by L M Adams
“That this isn’t my problem anymore! Let Peter and Bishop deal with it…”
“Very well,” she looks back at the screen, “Kendon and I will be going to California after the wedding, any issues that need a personal touch on the west coast, we shall take care of.”
Everyone looks at me to object – nope, not going to goad me into it.
“Have a good trip… if that’s all,” I start to get up.
“There is one other matter…” Frank flips the screen to a picture of a man.
Okay looking guy, not my type, but not bad on the eyes. Brown hair, clean shaven, average height, average build… just average.
I raise my eyebrow in question, “Who is that?”
Frank looks around the room quickly… almost in shock. Finally his eyes settle back on me, “Anthony Stewart… the reporter you tortured last night.”
“Ah yes,” I say still not really remembering.
When I immerse myself in the darker portions of my nature, I’m aware, but it’s different. I don’t hold on to those things that I do. They don’t become true memory engrams for me to feel guilty over later. I feel disassociated with it all.
Frank clears his throat and flips to another slide on the screen, it’s a report. He’s done a write-up of the man.
“I did some research, he’s from The Church of the Falling Sun.”
Jack sighs deeply beside me… we are all feeling the same.
The Church of the Falling Sun is a human organization. They believe all supernaturals are evil and our rise and the collapse of mankind is a herald of the apocalypse… they aren’t precisely wrong.
Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t be overly concerned with it. But Terrance Shaw, the assassin who was sent to kill me, who ended up taking Big Mike’s life instead – he was from the Church of the Falling Sun Christian Worship Center… he was sent by Azazael.
We’ve been tracking the organization since Frank and Dani got back from Kentucky, the Suns are a well-organized militia and have spread rapidly since Lucien burned half of the world down. The Suns were also closely affiliated with the Sacred Bones, the berserkers who thought to keep earth for humans, protect them from the evils of the supernaturals… they thought themselves exempt from being included in that rule about no supernaturals on earth because they come from the therians, Lucien’s people, the ones who were made to keep mankind safe… until it all went to shit anyway.
Under Hornigold they thought to rise again, reclaim their former glory by trying to create true therians again… they thought to use me to that end… we destroyed them… but we didn’t get them all. Since the fall of the Sacred Bones, we believe both humans and some berserkers have found refuge with the Suns. If Azazael is still involved with them, we can’t be sure.
We’ve always known this was going to be a problem, we’re just not sure how to fix it. Jack believed convincing the members of the Suns that I wasn’t evil, that I only wished to help mankind through this coming doom, would allow us to fold them back into society… but then Peter, and the tapes… and now their ranks are swelling, and they’re calling for my head.
Frank shows the increased traffic to their website originating from the D.C./Baltimore/Virginia area… they’re getting a foothold in the cities. They would have been more manageable in the mid-west.
“I also believe they were behind the protests today, someone at I Vow must have let them know you were going to be there. They organized the protest all on social media in private chat groups.” Frank gives me a grave look, “I have no shame in admitting I do not know how to fight this kind of enemy, and I’m running out of options.”
My father huffs, “I could take care of this.”
Jack looks over at him, “We cannot kill protestors in the streets, this would set everything off like a powder keg.”
I agree with Jack, “You can’t kill public opinion with a bullet.”
“You can kill the person having opinions with a bullet, however.”
I roll my eyes, “You have to stop thinking like a Kindred, Da. This isn’t Ra’suá – we can’t treat it like it is.”
I look to Lucien to back me up on this, he gets through to my Da the best… but the Beast is stone faced, letting me know he agrees with my Da.
“We need another option; I’m open to suggestions… I just want to be left alone. What is the fastest route to that?” My father starts to say something, “… without murdering them all,” I cut in sternly.
It’s not that I necessarily care about killing them all, but doing that would lead to more attention, not less… that’s not what I want.
No clear ideas come forward, so we have to table the problem… for now. But at some point, this annoyance will become a real issue. These people really don’t know who they’re fucking with. If they come to the warehouse with pitchforks and torches, it will be a massacre – I can guarantee that.
I’m sure I won’t find a single fuck to give then either.
30
Jaevia
Finally, I’m given my freedom from this tedium. I get up to go and grab another beer and retreat to the roof with a book on how to build a pool, not surprisingly I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m trying to learn as I go.
“Jae,” Frank stops me before I can make a clean escape.
I make it all the way to the first floor before I’m stopped. Everyone else is still in the basement, sitting around trying to brainstorm ways to make people stop hating my guts. I had nothing useful to offer on that endeavor since I don’t give a shit.
I stop near the elevator we’ve yet to get to work right… ride it at your own risk. Even Lucien can’t get it working right, he wants to rip it out and just install a new one… but with him tied up with the Eventide Youth Center and the refugee housing and keeping everything else running, he hasn’t found the time.
“What’s up?”
“Can we speak in private for a moment?”
I do my best to seem like I’m not irritated to the high heavens, “Sure.”
We go down to his office, it’s the last on the row of three, closest to the back door. Jack’s office sits between Frank’s and what used to be mine but is now just a junky storage closest from my life when I tried to be what I wasn’t.
He closes the door behind him… not a single thing is out of place. Neat stack of filing folders with color-coded tabs, his laptop sitting open on the glass desk, a few pens neatly lined up. The place is barren… modernized, but still barren.
Frank is a nice-looking man, brown skin, dark hair cut short, nice mustache and goatee. Muscled, about six feet, brown eyes that crackle with magic. Frank and I have always had a complicated relationship. He came into my life when the last thing I wanted was a guard, but he proved his worth and loyalty and now I count him as a friend… even if he is a bit stuffy.
“Carter…” he starts, and I sigh.
“If he’s a problem for you, I’ll rotate him off.”
I can’t help but feel like that’s the coward’s way out, “I can handle it.”
“By whipping the skin from his back again?”
I frown, “Who told you?”
“Why? So you can flail their flesh with bone and metal as well?”
“I want to make sure we don’t have another security leak,” I raise an eyebrow.
“I saw you.”
“What?”
He nods, “The screams… I went to see… I saw you… you didn’t even notice me in the room, did you?”
I sigh, “No.”
“You didn’t remember the man you had Carter help you torture.”
I shrug, “I remember torturing him, I remember how good it felt… but his face? Name? Who he was?” I shrug again.
“And you don’t care…” he whispers, his brown eyes wide with shock.
“I have made it very plain about what I do or do not care about.”
He sighs, and closes his eyes for a moment, “Is Carter still on the give a shit about list?�
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“Yes,” I answer that easily. Carter is a good soldier and he has almost sacrificed his life for mine more than once. I trust him and I do care for him.
Frank seems to relax a little, “Then we have to do something about this.”
“I agree. I talked to Lucien about it.”
The man seems hopeful, filled with glee I’d almost put it. Perhaps he’s been struggling with what to do about this situation for a while and is happy to get Lucien’s input. “What did he say?”
“That if I punished Carter, then forgiveness should have been at the end of that punishment.”
Frank nods, “Good advice, are you going to take it?”
“I….”
“If not, he will be gone by the morning.”
“What?” I snap.
“You are not going to use my guards in sadistic little mind games, Jaevia. It puts the team, and you, in danger. If you want him around, it will be as your paramour, not on my guard.”
I feel my anger rise, “Do not presume to tell me how to live my life,” I seethe.
He stands taller, “Live your life how you choose, my only job is to make sure you can do exactly that. Carter is a liability and under my direct command.”
I step into his face, my power beginning to flow from me, “I’ll do what the fuck I want with any of you.”
“Try me,” he pushes back. “I am not one of your lovers, I am the Captain of this guard – you want to keep Carter as a broken-down dog? Then make him part of your harem. But he will not be on the guard as long as I’m the captain.”
“I could fire your ass…”
“I’ll walk before I ever compromise my principles,” his jaw is set, I’ve never known Frank to make idle threats. “Your choice,” and I know he means that in the marrow of my bones.
My power flows back into me. I can’t lose Frank; I depend on him. I trust him and having people I can trust is in short supply. I turn on my heel. “Send him up to the roof in fifteen, I’ll talk to him.”
“Yes, my Queen.”
I’m not angry, I realize as I go and grab a six-pack of beer and head to the roof. Frank is right, and when you’re right, you’re right. Carter is a liability; he can’t stay on the guard if he can’t get his shit together and I’m the reason he can’t get his shit together.
Funny, but I find myself caring about Carter’s feelings. It would crush him to get kicked off the guard.
I make my way out into the warm summer night and head to the bench that faces the park… nothing but green treetops for miles, it’s my favorite bench.
The crunch of the white stone gravel under my flops, and the light buzzing of the pixie wings is the only noise. The night air twinkles with their magic and I feel myself get swept up in the gentle energy.
The greenhouse is lit up, white lights behind clear glass. The inside of the greenhouse is filled with the more exotic plants that Kitty grows… I’d hazard most of it is poisonous… but it is beautiful, vibrant reds and purples, pretty hues of blue and orange.
I sit at my favorite wooden bench located in front of one of the large planter boxes filled with small trees. I exhale and crack open a beer as I stare into the world and pretend it doesn’t hate me… I have to pretend, or I won’t survive.
Today was a rough day.
Time slips away from me as I sit and stare into the universe searching for answers I know it doesn’t have… how do I forgive myself and stop blaming Carter for my guilt? I turn my head as I hear the gravel shifting and crunching behind me… Carter comes around the planter box filled with baby trees.
“My Queen,” Carter takes a knee beside me, his blonde hair shimmering in the moonlight, his aura heavy, his spirit broken.
Perhaps Frank was right, perhaps I’ve been avoiding this because something inside of me just enjoyed hurting Carter, keeping him around me and torturing him slowly. I’ve always loved the broken things… because it’s easy to shatter them further.
I shake my head with a sigh, “Come on, have a beer with me…”
“It would not be proper, my Queen.”
“Can we pretend for a moment, please? Pretend that I’m just a chick, and you’re just a guy, and we’re both just having a fucking beer?”
He sighs heavily but finally nods. Carter gets up from his knee and sits down beside me. Back ramrod straight… his entire body stiff… if he was standing, I’d call it at attention.
I grab a beer and pop off the top as I hand it to him, “Relax.” I whisper.
He takes the beer and scoots back on the bench a little but doesn’t seem to really relax much.
“This is my favorite bench,” I whisper as I look out at the treetops.
“I know, my Queen.”
I huff, “I guess you would since you watch my every move… but do you know why?” I glance at him.
“No, my Queen,” he shakes his head. I take notice that he hasn’t even taken a sip from the beer.
Still, I push forward, “It’s the easiest place for me to pretend. It’s the place I feel less and more like myself. I can look out at the woods and imagine it being home and I’m a little girl again… and the world isn’t always falling apart. I get to be a me I was happy with.”
He sighs and nods, “I can see the appeal in that.”
“When I first came to Terra… human earth, I was so alone, so fucking lost. Daemons need other daemons, there’s no place for us except with our own kind. We are not meant to be without one another.”
I take a sip of my beer and watch out of the side of my eye as he follows suit, just because it’s habit to mimic others in uncomfortable situations.
“Big Mike was one of my first friends. He never asked too many questions when I showed up at his bar. The beer was cold, the food was good and all of it was cheap… hell, most days he didn’t even charge me.” I sigh, “He knew I was on the run from the Kindred, he knew me being there put him and his family and his entire pack in danger – yet he never once turned me away…” I inhale sharply as the tears begin to burn my eyes, “and you didn’t save him… and I needed you to save him because I couldn’t.”
I sniff and wipe the errant tear away, “I have so many reasons to hate your kind… after what happened… at Camp Haven – but I know that I don’t. I don’t hate all berserkers, I don’t…”
“You just hate me…”
“No… not even you. But pretending I hated you was easier than hating myself for not being able to save one of my best friends. I’m Jaevia, the warrior queen, the new goddess – reaper and vampire and succubus and I couldn’t keep a human from killing my friend not ten feet away… yet I’m supposed to save a world?” My words sound hollowed with grief to my own ears. Somewhere, my heart still cares, and I still mourn for my friend.
I try to pull my thoughts away from Big Mike and sigh, “Yes, you were wrong for pursuing Brianna – but she’s a grown woman. Yes, you need to figure out a way to deal with your shit other than spilling it into a woman like she’s some sort of cannon fodder for your filth. But none of those things make you any less worthy of my forgiveness and my thanks. The fact that you get up every day and you try to make it a better day than your last… it says a lot about you. I know it isn’t easy to be what you are. That constant war and struggle you never seem to win; you just learn to lose with a little more grace as time goes on… I know it isn’t easy keeping your primal urges under control… especially around me.”
“Serving you is an honor…”
“It’s difficult.”
He sighs and nods, “It’s difficult.”
“But if you wish to stay, to serve me still – it would be my honor to have you on my guard and I will feel safer knowing you are here to protect me.”
I turn to him a little, and look into his eyes, “What I’m saying is… I forgive you.” And I know I mean it in my heart, and I feel something happen some shift in the energy between us.
He inhales sharply, his bottom lip begins to tremble as he breaks d
own in tears. “Oh. Goddess thank you.” He drops the beer and falls to his knees in front of me. “Goddess, thank you, I will never… I will never forget your grace… I will never risk your love again… please believe me Goddess, please.”
I pull his head to my lap, “Shh, shh, it’s okay.”
But I just let him cry because he needs to and sometimes, they need me to give a damn about them… they need me to love them back.
I sit on a bench with a man who can turn into a four-hundred-pound berserker and gut a person with his claws; as he cries like baby onto my thighs. I just let it happen and sip my beer as I look out at the park and tell him stories from home when I was a little girl and the world was simpler and I didn’t have to feel so much pressure to be everything that I’m not.
31
Jaevia
Things get so much better at the warehouse after Carter and I make amends. Everyone is filled with smiles and laughter as we prepare for the wedding. I’m still worried that things aren’t going to get set up on time but every time I ask about the lack of chairs or tables… or decorations in general – Jack just tells me to relax, that he and Izza have got it under control.
With nothing to do with my free time I get back to making my gifts. The berserkers really put their back into helping me dig the hole for the pool and even the piano gets delivered with little fuss… although Jack marched around peeved up until the moment the workmen uncovered the grand baby piano… and then his eyes lit up with pleasure.
Since the hole was already in the roof, we decided to get a skylight with an auto-tint function, so we don’t turn our once living room – now piano room, into a tinder box.
Even the banging of the workmen as they install the skylight does little to dampen my mood. I block out the human world completely, I don’t turn on the news, the only time I’m on the internet is to download movies or T.V. shows – or most recently in trying to teach myself how to build a pool. It’s far more difficult than I thought it would be… I’m finding there’s a lot more to it than just digging a hole and filling it with water.