“Okay, what’s wrong?” Zach asked. “You’ve been staring off into space as if you wish you were someplace else.”
“But I don’t…I mean.”
“We both know why we’re here tonight, and it’s not to eat dinner together.” Zach put his hands on Ben’s shoulders, smiling gently. “I get that you’re afraid. I was too, my first time.”
“When you were sixteen.”
“Eighteen, but who’s counting. Were you scared the first time you and your wife made love?”
“Not like this.” Ben swallowed hard. “Then it was expected of us. You know, honeymoon and all. We were more shy than anything else.”
“But you did it and it was okay?”
“Once I told myself it was supposed to happen. A man and a woman, if that makes sense.”
“Even if you wished it was otherwise.”
“The thing is, I didn’t. I wanted it to be her and me because it meant I could be normal like all the other guys I knew.”
“There’s normal and there’s normal,” Zach replied with a smile as he stroked one finger over Ben’s lips. “For me, being with a man is very normal. It’s how I am. It’s how you are, too, although you haven’t proven it yet on a physical level.”
“What if I screw it up? Or if I can’t get it up?”
“I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.” Zach covered Ben’s crotch with his hand, rubbing slowly.
Ben sucked in a breath as his cock began to harden.
“Feels good, right?”
Ben nodded, tongue-tied. Tentatively, he did the same to Zach and felt him harden under his touch.
“There, see. You did it and the earth didn’t open up and swallow you,” Zach said.
Emboldened by what he was feeling, Ben continued stroking for a moment longer. Then he lowered his hand, shaking his head.
“What?” Zach asked, looking puzzled.
“Too many clothes,” Ben mumbled.
“Then let’s do something about it. But first…” Zach made quick work of turning off the oven and putting the steaks and the makings for the salad back in the fridge. When he finished, he put his arm around Ben’s waist, walking him to the bedroom.
Ben stared at the bed and then a Zach, wondering again if he could do this. “Damn it, I’m thirty-three. I’m not a virgin. It’s not like I haven’t had sex before.”
Zach chuckled. “Technically, you’re right. You probably even know the basics. Emotionally is another story because being with a man, with me, is something you’ve never done before.”
“But I want to,” Ben insisted, and he knew at that moment that he truly did. “Teach me.”
“It will be my pleasure,” Zach replied. “The first step is getting undressed.”
“No shit,” Ben said under his breath.
“It’s more…interesting if we undress each other,” Zach told him as he took hold of the hem of Ben’s T-shirt and pulled up. “It helps if you raise your arms,” he pointed out.
“Oh, yeah.” Ben did and seconds later Zach tossed the shirt on the chair by the window. “Now, you.” Because Zach was wearing a normal shirt, Ben began unbuttoning it. When he finished, he ran his hands up Zach’s chest to his shoulders and then pulled the shirt off him, throwing it toward the chair, unconcerned when it hit the floor. By then, something else had all his attention.
Zach said, “Next…” as he unbuttoned the waistband of Ben’s jeans and slowly pulled the zipper down. “Boxers? Why am I not surprised?” he said, sliding his hand inside them to grip Ben’s semi-hard cock.
Ben almost said, “Because you saw me buy them,” but the sudden rush in intense need from Zach’s touch made him groan instead.
“Like that? Let’s make it easier.” Zach pushed the briefs and jeans off Ben’s hips and they slid to the floor.
“My turn,” Ben said when he could voice a coherent thought. With trembling hands he undid the waistband of Zach’s jeans and pulled the zipper down. Then he slid his hand inside. “Seriously?” he asked when he realized Zach wasn’t wearing underwear. Not that he cared. It made it easier for him touch Zach’s cock, which felt like velvet under his fingertips.
Zach drew in a sharp breath when Ben wrapped his hand around it, followed by, “Need out of these,” as he shoved his jeans off his hips and they fell in a heap around his ankles.
Ben slowly stroked Zach’s penis, savoring the low moan his action elicited. This is right. This is how it could have been for me so long ago if I’d accepted who I am instead of fighting it.
“Shoes,” Zach said moments later, toeing his off. Ben followed suit and stepped out of his fallen clothes. Zach did the same and then moved back, his gaze raking over Ben. “Perfect,” he murmured.
Ben took in the man facing him—tall, lean, all sinew and muscles—and said, “No, you’re perfect. I’m average at best.”
“Not to me,” Zach replied. Putting his hands on Ben’s hips, he walked him backwards until his knees hit the edge of the bed. “Lie down, please.”
Ben did. Zach joined him, resting on one elbow to stroke Ben’s erection.
“A very personal question,” Zach said. “Did your wife ever go down on you?”
Shaking his head, Ben replied, “No. She said it was unnatural, the one time I dared ask her to. I never pushed the issue as she was something of a prude when it came to sex. Missionary all the way. And that was too much information, I know.”
“I did ask,” Zach said as he stopped what he was doing to open the nightstand and take out two condoms. “It’s about time you found out what it’s like.” Opening the packets, he sheathed Ben’s cock and then his own, before urging Ben to spread his legs.
Ben did and Zach settled between them. Gripping Ben’s cock, he ran his tongue up it once and then again, before sucking the head into his mouth. “Damn,” Ben whispered as the need for more flooded him. Zach gave him what he wanted, licking, sucking, taking more of his cock into the heat of his mouth. It wasn’t long before Ben moaned, “I…I…”—on the edge of exploding.
Zach tightened his fingers around the base of Ben’s cock and pulled back, smiling up at him. “Not yet,” he said, rolling onto his back, his legs spread wide.
Getting the overt message, Ben positioned himself, staring at the thickness of Zach’s penis.
“You can do it,” Zach said. “Slow and easy. If all you can handle right now is an inch or two, that’s okay.” He chuckled. “Just remember, no teeth.”
“I wouldn’t,” Ben replied in dismay.
“Not intentionally, I know.”
Taking a deep breath, Ben slowly licked up the length until he reached the head, and then ran his tongue around the base. He couldn’t resist smiling when Zach let out a deep groan. So far, so good. Instinctively folding his lips over his teeth, he wrapped his mouth around as much of Zach’s cock as he could take in and sucked hard. From there, he did what came naturally, sucking harder and teasing with the tip of his tongue while rolling Zach’s balls between his fingers.
Suddenly, Zach’s hands were gripping his head, pulling it back. Ben looked at him in surprise and then understood. “Not time, yet.”
“Nope, but hell, Ben, you’re a natural at this. If I had less willpower you’d have driven me over the edge.”
Sitting back on his heels, Ben grinned at the compliment. “I aim to please.”
“You did, in spades. But there’s more to come.” Zach traced circles around Ben’s nipples then pinched them lightly, sending a shock of desire straight to Ben’s groin.
“Damn,” Ben gasped. He started to do the same to Zach, reconsidered, and leaned down, lapping his tongue over his nipples instead.
“Yeah, you’re definitely a natural,” Zach told him between one groan and the next.
Sitting up again, Ben gave him a serious look. “At the…the foreplay, maybe. It’s what comes next that I’m not so sure about.”
“One question before we find out. How’s your knee?”
“It’s…” Ben’s eyes widened as he realized something. “I was so involved in what we were doing I haven’t noticed.” Rolling onto his back, he rubbed it reflexively. “Aches a bit, but I’m used to it.”
“Good to know, because you’ll be kneeling again. Before you ask, I’m going to be the, excuse the crudeness, the fuckee, and you’ll be doing the fucking.” He looked Ben dead in the eye. “You know how to do that, in theory at least, because you did it when you and your wife had sex.”
“Yeah, I guess. I mean, of course I did. And why do you keep bringing her up?”
“Sorry. I shouldn’t and I’ll stop. It’s a base of reference for some things, I suppose. Anyway, I don’t think you’re ready to be penetrated.”
“Zach,” Ben said somewhat petulantly, “You’re talking this to death which is sort of killing the moment.” The truth, since his cock was slowly going soft.
“Then we’ll have to change that.” Digging into the nightstand drawer, Zach took out a tube. “You know what this is?”
“Duh.” Ben rolled his eyes. “Lube.”
“Got it in one,” Zach replied with a grin. “You know what to do with it?”
“God damn it,” Ben muttered. “I might be, okay, I am new at this but I can still figure it out. If we don’t use it, I’ll hurt you.”
“And you,” Zach said. “Dry fucking isn’t something either of us wants to do. Trust me on that.”
“I do,” Ben replied seriously as he held out his hand for the lube.
“Let me,” Zach said, unscrewing the top. Squeezing a large amount onto his fingers, he slathered it over Ben’s cock and it hardened instantly, much to Ben’s relief. “We can do this two ways,” Zach told him. “I can be on my knees, or on my back.”
“Huh?”
Zach grinned. “If I’m on my back, with my legs pulled up, we can watch each other while we screw. There’s a lot to be said for that, at least as far as I’m concerned. I want to see your reaction.”
Ben tried to picture it, the position, and after a moment he understood it really was possible. “All right.”
“All right which?” Zach asked, lifting an eyebrow in question.
“You on your back. You might have a fine-looking ass, well you do, but I like the idea of us being face-to-face.”
Zach nodded and pulled his legs up. When Ben didn’t move, he said, “The next step is putting your dick here—” he touched his entrance, “—and push in.”
“I get that,” Ben said under his breath. “I just not sure I can do it and not hurt you.”
“To be honest, it will hurt, but only for a moment or two. What happens after that is worth any pain. Trust me on that.”
Taking a deep breath, Ben adjusted himself so that he could enter Zach and pushed in slowly, keeping his gaze locked on Zach’s face. He saw him wince and briefly considered ending things before they began.
“Stop now and I know a hundred ways to kill you, all a hell of a lot more painful that what you’re doing,” Zach growled.
Ben laughed, which is what he knew Zach was going for. “Don’t want that, so…” He pushed in harder until he was half engulfed in Zach’s tight channel. He paused, again, to savor the intense pleasure he was feeling before thrusting in the rest of the way, his balls hitting Zach’s ass.
“Yes…” Zach moaned. “More, faster.”
Ben had no problem complying, especially when he saw the ecstatic look on Zach’s face which said he was giving him what he…what they both wanted. His own pleasure mounted and he did his best to rein it in. He wanted to watch as Zach came. To see this man who had been so patient with him go over the edge in a full-blown orgasm. His wish was granted as he felt Zach tighten around him. When he came with a shout that echoed through the room, Ben’s own release followed seconds later in a climax that rocked his world.
Ben collapsed on Zach, his mind blind to anything but the intense pleasure washing over him. It’s never been like this. Never.
“Hey,” Ben heard, he didn’t know how much later. “Are you okay?”
Lifting his head, Ben met Zach’s questioning gaze. “Okay? I’m way past that and into…hell, I don’t know. Fantastic?”
Zach laughed. “That works.” He pushed a few strands of hair off Ben’s forehead. “So you’re willing to try this again sometime?” he asked as he lowered his legs.
That resulted in Ben’s cock pulling out, much to his regret. He sighed, and then pushed up to rest on his elbows, nodding. “I didn’t know what I was missing until tonight. It feels right.”
“Because it is,” Zach replied.
“Why did I wait so long to find out?”
“That, I couldn’t tell you. Fear, maybe.”
“Definitely that, but damn.”
Zach smiled. “How about we continue this discussion over dinner?” When Ben nodded but didn’t move, Zach said, “It will be easier if we get up.”
“You think?” Ben grinned as he slid off his…Lover? Teacher? Both? Who knows? Maybe?
When they were seated on the edge of the bed, Zach removed their condoms, tying them off, and then took them into the bathroom to dispose of. Ben followed, because he wanted to wash up. Both of them did, and then returned to the bedroom to put on their jeans before going to the kitchen to resume making their long-delayed dinner.
* * * *
They had just started eating when Ben said, “It was fear.”
It took Zach a moment to figure out what he meant. “I think that’s what I said.”
“I know. I lost half a lifetime giving in to it. I could face a man with a gun and stop him before he used it to kill someone, help a kid find a safe place off the streets, convince a woman to leave her abuser, and everything else a decent cop does, but I couldn’t let go of the person inside of me who believed what I felt was wrong. Why?”
Zach took Ben’s hands, holding them tightly. “It’s the world we live in, where too many people can’t accept that there is nothing wrong with someone being different from them. Well, what they consider different. They listen to their pastors, or their parents who were brought up thinking being gay is a sin, or the politicians who use their hatred as weapons to win elections, and they believe it. They’re unable to think for themselves. To see beyond a label to the man bearing it. It’s getting better. Slowly, but it is. In a hundred years, if the world is still here, one can hope that its citizens will have learned that who you choose to love doesn’t make you weak, or strange, or someone to be scorned, and derided, and even killed. Until then, we do our best to live our lives so that they’re meaningful to us and to those around us who count.” He smiled, shaking his head as he released his grip on Ben’s hands. “Zach Turner’s life lesson number 101, for what it’s worth.”
“A hell of a lot. If only you’d been around to tell me that when I was young, then maybe my life would have been very different.”
“Perhaps, if you’d been willing to listen.”
Ben sighed. “I probably wouldn’t have, but damn it I wish someone had taken me in hand, smacked me across the back of the head, and told me how stupid I was being. That I should be myself, not what I thought everyone wanted me to be.”
Zach grinned. “Someone did, the night you decided to arrest your partner and the dealer without any back-up. Of course they hit your knee, not your head, which in the long run is probably a good thing, but either way it made you reevaluate your life.”
“Uh-huh. It lost me my job and my marriage, for what that was worth, and drove me into the bottle and then onto the streets.”
“True,” Zach agreed. “Which brought you to us. I’m glad it did.”
“Are you? I mean wouldn’t you feel the same if Durand had chosen some other man, because you wanted a fourth person on the team?”
“No, I mean you—Ben Mercer. Before you think this is some sort of declaration of…whatever you want to call it, because we slept together, it’s not. We both know we’re going to do it again, and we’ll enjoy it because we’
re good together. But you have to remember what I told you.”
“You’re not into commitment. I understand.”
“I hope so. Great sex, and I’ve got the feeling it’s going to get better every time, is as far as I’m willing to take things. So don’t get hooked on me, Ben. It won’t work.” Zach said the words, but deep inside he wondered if he meant them.
“Wasn’t planning on it,” Ben retorted dryly. Then he grinned. “You do know Hayley’s going to figure out what’s going on. She’s smart that way.”
“Nosy is more like it, but yeah, she probably will. Does it bother you?”
“Fuck no!”
“Good. Now shall we finish dinner, which is getting colder as we speak?”
“Probably a good idea,” Ben agreed—and they did.
After cleaning up and doing the dishes, Ben said, “It’s late and time for me to go home.”
“Or you could spend the night. It’s not like we’ve got anywhere we have to be tomorrow.”
Ben shot him a look of surprise but didn’t hesitate to reply, “Sure, as long as you don’t try to stash me in the other bedroom.”
“Ben, that’s the last thing I’d do.”
“Good. I need to get my bag out of the jeep.”
Zach tossed him the keys, and then turned off most of the lights while he waited for him to return. He had to admit, he’d surprised himself as much as Ben when he made the offer. It felt right, however, so he wasn’t about to change his mind. Friends with benefits, as he put it? That’s probably all it will be, but what the hell, there’s not a damned thing wrong with that.
Chapter 11
Ben and Zach spent most of the following day at the house, a fair amount of the time in bed. As Zach had said at one point, with a lascivious grin, “You still have a lot to learn, Ben.”
Ben had no problem buying that excuse, primarily because for the first time in his life he was enjoying sex in all its various facets.
Other than that, they read, and watched TV, and went out for dinner, taking advantage of their downtime while they had the chance.
“What now?” Zach grumbled early the next morning when his phone rang.
A Second Chance Page 13