by Jayce Carter
He needed to make her understand if not for them, then for her.
The bond meant she needed them, meant they craved one another, but it didn’t mean she would ever be happy, ever forgive them.
She’d refused to return to her shop, either. She wouldn’t go to her home. Kaidan had picked up more items for her, had brought them like peace offerings, but she’d set them down as though they were from a life she couldn’t have anymore. When asked about the shop, her home, she’d said they could sell them. She didn’t care.
And that was the theme of life. She didn’t care. She didn’t care to eat, to sleep, to talk, about them, about anything.
The only time any life returned to her was when Tracy came over. She would text or call now and then, but even with that, she wouldn’t leave.
Kaidan had picked up her phone once to find a message from someone with the initial of T asking about her, asking if she was okay, saying some of the omegas had been worried. He’d asked if she wanted him to take her to them. Offered to drop her off around a corner so she could be alone, so they wouldn’t get spook by him, but she’d shaken her head.
“That’s not my life anymore.”
He rubbed his chest at the hollow words she’d offered.
At this rate, they might lose her within a year. She’d eat when forced, when Bryce growled out a demand, but it would be cursory bites. That sort of dead-when-walking behavior couldn’t sustain a person. She’d crumble at some point, and her body would simply give out.
How had they done this to her? How could they fix it? Hell, they were willing to give her up if that’s what it took, anything to see a smile on her lips again, to see a glimpse of the woman she’d been.
They’d spent so much of their lives trying to save omegas, and yet they’d destroyed the one they loved.
Claire stopped counting days. It took too much time and energy and nothing ever changed. Some days they’d be home, working or watching over her. In the evenings, they’d set up a movie or show, which Claire would sit down as requested to watch.
When the tension inside her got to be too much, they’d step in. Bryce would put her on all fours to fuck her, a hand in her hair to pull her head back. Kaidan would stretch her out on the bed and spread her thighs, spending so much time with his tongue on her she lost count. Joshua would undo his pants and guide her to her knees, letting her taste him just as long as she wanted to. Those moments were the hardest, when she could still feel that spark of something, the future she’d wanted, the closeness she’d craved.
But then it would all drift away when her pain resurfaced.
The other night, Bryce had remained in the bed, his knot locking them together, as he moved his fingers over her hip as if memorizing her. ‘I can leave,’ he’d said, voice low. ‘I was the one to decide to lie to you. I thought I was protecting you, that I was giving us all time. I was a coward who was afraid you’d leave, but this? This is all my fault. I’ll go and you and Joshua and Kaidan can fix this. I can’t watch you like this anymore.’
Claire had buried her face in her arms, the conversation so much more difficult with him locked inside her, so close. ‘You all made that choice. I don’t want to feel like this, but I don’t know what to do. Every time I think maybe I can get past this, I have this hole in my stomach, like the only place I’d ever felt safe hadn’t been real.’
Bryce had lain behind her, his chest to her back, lips offering kisses to her shoulder. ‘You’re safe with us, with me. I’d do anything to protect you, even if it meant leaving.’
‘You’d all let me go if I wanted to. The thing is? I’m stuck. You’re my mate just like the others and I can’t go anywhere.’
He’d sighed but pulled her closer as if it could keep the chill away. Over the weeks of this, the weeks of her silence and pain and submission, he’d aged as well. He’d slept little, had grown tense. Perhaps it wore on him as well.
Today they’d left, meaning it had to be a weekday. They’d stopped leaving one at home, as if the silence there hurt too much, as if they’d realized she would go nowhere.
Why couldn’t she get over it?
She even understood why they’d done it. Would she have listened if she’d known Kieran had been a friend?
No. She’d have run. She’d have thought she couldn’t trust them, have fled from the growing bond, from the thing she’d wanted, all for fear.
That was it, though. The anger had left. Anger doesn’t last that long, really. It had all drained away until only unhappiness and hurt remained. She’d wanted so many things, but now each word they said made her wonder, was it true? Were they telling her the truth? Even if they lied for her own safety, it was still a lie.
They’d still decided to keep information from her, because they thought it best. They hadn’t trusted her, and each time she wanted to reach out to them, that repeated in her mind.
They hadn’t trusted her. They hadn’t believed in her. They hadn’t respected her.
So Claire floundered in that space between needing and wanting them, between pain and understanding, and she had no idea how to get out of it, how to move on.
Would she just keep going like this? Would they want that? Maybe they’d decide it wasn’t worth it, bond or no bond, and kick her out.
She’d survived worse things, she’d survive that.
Maybe. Losing just the idea of what they had was destroying her, so losing them entirely?
Claire ran her fingers through her hair, still wet from the shower, with frustration. No matter how many times she went through this in her head, she couldn’t figure out a way past it. She was stuck, lost and alone even when they were near.
The ringing of her phone caught her attention. Few called her, preferring to text instead. The men, when they needed her, would call the home phone, not her cell.
Claire fished her phone from her pocket. Tiffany.
She hit the answer button, eyebrows drawn together.
“I’m so sorry.”
The words chilled Claire, so similar to Jackie’s last call. “Tiffany? What’s wrong?”
A scuffle, then a different voice, a male voice, familiar but she couldn’t place it. “You want her to live?”
Claire’s fingers tightened on the phone, knuckles aching. “Let her go, please. Whatever you want, I’ll get you.”
He chuckled, low and menacing. “Well, aren’t you agreeable all of a sudden? I think we need to talk.”
“Anything. Tell me where you are.”
“Not so fast. This needs to be a private conversation. If I see Bryce, Joshua or Kaidan around, I’ll slit her throat and kill them before they ever get close enough to do anything. Make up whatever story you need to to them, but if they show up? I’ll kill them and I’ll kill her and it’ll be all your fault.”
Claire nodded, then remembered he couldn’t see her. “Yes, fine, I’ll come alone.”
“I guess this is the only time I should be thankful for that stubborn, stupid omega streak you have, isn’t it? So come on, little omega, and let’s play.” He gave her the address, then hung up.
Claire sat, frozen, phone clutched in her hand. She couldn’t tell the men. She couldn’t live with their blood on her hands, and right then, right when she knew she might lose them, she knew the truth.
Angry or not, hurting or not, she still loved them.
So Claire scribbled a note, set it on the kitchen island and left.
Chapter Twenty
Claire sat in her car. She’d taken Joshua’s car to her house, then picked up her own car. They’d probably placed a tracker on theirs after she’d stolen Kaidan’s.
Twice.
She doubted they’d have messed with hers, though.
Still, making herself leave it, forcing herself to step out of it gave her pause. A deep breath and the memory of Tiffany’s voice in her ear got Claire to move.
No message had come from any of them, which told her the men hadn’t reached home yet. A part of her was sorry for t
hat. She didn’t want things to be over.
The note said what it needed to, but it wasn’t enough. If she wasn’t so sure one of them would figure out a way to track her phone, she’d have called them. She wanted to say so much more. She wanted to tell them how sorry she was. She wanted to hear their voices. She wanted to hear Joshua called her sweetheart, to hear Kaidan called her love. Hell, she even wanted to hear Bryce just growl out omega at her.
But that wasn’t going to happen. There wasn’t time and, hell, she might lose her nerve if heard their voices. If she had to listen to them, she might decide she couldn’t lose that. Maybe the guilt of leaving them behind would give her second thoughts.
No, better to do this the easy way, the clean way. They could move on, find someone else, someone less broken.
The air struck her face as she left the car, as she headed toward the empty office building. The perfect place for what he had planned. No one around. Dark. Deserted.
Still, she pushed on. The code to the door was dark, and the door opened with a creak. Inside, a sickening scent bombarded her.
Fear. Heat. Alpha. That pheromone from Jackie’s place, the one she knew now to be lab grown, soaked into the walls of the place. Tiffany was there, and a whine from inside pulled Claire forward.
Claire rushed through the hallway, following the scent, the sound, terrified she was too late.
As she passed a corner, rushing, she never saw the punch coming.
Everything went black.
* * * *
She’d left the house. While it unnerved Bryce, while he hated the idea of her outside alone, he figured it was a good sign.
She’d decided to go somewhere. She had taken Kaidan’s car after she had received a call. He might have thought she’d run for good if it wasn’t for the note she’d scribbled and left on the island, though the resolution of the inside cameras lacked the ability to read the writing.
He’d thought she’d go to her shop, but she hadn’t shown. She could have gone to her house, since they hadn’t set anything up there. She hadn’t spent time there, so it wouldn’t have helped.
Maybe she’d decided to meet one of those omegas who sent her messages?
“It’s a good thing,” Kaidan offered from beside him as they walked up the steps of the house. “Maybe it means she’s got some of her spark back.”
“Maybe.” Bryce found it hard to believe anything, to bank on anything good. He’d seen it all turn to shit too many times. He’d watched people who deserved the world get torn down, and he’d seen people who should have been gutted live long, happy lives.
“Maybe it means she’s getting poison to kill us all,” Kaidan said.
“Well, at least we’d get a nice meal out of it. I’ve seen her cook. It’s pretty good.” Joshua smiled, always hopeful, as they walked into the house. How he could keep up his positivity, Bryce would never understand. The man could be drowning, and he’d just talk about how a nice swim was perfect.
Still, his optimism sparked some in Bryce. Maybe they were right, and maybe things were healing.
He’d been waiting for that, for some sign that she’d move forward. It wasn’t that he expected her to forget, to not care. He just wanted the chance to make it up to her, to fix something. The way she’d curled into his heat, the way he’d wrapped his arms around her. He’d offered to leave, to let her be with the other two.
He’d do anything to just see a smile on her face, even if it meant leaving her alone. The idea killed him, but hell, so did seeing her as she was. Anything was better than that.
They went into the house, Bryce hanging his coat on the hook inside the door, Joshua heading for the note.
“Let’s see where our little omega has gone off to,” Joshua said. Paper rustled, then a hard curse shattered the peace.
It had Bryce and Kaidan reaching the table in a rush.
Joshua handed the paper to Bryce. The note was written in careful letters that looked as though they’d been done slowly and with thought.
I’m sorry. I should have forgiven you, and now I don’t think there’s time. I wish I could hear you growl at me again. I wish I could go back and do this right. I wish I hadn’t screwed it all up. You’re going to be mad at me, but I deserve it.
The killer has my friend. He called, and he has Tiffany. I can’t let her die like Jackie did, can’t leave her to that. I wish I could tell you, that I could have you all by my side, but I can’t. He said if you show, he’ll kill her and you. I can’t risk you, can’t put you in danger like that.
I just want to say thank you. No matter what happens, you gave me something. Before you, I was afraid of everything, but you showed me I didn’t have to be afraid. You gave me a home, and I never had that before. You gave me a family, and that was worth everything.
Love, Claire.
Joshua was already at his laptop, bringing up all the security feeds he could. “She had to leave a trail. Everyone leaves a trail.”
“Calling Kieran. He can earn his keep and see if he can trace her phone.” Kaidan had his phone out and to his ear a moment later.
Bryce held the note in his hand. He’d chased a lot of things in his life, fought so many things, but she was the first he cared about.
The first, and he was terrified they’d lose her.
* * * *
Claire’s head throbbed as she came to. She rolled to the side, fingers pressed to her temples. She couldn’t remember anything at first, couldn’t figure out why her head was pounding, why she was lying on the filthy ground. What had happened?
Then a man crouched beside her and it came back.
Randy. The alpha who had come into the bookshop weeks before. He was the killer.
“Why, hello,” he said, voice darker than it had been before. How had he hidden that from her? How had she missed it?
“Where’s Tiffany?”
He nodded toward the corner, toward the writhing girl with her wrist cuffed to a post of the bed she was on. “She’s alive, like I promised. Pheromones have hit her hard, so she’s mid-heat, but she’s alive.”
Claire pulled in a harsh breath. There was that, at least. Tiffany was alive. Her men were alive. The rest would work itself out.
She sat up, squinting through the light from a lamp in the corner.
“Can you feel it?” He nodded toward a discarded rag on the floor. “You inhaled enough of that. You should feel it pretty soon.”
He’d used the pheromones on her? No unease crawled through her, no sweat poured from her brow, no tightening in her skin like the last time.
“Well, if you don’t yet, you will. Maybe it’ll take longer since it drove you into a heat before.” He frowned at her. “I expected something else.”
“Sorry to disappoint.” She rubbed her palms against her eyes. “Never mind. I’m not that sorry.”
“Between what Jackie said, what Tiffany said, I thought you were some strong omega. I mean, they sang your praises, talked about how you helped them, how you saved so many. Didn’t use your name, of course. It took me a while to figure out who you were. I put it together when I saw your request from Kieran. See, I saw a book in Jackie’s room from your shop. Tiffany had one, too. Then you show up at Kieran’s? One look around your shop, one good whiff of you, and I was sure.” He dragged a finger down her cheek. “Even so, I expected someone stronger. I mean, you saved omegas. You were some legend according to them. I expected to walk into that shop and find you bigger than life, the best prey I’d ever taken down. What I found was some broken toy, like an omega who got thrown back when she couldn’t cut it. No wonder the omegas you helped were such easy targets. Look at you.”
“Let Tiffany go. I did what you asked.”
He laughed, then shook his head. “I won’t kill her. No reason to, really. Thanks to you, police already know who I am, so even if she identifies me, it doesn’t matter. Still, I figure I won’t let her go just yet. I’ll keep her here, let her see what I do to her legend. Wonder if she’l
l still look up to you when she realizes you’re just like any other omega cunt around. As soon as those pheromones get into your system, you’ll be begging for my cock, and she’ll get to see it all. Those assholes, Bryce, Kaidan, Joshua—they like to think they’re alphas, but they aren’t. They’re impotent, just dickless men who forgot what it means to be an alpha. It’s what’s wrong with you, too. You’ve all forgotten what biology means. They let omegas run wild and we all end up with bitches like you who don’t know their place.”
“So that’s why you only attack omegas who are hiding. A public service?”
“Good omegas who accept their place aren’t my problem. Think of me like a law keeper, dealing with those who can’t follow the rules, because no one else will. Besides, there are more than enough of you to keep me plenty busy. Tiffany here can listen to you scream and beg, and she can realize that her precious role model isn’t anything at all. Hell, she’s young enough, she can fall in line afterward. She can submit to nature and you’ll have actually taught her something useful.”
Claire turned her face away from where he touched her cheek. Tiffany had her eyes squeezed shut, thankfully too far gone to notice anything in the room.
It this it? Is this where I die? The end? She thought about how Kaidan would stroke his fingers through her hair and whisper into her ear. She could almost hear his voice, telling her it would be okay. Telling her to be strong.
Joshua would smile at her. Would she really never see that smile again? She should have appreciated it more, appreciated his jokes and his charm. He could make her feel like the only person in the entire world when he looked at her, when he didn’t notice a single other person.
And Bryce? Oh, he wouldn’t be reassuring her. His growl would fill the space, his angry, demanding voice. “Get up. Fight. Don’t you dare give up.”