by Emma Louise
“And naming him after a ‘book boyfriend’ is okay?” He air-quotes the words as he speaks, making me giggle. This is obviously a conversation they’ve had more than once.
“There’s nothing wrong with my book boyfriends! Anyway, the day you push one of your almost ten-pound babies out of your penis is the day you get the final say on its name.” Poppy’s pithy return makes Keir wince.
“I suppose you have a point,” he mumbles, looking horrified at the thought.
“What do you think, Breeze? You grew up with an unusual name, do you like it?”
“I never really thought about it much,” I tell her honestly. “My siblings and I all have unusual names, so I guess it was normal to me.” Staring down at the sleeping baby, I let my mind wander to my mom and how she’d explained all our unusual names to me.
“She was a dreamer. A nomad soul that wanted to live her own version of a fairy tale. When that wasn’t possible, she made her own fairy tale life with us at home. I think that’s what got her through having to give up on her dreams.” Hearing Poppy’s soft sniffle has me looking up. She wipes away a tear before shaking her head and laughing softly.
“Ignore me and my damn baby hormones,” she says as Keir wraps her up in a hug. The sound of the front door opening has us all turning to see who came in as Keir walks toward the hallway, but Chase gets there before him.
“Uncle TJ!” he yells before disappearing out of view. My eyes fly to Poppy who at least has the decency to look a little sheepish. She knows I’ve been avoiding him, even if she doesn’t quite no why.
“Really?” I ask.
“Well, if you’d tell me why you’re avoiding him, I might be more inclined to help you,” she whisper-shouts at me.
I’m saved from replying when TJ walks into the room, stealing all the air as he does. Our eyes lock on each other immediately. I’ve been around him, but I've been able to keep our interactions limited to talk about Abel and nothing else. Now he’s here, stalking toward me, and there’s no Abel here to save me this time.
“Time’s up, Bree,” he says when he stops in front of me. Leaning down, he scoops the sleeping baby up, gives him a quick kiss on his head, and hands him off to his brother. “Let’s go.”
“Go?” I ask, watching as his eyes narrow on me.
Looking at him standing in front of me with those large hands of his planted on his hips, he looks like he’s gearing up for a fight.
I don’t know whether to climb him like a tree or kick him in the balls.
“I warned you, Breeze. Time’s up. We’re talking. Today.”
“Oh crap. He full named her,” Poppy stage whispers to Keir from somewhere behind me.
Heat creeps up my cheeks, and if I'm honest with myself, it’s not from embarrassment. There’s something about that commanding tone that just does it for me.
There's something wrong with me, I’m sure.
“And I told you there’s nothing to talk about.” I’m aiming for standoffish, but I doubt I’m fooling anyone right now, not when I can’t even fool myself. Gathering my jacket and bags, I decide it’s time for me to leave. “Thank you, guys, for inviting me over. The baby is adorable.” I give Poppy a light hug, whispering that I'll pay her back later for this, then say goodbye to Keir and Chase.
By the time I make it to the front door, I realize that TJ is letting me walk away, and I can’t deny that it stings.
I need to get a grip on myself when it comes it to that man. One minute I’m telling him that we have nothing to talk about, the next I’m wishing he wouldn’t give up so easily. I’m a mess over him, and I don’t like it.
Stopping at the edge of the house where I parked the bicycle I rode here; I do a double take when I see the empty space where it used to be.
“You really should lock that thing up.” His deep voice sounds from right behind me, causing me to jump half out of my skin.
“TJ! Stop sneaking up on me like that!”
“Bike’s in the truck. Let’s go,” he grunts at me.
“There’s no point asking you to give it back is there?”
His hard-set features soften, and the corner of his mouth tips up in the tiniest of smirks.
“Babe,” he says, as if it’s a whole sentence. I let him lead me toward the big black truck that’s parked across the driveway. I can do this, I lie to myself as I open the door, his hand resting on my lower back as I climb up, the heat permeating through the layers of clothing. He might as well be touching my bare skin.
“What did you want to talk about?” I ask once he’s in his seat and he’s started to drive.
“Later,” is his only reply.
It’s not until we’ve been on the road for a few minutes that I realize he’s going the wrong way.
Wherever we’re going, it’s in the opposite direction of my apartment.
Sitting this close to her, feeling her confused stare at me through the dim evening light, is almost enough to have me pulling this damn truck over on the side of the road so I can kiss the shit out of her.
I’ve spent all week trying to work out what the hell I’m doing when it comes to her, and every single thought came back to the same thing.
I want her.
I have no idea what that means, what could possibly happen, but I know one thing for sure. I want her around me as much as possible.
“Where are we going?” she asks as soon as she realizes we’re going the opposite direction of her place.
“Some place where you can’t avoid me,” I answer without looking at her, but the truth is I have no idea where I’m going. I was sitting at home, stewing over the fact that she’s been avoiding me, when Poppy texted to tell me Breeze was over there. Then I was in my truck and on my way to get her.
“Where’s Abel?” She shifts in her seat, tucking one leg under the other so she’s facing me. It’s a fight not to look at her.
“My mom has him.”
“Oh,” she says flatly, something like disappointment in that one word. She doesn’t say anything else, but I feel her eyes on me as I finally realize where I'm headed.
“Where are we?”
Parking and shutting off the engine, I take in the sight just outside the window. I didn’t plan to come here, but once I was on the road, I knew this would be the perfect place to bring her. We’re only a few miles from my house, but it’s like we’re the only people in the whole town from up here. We’re on a small bluff that looks down over the neighborhood. We’re too late to see the sunset, but the clear night means the city lights are bright. The stars are gleaming above us.
Taking off my seatbelt, I open my car door and climb out of the truck. I make my way around to open the passenger door. Breeze doesn’t say anything as I hold out a hand to help her down.
“Oh wow,” she whispers, almost to herself. “This is beautiful.”
“Stunning.”
She looks at me, a glint of knowing in her eye; she must know I’m not talking about the view.
“Why did you bring me here?”
Isn’t that just the million-dollar question?
Taking her perfect hand in mine, I lead her to the back of the truck, opening the tailgate and lifting her to sit up there.
“Honestly, I have no idea why I brought you here.” I sigh. “I used to come up here to clear my head. I went through some stuff before Abel came along, didn’t always make the best decisions,” I tell her without giving away too much. I don’t think she needs to hear that I was up here pining for Lucy. “Coming up here, looking down on all that”—I gesture to the tiny houses below us—“puts into perspective how small we really are.”
“I can see that,” she murmurs, laying back in the bed of my truck. She doesn’t care she could be getting dirty. “Those stars don’t even look real. They're so bright.”
Moving so I’m lying next to her, I try to sort my thoughts.
“I was wrong to say that I shouldn’t have kissed you.” I don’t take my eyes off the stars, but I feel hers on me ag
ain.
“Don’t apologize—” she starts, but I have to interrupt her.
“I’m not apologizing, Bree. I’m not sorry for kissing you. I was wrong for telling you it shouldn’t have happened.” I sigh. “I thought pushing you away before anything could really happen was for the best.”
“Why?” She props herself up on one elbow so she can look down at me.
“I told you Abel was the result of a one-night stand, but I didn’t tell you that at the time it happened, I wasn’t in a good place. I had no business being anywhere near Willow that night.” Unable to bear the sad look on her face for another minute, I sit up and drop my head into my hands.
I can’t look at her if I want to keep talking.
Pulling in a breath, I tell her something that I've been keeping locked up tight for too long now. “I was drunk and angry a lot of the time. I got mixed up in some underground fights. It wasn’t a good time for me.” Part of me wishes I could just stop speaking. I’d rather talk about anything other than that night, but I know that’s not how this works.
“I took advantage of her. It’s because of me she’s dead.” I brace myself, waiting for her disgust to show; instead, I feel a gentle hand on my back. Her touch doing more to sooth me than anything else has in a long time. It’s a feeling I can easily see myself becoming addicted to.
“Why are you blaming yourself?” she asks, and I tell her about the night I still have a hard time remembering clearly.
“Willow was drunk. I should have known better. Should have stopped things before it got as far as it did.”
“You were drunk too, right? I assume you both wanted it to happen?”
“Yeah, but—” It’s Bree’s turn to cut me off before I can finish.
“You can’t blame yourself. What happened was tragic, but, TJ, that doesn’t make it your fault.” Anger blooms inside me. She doesn’t get it. She doesn’t fucking understand.
“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew the full story.” I lean forward so her hand is no longer touching me.
“I doubt that’s true,” she says angrily. The only answer I can give is a derisive snort.
“So you’d still say that if you knew that Abel’s mom never planned to tell me he existed?” Just saying the words cut me up, but I can’t stop. “
She hated me so much that she was willing to be a single mom rather than to tell me about Abel.
Now tell me again that I did nothing wrong!”
To say she looks shocked is an understatement, but instead of being repulsed like I expected, she shifts closer to me, letting her legs dangle off the end of the tailgate next to mine. Close enough for me to feel the warmth of her body on mine. “I treated her like dirt and because of that, I wasn’t there when she found out she was having him, wasn’t there for any doctor appointments. I did nothing when she got sick, and she was alone when she died. All because of me. So save your sympathy for someone who deserves it.”
I don’t want to see the pity on her face. The last thing I need is more of that. I don’t deserve it. She surprises me by staying silent for a minute before saying the very last thing I expect.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe she did think you weren’t good enough.” Shuffling closer, she softens her voice before continuing, “Or maybe she was scared. Maybe she didn’t want to deal with a baby daddy for the next eighteen years. Maybe she was an absolute idiot.” Wrapping her hand around my arm, she squeezes gently. “Or maybe, just maybe, she was scared and made a mistake. She didn’t know you. Didn’t know the man you are really, deep down inside.”
Staring at her, I absorb her words like a sponge.
I want to believe her. I’m tired of the guilt.
I want to wake up each day without the incessant cloud that seems to be over me. Looking down to where her hand holds mine, I read the words I haven’t noticed until now that are tattooed on her wrist.
Carpe Diem.
Seize the day.
I want that. I want to live in each day, not being dragged down by the past.
I can’t find any words to explain how her words have affected me, how she’s affected me, so I do the next best thing.
I slide my fingers along her jaw and under the hair at the nape of her neck. Cupping the back of her head, holding her where I want her, I do the one thing I've been thinking of all week. I take her lips with mine. Her eyes flare in the split second before we make contact, and I see the same need reflected at me.
God.
I want to fucking devour her. Her taste drives me wild. I can't keep this kiss soft and gentle like the first one, and our lips part as my tongue seeks hers.
This. This is what I've been craving.
The peace she brings me. I'm not letting any of the other bullshit in when she's in my arms.
By the time the kiss slows, both of my hands are on her face, and he hands grip my wrists like she doesn’t want me to let go.
I feel the same way.
Saying goodbye to the last people to leave my class, I switch the calming instrumental music to a more upbeat playlist. Busying myself with packing away the yoga mats, it’s a struggle to keep my eyes from wandering to the clock.
It’s almost time for me to head downstairs to watch Abel for a few hours. It’s been three days since TJ essentially kidnapped me from Poppy’s house, and we’ve exchanged a few text messages and a late-night phone call since, but this will be the first time seeing him in the flesh.
I can still feel the weight of his arms holding me in place, feel his lips on mine.
When he drove me home, he said goodnight with a scorching kiss, hot enough to leave me with the female equivalent of blue balls. I’ve been on cloud nine ever since.
I’m singing and dancing along to the music while rolling the last of the mats up when a large, warm hand wraps around my waist, and I'm pulled back into a deliciously solid body.
“You better not let my boss see you in here. I hear he doesn’t like people flirting on company time.” I try to joke, but it comes out more like a satisfied purr. I don’t even recognize myself right now.
“Your boss is an ass.” TJ’s hot breath tickles my ear, causing goose bumps to race over my skin. He presses a kiss just below my ear right before he turns me in his arms.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” He grins back at me.
“Where’s Abel?” I ask when I notice he’s alone.
“Asleep downstairs, Jonah is with him. I needed five minutes alone with you.”
I slide my hands up his arms and around his neck, relishing in the feel of him.
“Alone, huh?” I tease.
“Yeah, so I can do this without an audience,” he says, just before his lips land on mine.
There’s no slow burn this time. It’s an immediate lip bruising, breath stealing kiss. He kisses me like it’s all he’s been able to think about for days.
By the time he slows it down, I’ve been backed against the closest wall, TJ’s hands are gripping my ass, and I can feel a definite erection digging into my lower belly.
Holy shit.
There's something inherently sexy about him being so turned on just from a kiss.
“I haven’t been able to think of anything but you ever since I walked away from your apartment,” he groans, burying his face in my neck. My hands move up to his head so my fingers can sift through his hair.
“Fuck,” he groans again as his arms convulse around me. “That feels amazing.”
“You feel good,” I reply, lost in the moment with him.
“Tell me you’re free tonight.” He lifts his head out of my neck so he can look at me, eyes scanning over my face.
“Why?”
“Because I need to see you, and not just for five minutes at work.”
“I can be free tonight,” I say, melting further into him. “What do you have planned?”
“You’ll see.” He smirks before he drops one last kiss on my lips. Unfortunately for me, it’s not as hot as the earlie
r kiss, but it’s still makes my toes curl.
“What are you two doing?”
Keeping a tiny baby like Abel entertained in a boring office like this isn’t all that easy. He quickly grew tired of his toys, so for the last ten minutes we’ve been on the floor on his playmat. I’ve got my phone in one hand raised over my head, and I'm making Abel giggle by making stupid faces into the camera, filters on both our faces. At the sound of TJ’s voice, we both swing our heads to look at him. Abel squeals when he sees his dad, little chubby legs kicking in excitement.
“This kid is a Snapchat natural,” I tell TJ as he picks his son up. I don’t think I could ever get tired of seeing him like this. He’s already attractive, but something about him holding that baby is just ... more. He’s just so much more.
“You ready to get out of here?” he asks, holding out a hand to help me up.
“Do I have time to go home and change?” I ask.
“You don’t need to change.” He gets Abel strapped in and ready to go.
“You’re really not going to tell me where we’re going?”
“Are you always this bad with surprises?” he asks, picking up both Abel’s baby bag and my backpack.
“Yes. Now tell me,” I say, causing him to laugh. I realize then that although I've seen him smile, he doesn’t really laugh. It’s a shame because his whole face lights up when he does. Happy suits him, and catching a glimpse of it makes me even more determined to do whatever it takes to make him laugh more often.
Once we’re loaded into the truck, bike and all, I let myself enjoy how normal it feels, being here with them.
“I should have asked earlier, but are you okay with Abel being with us? I’d rather not leave him unless it’s absolutely necessary,” TJ asks without looking in my direction. Is he worried that I might say no?
“Well, seeing as he’s your son, I kinda assumed he’d be with us,” I tell him honestly, and he seems to relax at my answer.
“Good. Dinner at my place okay? Figured you might like a look at that lake in the daylight,” he says.
“Sounds perfect.”