by Tijan
His jaw clenched. Fire blazed from his eyes, and he started to shove up, but his coach put a restraining hand on his shoulder.
“Damn,” from Wyatt.
“Oh, shit,” from Dent.
“Fuck.”
The last was from Nacho. Me… I couldn’t breathe.
Stone looked ready to leap over the table and tear the guy apart.
Colby jerked forward in his seat, his eyes immediately going to Stone.
But the coach acted first. He stood up, clearing his throat. “I think we’re done for the day. Thank you, folks.”
He lifted his hand and Stone shoved up, his hands in fists. He didn’t wait for Colby to lead the way out, he whipped around him and was gone within a second. Colby paused before following, and the coach just lowered his head, his hand finding his hip, a clipboard in hand as he trailed at a more sedate pace.
“Shit.”
Nicole’s the one who swore softly beside me. She patted my leg. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not a mainstream press conference. Most of that stuff will get printed only in sports blogs.”
That was from Dent. He was trying to reassure me, but it didn’t matter. It was out. I hadn’t thought I’d be brought up, but there was always one person, one article that wanted to be more scandalous than the others, and the headline with Stone’s name and stalker would get clicks. I would’ve clicked on it myself, but this was me. This was my life.
I had to deal.
The biggest damage had already been done, and that guy was dead.
I could handle whatever else came out.
I was in my room, on my bed, dressed and just waiting, when my door opened. It was the one to the rest of the house. Stone came in, shutting the door behind him. He didn’t turn the lights on, but I heard him turn the lock before he stopped to take me in.
It was a few hours later. His hair was wet. He’d recently showered. No sweatshirt this time, just a Kings shirt and a hat pulled low. I loved that look on him. Loved how it highlighted his square jaw, how when he clenched it, he made me salivate, my body starting to ache.
I almost sighed. “I wanted to hate you.”
The air around him had been restless, edgy. Like he wanted to fight, but had no target to take it out on. It grew calmer, more pensive at my statement. He didn’t come over. I wanted him to come over, but he sat on the edge of the bed, leaning forward. Elbows on his knees, but his head was turned to me. He was watching me.
He was waiting. Listening.
“I knew you’d be like a god down here, and I wanted to hold onto that hate from when we were kids. ’Cause I did. I hated you so much. Because of him, because of his obsession with you and what he did to me. He got worse once he found out about you, but it wasn’t you. You’re talented. I mean, you’re so talented, but my head, all the crap I went through, I was half-blaming you for him. But it was never you. It was him. He was sick, and I never wanted to burden my dad with what I went through. That’s another reason I never went home. I didn’t want to take that to him, but coming down here, being here, being with you, coming out on this end of the whole process, it hit me tonight.”
My heart squeezed, but it was a good squeeze. It was the kind of squeeze you only got to feel a handful of times, and maybe not even then, if you weren’t lucky.
“I am so fucking proud of you.”
His head lowered.
I kept on, whispering to the dark room. “I am proud that I know you, that I knew you before, that I’ve seen you bring yourself to this stage of success. Most guys, with your family how it is and was, most guys might not get here. They might party, drink, not be so focused. But you. You were only focused. That’s what you did when you left me behind, isn’t it?”
His shoulders rose, paused, and dropped. I heard a soft swear from him.
Yeah. Yeah, I was right.
“You focused. You trained. You sacrificed. I know you didn’t party. It was always football only, wasn’t it? All to get here, to get where you are today.”
His voice was low. “I didn’t know what I was doing.” His tone grew rueful, regretful, “Maybe. All I know is that it was never because you were beneath me. I was in sixth grade. I think I knew it could’ve been you and I looked into the future and I knew you’d pull me. I wouldn’t be so focused, whether it be school or football or… You would’ve tempted me. I would’ve wanted to be with you all the time, experienced life with you, and I knew I couldn’t. I knew even then that I’d have to decide which way to go, and I couldn’t go the route that you traveled because it would’ve been all you. Training. Football. I needed that. I needed to leave, get out of my house. We had money, but we had shit for happiness. Money gives you security. It just pads the walls so you can wallow in how fucking unhappy you are. My mom’s been dying a little bit every fucking day. You’re right. What you said. She is an alcoholic. My dad—he’s not a bad guy, he’s just… All he cares about is maintaining their life. He’s blind to anything else. Keep the company going. Grow it if possible. Keep my mom alive, literally, and that comes in different forms, but not believing your dad, trying to make your family go away, that’s what my dad was doing. He was trying to keep his family together, though he was wrong. He was fucking wrong, and trust me, he’s seen the light.” He moved to me, his arms coming down on both sides of me. He was looming over me now. “I’ll never let another person hurt you.”
His eyes were glowing, almost glittering from a small bit of moonlight shining through my window.
And they were kind. I saw how kind they were, and my heart folded. I was gone. Donzo. The L word was coming and I couldn’t stop myself.
“I fucking love you.”
Him.
It was him who said it, and he said it fiercely. He said it as if his life depended on me knowing it.
My heart was folding all over again, jumping up, doing a skip, hop, and a somersault, and my knees were just boneless. I could’ve melted into the bed.
I raised a hand, cupping the side of his face. “You do?”
I had a tear there. It was falling. I was helpless from stopping it from falling.
“Yeah.” Just as fierce, with every bit of conviction as the first one. “I fucking love you.” His hand raised, cupping the side of my face, but mine was steady. His was shaking. “I love you so much that it’s ripping me apart, knowing what you went through. Knowing I couldn’t be there to help take some of that pain away, but I can’t go back in time. I wish I could. You have no idea how much I wish I could, but I can’t. All I can do is make it right from here on out, from today and forward.” His head dropped. He moved more over me, his forehead resting on mine, and he whispered again, so fiercely that I swear it was starting to heal old haunts. “I love you and I want you to let me love you and I want to make you mine. My woman. Just mine. All mine. I don’t care what you want. I can’t let you be someone else’s. Mine, babe. Mine.”
He was waiting, not letting himself fall down on me, but I just pulled him the last bit toward me.
I needed him. “I was going to tell you that I love you. That I didn’t care what you were planning for your future, because I am your future and that I loved you and that was that, but you beat me to it.”
“You do?”
I was smiling and I nodded. “Yeah.” My hand applied more force, still holding his cheek, and my thumb rubbed down over his mouth. “I love you.”
“Thank fuck.”
“Thank you for the vehicle.”
He chuckled, running his hand down my arm, then curling around my hip. “Yeah, babe. You need some wheels. You need to be safe.”
And because I needed to know, “You were dating, when we were, you know. Those other women—”
He shook his head. “No dates. Group events. Things for the football team, fundraisers.” He cupped both sides of my face, his fingers sliding into my hair. “There’s been no one since you. There couldn’t have been. My dick stopped working unless I only thought of you.”
Best. Words. Ever.
But shit. I cupped his hands, holding still. “I have my own confession. That thing I said about your dad—”
He cut me off again. “A fucking lie. I’m not stupid. My dad’s a lot of stuff, but he’s not dirty like that.”
I had tensed, then let out a breath. “You’re not mad?”
“Oh. I was furious when you told me, but I knew what it was. You were pushing me away for a final time.” He grinned. “Good thing I don’t give a shit when it tends to come to you. You’re mine, Dust. You can’t push me away, not anymore.”
Right.
I thought about what he said earlier. Safe. I was more than safe now. I had some grief to get through, but I felt a clearing in the sky. Light was shining down. I would be happy. He already made me happy.
And that was everything.
Epilogue
Life changed after that, but for the better. It was something I wasn’t used to.
As for my stuff and what all happened to me, a few people brought it up on campus. Not many, though. Less than what I expected and more than what Stone wanted. Siobhan had resumed being my friend. It was a slow-go at first. It meant something that she came to the house, she found me, she apologized, and she further apologized for staying away one time during a study session.
“I was hurt. You didn’t tell me you knew him and all the people you live with. They’re just so not what I am, and I felt insignificant. I felt foolish.” Her head bent down. She was picking at her pen. “But I thought about it and realized you didn’t need to tell me. You didn’t owe me anything. I was insecure, and it was all me. Not you. You were this ‘big’ person and I had no clue. Thought you were like me.”
“Like you?”
“Small. You know?”
I covered her hand with mine and squeezed. “You’re not small. No one’s small, and it doesn’t matter who you know. That doesn’t make you not small. I am like you. I just know a few people you don’t, that’s all.”
She looked like she had more to say, but Trent came back to the table then and we went to studying.
My housemates, they were ecstatic.
They went to a couple of Stone’s games. Stone went to a couple of their games with me, Colby and Jake, too. I was learning that the three of them had a friendship dynamic that I didn’t think I’d ever understand. Colby and Jake razzed each other. Stone was quiet, but somehow, the three were always so in tune with each other that it was a little freaky. Stone told me later that that wasn’t normal. Guys on the teams didn’t get close to each other. It was a job. People showed up. Did their job. Went home to their family. A few times, a couple guys might get close, get friendly, but with the threat of being traded to a different team always looming, most didn’t let themselves get super attached.
It was too late for him, Colby, and Jake. They were attached. Cortez came over to Stone’s house a few times, too. He was like an appendage, like an arm to the body of the three.
Noel. Wyatt. Nacho. Dent. The four lost it every time the three or four of them sometimes showed up.
Colby had started mentoring Noel.
Stone sometimes gave Wyatt pointers, but I could tell there was something there. The pro-ballers were a little detached from the college footballers. I didn’t know why, except Jake made one comment that they shouldn’t be partying as much as they were. Colby and Stone didn’t rebuke him. They both just got a nod and that was it. Made me wonder if maybe my housemates weren’t as dedicated as they should be, but Colby mentioned they had one more year before the Combine.
No clue what that meant, but again, the other two just nodded and said nothing else.
“You’re fidgeting.”
We were driving in his truck, and he was right. I kept playing with my hands, moving around in the seat. I was not comfortable, and I’d try to get comfortable and I just kept doing that. It was a whole cycle. Over and over again. Cursing, I stuffed my hand under my leg. I was about to do the same with my other hand, but Stone reached over. He grabbed my hand, laced our fingers, and threw me a smile. “Okay. Let’s not get hasty here.”
I laughed, and it was enough, just enough. No. It was perfect because it calmed some of the nerves.
We were driving to Acquiesce, a more upscale restaurant that bordered on a club. I’d heard about it. Stone mentioned it in passing, that we should go because we’d never been on an official date. I relayed the name of the place to Nicole, and she and Savannah went apeshit, claiming how prestigious the place was. Mia’d been walking through the living room, overheard our convo, and paused to give her two cents. “I’ve been there. It’s cool. They have dancers.” That’d been it. She kept moving, reminding me of the first time I met her and thinking she was a gazelle in human form. Her long legs striding forward, but moving as if she were delicately prancing. It worked for her. Me. I’d look like a goose trying to pretend it was a flamingo. Just couldn’t pull that one off.
But I was nervous because one, it was our first ‘out’ date together. People knew. Blogs knew. Half the male population on campus knew, and not because of me, because of their love for Stone. This was different, though. Felt different, more official, and I was sweating buckets. Hence, the fidgeting.
“What’s in your head?”
I tried to pull my hand from Stone, but he only tightened his grip and squeezed me back.
“Stone.”
“Tell me.”
He was swinging into the parking lot, and it was a circle drive-up thing. There was a line of cars in front of us, and they had valet. Stone was glancing around, making sure he didn’t have anything expensive laying out. Wasn’t supposed to happen with valet, but let’s be real. It happened. I just went right back to fidgeting and smoothed my hand down over my dress.
I was wearing a pink dress that Savannah insisted on. There was a sheer covering up my top, with green beading that made it look like I was wearing a fairytale garden. The bottom was pink tulle and she’d thrown on a long necklace of white beads at the last minute. I’d done away with the blue hair, and my hair was now dyed back to my dusty blonde color. I thought it was appropriate. It was up in half curls and a half braid. According to Mia, the only housemate who’d been to Acquiesce with Wyatt because they had dinner with his parents there, the dress was perfect. I wasn’t sure, or I hadn’t been until now. Stone was wearing a nice button-down shirt and nice jeans. He could’ve stepped off a yacht in Cannes and fit right in, but the couple in front of us got out of a fancy car and I settled even more. The woman had on a gold sparkling dress, top to bottom. Diamonds dripped down her neck, so yeah. I was probably underdressed.
“This place is a different level of fancy.”
It was our turn next, and he pulled up, but when the valet opened his door, Stone didn’t get out. He was watching me. “You don’t want to go here?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“It’s in your voice. I can tell.” He looked around, cursing, and motioned to the guy. “Sorry. Change of plans.”
“What are you doing?” I asked as the valet nodded and stepped back, helping Stone shut the door at the same time, and then we were moving forward, pulling back onto the highway.
“You don’t want to go there. I can tell. I’m sorry. Asked around. Everyone said to take you there, said all chicks would want to go there. I should’ve known. You’re different.” He sighed. “Thank fuck you are.”
I should protest, have him turn back, but he was right.
“Besides.” Stone threw me a wolfish grin. “Pretty sure we’d have our pictures sold to a gossip site.” He reached for my hand, our fingers sliding against each other. “Way you look, we would’ve been put up somewhere.”
The paparazzi buzz had settled, too. Mostly because we never went out. Stone didn’t have the time. If he wasn’t at practice or traveling for away games or at the stadium in meetings, he was watching tapes at home his place. We divided our nights. The nights before my early morning classes, we were at my place. Al
l the other nights, we were at his, so I almost thought home—my home—but it wasn’t. And that was moving too fast. We weren’t there, but as his thumb started rubbing over the top of my hand, I started wondering if we were actually already there.
I definitely felt like I was.
It wasn’t long before I saw where he took us.
We pulled into the parking lot of the Quail.
I shot him a look. “Way to keep a low profile.”
He laughed, parking and getting out of his side. Coming around, he opened my door and helped me down, saying, “Your school knows who you are.”
A fact he’d been a part of since he kept coming to the Quail when I was working. He’d stop in, get food, give me a kiss, and then usually head out. Or he’d come in with either Colby, Jake, or both of them, and they’d sit a while. His presence wasn’t as big of an uproar. There were still a few whispers, some looks, maybe one person asking for an autograph or a selfie, but for the most part, he was right. He’d blended in, and he was also right because as soon as we walked in, a collective laugh came up from the corner booth. My housemates were all sitting there. It seated twelve, so the adjacent booth had the rest.
Nicole slid out and came over, a beer in hand. “What happened to the date?”
Stone’s arm came around my shoulder. “This is it. We’ll do fancy for Valentine’s Day, but till then, this is what my girl wants.”
He was right, and I was grinning, feeling weird about smiling so much, but it was what it was.
“Well.” Nicole’s tone turned into a warning. Her face grew somber real quick. “Then I should prepare you…”
“Is that her?!”
Coming out of the bathroom, behind Mia, was another just-as-beautiful-looking girl. Charcoal black hair. Pert nose. Tiny chin. A dimple on one side. Flashing green eyes. Megan Fox look-a-like. She stepped around Mia, her hair being tossed over her shoulder. She was finishing drying her hands and she came forward, walking as if she owned the Quail, the whole college, and the whole world.
“Hi!” She held her hand out, but her eyes were raking in Stone. “I’m Char. Finally nice to meet you.”