
“Can you leave it there?” Natalie reached for the radio.
“You like this song?” Ryan shot a quick look at her.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Sweet.” He had no idea that she even liked country music. They had more in common than he thought.
“What else do you listen to?” She asked.
“Oh, everything I guess. Dance music, some rock, Latin ballads which are my mom’s favorite, and some Christian music. I play the guitar at our church whenever I’m home. I guess you can say I’ve learned to appreciate all types of music.”
“That’s cool. I didn’t know you played the guitar.” The wind blew through Natalie’s hair and she struggled to keep it out of her face. He couldn’t help but notice how sexy she looked with windblown hair.
“Yeah, I’ve been playing since I was ten. Do you want me to close the sunroof?” He held his hand up to the button.
“No, that’s okay. The wind feels great. We haven’t had a nice breeze like this in a while.”
“You got that right. It’s been pretty hot and muggy.”
A strong gust of wind wisped through the sunroof and into her hair, filling the truck with a fruity floral smell. He inhaled, taking in her sweet scent. It gave him a shiver. He continued watching her out of the corner of his eye as she pulled her hair to the side. It took everything for him not to reach over and stroke her hair. He longed to run his fingers through her silky dark brown tresses.
He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “What about you? What else do you listen to?”
“Dance music too, anything top 40, and country. I admit I don’t ever listen to Christian music, not that anything is wrong with it. I do sing along when I go to church.”
“That’s okay. At least we like a lot of the same type of music.” Ryan cleared his throat. “So do you know how to two-step? I know you can salsa dance.”
“Kind of. Okay, don’t make fun of me but my senior year I took a dance class at school. I guess because everyone was into that show, what’s it called…Dancing With The Stars, they decided to offer it. Anyhow, I learned several types of dances. I’m not that good. You’ve seen firsthand.”
He let out a laugh. “Seriously? I wish they would’ve had that class my senior year. I’ve always wanted to take ballroom dancing. In fact, I thought about signing up for it here. Hey, why don’t we take it together, in the fall?”
Natalie’s head turned quickly in his direction. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, c’mon it’ll be fun.”
“I’ll think about it.” She stared out through the window.
“Do you always have to think about everything?” He made his voice light, trying to not sound rude.
Her head spun around. “Yeah, I do. Is that a problem?” He noticed the slight elevation in her voice.
“No. Not all. Just asking.”
Damn! He didn’t mean to offend her and hoped he didn’t make her mad. He felt more comfortable around her but knew he needed to be careful on how he asked questions. He tended to blurt things out without thinking about them first. The last thing he wanted to do was to upset her. For some reason, being around her caused his mind to go a little haywire.
Casually, he reached over and placed his hand on top of hers. He patted it lightly. “That’s why I like you. You’re different from me.” He let his hand remain on top of hers while keeping his eyes on the road. He loved the softness of her skin against his rough hands.
“Really? What else do you like about me?” Her voice sounded alluring rather than inquisitive.
He tapped his finger against the steering wheel. His face felt hot and his mind raced with a million thoughts. “Ummm…let’s see… you’re beautiful, smart, kind, thoughtful, and very analytical.” He glanced over at her, praying he said the right thing.
She leaned her head against her shoulders, acting shy. “Thanks. So you like that I’m a nerdy type of girl?”
“What? I didn’t say you were nerdy.”
“You don’t have to. I know I am.” She picked at the light pink nail polish on her nails.
“Well, I don’t think you are. In fact, I thought you looked cute and sexy… wearing your glasses and your hair up in a ponytail the day I met you.”
He felt her wrap her fingers over his. Judging by her reaction, it told him he said the right things.
She let out a slight laugh. “Sexy? Really? So I shouldn’t wear my hair down and my contacts any longer?”
He looked at her. The wind continued to blow through her hair causing strands to stick to her glossy lips. He kept one eye on the road and the other watching her peel each strand away. Man, she was sexy and far from nerdy in his opinion.
“No… I mean you’re beautiful with your hair down and no glasses.” He searched for the right words, feeling like a nerd himself.
“It’s okay. I know what you’re saying. I guess that’s what I like about you.”
“What, that I’m a rambling idiot?”
“No, you’re not an idiot. I like that you’re funny, considerate, honest, smart, handsome, and…”
“And?” Ryan glided his thumb back and forth against the top of her hand. He could caress her smooth creamy skin all day and night if she let him.
She pushed a part of her hair back behind her ear and held onto it, winding it around her fingers. “You’re sexy.”
He burst out laughing. “Sexy? I don’t think so.”
She let out a giggle. “I do. I think you look sexy in a cowboy hat and jeans.”
“I’ll be sure to wear them next time.” He winked and squeezed her hand. It flattered him to hear compliments from her. He worked hard to stay in shape and he took pride in taking care of his body. More than anything, it was nice to have a girl that didn’t focus on herself constantly. That’s what made Natalie even more attractive to him.
He turned onto a long and winding two-way road. Trees stretched over the road from both sides, as though locking branches with one another. It created a lush canopy of thick foliage that extended for at least a mile. He had been down this road many times, but for the first time, it felt cozy and romantic. Maybe because he had Natalie next to him, changing the mood completely.
“Can I ask where we’re going?” She continued looking around, her eyes darting around from side to side.
He wanted to su
rprise her but based on her actions he thought it best to tell her.
“When you told me you had never been to Lake Travis, I thought you might like to see it.”
“Oh… the lake.” Natalie’s hand went limp. He noticed her shifting back and forth in her seat.
“Is something wrong?” He wanted to take her to a romantic and memorable place and wondered if he’d made the right decision.
She squeezed her eyes shut before finally speaking. “Yeah, I’m okay,” she mumbled.
“Are you sure? You’re not dizzy again are you?”
Natalie glanced over at him. “No. It’s not that.” She paused for a minute. “The last time I went to a lake it was to clear my head.” She turned away and let out a small sigh.
He heard the pain behind that sigh. Obviously the lake brought back some hurtful memories. He didn’t want to pry and decided he would allow her to open up to him when she was ready. Damn, he couldn’t win for losing.
“I can turn around, if you want.”
She shook her head. “No, I’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I want to see Lake Travis.”
The gravel crackled and popped as he drove up to the area leading to the lake. He pulled up to a boat ramp and stopped. The setting sun painted the sky with streaks of orange and purple. It made the water glisten like gold and out of all the times he had been there, he had never seen such a breath taking site.
He didn’t want to let go of Natalie’s hand but needed to put the truck in park. He gave her hand a deep squeeze and let go. He felt her latch on, apparently not wanting him to let go either. Slowly, she released her hand from his.
“So this is what you wanted to show me?” Natalie took off her seat belt and leaned forward, looking out the front windshield.
“Yeah, it reminds me of summer vacations with my family when I was a kid. I know it’s no beach, but it’s the closest thing we have here in Austin.” He waited to turn off the truck, still not convinced that she wanted to be there.
“It’s beautiful. The water looks so inviting. I may have to jump in.”
He noticed a change in her face. Maybe she would be okay after all. “People come out here to get certified for scuba diving. Do you wanna take a walk?”
Natalie nodded. “Sure, why not.”
He let out a sigh of relief and opened his truck door. He came around and opened the door for her. He stuck out his hand, helping her get out of the truck. When she didn’t let go of his hand, Ryan didn’t hesitate to interlock his fingers with hers. They walked down to the water, holding hands. It felt good to be next to her; natural and right, in so many ways.
“Wow, there’s sand.” Natalie dug her shoes into the brown, sand-like dirt.
“I know. That’s why I like coming out here so much. Feels like I’m at the beach.”
“Just a minute, I don’t want to get my shoes wet.” She bent over and removed her sandals before the water reached them. She held on to them by the straps, allowing them to dangle from her fingers. “What about you?”
He glanced down at his boat shoes. “Nah, I get these wet all the time.”
Something caught his eye as the water splashed over Natalie’s feet. He had to take another look. For a split second, he thought he saw her legs and feet liquefy into water. The structure of them remained solid but they were clear, like the lake. He shut his eyes tightly and shook his head.
“I can’t believe the water is so clear, almost like the ocean. Hey, are you okay?” Natalie pulled at his arm. Her grip tightened and she shook him a couple times. “Ryan.”
“Yeah?” He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. He looked back down and saw they were normal. His eyes had to be playing tricks on him. He figured the anxiety building up inside of him caused it, since he still needed to have that talk with her.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I was just thinking that we should come out here during the day. Ya know, go swimming or rent a boat.”
“Yeah, that sounds like fun.” Natalie smiled at him but he could see the doubt in her eyes.
“C’mon, let’s walk down this way.” He motioned with his head.
He led her down the sandy shoreline holding her hand. A cool breeze blew off the calm water, not at all typical for an evening in May. Out in the distance, he spotted a few boats and saw a couple of people dotted along the beach area on the other side of the lake. He figured there would be more people at the lake because of the nice weather but they were practically alone.
Natalie gazed out into the horizon. “It’s a beautiful sunset. I’m glad you brought me here.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
Her lightly tanned skin shimmered in the setting sun’s rays and her hair flowed freely in the breeze. She looked radiant, almost Goddess like in her white dress. Then again, Natalie looked good in anything she wore.
Even though she excited him, she also calmed him. She put him at ease and he felt his heart surrendering to her. Never did he imagine falling for the quiet sophomore he knew back in high school. Her beauty mesmerized him and he nearly forgot that he needed to have that heart to heart honest conversation with her. There were so many ways to do this wrong. He had to do it right. He had to be completely honest and open with her.
With his shoe, he smoothed out the sand, thinking of the right words to say. “Natalie… I don’t want to step out of line again, but the feelings I have for you are beyond controllable.” He held his breath waiting for her response.
She turned toward him, gazing deeply into his eyes. She reached up and touched his cheek with her hand. “My feelings for you are uncontrollable too.”
His heart skipped a beat. So she had the same overwhelming feelings he had about her. He took her in his arms. “You don’t know how good it feels to hear you say that.”
“I’m scared though,” she mumbled.
He cradled her face in his hands and stared into her pale blue eyes. “Don’t be.” He glided his finger over her lips. They parted and he heard her let out a soft sigh. The plumpness and fullness of her lips were inviting, making him want to take them captive.
She glided her hand down behind his neck and leaned into him. Cautiously he brought his lips to hers, afraid that she might run off again. When she closed her eyes, he kissed her deeply and tenderly. It released every ounce of fear that consumed him, allowing him to show everything he felt for her. It had to be the most passionate and intense kiss he had ever experienced.
She responded willingly and didn’t pull away this time. He pulled her body closer to his, holding on to her tightly. Her hot breath against his mouth made him dizzy with desire and need. They continued kissing, not even stopping for a breath of air. His feet sunk deeper into the sand burying him up to his ankles. She wavered back and forth in his arms, and he struggled to keep them both upright. She pressed her body against his and his head swirled. For a moment, he lost all sense of direction and he felt his body lifting. He swayed back and then forward before finally losing his balance.
He held on to her with one arm, protecting her as best as he could. He used his other arm to break their fall. She cried out when they fell back on to the sand.
“Are you okay?” He lifted himself up off of her. “Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m fine.” She glided her fingers up and down his arms, awakening every nerve ending in his body. “Kiss me again.”
He leaned over her, caressing her neck and trailing kisses up to her luscious lips. She responded back with soft and light kisses. Her lips tasted so good, he didn’t want to part from them. He closed his eyes, taking in each kiss fully. She moaned low in her throat and it tormented him to the very core. He wanted her badly. Never had he felt this way before about a girl. Desire flooded his senses. He was losing control.
He pulled away. “I’m sorry.”
Natalie opened her eyes. “What? Is something wrong?”
He knelt down
on the sand and shoveled his fingers through his hair. Why couldn’t he control himself around her? She was so irresistible but that was no excuse. He had to bridle the passion and feelings he had for her. This couldn’t go any further. He got up and walked off.
“Ryan. Ryan, what’s wrong? Did I do something?” Natalie chased after him but stopped when he held out his hand.
He ignored her pleading for a second, gathering his thoughts. He took a deep breath and let out a long and drawn out sigh. “No, ya didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me.” He held on to his head with both hands, pacing back and forth along the sand.
Natalie stared at him, looking confused. Who could blame her? He gave her all the right signals to only push her away. He had to be honest with her, otherwise how would he know if she was the right gal for him.
He walked up to her and took her hand. “I’m sorry. I really need to finish my talk with you.”
“Okay.” Her eyes sank and the glow from her face faded in to a look of worry.
He led her back down by the water and sat down. She knelt down next to him, keeping some distance between them.
“Natalie, there’s something I need to tell you.” He grabbed a fist full of sand and sifted it through his hand.
She placed her hand on his arm. “If it’s—”
“It’s not what you think. I need to be honest with you.”
She pulled her hand back. “Oh…okay.”
He hesitated for a moment and then looked over at her. His mind reviewed the words carefully before he spoke. “When I’m around you, I find it really hard to control myself. Like I said earlier, my feelings for you are beyond controllable.”
She nodded and barely mumbled, “Uh-huh.”
He cleared his throat several times. “Every time I’m with you, I want to lose myself with you. But I can’t. I made a promise and I’m sticking to it. I just don’t know if you are willing to accept that and if you’re not then…” the words hung in his throat before he managed to spit them out, “I’ll have to end our relationship.”
She winced and had a puzzled look on her face. “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t understand.”
“What I’m trying to say is that… I’m a virgin.” He felt a flash of heat hit his cheeks.
She let out a small sigh. “That’s what this is all about?”
He dug the heels of his shoe into the wet sand. He took a deep breath and let it out quickly. “Yes. I’m twenty-one and still a virgin. If you can’t accept that, I understand. I made a promise to not have sex until marriage and I intend on keeping it.”
She laid her hand on top of his. “That is the most admirable thing I’ve ever heard from a guy. I only wish I could say the same.”
Ryan felt everything drain from him. His shoulders sank and his head dropped down. He felt his body sinking deeper into the sand. “I understand. It’s not easy to make this type of commitment.” He stared into her eyes. “I wish you could walk down that same path with me, because there is nothing more I want than to spend each and every day with you.”
Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head. “I… I don’t think I made myself clear. I meant that I wish I could say that I was a virgin, but I’m not. I don’t intend on having sex again until I marry. I only did it because I really thought Tony and I would marry. I’ve been beating myself up over making such a dumb mistake.”
“So you’re okay with me being a virgin and not having sex until marriage?”
She smiled, wiping the tears that trickled down her face. “Yes. I’m perfectly fine with that. I really value sex like you do.”
He reached forward and took her in his arms. Her eyes met his and deep inside, he knew Natalie was the gal for him. “Then you’re willing to have a relationship with me and fight off the urge not to give into our sexual needs? No matter how strong they are?”
“Yes, I am. I have to admit that I’ve never had a problem controlling myself but for some reason I have trouble with you.”
“Then we will have to work extra hard. It won’t be easy but I’m willing to give it everything if you are.”
“I am.”
He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips. Everything about her felt so right. She leaned her head against his chest and he held her close. He could see himself spending the rest of his life with her. He didn’t want this day to end. They sat there; his arms wrapped around her, watching the sun vanish along the horizon.
“Are you ready to go? It’s getting dark.” He whispered in her ear.
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay out here a little longer. It’s therapeutic for me. If you know what I mean.”
Ryan kissed her cheek. “I know exactly what you mean. Why don’t we go over there?” He pointed to a pile of wood down the shore.
She followed his finger. “To that pile of ashes?”
“Yeah. How about I start us a fire? I think I may have a few pieces of wood in the bed of my truck and a lighter somewhere.”
“Sure. Too bad you don’t have a blanket and your guitar.”
“Oh, I think I may have those too.”
She put her hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed. “Did you plan this, Ryan Garrett?”
For a moment, he thought he did something wrong. Then he saw her lips curl up into a full smile. He winked. “Yes, right down to the fire.”