by Emma Easter
“Lily, are you still there?”
“Yes, when do you want to meet?” She held back another groan.
“In about half an hour. That okay?”
“Yes,” she answered. She glanced at her wristwatch. It was a few minutes to nine o’clock. “I’ll meet you in half an hour, then.”
When the call ended, she stood up and began to pace the room. Great! Just great! Maybe I should just pack my things and get out of this hotel. But she had already promised she would meet Taylor for breakfast. It would be wrong to walk away — or more like run away — without telling him, especially after all he had done for her. She would have to meet him downstairs in thirty minutes.
She looked down at her dress and once again squashed the urge to change into something less plain. However, she couldn’t resist standing in front of the mirror and brushing her hair. She picked up her purse from the bed and brought out a red lipstick that Sofia had gotten her on one of her many trips abroad. Swiping it across her lips, she stared at herself in the mirror.
What are you doing? She hardly ever wore makeup. Now, just because she was about to see Taylor, she was putting on lipstick, and a bright red one at that. It was a mistake.
But she did not wipe it off.
She shook her head. So much for trying not to draw his attention to your appearance.
She lingered in front of the mirror, scolding herself for obsessing over the way she looked. Over the way she would look to Taylor. “Do you even remember that he’s a married man?” she said to herself in the mirror.
She turned this way and that, inspecting her figure, and then turned away, appalled at her behavior. She was certain now that she was no better than Sofia, who she had scolded for dating someone who already had a wife. But maybe she was even worse because she knew better.
She groaned as she glanced at her wristwatch again. It was time to go downstairs. If only she could slip away now… but she had already given Taylor her word.
She snatched her purse from the bed and left the room. Striding across the elegant lobby, she asked one of the hotel staff where the breakfast lounge was and then headed there when the lady gave her directions to the place.
She paused for a minute at the entrance of the lounge and looked inside. There was a vast array of delicious-looking food that stretched from one end of the lounge to the other. She could smell the enticing aroma from where she stood, and it made her mouth water. She couldn’t wait to eat. There were only a few people in the lounge, and it was easy to spot Taylor. He was sitting at a table for two, on the right side of the room, looking at his phone screen. He looked as delicious as the food in the lounge.
She sighed wearily. This was exactly the kind of thought that would get her into trouble.
She took a deep breath, plastered a smile on her face, and walked into the breakfast lounge. She headed toward him, still smiling. Her heart skipped a beat when his eyes lit up as he saw her, and then a huge smile broke across his face.
She came and sat across from him, and for a moment she looked down at the table to avoid looking into his eyes. After she’d gathered her thoughts together, she looked up at him again and found him gazing at her. She felt herself blush. He was looking at her intently, and now she could not take her eyes off his. She quivered as they sat gazing at each other, the food in the lounge forgotten.
Guilt flooded her. What was she doing sitting down here, about to have breakfast with him, and gazing at him as though he was part of the menu when she knew full well that he was married? This definitely looked like a date, though he had not said it was. She was violating her values. In a way now, she could sympathize with Sofia when it had been impossible to do so some days ago. But that did not make this any less wrong.
“You look great,” Taylor broke the silence.
She said nothing.
“Are you ready to go get some breakfast?”
She nodded, remembering she was famished.
They went to the long table laden with different kinds of sausages, bacon, cheese, and eggs. Varieties she had never seen before. On the other side were mushrooms and hash browns and yogurts. And then a variety of salads and soups. Some foods she’d never seen before were arranged on her left side, and for a moment she wondered what she should eat. She picked up a plate and chose a simple breakfast of strawberries, toast, bacon, eggs, and cheese. A coffee pot and teacups were already on their table. She began to head to the table and then bumped into Taylor.
“Sorry, Lily,” he said.
She looked into his eyes and, for a minute, she froze. She smiled in embarrassment and tried to walk around him. But he had the same idea, and they bumped into each other once more. He apologized again, and she smiled. He stood, waiting for her to pass, and this time she successfully walked past him and carried her plate to the table. She looked down at her food and suddenly found she was not as hungry as she’d been before. She doubted that she would be able to eat much, especially once Taylor returned to the table.
He came back less than a minute later, and her pulse quickened. She felt too on edge to eat. She cut her eggs and bacon into small bits and ate only a few bites, having lost her appetite. She kept her eyes averted from his and her head slightly bowed over her plate, but she could feel his eyes on her.
“Lily?”
She looked up at him. “Yes?” Her heart thudded as they searched each other’s eyes.
“Will you come to California with me?”
Her jaw dropped, and her fork clattered as it fell from her hand onto the plate. Had he just asked her to come to California with him? She blinked and stared at him in astonishment.
Taylor’s mind reeled from the embarrassment he felt. He hadn’t planned on asking Lily to come with him to California. In fact, he had never even considered it. The words had just come out of nowhere.
No they didn’t. You’ve been obsessing over her for days. Those words were a result of that.
“You want me to come to California with you? Why?” She was looking at him with a shocked expression, waiting for him to answer her question.
For a long moment he said nothing because he didn’t know what to say. He searched his mind frantically for what to tell her. As he did, he realized he had spoken those words because the thought of never seeing her again after tomorrow unsettled him.
But he had made Josh a promise. Once he came back, they would spend an extended time alone — just him, Josh, and Bree. If Lily came with him, he would have to share his attention between three rather than two people. Even if he decided not to, her presence would be a terrible distraction, and his kids deserved all of him.
He sighed. But then again, she had no job. Even if he found her an apartment to live in, how would she take care of herself? He felt a tremendous amount of responsibility toward her, just as he had when he’d heard about what James had done. He could just open an account for her and send her money regularly, but she probably wouldn’t like that very much. And he would understand fully. No one wanted to live like that; at least, no self-respecting person.
Finally, he decided to tell her part of the truth. The other part, the part about not being able to stand the thought of never seeing her again, would scare her away, and that would do no good when he truly wanted to help her. “I want you to come to California with me because I have a job for you. I’ve been looking for someone I can trust to care for my kids. My housekeeper takes care of them now, but she is overworked. I need a full-time nanny. I promise to pay you really well.”
She blinked rapidly and then shook her head. “That wouldn’t be possible, Taylor. I’m sorry, but I can’t go to California with you. I think that would be a bad idea.”
He was going in too deep. Deeper than he should. How would he guard his heart, keep the promise he’d made to his son, and honor his wife’s memory if Lily came with him? She was right. It wasn’t a good idea considering he was asking her to work for him as his kids’ nanny, which meant she would be staying in his house or on
the premises. But though he knew in his head that it was a bad idea, his heart yearned to see her every day, like he’d been doing for the past few days.
She looked like she was about to run away, and he quickly said, “You don’t have to stay inside my house. There’s a staff building on the grounds where the other household staff live. You could live there as well.”
“I still can’t come to California with you, Taylor. I’m really grateful for all you’ve done for me so far, but I can’t accept your job offer.”
“Listen, Lily, you don’t have to decide right now. Just think about it.”
“I don’t want to think about it,” Lily said. “I’m not going with you to California, and I definitely can’t work in your house or on the grounds.”
He leaned back in his seat, feeling terribly disappointed, and studied her face. Everything in him told him to let it go, that it was just as well. But he couldn’t. “Why not, Lily? Tell me why you don’t want to come to California with me.”
She sighed loudly. “I can’t believe you’re asking me this, Taylor. You know why.”
His pulse began to race at the way she was looking at him, and waves of desire ran through him. He knew exactly what she meant, and yet something in him wanted to hear her say it, even though he knew it wasn’t right. He looked down at the table for a second. Don’t ask her, Taylor! Don’t do it!
He rapped his fingers on the table and looked at her again. “No, I don’t know why.” Oh, you liar.
She gazed into his eyes and then heaved a loud sigh. When she looked up at him again, she was blushing. “I like you… a lot more than I should. It’s wrong,” she said in a shaky voice. She shut her eyes and groaned. “I shouldn’t have told you that.”
He smiled in spite of himself.
She looked down again. “I can’t risk it, Taylor. It would be so unfair to your wife if I came with you and something happened between us. It would be wrong and a sin in God’s sight. I can’t let that happen. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
Once again, he trembled at her words and the depths of his feelings for her. Confusion raged in him at how hard and quickly he had fallen for her. He had known that she liked him and had seen the look in her eyes when they’d met at the store, but he hadn’t known how intense her feelings for him were until now. It shook him to the core.
What is wrong with you, Taylor? Not even with Faye had he felt the way he did now. He felt an overwhelming urge to confess the truth to Lily; to tell her that he was not married anymore, but the very fact that he was so eager to do so also gave him pause. Faye had been dead for less than a year, and he was already ready to replace her. It was so wrong.
“Taylor, are you mad at me?”
He looked at Lily again. She seemed really worried. He said quickly, “No, I’m not. Why would I be mad at you? I understand perfectly.”
She gave him a sad smile. “I’m glad you do. I wasn’t sure you would since we both come from a community where having a wife already doesn’t stop a man from marrying another. I’m glad you’re not angry. You’ve been so caring and helpful to me.” She reached out and nearly touched his hand on the table, and then she clearly changed her mind, shifting her hand away.
He sat gazing at her. He couldn’t breathe or think properly as his eyes swept her entire face and then settled on her lips. He sighed and forced his eyes away from her lips back to her eyes. If not for the promise he had made to Joshua and to himself to honor his wife’s memory, he would be sweeping Lily into his arms right now and kissing her the way he’d been dying to since the day he’d seen her at the store.
As they had done a couple of times since that day, they sat without speaking, staring into each other’s eyes. The air crackled with the intensity of their mutual attraction, and he felt like his heart would soon crash out of his chest. He imagined what would happen if he told her right now that he wasn’t married and that they were free to be together. His body grew hot again, and he knew it would be a mistake to do so. Just because he wasn’t married didn’t mean that they were supposed to do anything they wanted to. They would both come to regret it if they gave in to their desires. It was better not to tell her the truth.
“Okay, so it’s not a good idea to come with me to California, but I can’t just leave you here knowing you don’t have any money. Yesterday, I called an acquaintance of mine who is also into construction. He told me about a nice apartment building not too far from here that he worked on. He said there’s an empty apartment in that building, so I decided to go take a look at it. I love the place, and so I told him I was interested in getting it for someone. We can go and see it together this afternoon so you can see if you like it. But I think you will. I already paid for it, but if you don’t like it, we can always find somewhere else.”
Her eyes flooded with tears as she looked at him, and he frowned with worry. “I’m sorry, Lily. Did I overstep my bounds?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m just overwhelmed by everything. I’m really grateful, Taylor, but you shouldn’t have paid for an apartment for me.”
“Yes, I should. I’m leaving Tucson tomorrow, and it’ll give me some measure of peace to know that you at least have somewhere decent to live.”
“But you paid for an apartment for me, Taylor. I don’t know if that’s right.”
“Don’t think anything of it. It’s not a big deal.”
“You know that’s not true,” she said. “It’s a huge deal.”
“It’s not. It’s like an investment. I bought it so —”
“Taylor! You bought the apartment for me?” She groaned.
“Please, Lily. Don’t fight me on this. I know what I’m doing. Just accept it as my way of saying I’m sorry for introducing you to a creep like James Kilpatrick. And also for the sake of our childhood friendship.” He gave her a mysterious smile. “You know you were like a little sister to me when we were growing up.”
“Oh… that’s not good!” Disgust was written on her face, and he found that funny. He laughed out loud, and she shook her head. “It’s not funny, Taylor. With the way things are between us now, saying I’m like a little sister to you is so wrong.”
He sighed. “I know. But, for old times’ sake, please accept the apartment. It’s the least I can do.”
She pressed her lips together and then nodded. “Okay, but I’ll pay you back as soon as I can. As soon as I get a job...” she looked pointedly at him, “on my own, I will pay you back. Okay?”
He sighed in frustration.
“Okay, Taylor Dalton? Do we have a deal?”
He nodded. “Okay, then.” He held out his hand to shake hers. “We have a deal, Lily Hunter.”
She took his hand and instantly a jolt of electricity went through his fingers and shot up into his arm. She quickly pulled her hand away, and he sighed. He looked down at his food, which he had barely touched and was now probably cold, and then looked at hers. It was the same. He picked up his knife and fork and began to eat the cold food while praying that the intensity of his feelings for her would gradually melt away.
He looked over at her again. She had started eating too, putting small bites into her mouth.
He continued to eat, or more like move his food around. He was too aware of her, his thoughts too jumbled up to eat much. He looked at her face. Her head was slightly bowed, but he could still see she was blushing.
If not for the seriousness of the situation they were in now, he would have laughed at how they were both acting like a pair of smitten teenagers. But this was serious for both him and for her. What they felt for each other was something neither of them could explore, no matter how overwhelming those feelings were. But the worst thing was that he was leaving tomorrow and who knew when or if he would ever see her again? The thought was painful.
As they ate, neither of them spoke. It was all so awkward and extremely uncomfortable.
His mind traveled back to when he’d first married Faye. He’d hardly known her, although he
’d seen her around Fallow Creek from time to time. They had gradually grown fond of each other through the years and he had come to love her by their fifth year of marriage, even though he had not realized just how much until she’d passed away.
But what he felt now for Lily was totally new. While he’d loved Faye with a tender fondness that had grown as the years passed, his feelings for Lily were akin to a raging fire that threatened to burn him up if he gave in. He didn’t know what exactly it was, but it was definitely not love. He’d never felt this before, and he wasn’t sure he liked this feeling very much.
He finally gave up on his food after he ate half of his plate and dropped his knife and fork. He leaned back and turned his gaze to Lily. She had already stopped eating and was looking at him. She looked away as their eyes met.
“Are you ready to go?” he asked.
“Yes, I think I am,” she answered.
They left the restaurant together and walked to the elevator. As it opened, she stepped in, but he held back. It was probably not a good idea to get into the empty elevator with her right now. He needed to walk off what he was feeling and maybe take a cold shower when he got back to his hotel room.
She raised her eyebrows quizzically as the elevator door began to close. “Aren’t you coming in?” she asked.
He shook his head and gave her a small smile. Turning around, he strode off as the elevator door closed. He made his way back to the lobby again and walked out of the hotel. He needed a long walk. After that, he would go to his room, rest, and then call Lily and give her directions to the apartment. He’d thought he would go with her, but it was better not to. They would both be safer if she went alone.
His heart ached as he walked down the sidewalk, his hands in his pockets. Tomorrow, he would leave Arizona and go back to California, and even though Lily had said she didn’t need his help in finding a job, he would try to see what he could do about getting her one here in Tucson. But he wouldn’t see her face to face again. He could not afford to.
He recalled the surprised look she had given him as she’d entered the elevator, and sighed sadly, knowing that would probably be the last time he saw her beautiful face. Some minutes ago, he’d believed that the thought of never seeing her again was painful. Now he knew that wasn’t true. It was excruciating.