I hesitate, holding myself back a moment from spilling the secret nobody else seems to know, but I’ve lied and hidden things from my friends enough lately, and they have no reason to tell anyone what I’m about to share.
“Alex is Nico’s stepbrother.”
The three of them gape at me, at a loss for words.
“Turns out Nico’s dad is married to Alex’s mom.”
Krista frowns, sitting back. “How the hell could I not have known this?”
“I don’t think anyone does.”
“Trent?” She lifts a brow.
“It’s not his secret to share. Mine either but...” I shrug.
“Who told you?” Carley leans forward.
I scoff, shaking my head. “It was an interesting night.” I sigh. “My mom told me Dr. Hammons called to set up a dinner when really it was Nico’s dad who called her. Imagine walking into that home, knowing all you do now about our relationship, to find Mr. Sykes standing there, Nico walking through the door only minutes later.”
“Holy shit,” Carley whispers.
I look away. “Everything made sense all at once. Nico found a way he could get even with Alex, and he used me to make it happen.”
“What an asshole,” Macy mutters.
I nod, wiping under my eyes, looking at the black now covering my fingertips. “When Nico first suggested this stupid fake relationship, I thought it was nuts, but something had me saying screw it. It was the weekend, and I could change my mind when the week rolled around if I wanted, you know?” A sad laugh leaves me and I sniffle.
“But you never changed your mind,” Carley says quietly. “You fell for him instead.”
“I fell for the lie.” I look to the girls. “Being with him was so easy, fun and I don’t know, exciting. The more time we spent together, the more I thought he might have been thinking the same thing, but now I know it was all his plan.”
Krista reaches out, touching my hand. “I’m so sorry, Demi.”
I glance at Macy, who has a troubled look on her face.
She eyes me. “Did Nico admit this?”
“No, but he did stand there in front of everyone, in front of my mom, and say absolutely nothing.”
“You slept with him, didn’t you?” All eyes fly to Macy only to cut toward me.
I nod, and all three of my best friends climb on the couch beside me.
We sit there in silence a few minutes before Krista says, “I know it doesn’t help, but it didn’t look fake, Demi.”
It didn’t feel fake either.
The clink of the gate has my hands falling from my face as I lean back against the cool wicker. I already know who it is, so I don’t bother looking, my eyes sliding over the pool instead, trailing the light ripples the vacuum creates across the top as Trent drops in the chair opposite of me.
After a few minutes of nothing from me, he stands, lifting his seat with him and sets it directly in my line of sight.
He stares at me.
I stare right fuckin’ back.
He nods, pushes to his feet once more and grabs the football off the grass. Tossing it in the air, he steps back and waits.
He knows I haven’t touched a ball once this week. Shit’s fucked up and fucked up good when this happens.
He’s seen it before, when my dad first left my mom, and a few times in between.
I drag my ass from my seat, walking backward to the opposite side of the yard.
He tosses me the ball and a sense of ease floats over me when the hard rubber hits my fingertips, but it quickly fades.
We toss it back and forth a few times before Trent breaks the silence.
“You okay, man?”
“Does word really travel that fast or do you have a habit of checking up on her?”
His eyes narrow, but quickly smooth out. “She showed up at Krista’s a couple hours ago. I left so she could talk to her friends, but it was pretty obvious shit got spilled.”
“You happy about that?” I throw the ball a little harder.
He catches it with a glare. “Happy about my best friend losing the girl he’s always wanted and finally got? Nah man, can’t say I fuckin’ am.” He takes an extra second to bullet it back.
I drop my hands, allowing the ball to bounce off my chest. “How the fuck could you keep that shit from me? Two fuckin’ years, bro. You had two years to tell me you guys slept together and never did.”
Trent’s head falls before he meets my eyes again. “I fucked up. I’ve got no excuse. You told me freshman year you and her would never happen, and you started dating Josie on and off. I was the fool who believed you let Demi go just because you said you did. I get I should have stayed away from her regardless. You have no idea how shitty I’ve been feeling since I realized you still had feelings for her. Dirt,” he spits hatefully to himself. “I feel like straight-up dirt, man.”
“Not enough to open your mouth, though, yeah? Not until you had to?”
“I was straight-up terrified to tell you, didn’t wanna lose my best friend over something that didn’t mean what I knew you’d think it did. Nic, I swear on my life, man. I would never do something knowing it would fuck with our friendship. You’re like a brother to me. I would never risk that knowingly.”
I shake my head, and we both move back to the chairs.
It takes me a minute, but I look to him. “Why even fuck her? If it didn’t mean shit, Trent, why?”
“You really want to talk about this?”
I glare.
He sighs, sits back, and answers fuckin’ honestly.
“We thought it would be fun. Most of you guys had already lost your virginity at that point. She had no interest in anyone and didn’t see it happening anytime soon, and I... was a guy.” He shrugs. “I wanted to learn what to do so I’d be ready when it happened with someone else. We were pushed together so much by our moms that we trusted each other, so we drank a little to calm our nerves and then... yeah. It was really that fucking insignificant, man. Shirts were left on and all.”
“And you thought that’s what she deserved? Something purely fuckin’ meaningless?”
Trent looks away, wincing slightly. “It’s shitty, but uh, I didn’t even consider it, not once until the night I took Krista’s virginity. I wish I could say I regretted it before then because of you, but I didn’t until I realized what it meant to sleep with someone you love for the first time. I gave that memory to Krista and took it away from Dem.”
I sit there a minute, unsure of what to say to him.
“I’m sorry, Nic. I knew you crushed on her back then, and that should have been enough for me to tell her no. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you after it happened, but honest to fucking god I didn’t think you’d care or... fuck.” He drops forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “I guess I didn’t think at all. The minute I realized, though, I should have been honest. I know it only makes it seem worse, but at that point, it felt like we were in too deep.” He sighs. “I was afraid, plain and simple.”
“It’s never too late to be honest, but there is being honest too late.”
He nods, looking to his clasped hands.
I glare at his form a minute, then I lick my lips and say, “Luckily I’ve made some fucked up choices, told some big lies and lost a lot along the way.”
Trent’s head pops up and I lean forward.
“I’m not looking to lose my best friend, and sure as fuck not right now when I’ve got a lot of fuckin’ nothin’.”
I reach out with my fist and he pushes his knuckles into mine.
He knows I’m feeling cross, and that this will take time. We’ve got a fuckin’ field to walk, but I’m more than willing to spare the tread on my cleats to get us back. He’s family in every way that counts.
“I’m sorry, Nic,” he says, his eyes earnest.
“I know, man.” I nod, a deep sigh leaving me as I kick the ball at my feet across the concrete and into the pool. “So, you were at Krista’s?” I move the conversat
ion, my eyes sliding to his while my head remains forward. “You guys are good?”
His brows knit, but he nods. “She wouldn’t even hear me out at first, but after a solid eight of begging and crying like a bitch outside her house that night, she finally took pity on me, let me in and listened to what I had to say.”
“But she knew about it already.”
“She’s known since the day we got home from camp. Dem...” He looks away. “She told all the girls.”
I scoff, looking off.
“When we argued the other night, it sounded bad. All that shit, anything I’ve said or done, Nic, it wasn’t about protecting Demi. It was about trying to save you from getting hurt in the end.”
“I didn’t need you to do that, Trent. I don’t get in your relationship, why would you get into mine?”
“Because I saw it, the second she agreed, I knew how bad you would want it to be real, and I didn’t want you to fall if she...”
“If she wasn’t?”
He nods.
“Why wouldn’t she?” I look to him.
He lifts his hands, holding them up a moment before letting them drop. “You guys weren’t friends, you never talked, and she thought you hated her even though I told her several times you didn’t.”
“You saw how we were together, man,” I say, shaking my head. “You’re the one that said it seemed too much too fast.”
“I know you, Nic, and I saw how much deeper it was getting for you, but I couldn’t tell if she was acting. I didn’t realize she was into it until I witnessed her jealousy over Miranda.”
I look away.
“You need to go over there. I’m sure she’s home by now. Explain better. Fix this, Nic.”
“No reason, I’m nothin’ but a liar to her now.” I look his way. “She wanted me for a minute, at least I got that much, right?”
“Wrong, she’s fucked up.”
My ribs begin to ache. “She’ll be good.”
“Yeah?” Trent looks up at my mom’s bedroom window, dark as always, and back to me. “And what about you, man, will you be good?”
“I am good.” Done talking, I push to my feet and hold my hand out.
He eyes me, clapping his into mine as he stands.
“You’ll be at the game tomorrow?” he asks as he walks toward the gate.
“Not sure yet.”
“You know Coach will let you play, get you excused for the days you missed.”
I look away and he walks out.
When he’s gone, I drop back in the chair and look up at the sky.
And they say senior year is supposed to be your best year yet.
Yeah fuckin’ right.
We’re only months in and everything fucking sucks.
The knock at my door has my stomach jumping into my throat, but I don’t have it in me to ignore the possibility of who might be on the other side or what they’ll have to say.
As quietly and gently as possible, I place my palms on the door and lean forward to look into the peephole.
Trent?
I take my hands off the door, sneaking a single step back before his voice floats from the other side.
“I know you’re there, Dem. Come on. Please.”
A frown takes over, but I give in and pull it open.
One side of his mouth tips up in what’s supposed to be a smile, but it’s not hard to tell he’s got a lot on his mind and happy-go-lucky is the furthest thing from how he’s feeling.
“Your mom home?”
“No, she’s” —a sad scoff leaves me— “it’s just me.”
He tilts his head.
“Why are you here?” I ask him.
“Think I could come in?”
I eye him a moment, smashing my lips together as I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I shift against the frame, putting my hands in the pocket of my hoodie. “Trent, I don’t think we should be talking, especially if you haven’t worked out everything with Nico yet. I can’t and won’t get in the middle of your friendship any more than I unknowingly already did. He not only deserves you, but needs you.”
Trent’s eyes grow clear with understanding, only for a heavy sense of guilt to wash over him seconds after, his chin falling to his chest on a long exhale.
He didn’t believe in us.
Or more, he didn’t believe in me.
He looks up, but only with his eyes. “You love him.”
It’s not a question.
This isn’t why he’s here.
He knows everything, other than maybe before Nico and I fell apart again, we had taken the first step to moving past my sleeping with the guy standing in front of me.
“It doesn’t really matter how I feel about him, does it?” My eyes sharpen. “I was a forfeitable play piece.”
He frowns, taking a half step forward.
“Dem, no,” he stresses, eyes grave. “You are so wrong.”
I give a lazy shrug, but he knows where to start to keep me from closing the door and leaving him on the other side.
“Nico told me you agreed to fake all this the morning after it happened.”
I hesitate a moment, but a frown takes over and I step from the house and onto the porch.
“I’m listening.”
He nods, continuing, “I was a little hard on him, told him it wasn’t a good idea, and he knew it, too, but once you were in reach, there was no way he’d back out. I knew that as much as he did.” He leans against the wall, looking across the lawn.
What he’s saying, though, still doesn’t make much sense to me.
“At dinner the night after the boardwalk, I gave him more shit, told him it seemed like too much, too quickly and he got mad. It sort of kept on like that, I’d say things that would piss him off. You guys acted like you’d been together for years when it had only been days or weeks. You moved and spoke and looked at each other like you understood the other and like...” His eyes come back to mine. “Like you loved each other, but it was fake. Watching you two made me nervous, I was worried.”
I give a sad smile, guessing, “You didn’t want me to get hurt.”
A low laugh leaves him and he glances at the sky before releasing a deep exhale.
“That wasn’t it, Dem,” he says quietly, his words heavy with guilt. “I’d never want you to get hurt, I hope you know that, but if I’m honest right now, and I feel like I have to be, it was him I was looking out for, not you,” he admits, shameful.
“It was true what he shouted the other night, he’s wanted you for a long ass time, but fear kept him from trying to get close to you. There were a few times when he thought he’d go for it, just before freshman year and then again when he found out you were in his PE class that semester, but both times he backed out, thinking he’d never be enough and decided it wasn’t gonna happen for you guys.”
“But enough for what?”
“Enough to keep your attention when approaching you would have meant he’d have to fight for it.”
I lower myself into one of the patio chairs, so Trent drops into the other.
“I don’t understand,” I admit.
“What Nico said to you about Alex, how he convinced you to start this in the first place, it’s true. Alex does take, he does want what someone else has, but not just anyone. Only Nico, and it started summer of eighth grade.”
My head begins to pound. “That’s when Nico stopped talking to me.”
He nods. “Exactly. Alex pays attention to Nico’s every move, and takes everything he can, however he can, always.” Trent’s eyes bounce between mine. “You, Dem, were the one thing Nico wasn’t willing to lose to him.”
My ribs constrict and I move my eyes to the grass. “So he stayed away...”
“Yes. So Alex didn’t know he wanted you, so he wouldn’t sweep in and steal your attention away before Nico had a chance to make you want his more.” Trent leans forward, and I move my gaze back to his. “Nico said he had something to gain, right?”
“Come on, Dem.” He gives me a dejected, knowing smile. “It was you. You were what he wanted to gain. All this, everything that’s happened, was to win you in the end, and not as his prize, as his girl.”
My pulse begins to race and I attempt to calm it by taking a deep breath.
“Nic might have stayed away and never told you, I don’t know, but all bets were off when Nic realized Alex might want you without knowing Nic did.”
And Nico saw I was interested in Alex. He knew I’d have fallen into Alex the second he made a move.
“Oh my god.” I close my eyes, covering them with my hands.
He was afraid to lose me, that’s why he insisted we play it out longer when Alex approached me only hours after he saw Nico and I together.
This had nothing to do with Alex and everything to do with me.
I let my arms fall to my lap, looking to Trent. “You should go.”
He gives a tight smile, nodding, as he pushes to his feet, and turns to leave.
“Trent,” I call once he’s halfway down the driveway.
He looks over his shoulder.
My chest tightens. “You think you guys will be okay, you and Nico?”
“Guys are complicated, Dem,” he says with a sad laugh. “But yeah, we’ll get there.”
The corner of my mouth raises.
“See you at school?” he asks.
I nod, opening my mouth to thank him, but as if sensing it, he lifts his palms and gives a small shake of his head, and walks away.
Once he’s gone, I pull my legs into the seat, and remain there until late into the night, working through every detail of the last few months in my head.
When I finally manage to bring myself inside and hours later fall asleep, I wake with the same thoughts from the night before.
I take my time getting ready and head for school.
I let the door slam with my intentional late arrival and all eyes fly to the entrance.
Miranda reaches over and presses pause on the music before slowly rising to her feet. Her lips purse.
“Everyone break off with your partner and run one through five,” she tells them, not moving her gaze off mine as she takes small steps toward me.
Fake It 'Til You Break It Page 29