"Cooper, come on, tell mom what's wrong." My voice was soft, but he didn't curl into my side like he would normally, which told me he was upset.
He didn't say a word, just sat there glaring at his feet. His eyes were hollow and dark, just like Connors. Apart from Cooper's even went darker, if that was possible when he was sad.
"I don't have a dad." He muttered, barely above a whisper. "Uncle Ryan told me he lives somewhere else, Uncle Nick told me to ask you, and Uncle Chase told me that he loved me." Cooper leant his head back to look up at me. "But if he loved me, why would he not talk to me?"
And just like this, I was suddenly faced to face the subject I had been avoiding. What should I say? What do I tell him? Was he old enough to understand everything? Would he hate me from keeping me from his dad?
Closing my eyes tightly, I just had to face it. "What would you like to know?"
"I can ask anything?" Cooper sounded excited. "Anything at all?"
"Yes." I gulped, trying to keep the fear from my voice. Fear of his questions. "Shoot."
"What's his name?"
"Connor, but to you dad."
"Where does he live?"
"Far away."
"Is he strong?"
"Yes."
"Stronger than Uncle Chase."
"Yes." I smiled at the pride in Cooper's eyes as he heard that. "But don't tell your Uncle that."
"I won't." Cooper turned around and crossed his legs in front of him. "Does he love me?"
"Yes." If Connor knew about him, I was sure he would love him. He was still our son. Though his love for me might me challenged when he does find out.
"Do I look like him?"
"You have his eyes." I couldn't stop smiling at the happiness that was coming from Cooper, as his eyes shown with a crystal blue tint. "And you're strong like him, and kind."
"Is dad kind?"
My mouth when dry and my stomach flipped. Cooper had just called Conner dad. Why did that surprise me so?
"Um, yes. He is." I nodded my head, still in shock.
"Why doesn't he live with us?"
And there it was, the question that often sent terrors of fear down my spine when I thought how I was to answer it.
"Your dad is a. . . powerful man. He has committed he has to fulfil, to others."
That was slightly and covered the main point. But when I saw Cooper's disappointment, I felt guilty.
"So he doesn't want to be around me?"
"No." I shook my head and lifted his head up, so Cooper's eyes met mine. "He would if he could. But I keep you from him."
I wanted to scream at myself for saying that. But I couldn't have Cooper sit here and think Connor didn't want him! It was partly my fault he didn't have a relationship with him, not fully my fault.
"WHY!" Cooper yelled. "WHY!"
"I can't explain that to you Cooper, you just have to understand that."
"So I don't see dad, because you don't want me too?"
"Yes."
"I hate you mom." His voice was a low growl.
I shook my head, seeing the hate in his eyes. He was angry Isabella, don't take it to heart that was what I kept telling myself. But I still couldn't form words, so I just got up from the bed. Half helped by Cooper as he attempted to push me off.
"GET OUT I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU! I WANT TO LIVE WITH DAD!" he roared at me, while pushing me in the back.
As he slammed the door behind me, I stood frozen in the hallway. Before sliding down his closed door and crying.
I should have expected that reaction, but it hurt. The last few weeks I knew it was coming, but it didn't mean it was pleasant to face.
Chase came pounding up the stairs and looked at me with pity for a moment before sighing and joining me on the floor.
"He hates me." I muttered."He hates me and Connor will too when he finds out."
Chase placed a hand on my knee. "Cooper will get over this, he is just hurt."
"He growled at me." I looked at Chase sideways. "He is beginning to show changes."
"It won't be much longer." Chase shot me a weak smile. "You are going to have to tell Connor, sooner than later."
"I know. . . but. . ."
"What if Connor takes him from you?" Chase understood and I nodded my head.
"Or father might or what if Cooper chooses Connor over me?"
"Connor wouldn't hurt you like that." Chase wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side and squeezing me tightly.
"Because Connor has never hurt me before." I muttered with slight bitterness.
"It's Cooper's decision, Is." Chase sighed. "And you have to start to see the bigger picture."
"It's time to tell Connor?" I leant my head against Chase's shoulder ."Isn't it?"
"Yeah it is."
Closing my eyes, well I guess I can't just keep creating in my mind what might happen. It was time to see what will happen and it terrified me, but it was time to open my mind to Connor. Time to rebuild a relationship, perhaps not a romantic one, but he was my mate and I couldn't hide in the past forever.
It was time to let go.
Chapter Twelve
Connor
"Melissa does it really matter?" I groaned as she placed yet another blueprint for the hall in front of me. "She is only turning seven."
"Connor, it is your daughter's birthday, could you at least pretend to have an interest?" Melissa slapped the decoration samplers on the desk which she had under her arm. "Just one day, put her before your self-pity."
"Fine." I pushed the royal contacts aside and pulled her junk across. "What am I meant to be deciding?"
She seemed to miss the anger in my words, and a pleasant smile captured her lips. "Well, do you think this plan would suit the layout of the room better? Or do you think that we should go with a theme?"
I looked between the two blueprints, each with equal amount of detail. I could argue with Melissa that this was highly possible, the worse time for me to be wasting time on such pathetic decisions. But after living with her for so long, I found it easier to just give in to her.
"This one May likes purple." I glanced at the assigned decorations. "Which one does she like, anyway?"
"That one." Melissa smiled sweetly from the chair she had dragged up next to me. "Like father, like daughter, I guess."
Melissa took the blueprint from my hand and placed it in the folder. I sat back in the chair, I mightn't love her but Melissa was or could be a nice person when she wanted to be.
"What are we going to get her?"
She looked across at me, with pure shock. "You actually care?"
"She's my daughter." Smiling softly at her. "Of course I care what we get her."
"Well." Melissa turned in her seat to face me, excited. "She really wants to see Paris, I thought maybe we could take her there? But then she really wants a pony, so I thought maybe that? But then is that too much. . ."
"She can have everything she wants." I cut her little rant off, "So why don't you just organise what you know she defiantly wants."
"That's really generous." She looked taken back. "We can't spoil her that much, its only her seventh birthday."
"Says her mother, who is planning a mini ball for her." I arched an eyebrow amused at her. " Anyway, it will be her last one, before she changes." I pointed out.
Melissa's face dropped of expression and her eyes turned to terror. "She still has at least another year or so before that."
"I wouldn't count on it." I shrugged my shoulders, "She has already taken a slower time to change than expected."
"Connor, you love May, don't you?"
"Why would you ask that?" I raised an eyebrow and turned the chair to look at her closely. "You already know the answer."
"Nothing could change the love you have for her?" She challenged me, and her defence took me by surprise.
"May is mine, so why would it?"
Melissa eyes held mine for a moment before she quickly got up and began to scoop up her docum
ents and things. "Thanks for your input." She said softly while clenching all the documents to her chest and walking out.
Frowning at her slender back as it slid through my study door. Leaving me now alone with my work. Exhaling slowly, I twisted back in my seat and pulled the contacts back to me.
I was studying the fine print of a royal contact when I felt it. The resistance disappears, my eyes widened, as I felt the shield evaporate. The brick wall my mind always fought, the resistance I had always faced, now gone.
Closing my eyes, I leant back into the arm chair. The sharp pulsating ache that I had come to live with every day was gone, disappeared. I was to overcome enjoying and relaxing without the pain, that it took me a few moments to realise what it meant.
Isabella had pulled her shield down for the first time in years.
She hadn't done it to just contact me, as she hadn't reached out for me. Instead she had simply pulled it down, to let me and her to be connecting once again. I felt my inner wolf soak in the connection to her, like I was.
Any minute I waited for her to pull it up, for her to shut me back out, but she hadn't.
Had she slipped up? Was she unaware she was letting me? Out of curiosity I reached out into her mind, feeling for her thoughts, but her mind was empty.
She must be keeping it free from thoughts. I stood up from my chair and went to lie down on the long leather couch, across the room. Placing my hands behind my head, I closed my eyes.
Bathing, soaking in the calmness of her mind and I felt at peace. Slowly I felt myself sink deeper in her mind, I picked up on the soft playing of piano music in the background; as if she was listening to it herself.
The stress, my worries, my responsibilities faded as I drifted through her mind, through her world.
'Why?' I finally brought myself to speak a question to her, finally bringing myself to see what had brought her to connect with me. She had remained silent, the whole time I searched her mind.
'What have you done today?' her sweet soft voice floated in my mind. Like life to a dying man, it only made me remember what I had missed for so long. What I had missed out on.
'Duties and helping Melissa.' My own reply was low and soft. My mind in the deep pits of her relaxation.
'Help Melissa with?' her voice in my mind, only caused me to sink deeper into her grips.
'May's birthday plans.'
'Is that soon?' she was capable to draw any answer from me as I laid here in this state.
'Yes in a few days.'
'Melissa has left it late.'
'Partly my fault.' I sighed externally. 'I had been avoiding helping.'
'You sound exhausted, Connor.'
'I doubt you can pick that up through my voice.'
'No, but your energy and emotions seem to be drained.' As her voice flowed across the walls of my mind, I noted her concern. 'Perhaps you should sleep?'
'Is this you saying you're leaving?' I couldn't help the rage that came across my body but mainly my blood boiled with bitterness. She had given me a sweet taste and I despised the thought of knowing it would be soon taken away.
'Can we sleep together tonight?'
I jolted up and sat up right on the couch, my eyes wide. 'What did you just say?' She couldn't of said what I thought she had said.
'Can we sleep together tonight?' her voice was light, she was seeking permission to stay.
'You. . . want to. . . stay connected?' my inner voice stuttered and waved with confusion as it entered her mind.
'I think after everything we have been through, we deserve to, well I know it won't be easy but. . .'
'Okay.' My voice coated with eagerness.
'I miss you.' She whispered in my mind. 'As much as it hurts to admit it, I do. I know I said that I would never forgive you, but,'
'It's okay,' My own voice comforting her mind. 'You don't have to explain your thoughts to me. But is it even night time where you are?'
Was that prying? Was that seeking too much information?
'No, it's not.' She replied.
I wasn't going to question it further, I didn't want to push her away.
Our minds both engulfed in the silence that followed. Not thinking, not talking, just soaking and sucking in each other's mind and energy. My wolf wasn't fighting to be free. He was bathing in his connection to his mate.
The theories always said that the outer body connection with our mate was for our human side. While our mind link connection was to bring peace to our wolf side. The only time they were at peace was when they were linked together.
My wolf didn't have to fight the shield that Isabella had had in place for so long, blocking me out. Both sides of me were calm and it was because of her.
'I miss you.' My voice crept into her mind a dull desperate whisper.
'You have me now.'
'What do you look like? I mean, are you still the same? What is your life like?' my curiosity again over took. Isabella had reached out to me; I wasn't going to waste time.
'Close your eyes.' Her little voice washed through my mind, 'I'll show you.'
I closed my eyes readily, and scenes began to float to the top of my mind from her. A reflection of her in the mirror. She was the same. Though her eyes had a slight grey to them, from sadness I guessed.
She showed me a few more scenes, mainly of Serenity, Ryan and Chase. All the scenes showed their happiness, but yet I didn't see or feel Isabella's in the moments.
From the short different scenes she played me, or showed me; I could come to the conclusion they were traveling.
'My life.' She whispered, 'But there is one thing missing I haven't showed you. But that I think best to tell you in person.'
I was still consumed with the images or scenes she had showed me and my mind needed to drift over her words a few times before understanding what she meant.
'IN PERSON?' My voice burst into her mind, loud and dominant. 'You're coming to see me?'
Nick had returned days ago, he only stayed for a few short hours. Had he said something to her to return to me? Or what was so important that she had to tell me in person.
'I don't know if I am strong enough at the moment to face you, please just let me take small steps into this before...'
'Before you visit me?'
The excited coursed through me. After all these years, finally I would see her. Finally, I would be able to take in her new scent without her royal blood.
'Before I come to tell you something.' For some reason her voice floated to the top of my mind correcting me, for her reasons on why she was visiting me.
'Tell me?'
'I can't tell you now.'
"Connor?"
My head turned to Melissa as she closed the study door behind her. "It's late, are you coming to bed?"
I knew mine and Isabella's connection was strong in this moment, so I knew she would be able to hear every word she said. Perhaps she could always make out an image of Melissa standing there. That was our deep our connection had developed.
"I'm. . .”
'You can go to bed with her Connor, I won't pull the shield up.'
I frowned at Isabella's reassurance. Why would she encourage me to go to bed with that woman?
"You’re?" Melissa placed a hand on hip, waiting for me to finish.
Over a year ago I had given into her nagging about me sleeping in the same room as her. And as our bed was so large, we didn't touch and if she attempted too; I would put her back in her place.
She only attempted to touch me once, that was how my reaction feared her. She learnt her lesson.
"I'm coming." I finished and got up from the couch. "Is May asleep?"
She nodded her head and held the door open for me. It should be the other way around, but I didn't bother to correct it.
"I am going to see her, and then I will come to bed." I said to her as I walked quickly away from her.
'There is someone I want you to meet.' I told Isabella.
May stayed still on
her bed, sleeping peacefully on her side, facing me as I kneeled down beside her bed.
'This is May.' My voice softly told Isabella, as I focused on my sleeping daughter. I wanted her to get a clear image of what she looked like now. 'She takes after Melissa, but her personality is beautiful.'
I told her like a proud parent, and for some reason I wasn't scared that Isabella would be hurt by this. She would know me; she knew that I couldn't hate my own blood.
Even though the way May came in to the world had torn us apart.
'She looks beautiful.' Isabella softly told me and I could sense her focusing on the image I was giving her. 'She looks healthy.'
'She is.' I got up from beside her bed and slowly went to leave the room. 'She has me trained well though.'
'I would beat.' Isabella sounded amused. 'Tough on the outside, soft on the inside.'
I grunted as I closed May's door quietly. Hearing Isabella make fun of me, didn't anger me. No it fluttered my pulse with happiness.
'She is an angel when she chooses to be, though sometimes I think she likes to demand the impossible, just to watch me have to say no. Though,'
'You wouldn't have it any other way.' Her voice finishing the sentence in my mind for me 'They become a part of you, even though sometimes it is hard to face it.'
'Exactly.' I stopped in the hallway 'Are you okay, sweetie?'
I felt a sudden wave of sorrow shiver through her, just for a few moments. Her sadness was my sadness, I felt it. So when I said it was clenched my heart, it did.
'It's nothing.' She withdraws from our connection slightly, just enough for me not to be able to tell if she was alright or not. 'I'm fine.'
Frowning, I kept walking down the corridor. 'You don't have to stay connected with me, if you don't want too.'
'So when is your daughter's party?' Isabella's voice drifted into my mind, changing my train of thought.
'This weekend.'
'After it, I will come see you.' Isabella's voice sounded torn 'Is that okay?'
'You're really going to visit me?'
'Like I said, there is something I need to tell you.' I could hear her sigh externally. 'In person is best.'
Royal Blood and One Forever : Book Three Page 9