by Elks, Carrie
“Story of my life.” She shrugged. “If you don’t have expectations you don’t get disappointed.”
“But you also sell yourself short. Don’t you think you deserve the good things in life?”
She swallowed the last mouthful of omelet and put her silverware on the plate with a clang. “That was delicious, thank you.” She stood to grab herself a drink, but he was already in motion, grabbing her a glass.
“What can I get you?”
“How did you know I wanted a drink?”
“You’ve just eaten. It’s kind of normal to want a drink.”
That made sense. “Water, please. The tap will do.”
He filled the glass and passed it to her, taking her empty plate and rinsing it before placing it in the dishwasher. “You’re kind of an enigma,” he said, turning back to the pan. “You know that?”
“I am?” She blinked.
“Yeah. The first time I met you there was this innate confidence about you. You walked across the room like you owned it; everybody turned and stared at you, everybody wanted to be the one to buy you a drink. I’ve noticed it a few times. You have this presence.” He slid the second omelet on his plate and carried it to where she was perched on the stool. “But then you have this other side to you. You’re so uncertain about yourself. About other people. It’s like a chink in your armor.”
“It’s a combination of an expensive education and a lonely childhood,” she told him, shocked how accurate his description was. “When you’re brought up with money there are expectations on you. You have to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, even your walk has to meet those expectations. I can remember my grandma shouting at me for slouching, telling me to stand up straight. I soon learned the way to avoid getting shouted at was to do exactly what was required of me.”
His eyes were soft as he gazed at her. “Sounds tough.”
She laughed but there was no humor in it. “Not really. It’s the same old story, poor little rich girl. I wasn’t any different than all the other students at school. We knew we’d grow up to become the kind of women our parents wanted us to be. Beautiful, compliant, and completely messed up.”
“You don’t seem that messed up to me.” He speared a piece of omelet with his fork.
“Maybe I hide it well.” She pulled her lip between her teeth. “Hey, I’m not giving you ammunition for a custody battle, am I?”
“I’d never take our baby away from you.”
“You’re a good man,” she told him. “Maybe one of the nicest guys I’ve met. If the condom had to fail with anybody, I’m glad it was you.”
He coughed out a laugh. “Is that a compliment?”
She couldn’t help but grin. As hard as it was to think back to her childhood, to the sheer loneliness of it all, she wasn’t there anymore. She was here, in Angel Sands, talking to the father of her child.
A good man who just made her food; that alone made him a god.
“About what happened earlier,” she said, taking a deep breath to steady herself. “It shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. I was kind of kidding when I blamed it on my hormones, because I know I have more control than that. It was my fault for pulling you on top of me, for begging you to kiss me. And then to run out like a child, refusing to talk about it.” She covered her face with her hands. “How embarrassing.”
He put his silverware down and peeled her hands away from her face, leaning in close to her. “Don’t be embarrassed. And it wasn’t all one sided. Did you see me complaining?” He folded her hands in his. She loved how strong they were, how warm and big. As though he could do anything, solve anything.
“No.”
“And did you feel how much I was… ah… enjoying it?”
There was no guile in his face. Just an honesty that cut her in two. “I felt it,” she whispered.
“You’re a beautiful woman, Harper. You look good, you smell good, and you have this way of entrancing everybody you meet. What man in his right mind would turn you down?” He ran the tips of his fingers along her cheekbone.
She closed her eyes, feeling the spark once more. She’d never felt a need this strong, never felt this attracted to somebody. And yeah, she could blame the hormones, but it was more than that.
It was him. She’d known it from the first moment they met. Before the baby, before the hormones. She wasn’t attracted to him because of added chemicals flowing through her body, or because of the fact he’d cooked her dinner. It was more, so much more, and she had no idea what to do with that.
It wasn’t compatible with becoming the kind of mother she wanted to be. This need for him threatened to engulf everything, and she couldn’t let that happen.
“I like taking care of you,” James said, his voice low. “Whether that means providing space for your business, cooking you dinner, or…” He picked up their plates and carried them over to the dishwasher. “Meeting your other needs, then I’m here for that.”
She was silent as he cleaned up the kitchen, before he walked over to her, cupping her face in his palm. She felt dazed, her eyes widening as he leaned closer to brush his lips gently across hers. “I’m going to head home now,” he whispered against her mouth. “You get some rest, okay? And I’ll see you tomorrow after work.”
She nodded, and he cupped her jaw in his palm, deepening the kiss until it left her breathless. Then he turned and walked away. “I’ll see myself out,” he called, leaving her staring breathlessly after him, wondering what the heck just happened. Again.
15
“Should we agree on a safe word?” James asked her as he lifted his hand to ring the bell.
“A safe word?” she asked him, a half-frown curling her lips. “Why would we need that?”
“In case my parents overwhelm you and you want me to get you out of here; you say the word and we’re gone.”
The frown dissolved away. “They can’t be that bad. You said yourself you got along well with your parents.”
“Yeah, well let’s say they’re excited to meet you. Again.” He raised an eyebrow. “They’ve called five times this morning asking me whether you can eat rare steaks and if you prefer ice tea or soda. I’m just warning you things could get scary in there.”
“That’s sweet,” Harper said, her eyes softening. “I like your mom already.”
“On your own head be it.” He pressed the bell.
She reached down to rub her stomach, smiling when she felt another kick. She was getting used to them now. At twenty weeks her belly was perfectly round, like somebody had stuffed a basketball up her dress and tied it around her waist.
“Is the baby moving?” James asked her.
“Yeah.” She grabbed his hand and placed it on the left side of her stomach, the place the baby seemed to like to kick the most. She’d been doing this for three weeks now, trying to get him to feel the kicks the way she felt them, but every time he’d missed them.
“I can’t—” He stopped talking and held his breath. “That was it, wasn’t it?” A grin slowly broke out on his face. “Was that a kick?” His voice was low and breathless. Her heart skipped a beat as he leaned close enough that she could smell his cologne.
“Yep.” She loved the way he looked. His eyes were alight, his face relaxed, and everything about him radiated warmth. She felt warm herself, the way she always did whenever he was near. Though she’d managed to stop herself from making any more stupid decisions over the past few weeks, there had been a few close calls.
And yeah, those hormones weren’t going away.
“James, Harper, come on in.” Louise Tanner opened the door and hugged them both. Harper tried not to look shocked at the intimate gesture. “It’s so wonderful to meet you again,” his mom told her. “I’m just sorry it’s been so long.”
“That was my bad. I was on call the last two weekends. Greg had to take some emergency leave.” James shrugged. “But we’re here now.”
“Yes you are. And we’re so happy to have you both here.” His m
om grabbed Harper’s hand and led her down the hallway. “How are you feeling?” she asked her. “What are you now, twenty weeks?”
“That’s right. I’m feeling good,” Harper said as they walked into the oversized kitchen. It was filled with light that bounced off the whitewashed walls and the polished wooden floor. Everything looked new, from the granite counters to the gleaming appliances she could see herself reflected in.
It was hard not to get kitchen envy.
“Can I get you a drink?” his mom asked. “We have iced tea or soda?”
From the corner of her eye Harper could see James biting down a grin. She swallowed her own laugh and nodded. “I’d love an iced tea please, Mrs. Tanner.”
“Call me Louise, please,” his mom told her. “And here comes Dennis; Darling, Harper and James are here.”
“They are? Why didn’t you tell me?” James’s dad walked in and gave his son a huge bear hug. He looked like an older version of James, with the same muscled frame and broad shoulders. But unlike James his hair was fair.
Then he turned to Harper and held out his hand. She shook it with relief, unsure if she could have withstood one of those bear hugs. “It’s nice to meet you,” he said. “James has told us a lot about you.” He gestured at the kitchen stools to her left. “Take a seat, you need to conserve your energy.”
“I’m only twenty weeks pregnant, there’s plenty of time for that.”
“While you’re at our house, it’s always time for you to relax,” Louise told her, passing her a glass of iced tea. “That’s the rule.”
She was beginning to see where James got his kindness.
“So tell me about yourself, dear?” Louise said, taking the stool next to her. “How did you and James meet?”
Harper took a sip of tea and tried not to catch James’s gaze, afraid she’d laugh. “Um, we met at the opening of the Silver Sands Resort.”
“Oh, I heard that was a fabulous party. And you live in Angel Sands with Caitie Russell, is that right? Did you know her mom is one of my best friends?”
“Everybody in Angel Sands is one of your best friends, Mom,” James teased. He leaned on the counter, his body close to Harper’s. His hand rested on her shoulder as though he was protecting her. “We had an ultrasound on Wednesday,” he said, changing the subject. “I’ve got a photo somewhere.” He pulled his wallet from his pocket and took the black and white print out.
“Oh my goodness,” Louise said, putting her hand on her chest as she stared at the printout. “What a beautiful baby.” She blinked, lifting her hand to wipe a tear away. “Did everything go well?”
“It was fine, Mom,” James said gently. “She’s absolutely fine.”
“She?” Louise asked, her brows knitting together.
“We’re having a little girl.” James grinned and winked at Harper. He’d lost their bet and had to buy her a blueberry muffin to make up for it.
Louise covered her mouth with her hand and squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. Tears leaked from her tightly closed eyes. “I said I wouldn’t get emotional. I promised your father.”
Dennis wrapped her in his arms and pressed her face against his chest, running his hands through her hair. He whispered into her ear, though Harper couldn’t make out what he was saying. She looked over at James who swallowed hard. Were those tears in his own eyes, too? He shook his head and gave her a wry smile.
“I’m okay,” Louise said, wiping her eyes as she pulled away from her husband’s embrace. “Harper, please forgive me. I didn’t expect to react like that.”
“It’s fine,” Harper told her. “And completely understandable. You’ve been through a lot, all of you. And this must all have come as a shock.”
“A wonderful, happy shock,” Louise said, picking the picture up again. “What a beautiful little girl she is.”
James grinned. “We almost didn’t find out. She spent most of the time refusing to let us see.”
“She’s as stubborn as her father,” Louise said, ruffling James’s hair.
“Hey, Harper’s stubborn, too.”
“Don’t be rude.” Louise raised her eyebrows. “Harper’s our guest.” She passed the photo to her husband who stared at it with warm eyes. “Isn’t she a beautiful baby, Dennis?”
“Yep. Must take after me.” He winked at Harper.
James took the photo from his dad and slipped it back into his wallet. “Lets hope the baby takes after Harper,” he said wryly. “Otherwise the poor kid is already out of luck.”
Harper couldn’t help but smile. The love his parents had for James was palpable. It was in the way they talked to him, smiled at him, teased him. It made her heart ache for what she didn’t have.
But maybe this baby could have it; a family who loved her unconditionally. Wouldn’t that be a blessing? She cupped her stomach protectively and watched as James laughed at something his father said.
If she had to choose a father for this child, she’d choose James every time. And wasn’t that a blessing?
* * *
“James?” his mom called out as he and Harper were walking down the front steps toward his car. It was early evening, though you wouldn’t know it from the warmth of the air surrounding them. The sweater Harper had brought with her was still on the backseat of his car where she’d left it when he’d picked her up.
“You go get in the car,” he suggested to Harper, passing her the keys. “I’ll see what she wants.”
“She probably wants to talk about me.”
He chuckled. “Probably.”
Harper continued down the stairs, her blonde-and-pink waves bouncing on her shoulders. He watched as she walked over to his car, clicking the button to open it. From behind, you wouldn’t know she was pregnant. She still had those curves that had captivated him the first time he’d seen her. Generous hips, luscious behind, and legs that went on forever.
She pulled open the door and turned her head to look at him. When she noticed he was staring right at her, her brows dipped into a question. She shook her head and climbed inside, and he turned back to his mom who was waiting at the top of the steps.
“She’s lovely,” she said, a big smile on her face. “You should bring her over again.”
“Maybe. It depends on my shifts, and Harper has work, too.”
“I’ll send you some dates.” She pulled her lip between her teeth, as though she was hesitating. “I wanted to ask you something else. I know it’s none of my business but it’s been bugging me all day.”
He could feel the alarm bells warming up. “What?”
“Are you two a couple? I know you told me you weren’t, but I saw the way you were looking at her.” She smiled softly. “It reminded me of how you used to look at Sara.”
The mention of Sara’s name felt like a bucket of cold water being poured over him. He frowned, realizing he’d barely thought about her and Jacob all day. He could feel the familiar tightness in his chest as they seeped back into his consciousness.
“We’re not a couple,” he managed, trying to ignore the ache.
His mom nodded. “I guess I was just hoping.” She ruffled his hair, her eyes reflecting his pain. “But if you feel something for her, that’s okay, too. Sara wouldn’t have wanted you to mourn her forever. You deserve happiness, James, and to have somebody to take care of you. I’ve hated watching you be so lonely for all these years.”
“None of us know what Sara would have wanted,” he said, his voice low. “And she’s not around to ask anymore.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“I know.” He put up his hand. “But this stuff isn’t helping. It’s hard enough trying to figure out how we’re going to co-parent this baby without people making assumptions and gossiping and pushing us toward each other. I like Harper. She’s a friend and the mom of my child. But that’s all we are.”
“Okay,” she said softly. “I’m sorry for asking. I guess I was just hoping for the happily-ever-after.”
“I think we both know they don’t exist.” Not for him, at least. He tried to push down the anger his mom’s line of questioning was stirring up. “I should go. Harper’s waiting and she needs to get home.”
“Of course.” His mom leaned forward and hugged him. His body was stiff as she slowly stepped back and gave him a sad smile. “I love you, sweetheart.”
“Love you, too.”
As he ran down the steps he could feel the warmth of her scrutiny on his back. No doubt she’d spend the evening fretting about him, the way she had done for years. Even though it did none of them any good. He wished they’d all stop, and treat him like they used to. A man who had his life under control; one who knew where he was going and when he was going to get there.
But that man had disappeared the day he’d lost his wife and son. Right now he wasn’t sure how to get him back.
* * *
James had been silent since they’d left his parents’ house. Harper wasn’t sure what his mom had said to him, but whatever it was clearly played on his mind as he drove her back to Caitie and Breck’s apartment. His jaw was tight, his eyes fixed on the road ahead, and she found herself rubbing her stomach awkwardly.
“Your parents are lovely,” she finally said. “It was so kind of them to invite me over.”
“Yeah. They’re good people.” He cleared his throat, his eyes trained on the road ahead.
More silence. She pulled her lip between her teeth as the car turned left onto Main Street, past Megassey’s Hardware Store and the bookshop. Everything was closed up on this Sunday evening, but there were still a few people walking back from a day at the beach, carrying towels and coolers, umbrellas and sleeping children.
“What kind of parents were they when you were growing up?” she asked him when he pulled to a stop light.
“Huh?” He turned to look at her, blinking as though he was surprised she was there. “Did you say something?”