by Ivy Smoak
“Am I in the men’s room?” Oh God, why were those the first words I’d ever spoken to him? I lifted up my shoe like I was about to put the soaking wet bloody mess back onto my foot and run away. What had I been thinking? Now I’d have to walk around with one shoe.
“You can buy new shoes,” he said, ignoring my question about which restroom I was in. “You can’t buy a new hand.” He walked up next to me, waved his hand under the automatic soap dispenser, and then stared at my reflection as he slowly took my hand in his. It was like he was asking my permission. I stayed completely still.
He dipped my hand back under the running faucet and started gently washing the cut.
I didn’t flinch from the pain of the water entering the wound. All I could feel was the warmth of his hands. And how rough his palms were. Probably from football. A chill ran down the back of my spine as the pad of his thumb traced the cut.
“Isabella’s a disease,” he said. “Don’t let her crawl under your skin or she’ll stay there.”
I thought maybe he’d already been in here. That he hadn’t seen what had just happened in the ballroom. But that apparently wasn’t the case. Had he followed me in here?
I removed my eyes from his reflection in the mirror and looked up at him. We locked eyes for one moment. A few seconds that stretched for eternity. His eyes swirled with the same warmth that I’d felt from his hands. It was hard to stare at perfection. Matthew Caldwell was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at him. And on top of that, he had everything I didn’t. Money. A family. And unlike the rest of the Untouchables, he seemed genuinely happy. He was everything I could never be. And for some reason, he was everything I wanted. Which was ridiculous. Just thinking it was a complete and utter waste of time.
I turned away.
He turned off the water, grabbed a paper towel, and wrapped it around my hand.
“Thank you,” I said, keeping my eyes on the paper towel.
I saw him shove his hands into his pockets. “I’ll see you around school, Brooklyn,” he said and made his way to the door.
It felt like my heart stopped beating. He knew my name?
The door closed behind him with a thud. I waited a beat before grabbing my soggy shoe and walking out of the bathroom. I looked up at the sign on the door. It was a women’s restroom. Which meant Matthew Caldwell had followed me in here to make sure I was okay. Maybe I wasn’t as invisible as I thought.
Chapter 4
Friday
“Hey, kiddo,” my uncle said as Kennedy and I walked into the apartment. He was doing a crossword puzzle at the kitchen table and didn’t look up. He was five years older than my mother, but he looked more like he was in his sixties than his forties. The extra weight didn’t help. My eyes gravitated to the buttons of his shirt that looked like they were ready to pop off. But I was going to help him shed the weight. I’d have him healthy in no time.
“Hey...Jim.” I knew he probably wanted me to call him Uncle Jim. I kept trying to force it out. But I’d only met him a handful of times when I was little. Uncle felt too familiar. And I wasn’t familiar with him at all. Despite that, I kind of loved that he called me kiddo. I remembered him calling me that ages ago. It made me feel a little less like I was sinking.
“Hi, Uncle Jim!” Kennedy said and bound into the apartment like she belonged there more than me.
Jim looked up at her and smiled as she gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. I would have found it weird that she was so much closer to him than me, but she’d known him all her life. I’d practically just met the man.
“How was work?” he asked.
“The usual first day jitters for this one,” Kennedy said and nodded her head in my direction.
Jim’s eyes focused on me for the first time, taking in my shirt stained pink with steak juice and my soaking wet shoe. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Maybe he hadn’t been looking at my disheveled outfit at all. Maybe he had been staring at my face. He seemed to know me. He could sense my moods. He could tell when I was hurting just like my mom always could. And I found myself wishing I knew him too. I was tearing up again for no reason at all. I blinked fast, removing any trace of tears. “I’m fine. Those trays were freaking heavy.”
He smiled. “You should see if they need some extra hands in the kitchen instead. Those burritos you made me sure were delicious.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
I was more relieved than happy. The first couple weeks here he’d been resisting my attempts at changing up his diet. He seemed to finally be accepting the fact that I wasn’t backing down. He turned his head and started coughing into the crook of his arm.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick up some cold medicine for your cough?” I asked. I was pretty sure I was pestering him into annoyance. He was used to being on his own, and it felt like every word out of my mouth was filled with overconcern. I couldn’t help it. I needed him to be healthy. He was all I had left and I wasn’t going to lose him too.
“It’s just a cold,” he said. “I’ll be fine.”
“This should make you feel better,” Kennedy said. “We brought home those little cheesecake desserts you like so much!” She placed the box down on the table.
I wanted to scold Kennedy. I was finally helping my uncle make healthier eating choices. The last thing he needed was to reintroduce sugar into his diet.
Before I could say anything, he’d already bitten into one of the miniature cakes.
“Better?” Kennedy asked.
“Nothing like cheesecake to fix a cough,” he said with a laugh. “Don’t look at me like that, kiddo, it’s a miniature dessert.” He slid the box back toward Kennedy. “You two can eat the rest.”
I smiled.
“It’s like living with a mini dictator,” he grumbled, but he was smiling too. “I’ll leave you two to it. You can put your shoes by the door, kiddo, and I’ll get them fixed up for you.”
“Oh. You don’t have to do that. I was just going to scrub them a bit more.”
“If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to mend things. Leave ‘em by the door.”
“Thank you.” I had no idea what he was planning on doing with them. I honestly wasn’t sure if anything could be done. So there was no downside in letting him try. I kicked them off at the door and followed Kennedy into my room.
“Okay, we’re going to unpack all your crap.” She started to open up one of my cardboard boxes. “And while we do that, you’re going to tell me everything you love about Matthew Caldwell.”
“I don’t love anything about him.”
“Fine. What do you like about him?” She pulled out some of my clothes and started putting them in the wrong drawers.
I followed her around fixing everything she was messing up. “He just seems so…happy.”
Kennedy laughed as she tossed an unfolded shirt into my underwear drawer. She was terrible at this. “Happy? That’s all you got? What about those muscles? And his gorgeous smile?”
“Yeah, those things too.” I wasn’t sure Kennedy would understand the fact that I was more interested in the Untouchables’ inner traits than outer ones. A nice smile could only get you so far in life. My mother had a beautiful smile. And she’d died single at the age of 36 without a penny to her name.
But she was kind and funny and so charismatic. She was the greatest person I ever knew. And she always said she had everything she ever needed. Me. I would have loved her even if she looked like a monster.
“So you look at him like a love-sick puppy because he’s happy? There are plenty of happy people at our school.” She took a break from ruining my closet’s organization to eat some of the mini cakes.
I started rearranging the things she’d hung up. “And carefree.”
“That’s basically the same thing.”
I pulled out a stack of pictures. The top one was a selfie my mom had taken of the two of us. We were sitting in her hospital bed. She still had so muc
h optimism. So much life left to live. I placed the pictures down on my nightstand.
She’d want me to be living my life. Making new friends. Calling my uncle uncle. Trying to start over. Today was the first step I’d really taken in any of it. “He’s also really nice,” I said.
“How on earth do you know if he’s nice?” Kennedy said through a mouth full of food.
“He followed me into the restroom after I cut my hand.”
“He did what?”
“I thought maybe I had walked into the men’s room and that he’d already been in there. I was focused on getting the stain out of my shoe. And then he was just…there.”
Kennedy plopped down on the edge of my bed and stared at me. “Continue!” she almost screamed.
“He washed my hand.”
“Weird.”
“No, it was really…nice.”
“There you go with the nice again. God I hate that word,” Kennedy said. “Give me more details now or I’ll kill you in your sleep!”
I started laughing because I knew she was kidding. At least, I was pretty sure she was kidding.
“Is everything okay in there girls?” Jim said from outside the door.
“Great!” Kennedy yelled. “Go away, we’re having a top secret discussion!”
I laughed and sat down next to her.
“Are you sure?” Jim asked.
“Oh my God, Uncle Jim!” Kennedy yelled at the door. “We need a minute alone!”
He laughed and I heard his footsteps walking away from the door.
“So after he erotically bathed you…”
“My hand. He washed my hand. But his hands were so warm and soothing.”
Kennedy giggled and flopped backward onto the bed. “It’s a classic Cinderella story. He’s your prince. You’re going to live happily ever after surrounded by wealth and luxury and so many housekeepers.”
I swallowed hard. Happily ever after? A happily ever after would have involved my mother.
“What’s with the look? I was just messing around.”
“Nothing.” I stood up and started unpacking more stuff.
“But what happened after he raped your hand?” She knew just what to say to make my smile return.
“Stop saying weird things or Jim will come busting in here to save me.”
Kennedy rolled her eyes. “It’s so weird that you call your uncle Jim instead of Uncle Jim. I realize that’s confusing now that I said it.”
I laughed. “I think he prefers it.” I didn’t know that. I’d never asked.
“Whatever you say. Back to Matthew, stop changing the subject. So after the hand thing…”
“He gave me a paper towel and said Isabella was a disease. To not let her get to me. And then he said, ‘See you around school, Brooklyn,’ and walked out the door.”
Kennedy put her hands to her chest. “Wow, he knew your name? And he stalked you into the ladies’ room. That’s big.”
“It’s not that big of a deal that he knew my name. We have a class together.”
“Yeah, where you said Mr. Hill calls everyone by their last names. He knew your first name. And he’s all like carefree and happy and shit.”
I laughed.
“Do you think he’ll talk to you in class on Monday? Stupid question. Of course he will. He’s your knight in shining armor.”
If that was true, I’d met him three weeks too late. I’d already lost the one thing I needed help saving.
“These pictures are really cute.” Kennedy lifted the stack of photos off my nightstand. “Do you have any pushpins? We need to put these all over your walls.”
“Let me ask Jim.”
She shook her head like whenever I called him Jim it physically pained her.
I walked back to the kitchen.
“Having fun?” Jim asked without looking up from his crossword puzzle.
“Mhm.”
“Kennedy’s a good kid. I’m glad you two are hitting it off.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. He and her mother had basically set us up. It’s not like anyone else had even said hello to me at school. Well, except Matthew. I shook the thought away. “Do you have any pushpins?”
“Top drawer, left side of the sink.”
I opened up the drawer and pulled out the container of pins. I was about to go back to my room, but stopped. There was something nagging me about what Isabella had said tonight. “Did you know the other kids at school thought I was a scholarship student?” I asked.
Jim looked up from his puzzle. “Well, that might be because the only people at Empire High that know otherwise are Kennedy and the principal. And I asked him to record your paperwork that way so no one else would find out.”
“What? Why?”
“A new school is hard enough as it is, kiddo. I didn’t want word to get out and to make it any harder on you.”
“You didn’t have to do that, Jim.”
He shrugged his shoulders.
I wasn’t embarrassed that he was a janitor there. Not in the slightest. I hadn’t been avoiding him at school. But we barely ever ran into each other anyway. Almost like… “Have you been avoiding me at school?”
“It’ll be easier on you if the other students don’t know.”
I opened my lips and then closed them. I’d had that same thought when Isabella was towering over me earlier tonight. He was right. I hated that he was right, but he was. He was protecting me. For the first time since moving here, I felt loved. Really for the first time since my mother’s last breath. Maybe I should have told him it wasn’t necessary. That I could handle the other kids just fine. But I didn’t know how to handle Isabella. So instead I found myself saying thank you.
He looked back down at his crossword puzzle.
Do it, Brooklyn. Freaking say it. “I really appreciate it, Uncle Jim.” It wasn’t so hard to call him uncle. Especially now. And it sounded better. He was family. My only family. He treated me that way and I needed to make sure he knew how much I appreciated it.
I saw him smile, his eyes still glued on the page in front of him, but he didn’t say anything.
I walked back into my room.
“That was sweet,” Kennedy said.
“Were you eavesdropping?”
“The walls are thin. Besides, it’s a good thing I was. I didn’t realize the scholarship thing was a secret. I could have blabbed it to the whole school by mistake.”
“Good thing I’m the only one you talk to.”
She laughed and grabbed the pushpins from me. “Now let’s finish getting you settled in. Because this is your new home. Let’s make it feel like it.”
***
“Goodnight,” Kennedy said.
“Goodnight.” But I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping. Most nights I just stared at the ceiling counting down the minutes until I could wake up. The sirens outside were too loud. The honking even louder. Everything was just too loud here.
My chest felt full as I stared into the darkness. It was possible that it was because of the cholesterol in my bloodstream from all the dessert I’d consumed. But I was pretty sure it was because I knew my uncle loved me. That maybe he wasn’t so put out by me being here. That I wasn’t the burden I thought I was.
The Untouchables weren’t so untouchable after all. Matthew was kind. His heart was as golden as his hair. I smiled up at the ceiling. It was possible my second week of school would be drastically different than my first. I could picture myself sitting at the Untouchables' table.
Not that I needed anything to change. Because I had a best friend that cared. Kennedy had spent hours with me tonight decorating my room. She was right. This was my new home. And it was starting to feel like it.
I listened to her breathing slow. I’d been wanting to ask her a question for a while now. I didn’t really need a response. I knew the answer. But asking it would make me feel better. Just like asking my uncle about the scholarship student thing had made me feel closer to him. Although, this question h
ad the potential to backfire in my face.
“Did your mom tell you to be nice to me?” I whispered when I thought she was fast asleep.
My question was greeted with silence. I breathed a little easier. It was better this way. Me never hearing her say it out loud.
“Yes,” Kennedy finally said, breaking the silence.
I swallowed hard. I’d already known it. But I wished I’d never asked. What if she ditched me now that I knew? The jig was up. She didn’t have to pretend anymore.
“But she didn’t have to. I could tell you needed a friend.” There was a long pause. “I needed one too.”
I let my tears fall down the sides of my face and into my hair. For the first time since moving here, I didn’t feel so alone.
Chapter 5
Monday
I pulled my backpack over one shoulder and hurried out into the kitchen. I probably would have taken ages picking out an outfit to wear today if I had a choice. But I only had one uniform skirt and blazer. I had taken a while putting on mascara and lip gloss though. Matthew Caldwell had noticed me on Friday night. I wanted to make sure that wasn’t a one-time thing.
I stopped at the front door when I saw my Keds on the floor. At least, I thought they were my Keds. But the stains were completely gone. So was the hole in the side. I lifted them up and ran my finger along the stitching where the hole had been a few days ago. Good as new.
There was no note from my uncle. Just my shoes sitting there. I smiled even harder as I kicked off my other shoes and slid on my Keds. I went across the hall and knocked on Kennedy’s door.
She answered, balancing a plate of food in her hand. “You look hot,” she said and shoved some eggs into her mouth. “You’re also twenty minutes early. What gives?”
I shrugged. “Just got ready fast.”
“Nothing to do with Matthew?”
How could she already read me so well?
“Is that Brooklyn?” Kennedy’s mom called from somewhere in their apartment.
“Hi, Mrs. Alcaraz!” I invited myself into Kennedy’s apartment and walked over to her mother in the kitchen.