- … I'm ok, you?
- Yeah, I’ve been better...
Silence.
- Soo... I’ve heard that you guys are creating some new material... - Marie
- Yeaap – As he would slowly nod his head – We're trying...
- ...Cool
- Yeah... Aand, listen... You're more than welcome to join us if you want … We just didn't insist on that because...You know...
- Yeah... Sure. I'll think about it.
- Okay... - Eric
Silence. He decided to talk about it:
- ...Hey, about that night....
- It's ok, Eric....we don't have to talk about that...
- No, yeah, I know...I know we don't... but I wanna talk about it, if it’s okay with you...
- … Okay
-... Look, I know I screwed things up. I'm pretty much aware of that. And I'm sorry for that... I know there's like a hundred thousand things I should've told you. I know that, ok? Trust me, I do... I just … It was never because I didn’t trust you, or because I didn't care about you. I was always... afraid. Yeah, afraid of your reaction, afraid of my reaction... Afraid of disappointing you, of...of losing what we had. - He stopped and tried to see if he could read how she was reacting to that. He really couldn't tell - And I know it's not an excuse, Marie. I just … messed things up so bad, with everyone...So many times in my life. Especially with you, because of the person I got used to be, and for never having experienced what I feel for you without getting completely crushed over about it... You're right about the things you said... - He got quiet again for a minute – I got used not to talk... about important things, because every time I had ever opened my mouth it seems like I had always... created problem. And you don't need to tell me that it doesn't make sense. I know, but I guess that's how I've ever felt. Just trying to avoid problems, so I could... protect what we had.
After a short silence, he started speaking again:
- I'm really sorry, Marie. God, I really am... I'm sorry for needing so long, and so many people to throw the truth at my face so I can finally admit this things. And I'm sorry for always apologizing these days...- He gave her a quick smirk. She ended up smiling - Yeah, I needed to talk to Jan, to Isabella, to Tom, to my siblings, to my parents, with Alice, to finally understand what was … going on with me. But I knew things were bad, I always knew I should try to be a better guy for you... It's not like I was unaware of that... I was just... fuck, I was just stupid, ok? And I even needed Isabella to point it out how bad of a plain asshole I was being... - He tried to smile again to break the tension – And... I'm just so sad these days for knowing how bad I`ve hurt you, you have no idea... how I just can't take any of that back. All I can do is just tell you all of this, and tell you that I really miss you, and that I really, really love you... - He sighed - Tell you that I really want you with me again, and that I'd do anything, anything to make it work out better, because you deserve better... You deserve the world, Marie. You're by far one of the most awesome people I have ever met, and I really don't wanna miss out on having you in my life...
He finished what he had to say, and was imagining he would get a quick reaction out of it. But she was just looking at him, as she was trying to absorb what had just happened. So he just tried to point out what was really making him scared shitless those last few days:
-... I'm really trying Marie, but... I can't do anything about it if you go to the States...
She looked down, slowly nodding her head. Eric froze “Shit, she's going”
-.... Yeah...ok....I know – She looked back at him, nodding, as if she was agreeing with him.
- What? - Eric wasn't sure of what she meant after all that.
-...Alright, Eric. I understand it
- Hm... Ok, so what exactly are you saying?
They looked at each other and Marie took another deep breath before talking. Eric was really nervous at that point. He felt like he had never spoke so much in such a short period of time. Probably an accurate feeling.
- Look, Eric, I'm sorry about that night... Not for what I said, I guess, but by the way I said it. I understand your side, I really do, but that doesn't change mine. I really feel like you've been... indeed too much of an asshole to me. The way you locked me out, the way you avoided me, the way … yes, the way you didn't trust me, Eric. - Eric opened his mouth but she never gave him the chance to talk - It might seemed like you did, but you didn't, several times you just didn't trust me at all, Eric... I mean, that's not how you treat someone you trust. And I know it was not intentionally, I know you weren't trying to hurt me with that, but... you did...A lot... Yes, you should've noticed it earlier. You should've done something about it earlier....I really tried to be there for you, and help you in every single possible way I could... And.... You know.... I just can't take that anymore... I just wish we could talk more Eric, that's all. Talk, you know... I really wish I could have talked about this Julliard's thing with you, you know...and I just couldn't... I never wanted to throw that at you like that, I know it was harsh from me... I just wanted to know we could have talked about ...stuff. I wouldn't have minded if you have said to me “What? No...Fuck Juilliard...” That would've been something, I would've laughed, I would've loved you....and the fact that I just knew I couldn't talk to you about things like that almost killed me these last weeks...These lasts months. Or, you know, about how we could have tried to help Mike, or Tom, or how I could've been there for you, if we were together, and trusting one another man. I just needed you to tell me what was going on on your mind, what... you needed me to do, how I could've helped you, and tell you how you could've helped me... We could've left Paris and go hid in Greenland for a while, you know – She smiled really quickly - things like that...We could've face all those things as a family, and specially you and me, as a couple. The worse was to keep imagining of all the shit you were not telling me too... It … It was killing me, Eric.... I told you that, like five hundred times, dude... You think I like telling you the same thing over and over again? You don't think I know it's annoying you? But how annoying do you think it was for me, man?
-...Yeah, I know....I know, I’m sorry… I'm so sorry.... I just... I don't know. Fuck, I'm really sorry...
She looked at him for a moment before speaking again.
-...Yeah, I know you are....- She sighed - It’s ok...
- No, Marie, it's not...
-Yeah, no...You're right, it's not... – For the first time that day, Marie truly smiled at him.
Eric gave her a weak smile in return
- …. Please don't go? Please? … See? I said it again! – He smiled at her – Besides, If you go, I`ll have to go after you, and I know that that would be too creepy for both of us…
Marie smiled again
- … Its ok Eric... that bridge is.... well, I guess it won't be for today, at least.
Eric's stomach turned upside down as he smiled.
- Really?
-Yeaaah... Really, really you stupid-head... I don't see myself as a Juilliard girl right now. It was my father idea to leave France for a while; I didn't even like it that much. Not for now, or for the near future, at least – She sighed - I just...I just wished we could've talked about it...Because, you know... It was a big deal for me.
Eric nodded with a sad grim.
-Yeah, I know, I understand...
Silence. He tried to break the tension.
- Soooo...“What? Noo...Fuck Juilliard”
Marie laughed.
- Fuck Juilliard! ...- Some people around them heard the “fucks”– Ops....- Marie laughed – Aiai... Nah, funny thing is I always wondered about this idea. Not specifically Juilliard, but yeah... something like that, or starting to work with classical music. You know?
- So why not? For real…
- Hmm... Timing doesn't seem right. All my bro's are in deep shit right now apparently. So me and my girls, we are preparing a task force to help with all the shit that wouldn't have happened if you guys had listened to us in the first place...
- Oh... Auch. Fair enough – He smirked
- Yeah...besides, with you guys needing me to write music and soon go on another tour and make a bunch of money, being a rock star and parties and success again...I don't know, that sounded more appealing to me right now... - She smiled at him
Eric smiled
- Really?
- Yeah-p
- Awesome...
Silence. The opportunity was in the air. He could've definitely asked her out to do something: Dinner, movies, a concert. But it wasn't the right time. Not yet. And she probably still needed some time, Eric thought. He didn't want to be that pushy: that talk with her had already been the highlight of his week. He was really relieved she was not going to the States by herself.
- Hmm... Weeell, I guess I'll see you around then... - Marie finally said.
Yeah, she definitely was waiting for some kind of invitation.
-Yeahh, hope to see you soon
- Alright... Byee
- Bye
While she was walking away, all he could think was:
“Fuck, I love you”
- Hey, Eric? - Jan interrupted his train of thoughts, approaching him from the school.
- Hmm... Yeah?
- We're good to go, dude...Are you coming or do you rather keep drooling over her? - He smirked
- Ha, shut up, man. Let's go...
A couple of weeks later, once again in Paris, Eric's parents sat down at Mike's place with everyone around them. (Mike, Isadora, Gustavo and Eric)
They were all very objectives: They once again spoke about Mike's debt, Eric's costs with the whole journalist situation, and about what they were able to put together, that would be available in the next couple of days for Mike.
In the same way, his father was very short when he said:
- We just called everyone here, because we made a decision a few weeks ago, and now we finally can let you guys now. We just sold our house in Brazil...
They all went dead silent.
-... Are you guys kidding me?
Mike very quickly shook his head, with a not-so-good facial expression, of guilt and disapproval.
- No...
- But dad... You guys loved that house...
The parents were in complete silence. Before speaking, his dad took a deep breath.
- ...Guys, listen. We understand your reactions, we knew it would be like that, but it is done. We thought we should give you guys a hand, help you keep all of what you've built and what's making you guys happy and united here. It's true, we loved that house, we were wishing to retire and move there one day, but as it is now, we had to be objectives. We had to find a way to stay above the water: I'm not going to retire next month, we are not moving back to Brazil next month, but this problems, right here, right now, are threating our family and our friends. We couldn't just stand aside and do nothing... So, I know nobody is gonna be happy with it, but as I said, it is done... And it is not because we don't trust you guys to handle the situation, it's just because we feel... we wanted to help...its ok. Things will get better, your brother won't need to get into more debts either, and we'll put the rest of the money aside, hun? It was being a huge cost to leave it there alone, so that's another reason... We just thought it was the right thing to do.
The room went silent for a while until Mike said:
- So at least let me make you guys partners in the school, and make a contract, I don't know. I want you guys to know I'll pay you back for whatever you are going to help me with as soon as possible...
- As you wish, Mike. But no matter what, we'd be very happy to help. Even if you don't want our help, we wanted to let you guys know that at least now in worst case scenario we are able to help a bit more than what we've been doing... This school, what it represents, is not just about you anymore, Mike. And I say that, because I know you've been trying not to be a burden on everyone's shoulders. You're not.... We're doing that for you, but as I said, we're also doing it for our family and everyone that we've met who loves that school. You shouldn't feel badly about it... Besides, as I said Mike, we also needed the money for Eric, and for the company, for us and etc etc... Even if you don't accept our help, the money will stay available aside to help our finances in the next couple of years.
Isadora eventually looked at Mike and smiled at him, but she knew he probably wasn't convinced at all.
Mike didn't show up at the studio the day after that talk. They just assumed he was too busy with the school. But one more day passed, and no sign of him. It was a coincidence, but that day Eric had to go to his office to ask him something. His office was empty. He asked around, and apparently he just hadn't show up. Eric called Isadora at some point, because nobody was answering the phone at home and it was going straight to Mike's voicemail when they tried his cell phone. She told him that Mike had gotten really sad with everything that happened and that he hadn't slept well in the past couple of nights. She told Eric to go check on him at home if he could.
Eric found him completely isolated in the apartment.
As both Isadora and Gustavo were out at school, Mike and Eric were completely alone at the apartment.
Mike had his head down, looking completely exhausted, playing some video games in the living room. Eric just sat by his side. A few minutes later, he got a beer in the kitchen for Mike, and a coke for him, and they started drinking almost at the same second.
- Hmm... Hey – He said to Eric - ... I know I should be at the school, Eric... - He sighed - I just didn't have the strength to go today... Or yesterday... I just felt like I needed to sleep for a while... And … Be alone for a bit - He said at some point
Eric didn't say a word. Mike kept playing video games for more twenty minutes in silence. Once he lost the game he was playing, he just passed the controller to Eric, who played for almost half an hour too before Mike opened his mouth again.
- … Fuck man, I still can't believe how screwed I am, how that guy screwed us over and... Arrr... Everything that is happening now...
Eric took a deep breath.
- … Yeah, I know, Mike...I know...me neither. But you're not screwed dude. I know it sounds hard to believe right now, but everything will be fine...
- ... I just can't believe I became such a big fucking problem for you guys...
- ...Duuude...no... Shut up. - Eric stopped playing, putting the controller in the table in front of them - You’re not a problem for us... Listen, if people didn't believe in you and in what you created, no one would have tried to help you and would have been here for you as they had. We believe in you, and we believe in your dream, man...
- It’s just cuz.
..arrr... it was so fucking awesome, wasn't it? - He had the festival on his mind, not that long ago, feeling like a century in the past – It seemed like everything was gonna work out, that I had made all the right decisions, you know...and then...- He sighed again – Ah...
Eric kept looking at Mike, probably with a straight face, and eventually said:
- And then shit happened... Dude, you did the right thing...you know it.
Mike shrugged his shoulders: He wasn't convinced at all. Eric had to try harder. He had to try harder for his friend, for his brother.
- Hey man... I don't think I ever told you this, but... It helped me a lot to have you by my side, all these years. Have your perspective on things and... Your ideals... Before and after the band. You... It's weird to say, but... You left the band at the right time, you took care of your life, and you started to build something for you and... And you let us help you with your dreams. Our band, well... it had been a while we weren't doing that for the right reasons anymore, right? Let's face it.... - Eric paused for a moment - You gave us a place to come, dude. To live, to work, to have fun and make friends. Now, I'm living with my family and that's been awesome...The best thing ever, seriously – He paused for a second - Just look at how many people had their life changed because of your school and your festival. Just take a look at the parties, see how many friendships were made. Here at home, that was always full of people... - Eric paused again - I believed in your dream and I still do... Just let us help you man, like you helped everyone around you. You helped everyone in these last few months without thinking twice, bro... Let me help you now, now that I can, because I really want to... Yeah, maybe you made a couple of mistakes and unfortunately we had this douchebag in our way, but so what? Are you gonna let this destroy everything you built? Seriously? … Because you're afraid of being a burden on me? Don't you know me at all, Mike? Don't you know your family at all? We wanna help you, and we'll do everything as possible, but we got to stick together man... it can't be like this anymore, ok? We can do it if we work together. You know it.
Mike was in complete silence, he sort of left his body sank in on the couch.
To the Paris of our dreams Page 40