“It’s okay.”
“I’m glad that Josh didn’t get bitter watching the marriages around us,” Colt said. “I mean, he wrote off the family, but he didn’t write off marriage completely. I went the opposite direction.”
Except that Jane and Josh hadn’t been as happy as she liked people to believe. Maybe they would have been if they’d had a chance to grow their relationship before he got deployed... She’d done her best. She’d Skyped with him, stayed cheerful for him, sent him packages, and when he came home on leave, she refused to fight with him. Even when he was being a jerk and pushing her to the limit. Because she only had a couple of weeks, and then he’d be gone again. It had been so much work, and she’d been so incredibly tired that when she found out she was pregnant after his visit home, the first thing she did was sit down and cry. Then she’d had to toughen up, because she couldn’t let Josh see her crumbling when she Skyped with him that night and told him the news. He needed to focus on staying safe over there and coming back to be a daddy. It had taken every last ounce of her emotional strength.
Jane cast Colt a wan smile.
“No worries,” she said. “I’ll let some other woman talk you into the walk down the aisle.”
Colt smiled wryly in return. “Peg’s life goal, these days.”
Colt didn’t want marriage, but to be fair neither did she. Not again. Marriage had turned out to be so much more work than she’d ever imagined, and all she wanted was to raise her daughters. If she could open that bed-and-breakfast, then she’d be able to raise her girls and make an income at the same time. It would be the best of both worlds, and a huge amount of work. She knew that, but even so, it felt like less work than her marriage had been.
Maybe she and Colt had more in common than she thought, because while Jane believed in marriage, one was all her heart could take.
* * *
Colt looked down at the sleeping toddler on his lap. Suzie’s red lashes brushed her ivory cheeks, and while her bottle was already on a side table next to him, she still made little sucking noises with her pursed pink lips. Josh’s daughters were his, what...first cousins once removed? How did that relationship work? He wasn’t sure—but they were part of his family and he felt a little tug of familiar recognition looking at them. They belonged in this zoo—in some way.
Colt didn’t feel entirely comfortable with the way his heart softened just a little bit around this woman. Her silken long dark hair drew his gaze as she tucked it behind her ear. She was beautiful, but it was more than that. She was gentle, feminine...attractive in a way that tugged at him. But she was the kind of woman who ended up deeply disappointed in what he could offer. He’d been down this road before.
He cleared his throat and looked away. Maybe he was just lonely, and if that was the case he’d better learn to get used to it. Because this was Josh’s family, and that made things a little harder to classify. He’d let Josh down already, and he felt an obligation toward his widow and daughters.
“I appreciate you being willing to help out with the canteen tomorrow,” he said.
“I’m happy to help,” she answered. “Josh used to talk about how much work a ranch was, and I can see what he meant.”
“He talked about us,” Colt said.
“From time to time.”
“Good stuff or bad?” he asked with a wry smile.
“Do you really want to know?”
“Maybe not.” Colt’s arm was getting tired from holding Suzie in this position, and he lowered her down just a little more to make himself more comfortable. The toddler seemed to be asleep in his arms now, her breath coming long and deep, and it was oddly soothing to hold a sleeping baby. He’d never done this before. “So he really hated us, huh?”
“Josh—” Jane paused, then shrugged weakly. “He was hurt. I often thought that if he’d lived longer, he might have come back—made some peace with all of you.”
“So why did you come out here to see us?” he asked. “Knowing how he felt about us and all that.”
“For my girls,” she said simply. “They need family. And I don’t have much. I was raised by an aunt who’s already passed away. I have a few cousins—but we grew up in different states and none of us are close. Some of us found each other on Facebook and we chat a bit, share pictures of our kids, but it isn’t the same as having a real family. And I guess—on my side I can’t provide that. But on their father’s side, the family that remains is still in the same area.”
“So you didn’t resent us as much as he did?” he asked.
“I think there are two sides to every story,” she replied. “Maybe even three or four. For Josh, this was about feeling personally rejected by his father. I suppose with Beau gone, I was hoping that there might be room in the family for Josh’s little girls. In some small way, at least.”
“Yeah, but you never would have popped by for a visit if it weren’t for the inheritance,” he countered.
“Not yet at least,” she conceded. “In all honesty, I would have emailed Beau again one of these days just to say hello, maybe email a couple of pictures of the girls. They deserved a grandpa. I’m sorry they never got to meet him. But I was...intimidated. I’ll have to admit.”
Colt was silent for a moment. “Don’t be intimidated by us.”
“Peg’s terrifying,” she replied, but he could see the humor sparkling in her eyes.
“Don’t be intimidated by me, then,” he replied with a low laugh.
“I’ll try,” she said with a smile, and he was transfixed by just how beautiful she became when she smiled like that. He dropped his gaze.
She wanted family, and they did have that much out here. But in Colt’s experience, family seemed to consist of a whole mess of relations letting each other down. Still, it was better than strangers doing the same.
Jane eased herself to her feet and tipped her cheek against the baby-soft curls on her daughter’s head. “We can probably get them into bed now.”
Colt rose to his feet, too, albeit a little less gracefully than Jane had. It was only a week or two, and then he’d have his privacy back. He could endure anything that long—even a beautiful houseguest.
They stopped at Jane’s bedroom, and it was still bright—the summer sun still not having set for the night. Colt went inside first, pulling the curtains shut to dim it a little bit. It sported a double bed with plump pillows, a faded blue quilt on top and a rickety old dresser in one corner.
“This was Josh’s room once upon a time.” Colt glanced around the room. “It was cleared out after he left, though. Turned into a guest room.”
Colt could hear the sting in his words—Josh had been erased from this house as quickly as Beau could make it happen. But that hadn’t actually erased Josh from everyone’s thoughts.
“Oh...” she breathed, and he could only guess at what she was feeling as she looked around the room once more. Jane pulled back the covers and laid her daughter on the bed. Micha stretched, then rolled over, still sleeping. Then she took Suzie from his arms, her cool hands brushing against the front of his shirt as she eased the toddler out of his grasp then laid Suzie next to her sister, their small chests rising and falling in a steady rhythm.
He couldn’t lose focus here. Sure, Jane was pretty and vulnerable, sparking that male protective streak inside him. And sure, he’d missed out on a female presence around here—besides Peg for the last few days, but she was more like a tank in personality.
Colt cleared his throat. “Yeah, well...I’m going to be real busy around here, so after the canteen, you probably won’t see a whole lot of me.”
“Of course,” she said. “I’m not here to be entertained. I’ll pitch in where I can, and I’ll be out of your hair as soon as we can sort out that paperwork.”
“Thanks.” He nodded curtly. “And...um...if you need anything...”
He looked aroun
d, spotted an old envelope on the dresser, pulled a nub of a pencil out of his pocket and jotted down his cell phone number.
“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” she said, but she accepted the envelope all the same.
“Jane, I feel like you deserve some warning.” Colt crossed his arms over his chest and eyed her for a beat. “We’re no Norman Rockwell family ideal out here. We are just regular people. Some of us are hurt. Personally, I’m a little messed up. We’re trying really hard to overcome a whole lot of hurdles. We’re a family, but are not always good at being one, either. If you’re looking for everything these girls deserve, you should keep moving, because we’ll never match up. Josh might have been onto something.”
“I like to make up my own mind about people,” she said quietly.
He threw her a quirky smile. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Jane glanced toward the sleeping babies. “Noted. Don’t worry about me, Colt. I can take care of my girls.”
He nodded. “Okay, well...I’ve got some stuff to finish up tonight yet. Set your alarm for three forty-five.”
She grimaced, and Colt laughed softly. “Yeah, that’s ranch life for you. By the time you leave, you might be glad to see the back of us.”
Chapter Four
Three forty-five was dark and cool. Jane turned off her cell phone alarm and looked over at her sleeping daughters. Their hair was mussed, their cheeks rosy from the warm night and Suzie’s arm was flung over Micha’s face in a position that Jane had learned to leave alone. It might not look comfortable, but they could sleep like that without any problem if they fell asleep on the floor at home. Her heart swelled with love whenever she watched them sleep.
This had been their father’s bedroom—or so Colt had told her the evening before—and she felt a mist of tears at the thought of him. Marriage hadn’t been easy with Josh, but that hadn’t been his fault, either. A military life was a difficult one—soldiers put more than their lives on the line; their relationships were vulnerable, too. All that time apart, having to make up for it with just a few weeks together, and then all of the trauma Josh had to sort through that got in the way of him being able to really open up... It wasn’t Josh’s fault, but it had still been constantly difficult.
And here she was in Josh’s childhood home—the place he’d refused to come back to—and she was looking down at her own precious little girls. Was she making things more difficult for herself all over again by choosing to stay here for two weeks instead of going back and finding a place to rent?
Father, bless my children...
Jane prayed this prayer often, and she’d felt like this trip to their father’s home ranch had been the right choice. Had she been too impulsive? It was possible. She hadn’t exactly stopped to pray about it for very long. She’d just launched herself out here and trusted that God had been in the details. It had all seemed so providential at the time.
Jane got dressed quickly into a pair of jeans and an embroidered blouse, combed her hair and completely forwent any makeup. At this time of morning, she figured she could look just as exhausted as she wanted. She smothered a yawn and picked up her cell phone off the dresser. Some footsteps creaked down the hallway, and when she opened the door she saw Peg in a white terry cloth bathrobe that was cinched at the waist. She carried a Bible under one arm.
“Good morning,” Peg said quietly.
“Do you always get up this early?” Jane asked as she stepped out of the bedroom.
“I like having the kitchen to myself for morning devotions, and this seemed like a good way,” Peg replied.
“It’ll do the job,” Jane said.
“You’d better hurry. Colt will already be in the kitchen ready to go.”
“Oh...” Jane looked back at her sleeping daughters one last time as she tucked her cell phone into her back pocket. “I’d better get moving then. Thank you for watching the girls for me. They’ll sleep until seven. Maybe longer since yesterday was a big day. They’re pretty easy to please for breakfast, and—”
“I’ll be fine,” Peg interrupted. “I won’t be shy about calling you if I need to. I promise.”
Jane cast the older woman a smile. “Thank you.”
She headed down the hallway toward the kitchen, following the faint scent of brewed coffee. Colt stood by the counter, a mug in one hand and his hat on the counter next to him. He wordlessly slid a mug of coffee down the counter toward a carton of cream and a bowl of sugar.
“Thanks,” she said, stifling another yawn. She put double the sugar into the coffee than she normally did, and a generous portion of cream to cool it down. She’d need more than caffeine this morning. Then she took a sip. It was the perfect temperature.
“How’d you sleep?” Colt asked.
“Surprisingly well,” she said.
“Good, because this morning is going to be busy. Breakfast is always the same—oatmeal, eggs, bacon, toast and sometimes we’ll put some corn bread on the menu, but not this morning. I figured we should keep this as simple as possible.”
Jane gulped back her coffee, then put it down on the counter. “I’m ready.”
“No breakfast?” he asked.
“Too early.” She winced. “I’ll eat later.”
The sooner they fed the ranch hands, the sooner she could get back to her daughters.
“Great.” He grabbed her mug and put them both into the sink. “The men will be eating by five thirty when the sun comes up. They’ll arrive hungry. They’re already doing one round of chores.”
Hard work—wasn’t that what Josh had always told her? A ranch was about blood and sweat, and in Josh’s opinion there was very little payoff. But Jane was seeing a different side to this ranch—when someone invested blood and sweat because they loved it. Colt was definitely a man who was here because there was nowhere else he’d rather be.
Colt opened the side door and waited for her to exit the house before he followed her, closing the door firmly behind him. Outside, the air was warm already and she could hear the soft chirp of crickets from the grass.
Colt led the way to his truck and he opened her door for her, then headed around the driver’s side while she hopped up and slammed it shut. Colt started the truck and backed out.
“So, how long have you worked the ranch?” Jane asked.
“Ever since I was about fourteen,” Colt replied. “My mom was working as the cook here at the ranch. She was Sandra’s sister—I told you that, right? Well, Beau and Sandra gave her a job and she was just glad to have a safe place to raise me after my dad left. The cook normally lives in the bunkhouse with the other ranch hands, but because she had me, it was different. Plus, she was family. When I was a teenager, Mom decided I could use some responsibility. My uncle was willing to pay me a pittance for a whole lot of work. It turned out to be a good combination.”
“Lots of work and low pay?” she asked with a short laugh. “That was a good combination?”
“Yeah, I was a handful. I was getting involved with a rough group of kids at school, and hard work combined with a very small income made me less available for getting into trouble, and meant I couldn’t attract a whole lot of attention, either. It was actually pretty smart.”
The truck bumped over the gravel drive that curved away from the house. She couldn’t see too much—the moon was only a sliver and the headlights from the truck sliced a path in front of them along the road.
“Where is your mom now?” she asked.
“She went south to Wyoming. She took a job at a ranch out there when things got too tense with Beau.”
This family did seem to have a lot of drama in its wake. “What happened? Do you mind if I ask?”
“My mom backed Josh when he said he wanted to join the army. Josh and I were both seventeen at the time, so we were just about adults. But the Marshalls can take something small and turn it into a huge m
ess. Mom and Beau started bickering a lot, and since Mom thought I had a chance at making a career for myself there with Beau, she decided it was better for her to go find another job and let me continue on.” His expression grew clouded, then he shrugged it off. “So what about you? What does your family look like?”
“Small,” she said. “I was a raised by a childless aunt. My mom died in a car accident when I was too young to remember. Her family was little, but also really fractured. There were no extended-family Christmases or anything like that. So I also harbored a few fantasies about a big extended family.”
“The picturesque kind, I’m sure,” he said, casting her a wry smile.
“Of course. What other kind is there?” she asked with a laugh. “We all have our fantasies, don’t we?”
“I’ve let go of those,” Colt replied. “It’s easier that way.”
They drove in silence for a couple more minutes until the road narrowed and slanted upward, the engine rumbling as they pulled up next to a long, low building. A few lights were on inside, but most of the windows were dark.
“That’s the bunkhouse,” Colt said, then he pulled forward again and passed the first building, parking in front of the second and turning off the engine. “And this is the canteen.”
There wasn’t much to see this time of the morning when everything was dark.
“Let’s get in there. We’ve got a lot to do,” Colt said.
Colt hopped out of the truck and Jane followed. He unlocked the front door of the building and opened it for her to go inside first. He flicked on an overhead light that blazed to life, making Jane blink. The main room was filled with tables and long benches. The front had a couple of tables, one of which had big hot-water and coffee canisters. Colt strode down the main aisle between the tables and led her past swinging doors into the kitchen. He flicked lights on there, too.
“Hair net,” he said, pointing to a box on the counter.
Jane took one and bundled her thick, dark hair up into it—as much as would fit, anyway. He sent her a rueful smile. “Cute.”
Her Twins' Cowboy Dad (Montana Twins Book 2) Page 5