by B. B. Hamel
Addler came over and shoved another beer in my hands. “Ignore them. Do whatever you want, man.”
“Thanks.” I took a deep swig. Addler got me better than the other guys did. “I need to go for a walk.”
“Do what you got to do.” Addler grinned as he turned away and looked at Mandy. “Now, darling, if you’re still in the mood, I’m amenable to a three-way. You can lick my taint while pretty Becky here swallows my cock, and if you’re both very nice, I’ll fuck you senseless. How’s that for a plan?” He walked over, and Mandy had already forgotten all about me as I made my way to the bedroom door.
Des threw an empty beer can at me as I left. I let it hit the hall and splatter dregs on the hardwood floor. “Pussy!” he called out. “You’re always in such a shit mood!”
He was right and he was wrong.
Not always, but most of the time.
Des wouldn’t understand. He had been born to this sort of life. Rich, popular, shameless. He had no clue what hardship meant.
I paced my way down the steps and into the thick of things. The kegs flowed and the music blasted. There were more people around than I would’ve expected, but then again, it was the first rager of the semester. Everyone wanted to have some fun after summer break, and I was ready for them to indulge.
The drunker these fucks got, the more likely it would be that someone would fight me.
When guys were sober, they were smarter. It took a very stupid, very wasted human to stand up and throw hands with me, but that was what I needed.
A release. A true fucking release.
Nothing worked. All this anger and rage built up inside me every day and every night, and drinking and smoking could dull it, but drugs never made it go away. I always woke up the next morning hungover and still pissed as all hell.
Only pain and hurting let it all dissipate.
Breaking someone’s face. Or having my face broken. Either way, I needed blood to extinguish the constant hammering tightness in my chest.
It’d been like this ever since I’d gone to live with my cousin. The poor girl didn’t deserve the way I treated her, but I couldn’t help myself. She was so nice, so fucking sickly sweet and saccharine, and she understood better than anyone the sort of shit I’d gone through day in and day out for years under the stern and watchful gaze of her father.
She knew what that man did to me.
I tried not to let my anger leak out onto her. I gave her shit, and I was an asshole, but I never touched her. Robyn was a decent person, and even though I was a monster, I still respected that.
I gazed around, looking for the biggest, meanest, drunkest dumbass I could find. Anyone would do. I wasn’t picky. The bigger the better, though—I didn’t want this fight to end too fast.
As my eyes scanned the room, I stopped myself. The music faded, the light dimmed.
And I stared at Cora Boyle, my cousin’s best friend.
What the fuck was she doing here?
Cora came up to my chest at best. She was small, petite, with a big smile, thick black hair, and full pink lips. I’d always found her attractive, but only lately had I started to notice her—and ever since that encounter on campus when I’d nearly ripped her shoulder from its socket and she’d barely made a sound, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her.
Pretty little Cora. Sweet Cora. She was a space cadet, like my cousin. Dorky in a sexy way.
And a notorious virgin.
Maybe she’d be a better release than fighting.
I waded through the people. More than a few greeted me, but most got the hell out of my way. They knew better than to get in front of me when I was on the warpath, and tonight, I was an invading army looking for plunder.
Cora was my target.
She stood alone near the wall sipping a beer. When she noticed me coming, her face paled, but she didn’t try to run away.
I’d expected a chase. Disappointment flared in my chest. She crossed her arms as I pushed through a group of three ogling girls to reach her and stood looming like an angry sentinel.
“Where’s my cousin?”
She shrugged. “Not here.”
“You don’t do anything without her.”
“That’s not true.”
“Please. I always see you two together.” I frowned, looked around. “Are you alone?”
“Yes, I’m alone.”
I tilted my head, considering. What the hell would Cora be doing here without friends? This wasn’t the sort of party someone came to all by themselves. I was sure Addler hadn’t invited her—my cousin was strictly off-limits, and they all knew it—but then again, nobody was really told to come. The doors were open and the beer was free.
“This isn’t your kind of party. You should go home.” I didn’t know why those words came out. What I wanted to say was, follow me upstairs and let me wreck your tight virgin cunt until you leave a smear of blood along my cock and shiver with breathless orgasm. What I wanted to do was grab her, hold her down, and fuck her raw.
Instead, I offered her an out.
I turned to walk away. There was a promising group of older guys in the kitchen, a bunch of bros I didn’t recognize with flat-brimmed caps and saggy jeans, the sort of alpha tough guys that wouldn’t be able to resist a rumble. There were three of them too, which might make things interesting.
But Cora grabbed my arm. “Wait. Hold on.”
I hesitated. Her fingers dug into my skin.
It almost hurt.
“Let go of me before I break those pretty fingers.”
She snatched her hand back like I was made of fire. “I just want to talk.”
“Is that why you’re here? Thinking about our moment from earlier?” I leaned closer, showing my teeth. “I knew you were a freak, but I didn’t know you liked it rough.”
She blushed crimson but stood her ground. “Don’t be a douchebag, Jarrod. I know there’s a real human being locked deep down inside of that garbage shell of yours. Can I just talk to you for one second?”
“Talk then.” I moved closer. She didn’t back away. “Make it fast, freak. I don’t have patience tonight.”
Which was true. The longer I stayed here, the more likely it was that I’d do something stupid. Robyn would never forgive me if I actually hurt Cora, and even though Cora was tempting and delicious, my cousin was the only person in the world that gave a shit about me, including my three supposed best friends.
I didn’t know what sort of waste I’d become if I alienated her.
“I need your help with something. It’s really important. Can we talk outside?”
“I don’t do homework, freak. That’s your department.”
“It’s not school related.”
“I’m still not interested.” I pulled my attention away. The bros were doing shots. Fucking perfect.
She grabbed my arm again. What the hell was with this girl? She had a death wish. “I need you to hurt someone for me.”
That got my attention.
Sweet little space cadet Cora needed me to beat someone up?
I couldn’t help but feel a surge of excitement in the pit of my stomach.
It was almost too perfect. The opportunity to release some of my rage and the chance to get closer to little freak Cora. Robyn wouldn’t be happy about it, but if someone was giving her friend shit, she might forgive me for breaking the fucker’s jaw.
“You got five minutes.”
“We need to go somewhere quieter.”
I stared fire at her. “You’re testing me.”
“Please, Jarrod. I have to explain. Just come outside, okay?”
I glanced toward the bros. Another shot down their stupid hatch. I could go over right now, start talking shit, and be nice and bloody in under ten minutes.
But Cora looked at me with those pretty wide eyes and those sexy pouty lips, and I couldn’t help myself.
“Make it fast.”
I strode to the front door and she followed. I sliced through
the crowd like a boat in water, and she scurried along in my wake. The air was chilly and the ground was nearly frozen. Cora wrapped her arms around herself, hugging tight as she sipped her drink.
Several people milled around out front. The scent of pungent weed hung in the air, and a group of guys and girls passed around a joint. I steered Cora over toward the mailbox and the street, which was covered in parked cars.
I turned to face her, hands on my hips. She looked around, chewing on her lip. Whatever she wanted to say, she didn’t want anyone to overhear.
Which I had to admit was very interesting.
“All right, freak. Tell me what you want. I’m not standing outside in the cold for you all night.”
She set her jaw and glared. “Stop calling me that.”
“Stop acting like a freak, then. Who needs to get hurt? Some asshole in your classes giving you shit?”
“No, it’s not like that. This is about… someone from my past.”
“Your past.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I’m losing patience. Give me a reason to care.”
She paced back and forth, then dumped her drink and placed the cup on the hood of an old pickup. “I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a psycho.”
“Start trying.”
She rubbed her face with both hands. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she whispered to herself, then met my eyes. “A long time ago, something bad happened to me. I told people about it, but I was a little kid and nobody believed me. Then my brother said the same thing happened to him, and from then on, I swore that I’d get revenge.”
I tilted my head, watching her carefully. She was nervous, agitated, but she wasn’t lying. This didn’t sound like the space cadet freak Cora I knew.
For the past few years, I’d ignored her and my cousin as much as I could. Cora had always interested me, but she was such a little dorky dweeb. She was pretty, with a good figure, pouty lips, but everyone said she was ice cold and not interested in guys, and it was easier to tell myself she was gay than to bother spending time fantasizing about my cousin’s best friend.
But standing in front of me in a tight sweater and jeans, her cheeks still pink with embarrassment, working up the courage to tell me—something, I wasn’t sure what—I had to admit I found her more attractive than I ever would’ve imagined possible.
“You want revenge,” I echoed softly.
She met my gaze with the most resolute stare I’d ever seen before.
I’d never forget that look. It was a look that would haunt me for the rest of my life. Those eyes, that glare, she was determined to do this even if it was hard, even if it would end up breaking her, and that was a level of commitment I’d never seen from her before.
“I want to pay you $8,000 to murder a chiropractor named Dannis Silver.”
I took a step back and my eyebrows shot up.
She kept on staring at me.
Murder.
I let her words sink in.
I knew what people thought of me. Jarrod the monster. I was a beast, an animal. I fought my way through life, one bloody brawl after another. I was nothing more than muscles, fists, and broken bones. Everyone assumed I was an unhinged lunatic meathead, and I didn’t do much to disabuse them of that notion.
Because they weren’t wrong. I was a psycho. My constant simmering rage could only be sated with violence, and so I turned to pain every chance I got.
I hated myself for it. I hated what I’d become and knew it was all my own fault.
But I was what I was.
This moment, this was important. I looked back toward the house with its lights and its music. Young people stood out front, living their happy, carefree lives, thinking about nothing more than smoking, drinking, and fucking. Small worries, small cares.
Small lives.
But here in the shadows of the cars near the street, Cora watched me with hawklike intensity. She feared for her own life and safety—she’d just asked me to do something truly heinous. There was no going back for her.
I had a choice. The lights, the party, the easygoing existence. I could find those bros, get into a fight, keep on drifting through my days.
Or I could stay here with Cora in the blackness.
I looked at her again and felt a pulse strike through my guts.
“What did he do?”
I felt the words slip out, and in that moment, Cora knew.
I might do it. I could do it, if I wanted.
I knew I could.
“He molested me when I was eight years old.” She said it without emotion, but I could taste the rage beneath her words.
I sucked in a breath. “You said he’s a chiropractor? Did you tell anyone?”
“My parents. They didn’t believe me. We all sat down with Dr. Silver, and he gave them some bullshit about his practice and how maybe I misunderstood what he was doing. But I didn’t misunderstand, because a couple years later, my brother came to me and admitted that the sick fuck did the same thing to him.”
She shivered with rage and unbridled shame. I guessed I was the first person she’d told about this in a very long time, and I felt a sudden upswell of wrath and desire. I wanted to pull her into my arms and hug her tight and protect her—and I wanted to kill the fuck that had done this to her.
But I had to go slow.
This was the path I’d been barreling toward my whole life, and little freak Cora was about to shove me so deep into the pit of my own excess that I was afraid I might never crawl out again.
And wasn’t sure if I wanted to.
“I don’t give a shit about money,” I said, speaking as slowly as I could. “Eight thousand isn’t enough to get me to murder someone, anyway.”
Her hands turned into fists. “I can get more. Give me some time. I can get—”
I stepped forward and grabbed her by the hair before she could finish that sentence. I leaned forward and stared into her eyes, my mouth inches from hers. The white plume of her breath misted across my lips, and I wanted to smother her with my tongue so badly it hurt.
“I don’t want money,” I said, my voice a husky growl. “I want something only you can give me.”
“What?”
She didn’t move. Like a mouse caught in a trap.
“Rumor says you’re still a virgin. Is that true?”
Her mouth fell open. Her jaw worked. Then she snapped it shut again and nodded once, pulling her hair in my fist.
I felt my cock swell and stiffen at the pure anger in her eyes.
“That’s what I want. Give me your virginity, and I’ll murder this pedophile piece of trash for you.”
Silence. Only the laughter and the vague thump of music. A car rolled down the street, going slow. It didn’t seem to notice me gripping Cora’s hair in my fist like I owned her.
Which I would if I did this.
So much could go wrong. I could end up in prison for a very long time.
But the thought of finally releasing my tension in the ultimate expression of anger was too much to bear, especially with Cora’s unclaimed body tossed into the mix. She might burn with me, but at least we’d burn for good reason.
I had few morals. I did bad things. But I believed in justice, and little Cora deserved to get her revenge.
I’d never taken a life before, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t start now.
“Fine,” she whispered, lips hanging open, “if you kill him, I’ll have sex with you.”
My grip tightened. Her jaw flexed, but she didn’t complain.
“More than that. You’ll give yourself to me. You’ll be my little toy, freak. I’ll fuck you, again and again, until I’ve had my fill.”
“I’m not going to be some fucking sex slave.” She struggled against me, but I held tight. “We have to do it one time. You take my virginity and that’s it. I’ll still pay you the eight thousand.”
I looked at her for several long beats of my heart.
Eight thousand dollars was meaningless
to me. I’d grown up without money, and I’d die without it too.
But her virginity? That was important.
Only one person could have it, and that man would be me.
“All right.” I released her. She took a step back, breathing fast. “Meet me later tonight and we’ll discuss this.”
“Wait, what? No, I want to talk about it now.”
I pushed past her. I had some thinking to do. Murder wasn’t to be taken lightly. “We’ll talk more later.”
“Jarrod, it’s already past ten.”
“Meet me at midnight. There’s an abandoned lot three streets down from here. There’s an old RV in the very back.”
I didn’t wait for her to complain. I stalked off to the house, head buzzing like I’d been punched in the nose.
Cora Boyle truly was a freak.
The little space cadet had a dark secret.
She’d been hurt, and nobody believed her.
But I did. Nobody tried to hire a killer without good reason.
I’d give her what she wanted, but I’d get my fun first.
I pushed in through the front door. The bros were still in the kitchen taking another shot.
They looked wasted. Sloppy.
I grabbed a beer from the keg, chugged it, then chugged another.
I figured I’d try to make this a fair fight.
After my third, I tossed the cup aside and approached the three arrogant fucks, thoughts of Cora and murder dancing in my head.
3
Cora
I was losing my mind.
Or maybe I’d already lost it. Normal, sane people didn’t try to hire their best friend’s cousin to murder someone.
To be fair, the bastard deserved to die.
But still. Definitely crazy.
And coming to this empty field in the middle of the night only made the case for my mental stability that much worse.
It was cold, a chilly mid-December evening. The moon was bright, but the trees growing up around the property blocked out most of the stars. I stood in their shadows, moving from foot to foot, trying to stay warm. A raw stump poked out from the earth nearby, and several rusting wheels languished next to a sticker bush. I could only guess at the other trash I couldn’t see and reminded myself not to walk around barefoot unless I wanted to step on a needle.