“So that should tell you I’m seriously considering it.”
“Or…it could be you don’t want to accept it and you’re trying to find a way to break it to me.”
It took her a moment to get her emotions under control. “Look, my life is at a crossroads right now. I’m afraid to make the wrong decision. I need to know you’re offering me a job for the right reasons. And okay, maybe I was afraid to talk to you about it because I didn’t want you snapping at me.” She paused and glared at him to get her point across. “And honestly, I’m still not convinced it’s the right thing to do. For either of us.”
“How come?”
“At some point we’re going to have to deal with not being together all day, every day! Right now it’s fun and we’re both able to do it without worrying about other commitments, but the bottom line is we’re going to get on each other’s nerves fast if we don’t start having some time apart. I would hate for us to reach this place in our relationship—a place where we’re happy and in love—and have it all go to shit because we’re going crazy for lack of personal space!”
Then, in typical Carter fashion, he laughed. A full-throttle, hearty laugh.
Damn the man.
“This is funny to you?”
He was still chuckling even as he shook his head. After a moment, he took one of her hands and caressed it. “Emery, I get what you’re saying. And yeah, there will be times when we get on each other’s nerves, but that’s a given. It’ll happen whether we’re working together or just hanging out together. I don’t think that part of our relationship is ever going to end, and you know what? I don’t want it to! Fighting with you is freaking awesome.” Then he waggled his eyebrows at her. “And making up with you is even better.”
Pulling her hand away, she swatted at him with annoyance. “Can’t you be serious even for a minute here?”
“I’ve been serious for weeks now!” he cried, immediately cringing at his tone again. “If you’re looking for some sort of guarantee, I can’t give it to you! If you want me to promise that everything will be sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, I can’t give you that either! All I can give you is the truth. I want to work with you on this project. It’s not going to last forever and we may very well find that it makes us both crazy. And if it does, we’ll agree to let it go without letting it rip us apart. That I can guarantee you. Okay?”
He was being completely logical and making total sense, and for the life of her, she had no idea why she wasn’t jumping at the idea.
Because you have been making terrible life choices for years…
If it wouldn’t make her look like a complete crazy person, Emery would have shouted at her inner voice to shut up.
And speaking of choices, what was in this for Carter? What was up with Carter in general? Yeah, he had some self-imposed pressure where his business was concerned, but now that his father was gone, she would have thought that would be over. So why was he still beating himself up when he’d more than proved he was an excellent businessman and restaurateur?
“Can I ask you something?”
He smirked and finished his drink. “Seems to me that’s all you’ve been doing.”
Emery fought the urge to roll her eyes.
It was almost painful.
“What are you hoping to achieve with the Montauk place? I mean, you’ve talked about the food, the vibe, blah, blah, blah. But why are you doing this? Why are you opening another place when you’re clearly on the fence about the whole thing?”
“I wouldn’t say I’m on the fence.”
“And I wouldn’t say you were a man with a clear vision, either,” she countered.
He studied her hard and for a moment, she thought he was going to get loud again. Instead, he seemed to relax a little as he straightened in his seat. “Old habits die hard.”
“Um…what?”
Turning his head toward her, he explained. “I’ve told you the constant battle I had with my father over my career. Stuff like that doesn’t just go away.”
“Yeah, but…”
“My other places? It was one business model we kept copying and modifying for each location based on demographics and logistics. In the back of my mind, I know my father didn’t think there was much to it because they were replicas of each other—I wasn’t putting in an effort. This time, I want the effort. I need the effort.” He paused. “I need to prove him wrong. That it wasn’t luck and it wasn’t laziness, that I’m good at what I do.”
“Carter…you can’t think like that.”
He shrugged and faced forward again. “Easier said than done.”
“Yeah, but—”
“The day of the funeral, Christian stayed behind at the cemetery after we all went back to the house. At the time, I thought he was crazy. When I went back to pick him up, he told me he stood there and had a one-sided argument with Dad.” He laughed softly. “Now I wish I had thought to do it. I still might.”
Reaching out, she captured one of his hands in hers and held it.
“Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should just be happy with what I have and what I’ve done and leave it alone. But the seed was planted, Em. The doubt is there, whether he intended to put it there or not. Now I need to know—to prove—I’m better than that. Better than he believed me to be.”
And that’s what it all came down to, really. Everyone wanted their parents’ approval. Emery knew it was like that for her. It was why she’d had to confront her mother. There’d been that hope that she could change her mother’s mind and she’d get not only her mother’s approval, but an apology. Carter was never going to get that. There was no way to get approval or apologies from a ghost. So why? Why keep trying?
“Did it help Christian?” she asked softly. “Did all the arguing make a difference?”
“Eventually. I’ve told you my father was roughest on him. Made the most demands. There were times my brother was crippled by my father’s words.”
“And now?”
He smiled softly, looked back over at her again. “Now he has Sophie and all is right with his world.”
Somehow she doubted it was quite that simple.
“And he no longer has any lingering issues because of your father?”
“Some. Like I said, old habits die hard. But he’s getting better and he’s living life on his own terms finally.”
“Then so can you,” she said simply. “You should be doing this because you love it—because your creativity is begging you to do it. If your only reason is to prove a point to someone who is no longer here, that’s going to show, Carter. There will be a pall over the whole project that will never go away. You need to think about that.”
Carter didn’t get a chance to respond because one of their flight attendants was making an announcement.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re making our final approach to McCarran International Airport and Las Vegas. Our crew will be coming up the aisle to collect all trash. Please place your seats in their upright position, along with your tray tables, and please secure your seatbelts. Thank you and welcome to Las Vegas!”
* * *
Vegas was okay.
Thanksgiving at Megan and Alex’s was fun.
Returning to everyday life was harder than Carter imagined.
When he and Emery had left Portland, they had flown back to Albany with his mother. He had thought he was only going to spend a day or two before heading out to Montauk to check on progress with the building.
Then Emery had dropped a bombshell.
Several bombshells.
First, she turned down his offer for a job.
Turned. Him. Down.
After being majorly pissed off about it, he realized—begrudgingly—that she’d had a point. He was already putting enough pressure on himself over the restaurant for personal reasons, and she didn’t wan
t to be a part of that if things didn’t work out. She didn’t want to feel the guilt or that she was to blame if it didn’t succeed.
However, she agreed to consult with him on his menu options or design choices as his girlfriend only.
With no other choice, Carter had agreed, but he wasn’t happy about it. He was worried about her and her career options when bombshell number two hit.
She’d accepted a job from his Uncle William with Montgomerys.
Yeah, that one came completely out of left field.
Apparently when his uncle and Emery had spoken during the mock Christmas weekend, he had offered her a job working semiremotely for the company. When Emery finally told Carter about it, he had asked her why she had kept it a secret.
Her response? “You had a lot on your plate and so did I. I wanted to think about it without any input. Listening to other people is yet another reason why my life is a mess and not quite my own.”
Once again, he got it, but it still stung a little that she hadn’t shared it with him sooner.
But the final bombshell had come from both Emery and his mother.
The fundraiser they had created the cookbook for was having its gala that weekend and not only were Emery’s parents going to be there, but so was her ex.
All this time, Carter figured he’d go to the gala, since his face was on the cookbook and all, but he hadn’t given much thought to the guest list. Now it was all he could think about, and every one of those thoughts was negative.
He didn’t want to see Emery’s ex, and he didn’t want her to see him, either! If it were up to him, he’d demand she not go and the two of them could simply head out to Montauk as soon as possible and not give the whole thing another thought.
And when he’d shared that logic with her, she’d been less than enthusiastic about it.
Actually, she’d thrown a shoe at him.
But only because he might have called her an idiot for considering going and being in the same room with all the people responsible for the shit-show that her life had become.
Yeah, not his finest moment.
Didn’t mean it wasn’t true, though. When he’d pushed her on the subject, she said it was something she had to do—that they weren’t going to force her to run or hide anymore. She had a prominent position with the charity thanks to his mother and therefore her attendance was mandatory.
As was his.
Dammit.
Now his main problem was how he could go and be cordial and sociable when all he wanted to do was hunt the three of them down and do some serious damage for all the ways they’d hurt her. Good manners demanded he have self-control and not make a scene, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to. And really, he should be allowed to. Weren’t these extenuating circumstances? Didn’t anyone realize this was the sort of situation where normal rules didn’t apply? And after all Emery had been through, shouldn’t someone go to bat for her?
That last thought had been haunting him for days, and every time he mentioned it to her, the angrier she got with him—saying he needed to let her handle this her way.
But he couldn’t. He absolutely couldn’t.
They were staying at Emery’s place for the time being, and she was currently on a conference call with Uncle William and Uncle Robert, talking about her new position. No doubt she’d be on the phone for a while, so Carter decided to take a ride over to his mother’s. Emery may not agree with his line of thinking, but he was positive his mother would.
An hour later, he was proven wrong.
“You cannot make a scene, Carter! Why would you think that’s okay?”
Seriously? Sitting at the kitchen table with his mother in his childhood home, Carter couldn’t believe she wasn’t backing him up on this. “Mom, come on! You know better than anyone what Emery’s been through! How could you let these people come?”
“The Monaghans are prominent members of the community,” his mother explained reasonably. “It’s not unusual for them to be on the guest list. As for Derek Whitmore…” She shook her head and sighed. “I have no idea how that one got by.”
“So stop it!” he cried. “You’re on the committee for this thing—like one of the chair people, right? Why can’t you simply say he’s not allowed to attend? He’s a disgrace! He’s going to steal attention away from the cause!”
And that’s when he knew he had her. How it was possible no one else had thought of this was beyond him, but right now he was thankful for it. Sitting back a little smugly, he smiled at his mother.
She didn’t smile back.
“Believe me, I don’t like this any more than you do, but it will also cause a bit of a scandal if the media gets wind of us refusing Derek entry into the gala. I’m sorry, Carter, but my hands are tied.”
“What?” he shouted, coming to his feet. “I think you’ll have more of a scandal if you let him in so he can…can prey on the people there! Seriously, why is this guy getting so much leniency from everyone?”
“It’s not leniency,” she reasoned. “He went and did his stint in rehab—”
“He left early.”
“And he’s trying to make amends. I’m sure he knows by now that Emery is going to be there. We’ve mentioned her in all the press releases about the event—”
“Great. So because you wanted to give her credit, now she has to deal with this unfortunate situation. Thanks, Mom.” Eliza stood and smacked him on the arm. “Ow! What was that for?”
“For being a smartass,” she snapped. “Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t do this to Emery. She and I have talked about this at great length and the only one carrying on about it is you! Have you talked to Emery about this?”
“Of course I have!”
“And?”
By the look on her face, she already knew the answer. “Okay, fine. She says she’s fine with it and she’s not going to let it ruin her night.” He let out a long breath and tugged at his hair as he began to pace. “But I don’t understand how she could be! Did she tell you about her conversation with her mother when she came home? It was awful! Why would she want to be in the same room with her after that?”
“Maybe she needs to be, Carter. Maybe this is all part of reclaiming her life.”
Yeah, that was exactly what Emery had said, but…he still couldn’t bear the thought of her being hurt or embarrassed publicly.
Even though the behavior he was threatening would potentially do the same thing.
And that’s when he knew what he had to do.
With a weary sigh, he faced his mother. “Then I can’t be there.”
“What?” she cried, taking a step toward him. “You have to be!”
But he shook his head, resignation wrapped around him. “If I go, I know I’m going to end up either making a scene or upsetting Emery in some way. No doubt you’ll end up on edge because of me, too. And I can’t do that. If I’m not allowed to protect her, then—then I shouldn’t go.”
“You’re making assumptions,” Eliza said with a bit of a huff. “For all you know, there won’t be any reason to make a scene and Emery won’t need protecting because everyone will behave themselves, have you thought of that?”
He shook his head. “I was there when she watched that press conference and I was there when she told me about the last conversation with her mother and I was there for all the time in between. You can have all the faith in the world that things are going to go smoothly, but I don’t believe that will be the case.”
“Carter, you’re being an unreasonable brat!”
With a mirthless laugh, he turned and sat back down. “No. No, I’m not. I’m simply a man whose hands are tied. Emery doesn’t want me making a scene, you don’t want me making a scene, and I know myself well enough to know that’s exactly what I’m going to end up doing. So I’m throwing in the towel and making things easier on bot
h of you.”
“You know that’s not what we want! You need to be there. You’re the reason we have such a fantastic product for our fundraiser! How am I supposed to explain your absence?” she cried.
But he wasn’t affected by her tone or the tears welling in her eyes. He had to be strong for himself here. So many other people had let Emery down, and Carter could remember how many big events his father had ruined for his mother because of his behavior. There was no way in hell he wanted to repeat that pattern for either of them.
His solution wasn’t ideal, but it was the best he could offer.
Even if the devastation on his mother’s face said otherwise.
“It’s for the best,” he said, his voice gruff. “I need to head out to Montauk and see what kind of progress has been made. You can tell people I had some sort of emergency on the site and couldn’t get back in time.” He scrubbed a weary hand over his face and sighed. “It wouldn’t be a total lie.”
“I shouldn’t have to tell any lie,” she said quietly, taking her seat at the table beside him.
“Mom…”
They sat like that, staring at one another for several long moments.
“I’m not going to change your mind on this, am I.” It wasn’t really a question.
Shaking his head, Carter forced himself to stand and went to look out at the yard through the sliding glass doors. “Like I said, Mom, this is best for everyone. This way you and Emery can enjoy the night without me ruining it.”
He expected some sort of push-back—another attempt at making him change his mind—but instead, his mother came and stood beside him, staring out at the property with him for a few minutes.
“Sometimes I used to wish your father would have stayed home,” she said quietly. “Everywhere we went that wasn’t something he had a part in, he would be difficult. Sometimes he would make me late, sometimes he would be rude to people, and other times he just critiqued every little thing for the entire night. It was exhausting.”
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