by Tijan
I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.
“Okay.” A soft whisper from him.
“I need you to hate me.”
“I will.” He sank down on a chair in the corner, toeing the curtains out of the way so he could see outside his window, and there he held me. “Tomorrow we can go back to hating each other.”
I hiccupped on a sob. “Deal.”
So the rest of the night, he cradled me.
The rest of the night, I cried.
The rest of the night, we didn’t hate each other.
Chapter Fifteen
“Thought you didn’t know Stone Reeves?” That was Joe’s greeting when I called him the next day.
I frowned, sitting in Stone’s living room. Alone. He’d gone in earlier for his game. “I don’t.”
He snorted. “Yeah, right. The dude himself stopped in this morning, told me about what’s going on with you and asking if I’d hold a job for you.”
I did nothing. I didn’t know if I should get mad or breathe easier. Guess it’d depend on his answer.
“So are you?”
“Fuck yeah, I am. He said you’re a damn hard worker and I’d be stupid not to make room for you, but I gotta tell it straight. I have to fill that position I hired you for. Way he was talking, you might be out awhile.”
“I won’t. I’ll be in tomorrow.”
“He said you were in a coma.”
What’s with all this coma talk? “I’m fine. It’s just a headache.”
“You were out all week for a headache?”
I was praying Stone hadn’t said anything. “Yes. I’m good. For real. I can start tomorrow.” Make that, I need to start tomorrow.
Even a day being here, with only my homework that somehow Stone got for me, wasn’t enough. I fell asleep from sobbing so hard, and when I woke, Stone was gone. He left a note in my kitchen quarters saying he’d be back a bit after midnight. There were instructions how to use the remote to the television if I wanted to watch his godliness-level score. His exact words.
I snorted, then crumpled up the instructions, only to pause, think about it, and I smoothed them back out. One never knew when one needed to turn one’s brain off and sink into one’s oblivion, and I really needed to stop talking about myself as ‘one’.
Today.
Man.
I did not want to handle today.
My mind was swimming, and I knew I wasn’t acting rational.
Jared.
I needed to call my stepbrother…was he still a stepbrother?
God.
Gail.
I—no. I wasn’t going to crumble. I couldn’t.
What was I doing again?
I blinked.
I just called for my job.
I should make a list. What to get done. I would forget otherwise, like basic things such as showering. I sniffed in my armpit. Yeah. I should shower first.
Then call Jared.
Then I didn’t know. I’d make a list for that, too.
Lists.
This was how I got through my mom, how I got through what happened before. I—no, no, no. I couldn’t think like that. Stop thinking. That helped me, too.
Brain, turn off.
I showered.
After showering, I made coffee.
After coffee, I sat on the couch.
I didn’t know the time.
My stomach was growling, but I wasn’t hungry.
Water. I should drink water. I needed to stay hydrated.
So I wrote that on my list.
Shower. Coffee. Water.
What else did I need to do?
I added:
1. Shower
2. Coffee
3. Water Stay hydrated.
4. Call Jared.
What else?
5. Homework
6. Job
7. Call Gail’s sister?
I needed to find out anything. I’d been in that coma. What had Stone said? Oh, yes. They were already buried. Next to my mom. I sagged in relief. That was good. She would’ve liked Gail. And the funeral was already done.
The costs?
Stone said my bills were covered, but what about my parents’? My mind was fuzzy. He said the lawyer was traveling here. Maybe there was some money left, enough to cover all those expenses? But no. If any was left, it should go to Jared. I’d cover the funerals and burial costs. That was my job.
What else?
I sat, that list in front of me, and I stared at the wall.
What time was it? I looked. It was six in the evening. When had the time gone by? I woke around ten.
But this was what I did before, after the event. I hadn’t known how to process anything, so I sat, I stared, I lost time. I’d been a zombie then. I hadn’t totally been a zombie after mom. My dad needed me. The bills needed me. School needed me.
School.
I could do that again.
Reaching for my phone, I pulled up Siobhan’s number. I didn’t have my housemates’ numbers. I needed to have my housemates’ numbers.
I hit call, and a second later, I heard, “Dusty?”
“Hi.”
I felt lame saying that, but…hi.
“Oh, wow. You missed the entire second week of classes. Susan was fielding calls about you. She was all griping about ‘missing transfer community college students’, then suddenly she got a call and her attitude completely changed. I was instructed to take notes for you, make copies, and hand them to her at the end of each day. What happened? Are you okay?”
“Um.”
Maybe I should’ve called the school first? But what office would I call? Probably the general administrative office?
My head was swimming again. I was on overload.
“Um.”
Why had I called Siobhan again?
“I was in a coma.”
Silence.
“YOU WERE IN A COMA?! WHAT?”
I grimaced, holding the phone away from me. That didn’t help with the whole mind-swimming thing. For real. Why had I called Siobhan?
“What happened? Are you okay? Are you in the hospital? Do you need me to bring you anything? I’m totally here, anything you need. Are you okay now?”
There were too many questions.
“Uh, I’m at someone’s house.”
“Whose house? I didn’t know you knew someone else down here.”
“Can—” It was hitting me just then. I didn’t have a car.
Because I totaled the car.
Stone said he handled the car.
But I had no car.
I had no way to get back to Jared.
I needed to call Jared.
Jared.
It was just him and me. We were almost strangers.
The pressure was building.
Building.
BUILDING!
BUILDING—I was hyperventilating.
My dad.
Gail.
They were gone.
And I had no car.
And Jared was no longer my brother.
I told Stone that Apollo’s parents could adopt him.
What was I doing?
Where was I?
I had no parents.
I had no one.
I was alone.
Totally.
They were gone.
I couldn’t breathe.
I heard someone saying my name, but it was from a distance, down a tunnel it sounded.
What was I doing?
I mumbled something to that someone, but I wasn’t sure who it was.
Then I dropped something.
I was falling.
Yeah. That was a good idea.
I could sit.
Sit here. Not think.
Everything would be okay.
I just needed to sit a bit.
Chapter Sixteen
There was a pounding somewhere.
I was waking up slowly.
Ouch.
My head was hurting.
> What happened?
Everything was dark. Flashes of red and yellow were lighting up the walls. What the hell was going on?
More pounding.
A doorbell was ringing.
Whoever was there—it came back to me.
Shit.
I’d had a panic attack, and then I fell asleep.
Someone was yelling for me. Siobhan.
She’d been on the phone with me. She must’ve called an ambulance, but how had they known where to come?
Standing, wincing because everything was hurting, I tried to find the front door. Stone hadn’t shown me this way, so I followed the sound of the doorbell ringing. Then, standing on the other side of it, I swept open the curtain and two paramedics were there, along with a cop.
“OPEN THE DOOR!” The cop motioned for the door.
I unlocked the door and opened it and—
ALARM! SIREN! ALARM! SIREN!
A strange, almost robotic voice filled the house, “YOU HAVE VIOLATED A PROTECTED AREA. LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. THE POLICE HAVE BEEN CALLED. YOU HAVE VIOLATED A PROTECTED AREA…”
I groaned.
The cop came in, looking around. “You have a way to turn that off?”
I shook my head. “It’s not my house.”
“According to records, Stone Reeves lives here?” I didn’t know why he put that as a question. Ohhh, understanding flooded me.
I straightened upright. “I know Stone. I’m just staying here.” I guess.
A phone started ringing. It was the house one, and I answered it. A woman’s voice came over, “Are you in need of assistance?”
“No,” I sighed. A panic attack, then I fell asleep. I didn’t think I could explain all this away, though.
“Do you have the code?”
Fuck. Double fuck.
The woman didn’t even hesitate. “Thank you, ma’am.” A dial tone hit me next.
Pretty sure that wasn’t good, but I turned back toward the door. The cop and paramedics had come in. All three were regarding me with suspicion.
I heard more ringing, but this one, I recognized. I had left my phone up in the guest area and I started to go for it, but the cop took my arm. “Let me grab it.”
I gestured, feeling a sense of impending doom and the general wish that an entire mountain would drop on me. “It’s probably Stone wondering what the hell is going on.”
He nodded. “I’ll get your phone.”
He went in search of the electronic perpetrator and the female paramedic approached. “Ma’am? My name is Jill. We had a call that someone might need assistance?”
“Yeah.”
The paramedic touched my arm. “Was that you, Miss? Are you in need of help?” Her hand slid down to my wrist, and she was taking my pulse.
I turned to her. “How’d you know where I was?”
The cop was returning, talking on my phone.
She was counting, but her partner stepped forward. He went to grab a chair, and brought it up behind me. “If you could have a seat?”
I did. My knees were about to give out anyway.
The male paramedic knelt beside me, unpacking his bag. “We had a call from a Susan Anderson, your academic advisor. She gave us this address.”
But how’d she know this address? Wait. Stone. He must’ve been in contact with the university, too. Jesus, was there anything he hadn’t already taken care of?
The cop stepped forward and handed my phone over. “He’d like to speak to you.”
I took it but had the foresight to ask the time first.
“It’s eleven-ten.”
Whoa.
When had I called Siobhan? Earlier. Right? Time was slipping away, but this was how it’d been before. I had sat and stared into nothing until somehow my brain told me to stand, to move, to eat, to walk, to wash, to keep going.
It was now after eleven and I had no sense of any one moment over the past couple of hours. I put the phone to my ear. “Did you win?” He had his game. It would’ve been done by now.
Silence. Then, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I winced, but I couldn’t blame him for being angry.
“I’m sorry, Stone. I—”
“Are you okay?” he cut me off, asking roughly.
“I will be.”
The female paramedic was shining a light in my eye. I blinked, trying to turn away, but she overrode me, saying, “Ma’am, you need to keep still for us.”
I did, trying to. “I had a panic attack, and then I fell asleep. That’s it. I swear.”
“Is your head okay?”
“Yeah.” This was embarrassing. “I just got overwhelmed and I forget things and—”
“It’s okay. It’s okay. As long as you’re okay. You are, right?”
The paramedics were still checking me over, now watching my chest. They’d already finished with my blood pressure. I was talking so my airway wasn’t blocked. I was fine.
I told them and Stone at the same time, “Yes. I’m fine. I am.”
At that moment, the alarm cut off. I saw the cop on the houseline, and he hung up a second later, coming back to us.
“Yeah,” the female paramedic said, shifting back on her feet. “I tend to agree. A panic attack?”
The cop said, “Mr. Reeves said you recently experienced your own car accident after finding out—”
“Yes!” I almost shouted that word. I didn’t want him to say the words. I couldn’t—that was part of the problem. I lowered my head, unable to look up, seeing the pity in his gaze. “Yes, but I’m fine. I just got overwhelmed.”
“You were in an accident?” female paramedic questioned.
“She was put in a coma, came out of it Thursday, and was released from the hospital yesterday. Mr. Reeves said you’d gone back to the ER yesterday.”
“Yeah. I…” They were making a bigger deal out of everything, more than it was. I was losing steam. Why was everything so hard? Why’d everything take so much energy? Why’d I want to just go to sleep again?
Trauma.
That’s what he said. That was true. The body needed to do double work to heal after a trauma, and that went for both mental and physical trauma. I knew this. I knew this, but God. I sucked in a breath. My chest was hurting. My throat was hurting. I felt like my insides were pulling apart, one organ at a time was being ripped to pieces.
Trauma. Yes. I suppose that’s the best word to describe it.
“Ma’am?”
The cop said, “Mr. Reeves said he was on his way back. He can answer any questions, but she doesn’t seem to be in need of medical assistance right now.”
At his words, a shift came over both paramedics. They began packing but stood.
I remained sitting, my head lowered, and as if just sensing I wanted my space, they moved over to where the cop was. I heard the guy ask, “Are we really talking about the actual Stone Reeves?”
“Seems like.” The cop’s tone turned almost cheerful. Upbeat. “Sounded like him on the phone.”
“They won tonight, right?”
“Reeves ran in two of the three touchdowns himself.”
The female. “He’s a future Hall-of-Famer. Has to be.”
They kept talking while I sat, listening. We all waited.
Stone got there and I swear I saw fury riding behind on his coattails. He strode in. His gaze went to me, and he was growling instantly. “Jesus! She’s freezing.”
Someone cursed.
I was fine. I started to tell him, but something was thrown around me, and someone was tucking it in front of me. Kneeling. Stone dropped in front of me. Gentle hands touched my face. “You okay?”
He was furious but concerned. And he looked tired. He was so tired. And smelly.
A second cop had joined the mix, and the paramedics were at the door. Their bags gone and their heads down, almost like they’d been caught stealing candy. The female was holding a piece of paper. The guy had a pen.
The two cops had migrated closer.
Stone whirled on him, his back to me. “She lost her fucking parents, got into her own car accident, just came out of a four-day coma. You expect her to know when she’s cold or not? I’m surprised she’s been able to remain sitting this whole time.”
The cop opened his mouth, then closed it. The second cop turned away. Both paramedics looked admonished.
Another growl came from Stone again, and he clipped out, “If she’s not dying, I want you all to fucking leave. And no, I’m not in the mood to sign autographs.”
Cop one stiffened. “Now, see—”
“Out!” he thundered.
The cops left, glaring at both of us. The paramedics remained, but the male one nudged the female, head nodding toward the piece of paper in her hand. He handed her the pen and slipped outside behind the cops. If Stone needed to talk to them, I was assuming he’d already said what he needed.
Once all were gone, the female waited a second. Approaching, she cleared her throat. “When we arrived, she was upright and walking. Her baseline was fine, and we checked a few more rounds while waiting for you to arrive. All sets of vitals were normal. You said she fainted again yesterday, but was released, and considering her history, you might still want to have her checked out again. Call to the hospital said you could make that decision. If you’d like, we can take her in with our wagon, or you can take her in yourself.”
Stone was silent. His shirt was molded to him, so much so that I could see every muscle in his back was rigid and tense. He was right in front of me.
Without thinking, I lifted a hand and placed it to his back.
He sucked in a harsh breath, then turned, some of the tension leaving him. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m fine. It’s the…” that word stuck in my throat, “trauma. I’m okay. Really.”
His eyes were taking me in, sliding over my face, my body, studying every single detail. Whatever he saw, he relaxed and jerked his head in a nod. “Okay,” he said to the woman, “We’ll stay.” He pointed to the paper. “I’m assuming that’s for me to sign?”
Her eyes lit up. “Would you mind? To my partner and me both.” She handed it over.
Stone took it, taking it over to the nearest table. “What are your names?”