by Swan, T L
“You fuck her,” Paul cries out. “That vagina would be fucking green, I tell you. Nobody in their right mind would fuck her. I’m Paul, by the way.” He smiles as he stands and shakes my hand. Paul is around thirty, at a guess, and he’s quite good looking with dark hair and height that towers over me.
I bite my bottom lip to stifle my huge smile. Nobody ever talks like this around me. It feels weird… and good.
“Hello, Paul.” I hunch my shoulders together. “I have no idea what I’m doing, by the way.”
“Neither do we,” Sarah says casually. “We all hate this job. It completely sucks. You should run while you can.”
I smile, unable to help it. “Then why do you work here?” I ask.
“Can’t be fucked to look for a new job.” Sarah sighs as she turns back to her computer. “That takes effort.”
“I’m travelling. I’m only working here to save up for my next trip,” Paul admits.
I smile and look around the office. “Makes sense.”
“What are you doing here?” Paul frowns. “Why would you want to work in the mailroom of this shit hole?”
I giggle at his language. “I was working in a nursery and wanted to come to London. This was the first job that I found.”
They both nod, completely buying the story.
“So, it’s just the three of us here then?” I ask.
“No, there are another two boys, but they are upstairs delivering photocopies at the moment. Or hiding in a storeroom somewhere,” Paul mutters under his breath.
“Come on, I’ll give you the tour,” Sarah says.
“Okay.” I follow her over to the large conference tables.
“So here is where we sort the mail every morning. We bag it into floor levels and then into departments. You and I deliver that every afternoon.”
“Right.”
She turns. “Don’t ever let the boys deliver it, that’s our job.”
“Okay.” I frown. “Why can’t they deliver it?”
“Because it’s the best fucking perving session ever. My God. There are some hot men upstairs. If we ever let the boys deliver it, they will never give the job back to us.”
I smirk. I like this girl. “Makes sense.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?” she asks over her shoulder.
“No.”
Her eyes light up. “Well, you’ve come to the right place to work. This place is hot dick city.”
I laugh out loud. Hot dick city? Who knew there was such a place?
“This room here is hell on Earth.” I look in and see seven large photocopiers all lined up in a row.
“Why?” I frown.
“Because we have to print out and bind the training manuals for level nine.”
“Is that bad?”
“It’s the worst. We do that on Wednesdays. We usually all end up fighting, and then we have to go to the pub after work to recover.”
I smile. Even that sounds fun to me.
“So, we do mail every day, making manuals on Wednesdays. Photocopying happens every day, and we have to answer delivery emails, too.”
I frown. “Delivery emails?”
She rolls her eyes. “If the twats upstairs are waiting for a package, they email us to ask where it is.”
I really do like this girl. She reminds me of Elizabeth.
“All right. What else do we do?” I ask.
“We put up with a lot of crap from everyone. Especially Veronica.”
“Where do we start?” I ask.
“We have coffee and toast while we wait for the mail to arrive.”
“Sounds great.” Sounds normal.
* * *
Four o’clock, and I’m pushing the trolley between the desks.
“Hey.” A tall dark and handsome man smiles and leans back in his chair. “The mail cart is especially beautiful today.”
I give him a weak smile. “Thanks.”
“This is Lottie,” Sarah introduces as she hands over the mail. “She’s new, and doing a fab job, I might add.”
If I could be excited, I would be, but I’m too exhausted from pushing this two-hundred pound mail cart around the building for the last three hours.
I have been flirted with, teased, whistled at, befriended, and asked on four drink dates tonight.
This is the best day of my life… and the hardest.
I have never been so physically exhausted before. Who knew that all this mail has to be delivered to the whole building by hand? It seems so primitive and labour intensive. And where the hell does it all come from? Hasn’t anyone ever heard of emails, for Christ’s sake?
I have paper cuts on my hands and blisters on my feet. My hair is a mess, and I’m quite sure I stink like a pig.
Sarah hands the last of the mail out. “Let’s head back downstairs, Lottie.”
Thank God. I smile and turn towards the lift.
“We only have an hour until home time. You did great today.” She smiles.
“Thanks.” I sigh.
“Monday is our easy day.”
“This is the easy day?” I frown. “You can’t be serious?”
She giggles. “Yeah, I remember when I first started, I felt like I’d never done a day’s hard labour in my entire life.”
“I can relate,” I mutter as we get into the lift and I push the button.
As we go down, I stare at the doors, thinking about the day I’ve had.
More people talked to me today than ever before. I was normal; one of the crew. People swore in front of me, hassled me, teased me, and asked me out. Veronica told me off three times, but apparently that’s good for her.
I look down at my hands in front of me. They’re dirty and grim. I drop my head and smile. I’m tired, exhausted, and utterly ecstatic with Lottie Preston’s first day of work.
I did the right thing.
* * *
“Hi, Dad,” I answer the phone.
“Hello, darling. How is my sweet daughter tonight?”
I smile broadly. “Good now that she’s talking to you. What’s happening?”
“Oh, not much, just meetings and whatnot. We’re still in New York. We had a dinner on tonight and I came home early. Edward was talking to a woman, so I snuck out. What’s new with you?”
My heart drops. I wish I could tell him about my exciting first day at work…but I know that I can’t. “Just working at this end, too,” I lie. “William called me today. He’s coming to meet me for lunch tomorrow.” I smile.
“That’s nice. What’s he doing in London?”
“I’m not sure. He said he was here overnight for an appointment.”
“Hmm.” Dad thinks for a moment. “Let’s hope it’s with a good divorce lawyer, shall we?” He chuckles.
“We can dream. One day.” I think for a moment. “Who was Edward talking to?”
“I don’t know. I can’t keep up with him. He dates a different woman every day. She was beautiful, I can tell you that much.”
“Dad, have you ever heard Edward speak of Lara?”
“Why do you ask?” I can tell by his reaction that he must have.
“I just have a hunch that those two may be more than friends.”
“I don’t think so, darling. Edward wouldn’t be interested in her.”
“Hmm.” I sigh, unconvinced.
“Anyway, I’ll let you get to bed. Have fun with William, and I’ll call you tomorrow night.”
“Okay, I love you.”
“I love you, too, dear. Goodnight.”
* * *
I have to stop myself from running to him when I see William in the restaurant.
Oh, I miss my brother.
I laugh as I hug him. “This is such a pleasant surprise.”
We hug a little bit harder, and I know he has something on his mind. I can feel it.
I fall into my seat. “What are you doing in London?” I smile.
“I could ask you the same thing.” He smirks. “What the hell are you doing
here? As soon as they leave the country you have urgent business? It sounds suspicious to me.”
I laugh. “I don’t have urgent business at all. I’m just busting to do something different.”
“Good.” He smirks and glances outside. “Oh.” His eyes widen. “How come Anthony is here?”
“Edward left him to watch me. He hasn’t been too bad, to be honest. I think I had the wrong impression of him.”
The waitress arrives with our drinks. I asked William to order before I got here, seeing how I only have an hour’s break.
“So, what’s new? What have you been doing?” He smirks.
“Working, spying on good looking men, stuff like that.” I roll my eyes.
He laughs. “I miss you.”
I grab his hand over the table. “When are you coming home?”
He sips his drink. “I’m not.” And then he shrugs. “Not to Nottingham anyway.”
“God, Edward is driving me completely mad, Will. He’s completely out of control.”
“My point exactly. Sorry about the other night—leaving without saying goodbye. He just makes me so furious that I can’t even be around him.”
“He’s only worried about you. How are things going with Penelope?” I ask carefully.
“Up and down.” He sighs. “I don’t know, we have good weeks and bad weeks. The thing is, what I choose to do with my marriage is my business. Imagine if you met someone and Edward stuck his nose in where it wasn’t wanted.”
“I can’t think of anything worse, to be honest.”
“Exactly. And Penelope’s not perfect, God knows that. But I have a child with her, and I want him to grow up in the same house as me. What choice do I have?”
“It will be okay, and you know, you really are being amazing by staying with her and trying to repair your marriage for Harrison’s sake. Not many men would do that.”
“I don’t feel so amazing some days.” He smiles. “Anyway, tell me about you.”
I sit back in my seat. “I met a gorgeous man.”
“You did?” he asks in surprise.
“Yeah.” I sip my drink. “It was a disaster.”
“Why?”
“When he found out I was...” I hesitate, “inexperienced, he didn’t want anything to do with me.”
He scowls, confused. “Would he rather you be a stripper?”
I giggle. “Probably. Anyway… it was the push I needed to get out of Nottingham. Don’t tell Dad or Edward, but I plan on moving here permanently eventually.”
A big smile crosses his face. “You do?”
“Uh-huh.” I smile proudly.
He takes my hand across the table. “Good for you, babe. Good for you.”
* * *
“This stupid fucking prick of a machine!” Paul cries.
Sarah’s hands are in her hair and her eyes are wide. “What the fuck do we do?”
I put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing because this is hilarious.
The photocopier has gone crazy, and hundreds of papers are being spit out at record speed. It won’t shut off and it won’t quit printing. It’s Wednesday, and we are supposed to be making training manuals for Veronica, but things aren’t exactly going to plan. It seems to happen a lot in this dodgy mailroom. I have never laughed so much.
“Pull the plug out,” I push out through my laughter.
“Yes,” Paul says, scrambling for the power cords. He shuts them off, and the copiers all fall silent, leaving us to stare each other for a moment.
There is paper everywhere. We have no idea what order the papers are in.
“That machine dropped some serious acid last night,” Paul grumbles.
“Seems so.” I look at the mess around us. “What do we do with all this?” I ask.
Sarah looks around, too. “Shred it. We’ll have to start again. It will take too long to sort this shit.”
Sarah’s phone rings. “Hello. Hey, Marcie…” Her face falls as she listens. “Oh no. Oh, damn it, Marcie. I’ve been waiting for this date for three fucking years.”
Paul and I exchange questioning looks. Who is she talking to?
“Yeah, I know.” Sarah sighs sadly. “That’s okay. Who the hell am I going to get to come with me?” She exhales heavily. “Fine. No, it’s okay, I’m just disappointed. I’ve been looking forward to it for months. He’ll probably cancel on me now.”
I begin to pick up the papers from the floor, while Sarah finishes her conversation and hangs up the call.
“Fucking great!”
“What’s wrong?” I frown.
“I have a double date on Saturday night, and the girl who was supposed to be coming with me has strep throat.”
“So, go alone.” Paul picks up the papers with me.
“He won’t come unless it’s a double date.”
Paul and I frown at each other. “Why not?”
“Because he doesn’t even want to come at all. My uncle does business with him, and I’ve had a crush on this guy for years.” She puts her hands on her hips in dismay. “My plan was to look gorgeous so that he can’t help falling at my feet.”
I smile. “Well, that’s an excellent plan. Of course he will fall at your feet. Look at you.”
“I know, right?” She smirks and gives a wiggle of her arse.
“Just get someone else to go with you,” Paul suggests.
“I don’t have anyone.” She sighs. “This whole day is a fucking disaster.” She kicks the photocopier in disgust.
“Take Lottie.”
Sarah’s eyes flicker to me. “Would you come?”
My face falls. “Oh.” I shake my head. “I don’t… I don’t know the guy.”
“I don’t, either. It’ll a blind date for both of us.”
I stare at her in horror.
“Please.” She bounces on the spot and grabs my arm. “I really like this guy, and I can’t go without someone else with me.”
“You said you didn’t know him!”
“I don’t, but I really like the look of him.”
I roll my eyes.
“Honestly I’ve had the hots for this guy forever. Oh, please, Lottie. Please will you come?”
I stare at her. I mean, I could go, I have nothing else on… but a blind date? I really don’t think that’s such a good idea.
“What the hell?” Veronicas cries out.
Our eyes widen, and we spin to see Veronica assessing the room from the doorway. Her hands are on her hips and her face is furious.
“This damn machine is on acid!” Sarah cries. “We had to shut the power off and everything.” She throws her hands up in defeat. “We couldn’t stop it.”
Veronica looks at the papers all over the floor. She breathes deeply and closes her eyes. “I’m going to count to ten, and then I’m going to turn and walk out of here before I fire you all.” She inhales in a dramatic fashion. “Clean this mess up, and get those booklets finished before I lose my living shit.”
We all drop to the floor and begin scrambling to pick up the papers. Veronica storms to the elevator and disappears, the doors closing behind her.
“Fuck off, you old mole,” Sarah cries as she flips the bird to the closed elevator doors. “I hope the Grim Reaper comes around and fucks you up the ass with a baseball bat.”
“Why can’t you just say that to her face, Sarah?” Paul mutters, disgusted. “Then she wouldn’t give us this shit.” He throws a pile of papers into the bin. “And by the way, the Grim Reaper is too good for her. He has standards, you know?”
The situation overwhelms me, and I sit back on my knees, laughing. Loud, belly- cramping giggles take over, and I can’t stop.
Sarah kicks the photocopier again, and then Pauls begins to laugh, too, until eventually Sarah joins in and the three of us are lying on the floor in uncontrollable fits of giggles.
“This job sucks hairy fucking balls, man,” Sarah shouts up to the ceiling.
“Right?” Paul agrees.
I continue to laugh. If only they knew…
I think this is the best job in the world.
* * *
I glance over my shoulder at Wyatt and Anthony as they follow me across the street, making sure to keep their distance. I’ve warned them with murder if they blow my cover tonight. I told them I didn’t want my new work colleague to know I have security, which is true, but I also don’t want Sarah to find out who I really am.
I know her opinion of me will change if she finds out, and to be honest, I really like her company. She’s refreshingly honest, and she likes Lottie Preston—the real me.
And I have to admit, I like being Lottie Preston, too.
It’s Saturday night, and I have no idea how, but Sarah has somehow talked me into going on this blind date with her. We are meeting the guys at this restaurant-bar place.
I should be nervous. Charlotte would be terrified of going on a blind date with someone. But somehow, Sarah makes Lottie feel brave.
If we can handle Veronica and acid-dropping photocopiers together, we’ve got this in the bag.
I glance down at myself. I’m wearing a fitted black dress that has little capped sleeves and a gathered waist. I have my best black heels on, and my blonde hair is up in a bouncy ponytail so everyone can see my sassy red lipstick.
Wyatt looked me up and down when I walked out of the lift at the Four Seasons, and I didn’t know whether he wanted to spank me and send me back into the room to change, or whether he wanted to kiss me.
Either way, he looked at me like I was different in this outfit. I’m not sure if I liked it.
Sarah links arms with me as we stride down the street towards our destination. Being this fake version of me gives me a confidence I didn’t know I had.
“Where are we going?” I ask her cheerfully.
“Burbank. It’s just up here, and it’s the hottie capital of London.”
“Remember, if it’s not going well, we’re out of here and we’re going out just the two of us. You promised,” I remind her. “I don’t want to be stuck with a moron all night.”
She nods. “I know, but trust me, my date isn’t a moron. Just the opposite, actually. I hope his friend is cute for you. I’m sure he will be.”