by Elks, Carrie
“To Lucas!” his friends called out. James grinned and lifted his bottle in salute, along with everybody else in the bar. It was hard to move with all the men standing in here – Lucas’ fire station buddies, friends he grew up with, along with his family. In the corner, James could see his own dad talking to Wallace Russell, the two of them sat at a table as they looked out at the crowd of men.
“Your friends are nice,” Rich said, inclining his head at the group surrounding Lucas. “Why haven’t you introduced me before?”
“I don’t know most of them that well,” James told him. “I knew Lucas when we were kids, but I hadn’t seen him for a few years. Then Ember got pregnant and we kind of reconnected.”
“I guess you both have that dad thing going on.” Rich took another mouthful of beer. “How’s the baby doing?”
“Lucas’s baby?”
“No, dumbass. Your baby. The one that’s going to be here in a few months.” Rich sighed. “Everything okay?”
“Yep. Had an ultrasound a few weeks ago and it’s all looking good.” James lifted his bottle to his lips.
“You told Sara’s folks about the baby yet?”
His hand froze. “No, not yet.” It was on his list of things to do, the same way it had been for weeks. But how the hell did you tell the parents of your dead wife you were having another baby? Even worse, how the hell could he explain what was happening between him and Harper?
On paper they knew he had his life in front of him, that his world wouldn’t stop forever. And yet a feeling of intense guilt washed over him any time he thought about calling them; the same feeling he got whenever he avoided their calls.
He wasn’t ready to face that yet. Not when he could be spending time with Harper, letting her light the darkness he’d been trapped in for so long.
“I’ll tell them soon,” he said as he put the beer on the tabletop.
“Hey, thanks for coming,” Lucas said, wandering over and giving James a hug. You remember these guys, right? Griff, Jackson and Breck were all at school with me. And you know Nate who runs the coffee shop on the beach, and Aiden who runs the Silver Sands Resort.”
James shook their hands. “This is Rich,” he said, introducing his friend. “He works in the ER.”
“Another doctor.” Lucas shook his hand. “I’ve probably seen you in there a few times.”
“Yeah, I know your face,” Rich said nodding. “Congratulations on the baby.”
“Thanks, man.”
“I hear you’re going to be a father, too,” Griff said, shaking James’s hand. “Congratulations.”
James felt the slightest twinge at the words. He was already a father. But tonight wasn’t the time to point that out.
“You’re a lucky guy to land Harper,” Jackson said, leaning on the counter. “She’s a good one.”
“They’re not a couple,” Lucas told him. “That’s right, isn’t it?”
“Well, yeah,” James said. Another twinge. There were way too many of them tonight.
“They aren’t?” Nate frowned, and his eyes met James’s. There was something in there he couldn’t quite work out.
“Well your loss is somebody else’s gain.” Griff shrugged. “I doubt she’ll be single for long.”
“That’ll be weird,” Jackson interjected. “Having another guy bringing up your baby.”
“It’s the modern world, man,” Griff told him. “We’re all adults here.”
It was? James frowned, not liking the sound of that one bit. The baby was his, not somebody else’s. And Harper? Well she belonged to nobody… but he wanted her all the same.
He took another mouthful of beer to wash away the bitter taste on his tongue. He liked her. A lot. Liked coming home to find her still there. Liked kissing the hell out of her when she least expected it. Liked the way she moaned softly when he was inside her, his hands cradling her like the precious cargo she was.
The thought of anybody else having that with her made him want to punch something.
“You okay?” Rich asked him. “Is it getting too much? I can drive you home.”
That made him feel worse. Rich thought he was having memories of Sara and Jacob, when the two of them had barely crossed his mind. Guilt immediately washed over him, mixing in with the jealousy that was already there.
The cocktail of emotions made him want to crawl into a corner and hide. This pregnancy – and this thing with Harper, whatever it was – was making him feel raw. For years he’d hidden from emotions, trying to avoid the pain they inevitably brought along for the ride.
And now? He wasn’t sure where he was or what he was doing. And that was as confusing as hell.
19
“What do you think?” Harper asked James as they walked around the empty apartment. The realtor was in the kitchen, subtly allowing them to explore the other rooms. “I could use that room as a nursery,” she said, pointing at the smallest room, next to the master. “And then this one would be mine. And I’m thinking the walk-in closet would make a good storage area for the business.”
“Where would you put your own clothes?”
“I’m still figuring that out,” she admitted. “I guess I’ll need to buy some freestanding closets or put some shelves up.”
“There won’t be a lot of space once you’ve got everything in here. Maybe you should look for something bigger?” James suggested.
“Well beggars can’t be choosers, and I need to move before the baby comes. Caitie and Breck are wonderful for letting me stay with them, but there’s no way I’m imposing on them longer than I have to.” She shrugged. “I can afford this place and it’s in a good area; I’m going to take it.”
“I could help you with the rent. We need to talk about child support and other things anyway. I get paid enough for you to have more floor space.” He looked around the apartment, trying to picture her and their baby here. For some reason it felt like a kick in the gut.
“I’m not taking money from you.” Harper frowned.
“Are we doing this again?” He smiled, shaking his head. “The money wouldn’t be for you. It’s for the baby.”
She turned to him, her hands on her hips. There was a no-nonsense expression on her face. “We’ve agreed to fifty-fifty custody,” she told him. “That means we each pay our own expenses. I can afford this place by myself. It’s small but it’s perfect for what we need.” She rubbed her stomach with her palm. “I’ve checked my budget and this is what fits.”
“What if the baby needs things? Am I not allowed to buy them?”
Her eyes softened. “You can buy what you’d like for the baby. I want you to. But you’re not paying any rent for me.”
“You’re insufferable.”
She grinned. “That’s why you like me so much.” She rolled onto the balls of her feet and brushed her lips against his. “Don’t look so grumpy. We’ll be perfectly fine here. And you’ll get your basement back. There’s something to look forward to.”
His stomach turned at the thought of the basement being empty again. Of coming home to a house filled with silence instead of the constant whirr of Harper’s sewing machine. “You could still use my place for work,” he suggested. “That way you’d have more space here.”
“That’s so sweet,” she said, her eyes catching his. “But that was only a temporary arrangement.” She smiled. “This will work for us just fine.”
He still didn’t like it. They’d only been sleeping with each other for a few weeks, but it was confusing the hell out of him. In four months time they’d be parents and everything would change. No more nights curled up in each other’s arms. No more sex in the basement when he came home and saw her leaning over her sewing table.
Instead she and the baby would be here. And yeah, he’d have custody, too. But that wasn’t what he wanted.
He wanted her. He wanted it all.
This was so messed up and he had no idea how to untangle it.
“You know, I think I might finally be
growing up,” Harper said, running her finger over the windowsill. “I’ve got my own business, my own apartment. When I finally call my grandma I’ll be able to say I’m finally an adult.”
“You haven’t called her yet?”
“I sent her the letter like we talked about but she didn’t reply. I figure I should call and make sure it arrived.” She wrinkled her nose. “As much as I hate to do it.”
“I love how brave you are,” he said, kissing the tip of her nose.
“This little thing makes me brave,” she told him, caressing her stomach. “I’m not going to hide away any more. I’m going to stand up and be proud of who I am; that way she can be proud of herself, too.”
His chest tightened. She was fantastic. He’d been avoiding his own demons. Hadn’t made the phone call to Sara’s parents to tell them about his new baby. Yeah, he could blame it on how busy he was, that between work and Harper and the baby he had no time to do anything, but the truth was, he didn’t want to talk to them.
It was so much easier to be happy when he didn’t have to think about the bad times.
“So what do you think?” the realtor asked, walking into the hallway. “Is it a contender?”
“It is.” Harper nodded.
“We’ll need to move fast if you want it,” the realtor told her. “There are another two couples already booked to look at it later, but if we want to make an offer I can call right now.”
Harper looked at James, and despite his misgivings, he nodded. It was what she wanted, he was sure of it. And if it meant he had to be alone again, then so be it. He’d endured the loneliness before, he was sure he could do it again.
* * *
“I don’t want you to go.” Caitie pouted as Harper showed her photos of the apartment on her phone. “I want you to stay here.”
“No you don’t.” Harper smiled at her. “I’m messy, I eat too much, and I hog the television. You’ll be pleased to see the back of me.”
“I really won’t.” Caitie scrolled through the photos. “Did James like the apartment?”
“Not really. He wanted me to look for someplace bigger. Started talking about helping me with the rent.”
Caitie raised her eyebrows. “I bet that went over well.”
“Like a lead balloon.” Harper shook her head. “I told him thanks but no thanks.”
“I thought he might ask you to move in with him,” Caitie said, her eyes meeting Harper’s.
Her chest tightened. “I’m glad he didn’t. It’s too soon. Things are messed up enough without us confusing things more. When the baby’s born I’ll be even more hormonal than I am now, as well as sleep deprived. I have no idea how we’ll feel about each other then. The way I see it, it’s best if we have separate places.” If she said it enough times, maybe she’d even believe it.
“So when do you move in?” Caitie asked.
“I get the keys next week.”
“On the plus side, that means you’ll be settled before your baby shower. I sent the invitations out yesterday, by the way.” Caitie grinned. “I’m so excited.”
“I don’t know how you managed to talk me into it,” Harper told her, though there was a smile in her voice. “If you make people guess the circumference of my stomach you’re dead meat.”
“Hey. Everybody loved that game at Ember’s party.” Caitie laughed at Harper’s expression. “Don’t look at me like that. I already promised you there would be no games. Just music and fun. You’ll enjoy it.”
“Thank you.” Harper hugged her friend.
“There was one thing I wanted to ask you,” Caitie said. “I haven’t sent an invitation to your mom or grandmother. I thought I should check with you first.” She knew more than anybody about Harper’s fractured relationship with her family. She’d witnessed a lot of the angst first hand.
“They wouldn’t come anyway,” Harper told her. “And I wouldn’t want them to.”
“You don’t know that.” Caitie’s voice was soft. “Maybe you should ask.”
“I think Mom’s out of the country.”
“And your grandmother?”
Harper swallowed, her mouth dry. “I’ll call her,” she said. “I need to speak to her anyway. But she won’t come.”
Caitie squeezed her hand. “Try not to look so scared. She can’t hurt you. Not anymore. And if she tried she’d have me to deal with. And James. And pretty much everybody in Angel Sands. We all love you.”
“Well I guess there’s no time like the present,” Harper said, standing and grabbing her phone. “I’ll call her from my room. Shield you from the screaming.”
“Your grandmother would never scream.”
“True story,” Harper said, nodding. “But I might.”
Five minutes later she held her phone to her ear and listened to the ring tones as her call to New England connected.
“Hello?” her grandmother’s butler answered with a deep voice. Harper’s stomach clenched at the sound. He’d been working for her grandmother for the past five years, and though she’d never met him, he’d always been very polite when she called.
Which wasn’t very often.
“Um, hi. Is my grandmother home? It’s Harper.”
“Hello, Miss Hayes,” he replied. “Let me see if she’s home.”
A minute later the phone was taken off mute.
“I was wondering when you would call.” Strange how a voice could make your body shiver like crazy. Even thousands of miles away, Martha Hayes had that affect on her.
“Hello, Grandmother. How are you?”
“As well as can be expected.” Her voice was terse. “I received your letter. I expect you want me to congratulate you.”
Harper licked her dry lips. “I don’t have any expectations.”
“Well that’s good. I’ve learned over the years they’re rarely met. Especially when it comes to family.” Her grandmother clicked her tongue. “What is it you want, Harper? Money?”
“No. I don’t need money. I just thought you should know. This baby’s your great grandchild, after all. Your flesh and blood.”
“From the way she was conceived I’d say she takes more after your mother’s side.”
Yeah, Harper had been expecting that. Even still, it stung.
“Are you planning on getting married?” her grandmother asked.
“No. The father and I are just friends.”
A long sigh. “I thought nobody could top your mother, but you’ve managed to. At least she married my son before you were born, even if it was a close run thing.”
“Have you heard from Mom?” Harper asked, ignoring the tightness in her chest. “I’ve tried contacting her but I think she’s out of the country.”
“I spoke to her last week. She asked for money, of course. And I told her about the baby.”
“You did?”
“Yes. But then she started telling me about her latest boyfriend and we got off track.” Another sigh. “I need to go now. My bridge club starts at three. Was there anything else you wanted?”
Harper pulled her lip between her teeth, wincing as they dug into the soft flesh. She wasn’t going to invite her to the shower. She wasn’t sure she could endure another rejection. “Um, no.”
“Very well then. Thank you for calling.” It was a dismissal. Harper’d had enough of those over her life to recognize it.
“Shall I call you when the baby’s born?” Harper asked her. “So you know?”
“If you want. It’s completely up to you. Goodbye, Harper. And good luck. I have a feeling you might need it.”
Harper put her phone down and took a deep breath, but it did nothing to stem the flow of tears.
She shouldn’t have called. It only hurt her when she did. There were some things that could never be mended, no matter how hard you tried.
At least she had the baby. That was something. And she had Caitie and Ember and all their friends, too.
And then there was James. She wasn’t sure what was going to ha
ppen with him, but she knew he’d always be in their baby’s life, supporting her the way Harper had never been supported.
For that she was truly thankful.
20
“Can you believe it?” Caitie asked, squeezing Harper’s hand. “It feels like only yesterday we were at Ember’s baby shower, and now we’re doing it all over again for you.” They walked into the elegant lobby of the Silver Sands Resort Hotel, where they’d hired an event room for the party. It had been a toss up between the hotel and the Beach Club, but in the end Harper had chosen the hotel. It seemed right, since that was where this baby had begun.
Harper grinned when she saw the sign on the front desk. Baby Hayes-Tanner’s Shower – Main Ballroom. “I can’t believe it’s only ten weeks until this little lady arrives,” she admitted. “The past couple of months have flown by. I’ve been so busy trying to get everything done I don’t feel like I’ve had time to breathe.”
She’d moved most of her things into the new apartment, though her sewing machines and dresses were still in James’s basement. She’d agreed to keep working there until the baby arrived. That way she could decorate the apartment without worrying about ruining her work. And then there was James. When she wasn’t working or decorating, she was spending time with him.
She smiled as she remembered how he’d come straight to Caitie’s apartment after she’d spoken to her grandmother. He’d gathered Harper in his arms and held her tightly, wiping her tears away with soft fingers. His tender kisses and sweet words had almost made up for the hurt that telephone call had inflicted.
Shaking her head, she pushed all thoughts of her family from her mind. They didn’t matter. What mattered were the people here. The ones who loved her and wanted to celebrate her impending birth with her. Caitie had worked hard on this shower, Harper was determined to enjoy it.
A loud cheer erupted as they walked into the room. The tables were full of familiar faces. There was Ember with baby Arthur on her lap, and next to her were Ally and Brooke. Then there were the tables filled with her friends from L.A., and a few who’d flown in from New York. In the center of the room she could see Louise Tanner, sitting with Caitlin’s mom, Deenie, and a group of their friends. Everyone was smiling as though they were delighted to see her, and it brought tears to her eyes.