"I love being a nomad or a rogue, whatever you want to call it." Chase said happily, while bouncing it on his hip.
"Why?" Nick asked.
"I don't know. I just do." Chase responded with a happy smile.
Turning the corner, Ryan's mother's house was coming into view. I didn't know how Serenity and Ryan managed living with her after so many years of them living alone. Approaching their house, I walked up the small path and knocked lightly on the large wooden door.
It popped open and Ryan eyed us for a moment before opening the door widely.
"Hi Ryan." I said up to him as I walked past him, nodding his head. He put his hands out for it. I didn't take Ryan as the person to like children, but he had a thing for it.
"How's Champ going?" Ryan said happily and took him from Chase's arms.
"Apart from not letting Uncle Chase sleep, which I think is becoming a hobby of his. He is good," Chase replied, and I left them chatting as I walked in the direction of the lounge room.
"Serenity?"
"Isabella?" Serenity's eyes snapped around to face me and I frowned at the panic in her eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to visit?" I asked, slightly unsure, as I walked towards the couch. "Is everything alright?"
"Um yep." Serenity stood up quickly and then started searching frantically on the couch for something. Throwing pillows off the couch in every direction.
"RYAN?" Serenity yelled as she kept searching for something and then cursed under her breath.
"Um, why don't we go into the kitchen?" She said looking me in the eye and her expression screamed she was guilty of something.
"Why?" I frowned at her, and glanced over my shoulders as the boys walked in.
"Has it started?" Ryan's mother, Anne, walked into the room and I shot her a weak smile. I noticed how her eyes went wide as she stared at me.
"Anne, have you seen the remote?" Serenity quickly snapped at her, as she stood frozen in the doorframe. Everyone stared blankly at Serenity and her sudden need to find the remote.
"Look at this Champ, your Aunty Serenity is losing her mind." Chase sung with a humorous tone to it.
Church bells rang from the large LCD TV from behind her, and I took a side step to see what it was she was watching. Though she blocked my view as she matched my step with wide eyes.
"Lets go to the kitchen?" She said before biting her lip "Um yep, lets go in there now." She however didn't move, like she was waiting for me to go there before her.
"What are you watching Serenity?" I narrowed my eyes at my sister as she looked nervously into my eyes.
"Nothing. Come on to the kitchen." She shifted her weight from side to side.
But the ringing of church bells caught my attention again and I quickly moved around the couch and looked at the TV. Frowning as I looked at the large church full of people on the TV, all were standing up to their feet.
"Isabella, trust me when I say, you do not want to see this." Serenity panicked beside me and I dodged her arm as she attempted to pull me away.
The wedding march began to flow through the TV speakers, and I watched as the camera zoomed into the bride as she walked down a massive church aisle. Her dress flowed out to each side and a large train followed behind her. Her face was shielded from the veil.
The camera slowly changed to a different angle and swooped up from behind the bride as she walked towards the alter. The angle showed the massive church filled of people, all eyes on the bride. Slowly the camera twisted and the broad, strong back of a man in a tux jacket came into view. My legs slowly began weak and I slowly lowered myself to the couch behind me, and sat on the edge.
The camera's angle changed once more and focused in, as the man took the bride's hand. Slowly the camera faded out and that was when I got a full look at Connor.
His face was wiped of emotion, but he did shoot his bride a small smile, an almost forced smile as he helped her up the alter step.
My eyes stayed glued to the screen as I watched it unfold. I felt every pair of eyes on me as I watched in hurt, as the man I loved led his bride to the center of the alter. He was marrying her.
The camera's twisted and focused on Connor. He looked the same. But I noticed the light darkness that surrounded his eyes. He was marrying her. I couldn't stop repeating that thought through my mind, it was as if it was on a loop.
As they turned to face each other, I couldn't stop myself from running my hand under my loose t-shirt and my fingers across my mark, his mark. He was mine. The mark was on my shoulder to prove it. I had attempted to avoid touching it at all costs, since my birthday.
The camera zoomed onto Connor's face and I noticed how his eyes weren't focused on his bride, instead they were glued on her shoulder. I glanced up at the top of the screen. A little 'live' flashed continually.
This was live. Right now, across the other side of the world, my mate was marrying another. Connor was taking a bride, a queen, to his throne. Connor suddenly snapped his eyes back to Melissa's hidden face from beneath the veil.
"Is, I am so sorry, I didn't know you were coming around." Serenity sat down next to me on the couch and placed a hand on my knee.
"How did you know this was on?" My voice was close to a whisper as I kept my eyes on the screen.
"Um Anne's Alpha passed the channel frequency onto everyone. There have been invitations and notices about the broadcast for weeks." She answered beside me.
My breathing slowed as I watched Tyler, Connor's friend step forward and hand across the rings; which were then blessed.
As Connor began to say his vows, I felt my body arch and soak into the tone of his voice. It was a pity his words whipped across my heart and relit the dull flames of anger and hurt that remained, always lit in my core for him.
I let the shield that I held so firmly in place, slip down. It was a relief, like a headache disappearing as I let him in. My connection to him automatically filled my mind, it was as if the months that I had kept him blocked meant nothing.
"How could you?" My voice floated from inside my mind and into his. Anger, hurt and betrayal drove my need to reach out for him, for the first time in months.
I watched on the screen as his eyes went wide and shock wrapped around his expression. Melissa's dull voice was floating from the speakers as she said her vows to him.
"Isabella?" Connor's voice was like icy water as it crept into my mind. No one had entered my mind for so long, it felt as if it was unnatural. But Connor's voice inside my head always felt like it belonged, and that was what caused the pain through my chest.
"I know this is how it is meant to be, but yet I wish it wasn't." These were the only words I could respond back to him, these were the words I chose to swoop into his mind before I pulled my shield back up.
I was watching him wed another on a TV, I was watching as she promised to always be his. The camera slowly twisted and Connor's face was brought to light. His eyes were coated with regret, and I knew that our sudden conversation had caused it.
As the church bells rang, Connor let go of Melissa's hands as he reached for the end of her veil and slowly pulled it up. Standing on my feet, Connor's and Melissa's lips connected for a split second before he pulled away, and as the church echoed with applause, it burnt my eardrums.
The camera changed angles once more and focused on King Griffin and Queen Griffin. I gulped as I took in the child that lay still in Queen Griffin's arms. Her granddaughter. You could tell by the way she held the infant with such love and protection.
I brushed the stray tear from my cheek before it fell any further. This was what was meant to happen. I knew that even though I pretended like Connor never existed; my mind would still be always connected with him. My love once for him was marked forever on his shoulder and his love for me on mine.
But yet, he walked down the aisle with her hand loosely threaded through his arm. Finally the screen began to fade to black and I watched the man I loved but could never be with, slowl
y fade into the screen.
"Is." Serenity reached out for me, as she lowered the remote to the couch. I turned around to face all the worried faces.
My chest heaved up and down as I steadied my breathing and covered the hurt that flared through me. Slowly, my eyes drifted to the infant that clung to Ryan's side. His soft, haunting, black little eyes slowly twisted to look at me.
His father's eyes. I was to never escape him. Connor would always and forever be a part of my life because his living son would never let me forget him.
"His name can be Cooper." I finally muttered and then tore my eyes away from the infant and walked from the room. The silence and surprise deafened my ears, as everyone remained still and in shock. Perhaps from watching me, witness my mate marry another or perhaps it was the first time that I actually acknowledge the infant. But I think their silence was due to the fact that the infant now had a name.
Cooper.
I wiped the last tear from my cheek, after I closed their front door softly. I would not cry for him anymore, as much as my heart bled for him. I couldn't.
Chapter Two
Connor
She was watching.
She had to be watching; I glanced at the closest camera. She was alive; she was still breathing. I took a little comfort in that; I had to see her. I had to find her.
Melissa reached out for the child and I closed my eyes, taking pleasure from Isabella's lingering voice in my mind. Her words were coated with pain as they replayed in my mind, and I longed to wipe her from it.
From the pain she was living in out there, but she was alive. She was alive. I would not stop my hunt for her. I would never give up searching for her.
Melissa's light laughter caused my eyes to open once more. She had got the wedding she longed for and now I could return to the more important issue, finding my mate.
Melissa turned up to look at me and as more cameras flashed to take pictures of us, I kept her intense eye.
"She contacted you, didn't she?" Melissa whispered up at me and I noted the tone of disgust in her voice. I demanded silent, I despised her and would not waste one word on her.
"Well at least, you now know. She won't ever return. Not after knowing this." Melissa said smugly up at me before walking away in her white gown with our child.
As I thought her words over, it was then I realized. That Isabella would never seek me or let me seek her; even though I sent men out blindly looking for her.
Melissa and I were now wedded, and if she had witnessed this, she would think I have given up on her; on us.
Without thinking, I pushed past the well-wishers and slipped into the shadows of the large church. Falling down to the bench and placing my head in my hands. Isabella was lost, and it was my fault. I had lost her.
I knew then that the pain that was present in my everyday life would never go away. I would never be able to deal with the loss of her and knowing I may never see her again.
I let my body be consumed with the grief I had kept at bay. My hope was fading and I somehow knew that I would never find her, but that didn't mean I would give up.
ISABELLA
I closed the door softly as Chase slept heavily in our bed. Walking down the corridor, I paused at Cooper's ajar door. I glanced up the small corridor, it was empty, I heard Nick's solid soft snoring and I knew Chase was also a sleep.
I have come accustom to sharing a bed with Chase now. At first it felt strange, sleeping with another. But the house was only three bedrooms and I couldn't be sleeping in the same room as the infant and well, Nick was out of the question. At the beginning, Chase would just hold me until I cried myself to sleep. I glanced back at Cooper's ajar door.
I pushed his door open and saw his little body rising up and down as he lay in his crib. I walked to his crib and placed both hands on the rail. He was lying on his back, his little hand curled into a fist. I felt the regret rise in my stomach.
I should have left him with a family that could love him. I reached out to brush the little black hair from his forehead, but pulled my hand back as soon as I realised what I was doing. Stepping away from the crib, I ran my hands through my red hair.
Slowly, I backed away from the room and walked back in a hard chest. A hand wrapped around my mouth, muffling my scream. My chest rose heavily and my hand flung up to remove the one covering my mouth, turning in his chest to face him.
"What are you doing up?"
Nick's eyes were covered with surprise as he watched me carefully. "I heard noises in Cooper's room. I knew Chase was asleep."
Nick’s beta instincts were still strong.
I nodded my head and stepped away from him. "Sorry for waking you up."
Nick's eyes studied my eyes. "Are you right Is?" he arched an eyebrow, as I stepped away from him.
"I'm fine. Go back to bed." I turned away from him and walked out of the corridor and into the lounge room.
Why had I gone in there? I softly pulled open a cupboard door and pulled out a cup. I heard Nick sit down on the stool. I turned around to face him. He ran his hand through his short hair and his tone chest rose.
"Do you want one?" I asked and pulled out another cup when he nodded his head.
"How are you coping?" Nick's voice was thick.
I placed the cups under the coffee machine, flipped the bottom and turned to face him. "I'm not."
I crossed my arms and watched the pity roll across his eyes. The coffee machine clicked and I reached out for the two hot cups. Walking around the small kitchen island, I took the stool next to him, placing the coffee in front of him.
"I would say it gets better, but I don't want to lie." He reached for the coffee "Over time you begin to live with it."
"I don't feel like I am living." I wrapped both hands around the hot cup, "I don't feel anything."
"You have a son." Nick said softly, "You should feel something for him."
"Regret. I feel regret." I looked him in the eye, "I can't love him."
"Because loving him would be like loving Connor." Nick's voice was low, "But you can't ignore Cooper."
"I don't ignore him." I sipped from the coffee "I just-"
Nick placed a hand on my knee, "You have to Is, what you are doing is only making it harder."
"I can't." I looked him in the eye, "I won't."
He stood up from his stool and stood in front of me. "Connor is a part of you. When you stop fighting that, that is when you can start to move on."
"Sophia is dead. It's different. Your mate didn't just wed another and have a child to another woman. You weren't left with a child that stares up at you with your mate's eyes."
Nick inhaled slowly and exhaled softly. I knew what he was doing. He was calming himself. I shouldn't have mentioned her name. I knew it would burn like acid when he heard it.
"I'm sorry." I muttered. My own hurt was turning me bitter. "I'm sorry."
Nick brushed a hand across my cheek and pushed the few stray hairs which had fallen to shield my face.
"I will always love Sophia. You will always love Connor."
I looked up to his eyes, "What do you want me to say?"
Nick lowered his head to mine and brushed his lips across mine, "Cooper might not understand why his mother ignores him now. But when he does, your chance to accept him as your son will be gone."
I was still for a moment after Nick had kissed me. I frowned my eyebrows together; reaching out, I took his hand. "I need to let go don't I."
"No." he shook his head lightly, "You need to accept that things end and things begin. Your relationship with Connor ended, but your relationship with Cooper should be beginning."
I dropped my hand from Nick's and he moved past me, spinning around on the stool.
"And my relationship with you?" I spoke to Nick's back, "Why did you kiss me?"
"To remind you," Nick said over his shoulder, "things end."
I got up from the stool and slowly followed him down the corridor, he left his door open and I
went to stand in his door frame.
"So what are we now?" I said slowly, watching Nick as he sat down on the edge of his bed, placing his head in his hands.
"Broken." He muttered and then pulled his hands from his face, "We are broken. But that doesn't mean we can't be fixed."
"Connor has most of the pieces of me, parts I can't get back." It pained me to speak his name, it pained me to remember him.
"Then you start living with the pieces you have left." He looked me in the eye, "And you start loving Connor's son."
I walked into his room and closed the door softly behind me, "The little parts I have left bled for him and ache for him."
Nick got up from the bed and walked towards me, "Then you distract them." Nick placed both hands on my hips. "You distract yourself."
His hot breath swirled around my face.
"By?"
"Just stop thinking." He lowered his lips to mine, "Let yourself give in to her."
Give in, give in to my wolf. Let myself let go. Let my wolf have control for once. I knew I kept her trapped, since Cooper was born I had even a tighter grip on her.
I closed my eyes "I can't the pain and want for my mate, won't let me."
"Shush." Nick whispered in my ears, while pulling me into his chest. "Just stop."
"Nick, I can't sleep with you." I kept my head low and my hair fell around my face, once again.
"Yes you can because you need to let go." Nick ran a hand down my spine and I knew he was right.
If I let my wolf take control, she would mate with Nick. Even though she wants Connor as much as I do, even though it curls my stomach to think about sleeping with another man.
"I can't." I said putting a hand on his chest, "I can't have sex with you."
I reached for the door knob and pulled it open, slipping through it quickly and closing it softly.
I couldn't sleep with him. I would never let myself be with another man, because whether I liked it or not, Connor had taken that away from me. He took my ability to ever sleep with another man.
Royal Blood and One Forever : Book Three Page 2