by Helen Scott
“Micah? How are you feeling?” I asked eventually when his gaze landed on my own.
“Like I got hit by a truck and they decided to reverse over me as well to make sure they’d finished the job.” He coughed, and it sounded painful as it looked. The wince that pulled at his features was hard to watch so I didn’t.
“Let me get you some water,” I said before hustling over to the kitchenette. It was on the opposite side of the cabin, but that wasn’t exactly far.
I wondered what Micah would think about the cabin now that he could actually see it and wasn’t drowning in the silver poisoning. It was about half the width of my apartment and a true log cabin. There was no inside wall, just the giant logs that had been used to shape everything. The kitchenette ran along the opposite side of the cabin to the couch, with the table and chairs in the middle. There was a small bathroom tucked in the corner and a ladder on a roller, like the kind they use in fancy old libraries, that allowed you to get up to the loft over the kitchen, which was the bedroom. There weren’t any decorations to speak of, it was utilitarian, which I could appreciate.
After grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, one of the few things that Brecken had provided for us, I took another bowl with me, just in case. I wasn’t sure how to treat someone who just woke up from silver poisoning, or any kind of poisoning really. When I woke up after a hard workout or a particularly rigorous boxing match, I knew I was always thirsty but that drinking cold water too fast could also make me nauseous.
When I got back to Micah with the water bowl and a fresh rag, I found him sitting up on the couch taking in the cabin. What little there was to take in. “Here you go. Just sip it though, okay?” I handed him the bottle of water.
Instead of sitting on the couch next to him, I moved to the table and grabbed one of the hard wood chairs. It looked handmade, and come to think of it, so did the table. Part of me was curious as to whether it was Brecken who’d made them. If it was, he was very talented.
I pulled the chair over so I could sit in front of Micah. We watched each other as he took a sip of water every minute or so. Finally, I couldn’t take the silence any longer, so I asked, “Do you remember what happened?”
Micah nodded and set the water bottle down, resting it precariously on the couch cushion. “I was still trying to be friends with someone who would rather see me dead, see us both dead, and I fucked up. I’m so sorry, Nina.”
Hearing my name on his lips instead of him calling me sugar or beautiful told me exactly how serious he was in that moment. Guilt tore through me. Micah shouldn’t feel responsible for any of this. It was all my fault.
“Micah, you don’t need to apologize to anyone. If anything, I should be apologizing to you for bringing this shit show into your life.” I blew out a breath, hoping that he would forgive me for tainting his life with the bad luck that seemed to course through my own.
“You have nothing to be sorry about either. Neither of us chose to be mates, and neither of us chose to be part of each other’s lives, not really.” He winced in pain, and I tried to remember that whatever I was thinking didn’t really matter. The only thing that really mattered was that he was okay. Even if he was saying that he was only my mate because he had no choice.
“Micah—”
A coughing fit took over his body, making him hiss in pain with each cough that passed his lips. I waited for him to stop before I even thought about continuing with what I was going to say. As soon as I took a breath, though he held up his hand.
“I wouldn’t change being your mate for the world. Just because we were forced into this situation by the fates doesn’t mean that I’m unhappy with it. I love you, Nina.”
“I love you too,” I whispered back, unable to stop the tears from welling in my eyes. It wasn’t that I was upset at loving him, quite the opposite, I was just so scared now. I had someone to lose—two people, in fact. That was more than I’d had in a long time, and somehow, just like last night, I felt a wave of foreboding deep in my bones, as though my very essence could tell that this was going to get a lot worse before it got better.
That wasn’t exactly a cheery topic to discuss with someone who had almost died from silver poisoning though. So instead of saying what was on my mind, I asked, “Can you still feel the effects of the silver poisoning?”
His face blanched, and I wondered if I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. We hadn’t learned how to really communicate with each other yet. I mean, we’d only known each other a few days, so it wasn’t a surprise that I managed to stick my foot in my mouth.
Eventually, Micah scrubbed a hand over his face and said, “Yeah. I can. It’s like I can feel every vein and artery in my body, and every pump of my heart makes me tired. I don’t know how quickly I’ll get over this.” The disappointment in his voice was hard to hear.
“You can take as long as you need. We’re safe here. Roman’s friend is the one who helped save your life. He seems like he’s on the up and up.” A sliver of doubt twisted in me at my words. Did I really believe them? I didn’t usually trust people so easily. I mean, it had taken me years to trust Kylie enough to go out to a party with her, and look at what had happened. I wanted to trust Brecken though. I just hoped that my trust wasn’t misplaced.
“That’s good. I vaguely remember seeing him, but everything was fuzzy, then there was just so much pain,” Micah replied.
“That was probably the silver serum. Brecken had some in his bag, along with the stuff I needed to stitch you up. I hope you don’t mind a scar because I don’t know how well that’s going to heal, even with me doing the stitches as soon as I could.”
Before Micah could reply, Roman came through the front door. A grin spread over his face as soon as he saw Micah sitting up and talking. “I knew that silver wouldn’t keep you down for long!” He strode over and clapped the younger wolf on the shoulder, making Micah wince in pain. “Shit, sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Micah said with a cough.
“I caught some fresh game that I’m going to roast up. I just wanted to make sure Nina was okay in here first. Do you need help with anything?” Roman asked.
“I think we’re okay,” I said, looking to Micah for confirmation. When he nodded his head, Roman smiled before turning around to rummage in the kitchen for a moment, then I watched him walk out with a cutting board and large knife.
“You can go help him if you want. It seems like he’s been away most of the day, judging from the scents in here,” Micah said.
“He has been.” My stomach growled at that moment as though it needed to reiterate the point. “But I want to stay here with you. If you’re still in pain and need something, I can help. You don’t have to do this all on your own.” Says the woman who would definitely do all of it on her own.
I mentally sighed at my own hypocrisy but knew that I would probably never change. Being independent was a desire that I wasn’t sure I’d ever lose. Would I like to rely on Roman and Micah? Absolutely. Could I actually do that? Probably not. At least not without fighting years of trauma. I wasn’t going to pretend like seeing my parents murdered in front of me and then seeing my brother killed as well hadn’t fucked me up, because it had. My mental scars were deep caverns that I could barely cross sometimes, so learning to rely on someone else? It was going to take more than a few days.
Fortunately, I didn’t think Micah had the same hang-ups I did, since he asked, “Could you help me to the bathroom? I want to take a shower and wash all this betrayal off me.”
He was trying to make a joke, which had to mean he was starting to feel even better. I just hoped that this exertion wouldn’t leave him exhausted afterward.
“Of course,” I said as I helped him to his feet. I supported most of his weight as we made our way slowly to the bathroom.
As soon as we were there he said, “I’ve got it from here. Can you dig some fresh clothes out of my pack?”
I nodded and watched as he disappeared behind the bathroom door.
The sound of the shower started a second later, but I stayed frozen to the spot, hoping that I wouldn’t need to rush in and help him because I knew he wanted to do this on his own. When I heard him moan as he stepped under the spray, I knew he was okay, at least okay enough for me to do as he asked and get some clean clothes out. Although he’d made one major mistake—he should never have trusted me with his outfit choices.
6
Nina
For a brief moment in time, the three of us were a happy little family. Roman would go out and hunt, spending a lot of the day in his wolf form, while I took care of Micah. At night, Roman would make love to me, though it was a little awkward since Micah was unable to take part while he was healing. He was starting to move around with a little more ease though, so I wasn’t completely surprised when he declared, “I want to go for a run.”
“A run or a wolf run?” I asked for clarity, dreading the oncoming conversation if he chose the latter.
“A wolf run.” Micah stood from the couch and stretched, his back cracking slightly from sleeping on the thing. “I think it’ll help me heal the rest of the way.”
I nodded. That was the theory. If we healed enough to be able to shift, then the magic of the shift would heal everything else.
“Plus, I need to burn off some of this energy, especially after listening to you and Roman last night.”
A blush burned my cheeks. “Sorry, I tried to be quiet.”
“You don’t have to apologize, but when we get back from this run, you better be prepared to visit pound town because I need to feel you again. I need you to scream my name.”
My core throbbed in response to Micah’s words. I wanted to scream his name while he was deep inside me, but would he still want to do that when he found out I was defective?
Pulling my mind back to the present, I said, “Maybe we should wait for Roman to get back. I don’t want him to think we’ve gone missing.”
“Can we call him?” Micah asked, pacing from one side of the cabin to the other.
“He’s in wolf form, I doubt he has his phone with him,” I said, a little surprised at the thought that some shifters might carry their phones with them in wolf form.
Micah chuckled. “No, I mean howl for him, beautiful. Call him back here so we can all hunt together.”
“Oh. Um. You could howl for him if you want?”
Micah raised an eyebrow at me.
Here we go—round two of the conversation I never planned on having because I never planned on being mated. I knew if he interrupted me while I was speaking, I might never get it all out, so I blurted, “I can’t shift, and I think it’s because of everything that happened when I was a kid, together with leaving the pack and having to live as human. I had to lock my wolf away, otherwise the urge to shift would become too intense, and now that she’s locked away, I can’t get her back out. The cage rattles, but nothing moves.”
Micah strode over from where he had been standing and listening to my confession, then wrapped me in a bear hug. “Thank you for telling me. I know that was hard,” he whispered into my hair. He pulled back and lowered his head slightly so he could look me in the eyes, his voice raw with emotion as he said, “Don’t ever feel like you have to hide something from me. It doesn’t matter what it is, whether you never want to shift again, whether you killed someone, whether you want to have ten pups or no pups, I accept you for who you are. I love you for who you are, who you were, and who you will be. All I ask is that you do the same for me. I’m not at my best right now, and I don’t know when I will be, but that doesn’t mean I’m not trying. I want to be at my best for you and Roman. I want to carry my own weight in this triad we’ve formed and protect you as much as I can. I’ll never hide from you, never run from you. Please don’t hide yourself from me. I promise you that you are a glorious woman who I will worship for the rest of my days, whether I ever see your wolf or not.”
I hadn’t realized that I’d started crying, but when my vision wavered like I was underwater, I could suddenly feel the big, fat teardrops rolling down my cheeks. After a moment, I realized I was holding my breath, so I blew all the air in my lungs out before drawing in a shaky breath. “I love you too. I didn’t mean to hide anything from you. Honestly, I just try not to think about her. I haven’t shifted in so long, I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten how.”
“Maybe being with Roman and I when we shift would help?” Micah asked hopefully.
“We can try,” I said, not feeling very hopeful about the results.
I didn’t want to tell either of them that I felt disconnected from my wolf, that I only felt her occasionally, but I remembered from my childhood feeling her as a constant companion. I never felt alone because I had her.
All that changed the day my parents were executed.
“What if I go and howl for Roman? Then when he comes back, we can go on a lazy run that you can keep up with, if you want?”
I nodded, biting my lower lip.
Micah’s hand came up, and his thumb gently extracted my lip from between my teeth. “Keep that up, and I’ll bite that lip for you.”
“Is that a promise?” I asked, my gaze searing into his.
“Very much so, though I’d prefer to be fully healed first.”
His words brought me back to reality, and I said, “Then you better go call for Roman.”
Micah straightened and began pulling off his T-shirt, the heather gray fabric slowly lifting up and displaying his abs one row at a time, not to mention the dusting of hair below his belly button that disappeared into his shorts. He raised it higher, inch by slow inch, until I could feast my gaze on his chest and finally his strong shoulders, then the T-shirt popped over his head and made his top-knot bounce slightly.
My mouth had gone dry at some point, and he just watched me knowingly as he slung his T-shirt to the couch and reached for the waistband of his shorts. I knew I should look away, give the man some privacy, but I couldn’t. My stare was glued to the black mesh material of his basketball shorts. He slid them ever so slightly lower, displaying his Adonis belt perfectly and also showing off his lack of underwear.
Most people would shy away at that point, turn and give a teasing wink or something similar, but not Micah. He just continued to slowly lower the shorts, displaying his hardening cock for me to see. My dry mouth was suddenly wet, along with other parts of me. When he gripped the base of his shaft with one hand and kicked his shorts over to the edge of the couch, I wanted to rush him, tackle him to the ground, and ride him until we both forgot our own names.
The harder his cock became, the more challenging it became for me to stay in place. I won’t rush his healing. I won’t rush his healing, I chanted over and over in my head.
Finally, he winked at me, letting me know he was done torturing me, and shifted into his wolf form. I stood staring at him for a moment, my brain still too focused on cock to do anything else. Micah walked over and looked at the door to the cabin expectantly.
“You’re the one that shifted inside, you figure it out,” I grumbled as I crossed my arms over my chest.
Micah huffed at me like he was laughing, and after a moment of sad wolf eyes, I went over and opened the door for him. He darted out and let loose a joyous howl. Goosebumps broke out over my skin, and I couldn’t even begin to find the words to express the warring emotions inside me. I was beyond grateful that Micah had survived the silver poisoning and was recovering well. That being said, I was also in despair over the fact that I wouldn’t be able to join them in wolf form.
After I threw on some workout clothes, uncomfortable sports bra and all, I reluctantly followed Micah out into the woods beyond the door of the cabin. I had been outside a couple times since we initially arrived, but not much if I was honest. I knew it was some of my old security issues rising to the surface again. When I was stressed or worried, I often found myself shrinking away from society. When I lived in my apartment, I would only go to work, maybe the gym as well if I was feeling brave
, but overall, I just withdrew and kept to my own space. I had a moment of wondering what had happened to it, but before I could really think about it, Roman appeared from the woods.
The cabin truly was built between the trees. My guess was that whoever built it, be it Brecken or someone else, had only cut down the trees they absolutely needed to build the place and had then built it on top of the area they cleared. I couldn’t think of another way for it to fit so perfectly between the trees that crowded the sides of the cabin.
Watching Roman lope out of the woods toward us made a pang of jealousy tear through my chest. Unlike a real wolf, he wagged his tail as he saw Micah standing there in his own wolf form. Roman gave me a questioning look as he approached, tilting his head to the side and raising his eyebrows as much as a wolf could.
“Micah is feeling a bit better and wants to go for a run. I told him about not being able to shift, and we thought it best if we all went together. We didn’t want you to panic if you came back and we were gone.” I picked at my fingernails, unsure of how Roman would react.
He trotted up to me in wolf form and nudged at my fingers, letting his tongue loll out of his mouth as he watched me. I wasn’t sure if he was asking if I was okay or if he was trying to tell me that he was happy I was coming along, but I ruffled the fur behind his ears.
“Shall we?” I asked after stretching briefly.
Roman took off at a jog, or I suppose what amounted to a jog for a wolf, with Micah hot on his heels. I pushed off, and as soon as Roman saw that I was following, he upped his speed. The three of us bounded through the woods, the two of them bobbing and weaving as they dove through the undergrowth, while I had to dodge to the side, jump over downed trees, and duck under branches.
Within no time at all, I was sweating and breathing heavily. I was used to running, used to exercise, but the track I’d run was in a city. There were no tree branches to hop over, nothing to move around except other people on the track. Apparently, running through the forest was the next level in my workout game.