by Erin Trejo
“Leave us,” he tells Dmitry. I watch the look he gives me before leaving the room. Alexei moves, coming toward the bed as my heart nearly beats out of my chest. Even broken and bruised he is still the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen. He makes my heart race and my thighs clench from just the look in his eyes. I’ve never met a man that could do that before him.
“Just let me go. You’ll never have to see me again, Alexei.” I want to beg him, I do but I can’t. Not when he’s looking at me with lust and danger in those beautiful brown eyes. He’s tearing my heart right from my chest and he doesn’t even know it.
“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. How I didn’t see this coming, how I was so stupid to think that you wanted me. I’ve learned my lesson, воробей. I never wanted to keep you captive until now. Why should I set you free? Hmm? Why should you get to fly after how you betrayed me?” His eyes are fueling a fire inside of me but the hurt that I caused him is killing me.
“I messed up. I should have told you sooner, but I honestly didn’t know until that night, on Christmas Eve. I knew I was supposed to get in with Mr. Pavlov but I never knew that was you!” I cry, tears falling down my cheeks. Alexei sits on the edge of the bed next to me, his warmth consuming all of me. He lifts his hand to my cheek and wipes my tears with his thumb before grabbing my chin roughly enough to make me yelp.
“How can I believe you? How can I know that you truly didn’t know what you were doing? You put on a good show, but I knew who you were too.”
“And you didn’t say anything,” I remind him.
“Why should I? Why would I? You were the one in my house pretending to be something you’re not! You betrayed me, Clara!” I jolt and try to move away from him, but his grip is too strong. He holds my face in his hands until it burns. My eyes water and only when Alexei slows his breathing, does he release his hold.
“I’m sorry, Alexei.”
“I know you are. I know you saved me, and do you know how much that makes me hate you?” I swallow hard unsure of what to say to him, but I have to say something.
“I understand that. I couldn’t let you die for someone as useless as my father. Yes, I was ordered by him to get in with you and kill you. Yes, I didn’t tell you who I was in the beginning, but I also didn’t know who you were either. Honestly, I didn’t care, Alexei. I fell in love with you. You gave me what I needed and what I craved, and you kept me safe. You gave me a place that I never had and something no one else ever could.”
“Which is what?”
“A home.” Neither of us speaks for a while sitting in our own brand of silence. Alexei doesn’t understand how much I need him. It isn’t just a physical need, it’s emotional and mental. He makes all the messed-up things in my head seem so normal even when I’m not.
“I don’t know what you want from me, Clara.”
“I want you to love me!” I scream as the tears trail down my face. “I want you to care for me, give me what I need. I want you to take what you want from me and make me whole! I’ve never felt whole in my life until you, Alexei. I just want you to love me!” His eyes darken as I scream louder. He takes a deep breath and stands from the bed. He heads toward the door before he stops and looks down.
“Just go! Run away and leave me alone like everyone else does!” I holler. Alexei spins around quickly making his way back to the bed and wrapping his hand possessively around my throat. It’s exactly the way I want him to.
“Don’t you get it, воробей. I do fucking love you. I don’t know how, but I do. I can feel it all throughout my body. There’s an ache in my chest when you aren’t near me. My obsession for you is over the top, but I can’t stop it. My head is a mess and I’m trying to figure out what to do because I’m about to lose control. Now, let me walk away and get my head straight before I hurt you. That’s the last thing I want right now.” His words send me soaring, but I see the darkness lurking in him. I nod my head slowly and Alexei releases his grip on me. He lowers his head and presses a rough kiss to my forehead before quickly leaving the room. I watch him go as tears fill my eyes. He does love me. He said so himself, so why do I still feel like I’m losing him anyway?
Chapter 29
Alexei
We’ve been healing for weeks. I refused to let Clara leave but for the most part, I’ve avoided her completely. The urge to go to her and take her in my arms is stronger than ever but I need to be rational. I’m not of sound mind right now with everything I’ve learned. In fact, I’m even more on edge because she doesn’t even know her father is still alive out there somewhere. I have my men looking, searching anywhere and everywhere. We have a faint trail that I intend to follow up on, but it seems like every time we get close, he just moves again. It truly maddens me.
“She’s going insane, you know?” Alina says as she steps into my office.
“And what would you like me to do?” I swallow what’s left in my glass and set it back on my desk when Alina comes closer. She rests her hands on the desk, looking me in the eye.
“Talk to her. Stop avoiding her like she has the plague for starters. You are slowly driving her mad, Alexei.”
“She’s right. You need to come now, Alexei. She is threating to kill herself again,” Dmitry says when he shows up in the doorway. I shove out of my chair and give Alina a look before following him down the hall. When I enter her room, I gasp. Clara stands in the corner, her eyes wild like she’s prey caught in the sights of the predator. In a way she is.
“What are you doing, воробей?” I ask as I carefully step toward her. Foot by foot, I take my time trying to draw her attention to me.
“I can’t do this, Alexei. Not anymore! Don’t you see that?” Tears spill down her cheeks breaking my heart. I can’t see her like this, so broken and lost. This isn’t my Sparrow.
“We aren’t doing anything, Clara. You need to put that razor blade down.”
“No. I want it over! I can’t be held here any longer, Alexei. I need to be free,” she screams pressing the blade a little harder. I can see her flinch and the tiny drop of blood as it leaks down her soft skin. My insides clench knowing that Clara is strong enough to do it. She has that mindset right now and nothing can stop her. I hope that part isn’t true.
“Everyone out,” I say looking over my shoulder. They all leave the room, the door closing behind them.
“Did you not listen to me the other night when I told you it kills me when you aren’t near me?” Her eyes come to meet mine and a sadistic smirk crosses her face. I’ve never seen this look on her.
“And yet you somehow managed while I’ve been locked away in a room,” she sneers, spitting her venom my way. Something flares in my chest when she’s like this.
“I have and that’s my fault. I have been trying to control myself, but there is also something you don’t know that I think you should,” I tell her holding my hand out to her. I want her to take it on her own. I don’t want to force anything on her. When she moves to lower the blade and steps toward me, my heart skyrockets. Her small hand slips into my mine and I pull her against me. The contentment that I feel with her pressed against me is foreign. I’ve never needed someone the way I need her. I lean down and inhale her scent, memorizing it.
“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Alexei,” she says softly, her breath lingering on my skin. It’s pure fucking heaven in our world of hell.
“Your father is alive. As are a few of his men. The men that took you, hurt you, are all dead,” I whisper softly. I don’t want to traumatize her any more than she already is. Her body trembles as she pulls away from me and stares up at me with those vacant eyes.
“He can’t be. How?” I shake my head unsure of how to answer that.
“I honestly don’t know. I thought they were all dead in the explosion. I thought you…” I can’t finish it. It hurts too much to say the words. Her head tilts slowly to the side taking me in.
“You thought I was dead,” she says softly. I nod my h
ead and watch her move. She tosses the razor blade to the floor and crashes her lips against mine. The kiss is heated, passionate, and full of everything you could ever want. She isn’t worried about her father right now. She’s worrying about me. Her tongue slowly slips into my mouth, her taste exploding on my senses. I grind my body against hers and she moans into my mouth. I reach for her waist and lift her in my arms. Clara wraps her legs around my waist as I carry her to the bed. Laying her down, I kiss her frantically. I climb off her and jerk my slacks down my legs, kicking them to the side, as Clara works herself out of her jeans. I groan at the sight of her laid out before me. I don’t want to rush this. I don’t want to hurt her as I’ve always done. I want her to feel me, feel what I feel for her. I need that connection with her. I climb between her parted thighs and slowly slip inside of her. When I lean down and kiss her gently, she moans.
“I need you, Alexei. More than I need air,” she whispers as I slowly move inside of her. I’ve missed her, more than I care to admit but being with Clara is everything to me.
“You have me, Clara. All of me. Never doubt that, воробей. I don’t know what you did to me, but I can’t live without you. I can’t breathe,” I admit as my cock jerks inside of her. Clara moans, her parted lips looking so perfect. I pull out slowly only to push back into her.
“Alexei, I need you to fuck me hard. Please,” she begs. It’s like music to my sickened ears. I don’t question her. I don’t tell her that I wanted to make her feel my love. I lift her leg over my shoulder and pound into her. My hand slides up her body, wrapping around my favorite part of her. With her throat locked in my grasp, I tighten my hold watching her eyes widen. I take her harder and faster, loving the way her pulse jumps against my fingers as I cut off her air supply. Her body writhes and clenches, taking hold of every part of me. My cock jerks again as my balls tighten. A tingle races down my spine as I explode inside of her. Clara comes with me, her nails scraping along my skin. I grunt as I fill her full of me, feeling her slickness envelop me. I lean down and press my lips to her ear, kissing her and whispering how much I need her.
“I love you, Sparrow. I love you,” I whisper the words over and over loving the way her body clenches each time.
“I love you, Alexei. More than you could know.”
“Rest now. We have big plans, you and I.”
“What plans do we have?” She asks while she yawns.
“You are going to be my wife, Clara. I’ve told you I can’t live without you. I don’t like the feelings I have when you aren’t near me. The way I can keep you is by making you my wife,” I inform her.
“You can’t just tell me that we’re getting married!” She tries to protest which is cute but that doesn’t change anything.
“I can, and I did. You will marry me. Now sleep,” I tell her kissing the top of her head and holding her body against me. I never want to let her go. As her body slowly relaxes, I can feel her breathing even out. I know she’s asleep and I’m perfectly content on holding her like this for the rest of our lives.
Chapter 30
Clara
I’m awakened from a deep sleep when I hear men yelling. Rolling over I notice Alexei isn’t in bed with me anymore. I yawn and slip from beneath the covers, grabbing my clothes and pulling them back on. Making my way from the room, I run my fingers over my neck, smiling from the rawness I feel from his fingers being wrapped around it. Alexei is a dark soul, but I love how he brings me to life.
As I pad down the hallway, I see Lev, Alexei’s cousin. I’ve met him a few times but we’ve never really talked.
“What’s happening?” I ask catching his attention. He looks down at me and his eyes lower to my neck. I’m sure Alexei has left his mark and for some silly reason, I love that.
“I’m sure Alexei doesn’t want you to be a part of this,” he says before turning and walking down the stairs. I don’t care what he thinks. After being away from Alexei, I want to be near him. I jog down the steps and find the men moving toward the basement. None of the others say a word as I follow along. Once we reach the bottom, I move past them and into the room when I stop and gasp. My father has a noose around his neck, standing on a chair, as Alexei circles him with a knife and a deadly glint in his eyes. The man with him is already dead or at least appears to be. I watch in an intrigued silence as Alexei walks slowly around him until he stops to face him.
“There are many things I’d like to keep punishing you for, but I don’t want to waste another second away from my fiancé,” Alexei says. My father’s eyes widen, or as much as they can seeing how he’s already been beaten. Blood drips from multiple wounds as Alexei makes another. The knife plunges into his stomach, my father screaming in pain. I can’t stop the smirk that crosses my face. Nor can I stop my feet when they begin to move. Before I can think of anything else, I’m standing next to Alexei. He doesn’t need to look to know that I’m here. He can feel me just like I can feel him.
“Do you have anything to say to your daughter?” Alexei asks him. My father turns his broken and battered face to look at me and smirks.
“You make me sick. Just the way your mother did. You are nothing to anyone,” he hisses.
“I am someone to Alexei,” I say before kicking the chair out from under him. His body jerks and his eyes bulge. I don’t blink as I stare at the man that gave me life, yet took it away. Oddly, I don’t feel bad for taking his life. I feel a sense of pride, especially when looking up at the smile on Alexei’s face.
“You are my own darkness,” he says before leaning down and kissing me.
“I have to tell you something. I don’t know if you’ll be happy or not.”
“Anything that leaves your lips I’ll be happy with, воробей. Just don’t tell me you’re leaving me,” he says, his tone firm.
“I’m pregnant.” His eyes darken, and for a minute, I’m not sure what he will do. He cocks his head to the side, studying me, before placing a hand over my stomach. His eyes come back to meet mine and I’m lost in him. The killer, the man that bought me, the man that saves me every day of my life. How I ever lived without him, I will never know. I don’t plan on finding out.
“A child?” he asks, his brows furrowed. I nod my head slowly and a small dark smirk crosses his features.
“You kill alongside me. You hold a darkness in you that I crave. You can ruin me with your words, but you are giving me something as perfect and precious as a child? You amaze me, Clara.” His words cause tears to spring to my eyes. He pulls me into his chest and kisses the top of my head.
“I love you, Alexei.”
“I know you do and that’s what allows me to breathe every day of my life. That’s the reason I wake up and take another breath. You don’t know how much I’m obsessed with you. With every detail of you, your body, your mind, and your heart. Leaving me is never going to be an option now, do you understand that?” When I pull back and look up at the man that I love, I don’t think I can picture myself without him.
“You gave me a home. You gave me a heart and there will never be a reason for me to go, Alexei. You mean everything to me.” He nods his head and lowers his lips to mine. His kiss is harsh and hard just like the man himself. I gladly take it, all of it because this is us. This is who we are together. There isn’t a better feeling in the world than knowing that you have a man’s heart.
“Now, let’s go get married.”
“Right now?” I smirk at him.
“I have the paperwork together in my office as well as the pastor. I want it official now and then we can plan for a big wedding, yes?” My mouth gapes open as I stare up at him.
“You wouldn’t deny me would you, воробей?” His words and the way he spoke them send a chill down my spine. I shake my head and smile.
“No. Never.” Our love is complicated just like the two of us. We came into this life together not knowing one another, but when we looked hard enough, we are more alike than we thought. We hold each other’s light in
our dark hands, and that’s what makes us shine.
The end.
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[cs1]Stephan?