“Promise?” he asks. I widen my eyes in response. I’m listening Colt, ask me anything and I will agree. “Promise you will never leave me again?”
“Promise,” I whisper, reaching up to seal my vow with a kiss.
Then, for a few moments, we search each other’s souls. He’s my everything. And I have a lot to make up for.
“Shower?” he whispers.
I nod, grateful for the helping hand that peels my injured body from the bed.
We wash each other with a tenderness that is as basic as it gets. And as the blood and fear gurgles down the drain, I feel half human again. Colt’s hand is seriously damaged, and I kiss each bruised knuckle. My throat is sore, and he runs a soft sponge over my neck with eyes that show pain.
After another glass of bourbon, we lay side by side. Exchanging vows of honesty and commitment without letting slip a word.
With everything that has happened over the last twenty-four hours, it takes a while to drift off to sleep. Curled in the safe arms of Colt, listening to his heart beat a steady, comforting rhythm.
Twenty Eight
Lacey
I would be lying if I said I slept soundly and with no anxiety, but it will take a while for that feeling to subside. And only after I’ve gone through a whole legal trial that puts Bear and his cronies away for long enough for me to feel safe. Even then, it will be a lengthy period before I stop looking over my shoulder and listening for the rumble of a motorbike.
Colt insists I stay in bed while he prepares pancakes. I don’t want him to fuss over me, but he wants to do this. For me. I’ve eaten his pancakes before and I’m not hungry. But that’s not important. It’s not about the pancakes. It’s about the love that goes into them and accepting that love.
“I’ll be back soon.”
It’s as if he hates leaving me and doesn’t want me to be out of his sight.
“Thank you.” I force a smile.
He closes the door behind him, a vision of taut denim and tanned skin. I rest my head on the pillow and look up at the ceiling.
It’s quiet in his room, the distant bellowing of cows and a harvester machine shaking almonds from the trees the only noises. Sounds of honest hard work. Of life. I can’t believe I have another chance at this. The thought of where I would have been now if my plan had worked is heavy on my mind. This is the better of the two options, but I didn’t want to risk it.
My shoulder aches, my ribs are tender, and my knees are sore.
Colt pushes open the door with his foot, balancing plates, juice, and coffee on a tray along with a glass vase with a single rosebud hooked in his thumb.
He sets the tray on the bed and leans to me. Plumping up the pillows behind my head.
“It’s beautiful, thank you.” I focus on the beauty of the simple flower.
“Eat.” He turns the plate so the stack of pancakes sits in front of me.
I lean forward, and he meets me with a kiss.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
I chew a bite of pancake slowly; it’s still painful to swallow where Bear wrapped his disgusting hands around my windpipe last night.
Colt must notice as he reaches across and gently strokes my throat. “This will heal. And time will repair everything bad that has happened in your life.” He pauses. “With a little help from me.”
My eyes fill with tears.
“He will not come near you again.”
I believe him. After what I witnessed last night, I know that Bear has met his match.
Colt’s smile is faint, and an air of concern shrouds his features. “Do you feel safe now, Lacey?”
“Yes.”
“And you won’t run away again?” His voice isn’t his usual confident tone, there’s a falter to it. An unusual sense of fragility coats his features.
“Of course, not.” I made that promise last night and will reassure him as many times as it takes until he truly believes me.
His eyes continue to hold more than a whiff of worry. He sits on the bed and nudges the tray closer to me. “I don’t want you to feel like this is a prison, and it’s important you know you are free to go whenever you want, but I’m not good with the thought you might leave any second.”
I nod my head. “I promise I won’t leave you, the only reason I ran before was to keep Bear and the Dark Angels from coming here. It was never me running from you.”
“I get it. It’s irrational, I know, it’s just when Ellen left me in Vegas, I went a little crazy.”
“She left you in Vegas? I didn’t know that.”
“Okay, cards on the table. Ellen and I went to Vegas to get married. No one knew and I hate to think what Mom would have made of it if we had gotten married.” He shakes his head, and my eyes widen at the thought. “Anyhow, we booked the chapel, got drunk in the hotel room and fell asleep. When I awoke, she was gone. Just a note saying “sorry” under my phone. When I switched it on, I had an anonymous text with a Snapchat screenshot of Ellen sucking my best friend’s dick. Revenge porn. He was pissed when he found out why we were in Vegas.” His eyes narrow. “I never saw her again.”
“I’m sorry Colt, I didn’t realize.” It makes sense now why he took the path he did after Ellen. And why he freaked out when I left him. I squeeze his forearm and in a light-hearted, soft voice say, “At least you found out about it before you got hitched.” I know that’s probably of no relief to him, but I don’t want him to become morose. That would make two of us then, and there would surely be no getting out of that.
“Yeah, there is that.” He nods. “I suppose that is the next obstacle to overcome.”
Marriage? My chest tightens for a second, and I feel the need to be honest with him about everything. We both have issues we need to overcome and we cannot leave them to fester in the dark. “Colt, I know it was you that left those scribbles in Notes of Love.”
He frowns.
“And there’s a line in that book we’d do well to live by.”
“Go on.”
“I am not him and you are not her.”
He hangs his head with a smile. “Yup. I am not him, and you are not her.” He looks back at me with a light sparkle in his eyes. “Although I would need to say that, not you. Otherwise it sounds weird.”
I smile too.
“And I guess you don’t want to give me this any longer?” He holds out the note I’d left for him in his mom’s apartment. Still sealed in the envelope.
I draw in a breath. There are things in that note that I didn’t mean and now I wish I’d never written. “No. I’d rather not.”
He nods and rips it into tiny pieces.
My shoulders feel lighter. It’s early days but I think we can get through this.
“Anyway, eat up. They’re getting cold.” He nudges the plate of pancakes to me.
“Why don’t you get back in bed and you can feed me them?”
He looks at me quizzically.
“That way, my hands are free.”
His brows lift toward his hairline, then as he realizes what I mean, his eyes spark to life and there’s a glimpse of his dimple. “I don’t need persuading.” He pushes down his sweatpants and climbs into bed.
Twenty Nine
Lacey
The morning seems to be over before it has begun, and after showering, Colt and I go to the doctor’s office in town to get checked over. Colt didn’t put his hand in ice like Josie and I suggested. And my ribs are stiff and sore. I don’t think the doctor can do anything for either of our ailments, but for everyone’s peace of mind, we go anyway.
I have to complete a registration form, and it needs me to put in my real details. Hanna Joseph, born July 12, 1997. I look across at Colt, who has claimed a chair in the waiting room.
“Can I fill this in over there?” I ask the receptionist.
“Sure thing. Here you go.” She passes me a clipboard to rest the paper on and I take it over to Colt. I want to show him rather than say it out loud. He knows Lacey is not my real na
me, but he never asked what was, and soon the investigation will start and I need to get used to being called by my given name again.
I sit next to him and he smiles. I nod at the form, and he cocks his head to read it. “Hanna?” He studies my face and pulls his bottom lip in. “Is that what I should call you now?”
I shrug. “If you want.” It might seem kinda odd when the real Lacey becomes involved with this investigation.
He looks serious and I’m worried at his reaction.
“What’s wrong, don’t you like it?”
His face breaks into a shit-eating grin. “Nah, it’s not that, I love it and would love you whatever you’re called, I’m more concerned that you’re only twenty-three.”
“What?”
“I liked the idea of an older woman. I saw your date of birth on the payroll register in the ranch office and was kinda turned on by you being older than me.”
I roll my eyes. “Dork.”
He laughs.
“Anyway, it was February 29, so actually I’m a quarter of that age.”
He pulls his chin in as if he doesn’t know what I mean.
“Leap year.”
He shakes his head. “You went for a leap year fake birthday?”
“Oh, it’s much worse than that. Didn’t you realize that it is also the key code from your mom’s apartment?”
He scratches his head. “Nope. Guess it was the way it was written. I only took notice of the year and my mind spun off on the older woman fantasy.”
I go in first and the doctor reassures me there’s nothing rest won’t cure. Then it’s Colt’s turn and he comes out with a bandaged hand and a letter.
“The results of Mom’s test,” Colt tells me. “The Doctor wants Mom to make an appointment to follow up. He can’t tell me what it says, but I’m hoping it’s good news.”
He stuffs the letter in his pocket and we walk across the street to the sheriff’s office. There are a few people on the street that give us a second look, but not as many as I thought. I’m sure we are the talk of the town all the same. Colt takes my hand in his in an act of support.
Sheriff James informs us of where the state police are at with the case and how the feds came to be involved and what the next steps are for me.
Lacey—the actual Lacey—has been interviewed up in West Sacramento and our stories match, so charges against Bear and some other members of the Dark Angels have been made and we are waiting for the prosecution to set a date for the trial. I’m not looking forward to it, but I know with Colt by my side I will get through it.
It’s been a long day and when Colt and I arrive back at the ranch, I curl up on a chair on the porch. I feel empty right now. Purging all of my past. So, it’s understandable I can’t cope with socializing over the usual family dinner.
Colt brings me a plate of pasta and a welcome glass of Chardonnay, balancing the plate on his bandaged hand. He rests on the balustrade, looking out over the mountains while I force a few forkfuls down. Then he rolls onto a deckchair, leans across and pulls my chair closer to his. I curl my legs up and rest them across his. Our fingers reach out and we stroke each other’s hands.
“You good?” he asks.
“Uhuh.” I take a sip of the wine. I don’t drink often, but today has been a tough day.
“We’re gonna be okay, you know.”
I nod.
“It may take a while, but we will get through this.” He shuffles forward in his seat, scooping my ankles further up his thighs. “Is there anything we need to change?”
I curl my lips. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Just, last night we slept in my room.”
“Yeah, that was fine.”
“And I was thinking about teaching you how to shoot.”
“Uh, no.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not me. I really don’t want to do that.”
He smiles, “Okay.”
“But there is one thing I want to do.”
“Just say it.”
I take my hand from his and turn my wrist so my tattoo is visible.
He rubs a thumb over it.
“Amber says there’s a tattoo parlor in Visalia. I want to have something tattooed over it.”
“You don’t need to ask my permission for something like that. It’s your body, you do what you want to it.” He makes small circles over the bear claw mark on my inner wrist. “Any idea what?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“So, I guess you won’t tell me?”
“Nope.”
He shakes his head with a smile. “No secrets remember.”
“Yeah, I remember. But a surprise is not the same as a secret.
Thirty
Lacey
Anxiety pulses through me. A frisson of nervousness skitters across my skin as the needle lowers.
I have to look away and face Amber, whose neck is strained as she tries to see every prick and stroke the tattoo artist makes.
“Does it hurt?” she asks, not even trying to hide her beaming smile.
“I don’t know.” I pull my bottom lip into my teeth, biting down to see if I can feel pain or if I’m immune. Actually, if that was true, I wouldn’t have felt the rope burn on my ankles like I did last night when Colt was in a playful mood. I glance at my wrists. Thank goodness I didn’t wriggle too much. It’s strange how the thought of being tied would have had me shut down not too long ago. But now it’s a release. Trusting Colt does that. Over the last few weeks since that fateful night, I’ve shown time and time again, I’ll trust him with anything.
“I’m definitely gonna get one,” she says with wide eyes.
The tattoo artist looks up at her. “How old are you?”
“Old enough.” She pouts, leaning back on her chair. “So Lacey, what are we doing for the rest of today?” She examines her fingernails as if suddenly disinterested in the tattoo.
I roll my lips, then hitch a breath as the pain seeps through.
“We could get drunk.” She flashes a glare at the tattoo artist, who is hopefully too engrossed in his work to notice.
“Yeah, right. If you get drunk, how would we get home? I don’t drive, remember.”
“How come… oh, yeah. Never mind. We could always—”
“Um, nope. Absolutely not. I’m not asking Colt to come get us. Anyway, they’ve got the bachelor party tonight.”
She pulls her feet up onto the chair and hugs her knees.
“Yeah, forgot about that. I don’t know why they decided not to go to Vegas. Blue seemed to want to still and I know it wasn’t Josie. She’s not jealous like that.”
“Hmm.”
“No, she’s really not.”
“Oh, I meant nothing by that noise. It’s just the…” I nod at the tattooist. “Yeah, she’s so trusting of Blue and definitely not jealous.”
“Probably didn’t have time to fit it in.”
“Yeah.” I breathe a sigh of relief. Now Colt and I have agreed to be honest with each other, it feels even more wrong not to be honest with everyone else. But that is Colt’s business. And his to tell.
“Anyway, if we’re not gonna get drunk, suppose we could go shopping for clothes, or footwear.” She seems excited about the prospect.
I heave in a breath. “I don’t mind a couple of stores but I’m not really that interested and would rather get home to make those chocolate bon-bons I promised for the day center.”
She tilts her head onto one side. “Suppose we can just go home.”
I raise my brows at her, knowing for one moment she won’t go for that.
“No, shopping is fine. Didn’t you promise Josie we’d stop by the dress shop for the wedding fitting anyhow?”
“Yeah.” She sighs. “I did.”
“Why, you not excited by that?”
“Oh yeah, I’m excited about the wedding. Shit, I’m over the moon about that. It’s just the dress.”
I frown at her. “Why what’s wrong with it?�
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“I don’t do dresses.”
“No, neither do I.”
She smiles. “Well, I suppose I don’t feel so bad then. If that’s two of us feeling uncomfortable about that. And don’t tell Josie, but…” She leans into me as if Josie can hear us. “I’m wearing my boots. No way am I tottering around in heels.”
I laugh at the horror on her face. You’d think Josie had asked her to turn up butt naked, such is her indignance. Although actually I think Amber wouldn’t be so concerned about that as she would be about not wearing her boots.
“I won’t tell her.” I suck in a breath as the needle jiggles against the tendons on my wrist.
The fitting goes well and we each buy new shirts and jeans to offset the prospect of wearing a dress. And for me, it’s a relief to wear jeans that button up once again. I’ve put on weight these last few weeks. I’m relaxed enough to eat and I can truthfully say I even taste the food that passes my lips now and I like it.
The boys have already gone to the saloon in Gunner Ridge when we get home. They probably won’t be back too late, and Colt has said he definitely won’t be going to the Green Parrot, and it’s likely Blue won’t either, as that’s where his ex-wife, Lemon, works. Either way, they’re instructed to sleep downstairs. No one needs a drunken, slobbering man in their bed the night before a wedding.
Amber, Josie, Mrs. Corrigan, and I stay at the dining table long after our supper has finished. Chatting and laughing. I’m so lucky to be here with these lovely people and can truthfully say that I feel part of the family now.
Thirty One
Colt
Blue and I are in the barn we’ve decked out for the wedding reception, waiting for Mitchell to turn up to drive us to the Chapel. It’s Josie and Blue’s wedding today, and I’m excited, if only slightly hung over. It feels like a new chapter at Corrigan Ranch and Lands.
Mom is recovering. The blood test results prove she has Lyme Disease and every day I thank Lacey for that. She’s given Mom back to us all, and revived her love for life. Although she hasn’t fully recovered and will always have issues, but the intravenous antibiotics they have administered her are helping.
Notes in Love Page 16