A tear rolled down her cheek and then another and another. Before she could stop herself, Maddy was sobbing.
She buried her face in the soft, giving pillow and tried to muffle the sobs. She knew Calden was trying to sleep and she didn’t want to wake him.
But he must have heard her anyway because a large, warm hand was suddenly cupping her shoulder.
“Madeline,” he rumbled, his deep voice worried. “What can I do?”
“Hold me.” The cry came from her heart. She barely knew the big Kindred but right now she needed him. “Please, Calden,” she whispered through her sobs. “Just hold me. I need…need to feel not so alone.”
“Of course. Scoot over.”
She did and then he was slipping under the sheets, his body big, and warm, and solid beside hers. He pulled Madeline close and she buried her face in his broad chest and wept as she had earlier. This time her tears had a feeling of finality. Before she’d been unable to completely believe the entire crew was gone. Now she knew it—knew it in her bones. She had seen the wreck of the Kennedy and knew that no one could have survived it. She would have to deal with it—would have to find a way to move on.
But for now she let herself mourn their loss and grieve for the fact that she would never, ever see any of them again.
After she finally cried herself out, Calden dried her eyes gently with the edge of the sheet and turned her so that her much smaller body fit into the curve of his larger one. He pulled her close and wrapped his long, muscular arms around her, making her feel comforted and secure.
“Sleep, nieka,” he murmured and Maddy thought she felt him drop a soft kiss to the top of her head. “Sleep and let yourself heal.”
Maddy wanted to tell him that some wounds were too deep to ever heal but when she opened her mouth, a yawn came out instead of words.
He’s right, she thought, I’m exhausted. I need to sleep.
“Will…will you stay with me?” she whispered. “I don’t want to wake up in bed alone again.”
“All night,” Calden promised, squeezing her gently. “Now sleep, Madeline. It’s what you need. Tomorrow we’ll start fixing your hands.”
She could feel his broad chest at her back and his big body curled against hers. She knew he was a stranger but she felt comforted and protected by his presence. The big Kindred would stay with her—he wouldn’t leave her alone. She would be safe as long as she was in his arms—somehow she knew it.
She closed her eyes again and this time, no images came—only the blackness of sleep.
* * * * *
Calden lay awake for a long while, feeling the way her small, soft body fit against his. Gods, he had done wrong by her—wrong to bring her back to a life where she was the only one of her kind. Wrong to bring her back to pain and loss and abject misery.
He was glad that she had asserted so strongly that she still wanted to live, despite her pain. If she had answered his question about wishing she was dead in the affirmative, he would have waited until she was soundly asleep and then gone and asked FATHER to activate her self-termination unit at once. Or so he told himself.
But again, the idea of letting her die—of seeing the light go out of her lovely eyes—was almost unbearable to Calden. He wanted to protect her from death—to comfort her and meet her needs. Which was, of course, the only reason he had allowed himself to get into the sleeping platform with her. Their current sleeping arrangement wasn’t, strictly speaking, proper.
But who cared how they slept since they were sexually incompatible anyway? Well, not exactly sexually incompatible but size incompatible. Anyway, it didn’t matter, Calden told himself. Even if they had been close enough in size to mate, he wouldn’t even consider it. Madeline’s tears and sorrow made him want to hold and comfort her, not breed her. And he would never risk his position at the Mentat station for a female—would he?
Gods, he had opened a whole box of problems when he’d cloned Madeline and awakened her to second life. If he had just stuck with non-sentient species, he wouldn’t have to be considering any of these troubling questions now. But somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to regret his actions—except for the pain he had caused Madeline. That he did regret, deeply. He swore to himself he would do everything in his power to comfort and protect her and to assuage her grief. There was nothing else he could do right now. Nothing but hold her close and keep her safe.
Musing over the strange situation he found himself in, Calden pulled the little female closer and finally drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Seven
“I thought you said you could fix my hands.”
“I can but it will take some time.” Calden motioned patiently. “Can you put them back in the nutrient bath please? They’ll never be functional unless you allow the nerves to grow properly.”
Maddy sighed and did as he asked, sliding her hands back into the shallow containers of warm green slime on either side of her plate. She’d had an idea—a very unrealistic idea, she realized now—that Calden could just give her a pill or a shot or something to make her hands start working instantly. But apparently the only cure for them was to give them more time in the nutrient bath stuff she’d woken up in, in the first place.
Since Maddy absolutely refused to go back into the slime, Calden had rigged up two much smaller tanks where she could rest her hands and let the nutrient bath do its work. According to him, it should only take a couple of days for her to have functional hands again. Apparently the nerves had to be regenerated—she must have hurt them during the crash, Maddy speculated—though she still couldn’t remember how.
Not that she wanted to. Every time she remembered the dried puddle of blood under the huge tire of the terraforming machine, her gut ached and her heart started to pound. So she was trying hard not to think about it.
Instead, she concentrated on the food on her plate—which was a strange mixture of fluffy purple mounds and dark green cubes which Calden had made for “First Meal” as he called breakfast.
“Open,” he said, spearing a mouthful on a fork with five long tines arranged in a circle and holding it towards her mouth. “You need to eat for the nutrient bath to work. It has to have fuel to convert into new nerve tissue for you.”
Maddy frowned.
“How do you know I can eat that? What if your food is poison to me?”
Calden sighed patiently.
“I know because I can eat it and it’s not poison to me. Because our genetics match up enough that I can be certain you can eat my food.”
Maddy still wasn’t sure—the fluffy purple mounds and green cubes didn’t look especially appealing—although they did smell pretty good, in a weird kind of way.
“You’re really sure?”
He frowned. “Madeline, our DNA is so similar that I could father a child with you and your body would not reject it.”
Maddy felt her heart give a funny little skip in her chest.
“Really? Um, that’s an…interesting way to put it. I thought we weren’t, uh, compatible that way.”
“Only because of the differences in our size,” Calden assured her. “And I wasn’t trying to intimate that I wanted to father a child with you. I was simply making the point that if your womb would be receptive to my seed, then your stomach should be equally receptive to my food. All right?”
“I guess so.” She nodded and reluctantly opened her mouth.
Calden popped the bite in and then waited to let her chew.
Maddy did, her eyes widening as she finished and swallowed.
“Hey, that’s really good! The purple stuff tastes kind of like scrambled eggs mixed with pancakes and the green chunks are like really firm bacon.”
“I don’t know what those foods are, but I’m glad you’re enjoying your First Meal.” Calden smiled at her and Maddy found herself smiling back because it was such a rare expression on his usually-serious face. Also because it was such a sincere expression. She remembered how Pierce had smiled—that half-grimace he
used to give her that didn’t ever reach his cold gray eyes. But when Calden grinned, it lit up his whole face and she could tell he was honestly and genuinely happy.
Comparing the big Kindred to her dead husband brought her up short. For a moment, she wondered if she was going to cry again. But no tears came.
Maybe I cried myself out last night, she thought. Or maybe it was because as more and more memories of her husband came back, she realized how far apart they’d grown before the end. Their marriage had been dying a slow, painful death for ages before they had blasted off in the Kennedy—they hadn’t really loved each other for the last five years.
It was sad to think of, but Maddy couldn’t help feeling relieved in a way. Though she still felt the pain of Pierce’s loss, it was much easier to bear than if they’d loved each other deeply, as they had when they were first married.
Before we lost our way and lost each other, she thought as she allowed Calden to feed her another bite of the strange, alien breakfast. As peculiar as it looked, it tasted pretty good and it was certainly better than the weird liquids the Mentats enjoyed consuming.
It was nice of Calden to be so patient with her—and be willing to feed her—though it did make her feel a little like a dependent child. Their size difference, of course, didn’t help the situation. Maddy thought that he’d better not start making choo-choo noises and telling her to “open wide” while he guided the fork to her mouth or she would lose it.
Not that he was likely to know any of the cultural norms she associated with feeding a kid, she thought with a sigh. She was the only one who knew those now and unless she had a child of her own someday (extremely unlikely since there was no one to make a baby with, except for Calden himself who was obviously much too large to have sex with) no one else ever would.
Maddy pushed the thought away and wondered how she could pass the time while she waited for her hands to heal. She was already learning to do a few necessities on her own, without Calden’s help. For instance, when she’d woken up that morning, she’d had an instant and urgent need to use the restroom. It seemed strange, on reflection, that she hadn’t had to go at all the day before but at the moment, the need was too great to consider it much. But though she was willing to let the big Kindred feed her and dress her, Maddy was damned if she’d allow him to help her in the ladies room.
Luckily, he had a toilet that wasn’t unlike what she was used to and it had a kind of bidet feature on it for cleaning up afterwards. It sent up a stream of water to clean you which it followed with a blast of hot air to dry the area in question—a completely hands-free operation.
It was too big, of course and Maddy had to balance carefully to avoid falling in but once she got the hang of it, she was able to work it pretty well. The buttons on it were motion sensitive so all she had to do was wave a forearm or elbow over them to get the thing to work. It took her a little longer than it would have with functional hands but she didn’t care about that—she was just grateful to be able to handle her business in privacy.
Although what I’m going to do if I get my period before my hands start working, I have no idea, she thought, opening her mouth obediently for another bite as Calden fed her. He was feeding himself as well, eating from an identical pile of fluffy purple mounds and green cubes as he alternated a bite for her and then a bite for him.
“Thank you for this,” Maddy said, after swallowing her current bite.
“Hmm?” He raised an eyebrow questioningly over a large silver mug while he sipped something that steamed and smelled spicy and sweet.
“For feeding me—for being patient with me and letting me cry all over you again last night,” she said by way of explanation. “For not leaving me alone and for saving me in the first place. I know I’m a lot of trouble to you. You’re a scientist—you don’t need to be babysitting me while you’re trying to do your research.”
“You’re no trouble at all,” he assured her. “I’m sorry you feel such pain and loss.” His topaz eyes became shadowed.“I wish…I hope…I may be able to help you through it.”
“Thank you,” Maddy whispered and her throat felt too tight to swallow. She shook her head when he offered her another bite. “Can I have something to drink instead?”
“Would you like to try some of my chewl?” He held out the steaming silver mug to her. “It’s a bit spicy but it’s also a strong stimulant—I find it clears my head when I first wake in the morning.”
“Sounds like coffee.” Maddy shrugged. “Sure—I’ll try it.”
He held it carefully to her lips, reminding her that it was hot, and she took a small sip and then a bigger one.
“Mmm!” She smiled at him when he took the mug away. “That’s good! Kind of like melted red-hots. And really sweet.”
Calden looked guilty.
“I fear I have a weakness for sweets. I know I put much too much sweetener in my chewl but I can’t seem to break myself of the habit.”
“Well, it hasn’t done you any harm that I can see,” Maddy remarked, letting her eyes rove over his tall, muscular body. He was wearing another pair of black trousers with his lace up boots and another black sleeveless t-shirt which clung to his sculpted abs and showed off his well-muscled arms.
“You’re very kind.” Calden nodded gravely. “Would you like some more?”
She shook her head.
“What I’d mostly like now is a shower. Um…” She bit her lip. “But I’m not sure how I can take one on my own.”
“You can’t—not in your present state,” Calden said frankly. “And I take it you object to having me shower you as I did yesterday?”
“Yesterday was an exception because I had slime all over me,” Maddy pointed out.
“A water shower isn’t something you can have everyday anyway,” Calden remarked. “As I’m sure you know, water is a precious resource aboard a space station and I actually used considerably more than my daily allotment getting you clean yesterday.”
“Oh, I’m sorry!” Maddy exclaimed. “I didn’t know I was using all your water.”
He shook his head. “Please don’t feel bad—it was necessary to get the nutrient bath out of your hair and, uh, body…” he cleared his throat, “In order to make sure you were healthy and well. But today I think we’d better use the enzyme baths.”
“Enzyme baths?” Maddy frowned. “That doesn’t sound too safe.”
“It is as long as you take a few simple precautions,” Calden assured her. “And it gets you cleaner than plain water ever could.” He frowned. “But I think we’d better wait a little while until the baths clear out. The reaction of the Mentats to you so far has not been…positive.”
Maddy snorted. “That’s an understatement. So the baths are communal?”
He nodded. “They are. And most of the Mentats go in the morning. If we wait about an hour, most of them will be at work in their respective labs and stations and we should have the baths to ourselves.”
“Sounds good to me.” Maddy sighed. “So I guess I just sit here for an hour with my hands soaking in the slime?”
“That’s not necessary. I’ve instructed the simulator to make you some travel gloves to wear so you can move around freely.” Calden got up from the small table they were sharing. “Let’s see if they’re finished.”
He went to one corner of his room where a complicated-looking machine about the size of a large printer was located with a bin beside it. Reaching into the bin, he pulled out a pair of oversized black gloves with drawstrings at the wrists.
“Finished!” He brought them over to Maddy, a grin of triumph on his face.
“They look kind of big,” she observed when he held them out to her.
“They are because they’re made for someone my size,” Calden explained. “But the insides of them are waterproof. So we can pour the nutrient bath into the gloves and then seal them around your wrists to keep it from leaking out. Your body heat and the insulation from the gloves will keep the chemicals working and y
ou can move around the station freely and come with me to the lab and the baths if you wish.”
“Wow, you really thought of everything.” Maddy smiled up at him. “Thank you, Calden—I’m glad I don’t have to sit here all day and wait for my hands to start working.”
“You said that you didn’t want to feel alone,” he said seriously. “I won’t leave you by yourself when you’re still getting over your loss.”
His sweet words made Maddy tear up.
“Calden, I could hug you,” she said, looking up at him. “And I would if my hands weren’t all covered in slime.”
“Would you like a hug?” He looked at her seriously. “Though your hands are occupied, I could hug you if you like.”
“Yes, please,” Maddy said softly. “I would like a hug—if you don’t mind.”
“Of course I don’t mind.” He knelt beside her chair and carefully enfolded her in his long arms, making sure not to disturb the mini nutrient-bath units her hands were resting in.
The warmth of his big body was as comforting this morning as it had been the night before. Maddy wondered why it was so easy—and felt so right—to touch him. She usually took a while to warm up to strangers and Calden was about as strange as they came—a nine-foot-tall giant with gray skin and glowing topaz eyes. Yet touching him—being close to him—brought her the same feelings of comfort and security being wrapped in the special quilt her grandma had made her when she was a little girl used to.
Awakened by the Giant: Brides of the Kindred Page 8