Hidden Desires

by Laurie Ames

  "Leaving is hard for me too.” Ellen grinned. “But I’m sure you will soon get over me,” she joked.

  “Haha. Not funny! Please don’t even say that.” Molly playfully slapped Ellen’s hands causing her to mimic pain. She then in turn planted consoling kisses on Ellen’s hand. She never would have thought she would be in a relationship with ‘the’ Ellen Page, a woman that typically would be far out of reach for her. But she was a dream come true. When Molly took a chance working with her as a financial backer, she didn't expect to meet someone who would forever change the way she saw the world. Molly had always been truthful with Ellen and her intentions were completely straightforward and blunt. It had grated on Molly’s nerves and at times left her lusting like crazy over Ellen, but in the end, true feelings blossomed between the two of them.

  "Last call for all passengers leaving for Dubai. Please report to gate eight for loading,” said a voice that barked loudly from the airport speakers.

  “Your flight is about to load,” Molly said as she looked into Ellen’s steel gray eyes. It was those gorgeous eyes that had drawn her like a magnet from the first day they met. Ellen was incredibly well polished and authoritative, yet Molly knew how to make her cry out in both pleasure and pain. It felt a little powerful that she alone could do that. This formidable woman that had thousands of employees under her control was mere putty in her hands.

  “I got to go, baby,” Ellen smiled kissing her one last time on the lip.

  “Yeah I know. Hurry up and come back. I have a paddle ready to warm up those sweet ass cheeks when you return,” Molly said as a single tear trailed down her cheek.

  Ellen would have had no issue with not going but this trip was important to the future of her business, and her mother was going to be there. She simply could not disappoint her mother, not ever! As she boarded the plane, she tried to concentrate on her business trip but the only thought that crossed her mind was how much she would miss being submissive to Molly’s sexual games.

  Molly watched her move through the security lines and disappear into the throngs of crowded people. Ellen hadn’t been able to give her a firm timetable for her return. The sudden heartache that Molly felt was leaving her feeling listless and empty.

  Chapter Ten

  ___________

  No, she wasn't going to do it…not again, not even if every cell in her body was pushing her in that direction. If she did it again, this would be the tenth time today of calling Ellen with no reply, no call backs, nothing. Why won’t Ellen return a simple phone call?

  When Ellen had first landed in Dubai, they had talked constantly from her hotel room and prior to her first business meeting. But right after that, the calls stopped…period. Molly had been worried that something awful had happened to her. She frantically called the hotel to see if Ellen was still checked in but was told all calls were on hold. She went to Ellen’s house and then to her office to make sure she was okay, but when Ellen's secretary refused her entry to the office, she became deeply disturbed. Was this to be Ellen’s subtle way of breaking up with her?

  But why? Things had been wonderful between them, so why was she dumping her without discussing it? What was the problem and why was she not trying to fix it? She was totally ignoring this break-up. The ache of longing to be with Ellen was reverberating through to the very marrow of her bones. With every spare moment, her mind was rehearsing a new phone message to Ellen. Molly never knew that missing her would take over every fibre of her being and wring her out like a wet sponge. It was a torment she was unprepared for.

  ***

  "You’re still at it, Molly?" Said her best friend Stella, as she poked her head into Molly’s new corner office. They had come a long way from their first meeting till now. Months ago, she had not only been her personal assistant, but was also in charge of the new fashion pieces that came out from the company. Now, after the tremendous success of her line, she had been given a double promotion and an office of her own. Life couldn't be any better, her dream job, her dream woman, her dream life…that had been how she felt before Ellen took a giant stake and stabbed her in the heart, when Ellen dumped her without so much as an explanation. Now everything was amok.

  "I just want to know why,” Molly whined to Stella. "I can't understand the sudden pivot; we were fine when she left for Dubai and now this?" Maybe they could work on whatever the issue was, if only Ellen would just pick up the damned phone!

  "Molly, you can't beat yourself up about this, otherwise you won't be able to move on.”

  "But I don't want to move on Stella! I love her.”

  She rolled her eyes. "Love is so over-rated honey.”

  "That's easy for you to say, you fall in love constantly but she's the first woman I have ever said those words about,” Molly said sombrely. She was glum and had never thought that word would be associated with her but that was how she felt at this very moment. “I thought she loved me back.” Her voice cracked. “I thought she cared about me. Ellen had said she did, had expressed it too, through affection, care, even gifts! When we were together, she showed her love in so many ways. So why did she cut me off suddenly? This just doesn't make any sense.”

  "It's been three months Molly.” She moved to the chair in her office and sat down. “Isn't that a long time in the lesbian community to be whining over another woman?"

  “She's not just another woman, she's my woman.” What did she know? She went through men like I go through panties. “Why can’t you understand that Stella? And why can’t my friends understand that I found the woman I was destined to love for eternity? All they do is tell me to get over Ellen. They say she’s just a rich bitch and that I could do much better, but I don’t see it that way. To me, there is only Ellen.”

  Molly heard Stella visibly sigh, then watched her reach into her pocket and bring something out. “I didn't want to have to show you this.” She dropped an envelope on the table. "But it seems like this is the only way to bring you out of this zombie state you have landed in.”

  Molly looked curiously at her, then at the envelope. She wondered what could possibly be inside to change her mind about Ellen. Cautiously she took the envelope and opened it…and suddenly it all made sense.

  You Are Cordially Invited to The Union of:

  Miss Ellen Page and Mr. Beau Summers

  The rest was a distant blur; Ellen was getting married? HUH…WTF!

  She stared. And stared again. She couldn’t believe what her eyes were seeing. At least it wasn't to another woman, that had to count for something, right? A small tiny desperate voice whispered in her head, trying to bring her out of the cold dark pit she was falling into, but Molly wasn’t sure it counted for much, because if it did why was her heartbeat elevated and her anger boiling over. But most importantly, why did she feel so fucking betrayed?

  “I'm sorry Molly.” Stella said. “I'm sure it’s some kind of family pressure or something."

  A feeling of angst and helplessness caught her unaware. The stabbing pain in her chest increased the more she thought about it. “Then why would you show this to me Stella?” Molly whispered.

  “Because I needed you to get back to your senses, get back to the person I used to know.” She could feel the truth and worry in her voice, which prevented her from getting angry at Stella. “Ellen is from a wealthy family; old money, and she was probably pressured to get married by her mother, she may still love you but that doesn't change the fact that you will always play second fiddle to her family and her responsibilities. She's not going to be hanging around showing you her love when family is involved. You need to realize that before it’s too late,” she finished.

  “I don’t care what the reason is, I know she loves me. I can’t be like you Stella. When I fall in love, it’s deep.”

  “Your right Molly,” she sighed. “You shouldn’t be like me. I know I’m a bitter loser when it comes to love and relationships. But if you feel that strongly about Ellen, then don’t give up.”

  “Yo
u mean that?”

  “Yes, you must fight to get her back. It’s not over until the fat lady sings.”

  Stella turned to Molly; her eyes dimmed. She reached out and hugged her tightly, her arms like protective shields, yet warm as a mother’s embrace. Molly looked at the sincerity in her eyes and nodded.

  Chapter Eleven

  __________

  “Remember you have an eight o’clock with Molly tonight,” her Personal Assistant said casually, causing her heart to skip a beat. She looked at her watch, 7:30. What! A meeting with Molly! Where had this come from? How did she know I was temporarily back in the USA?

  “I wasn’t aware of any meeting with Molly,” She said to her PA, trying to mask the panic in her voice.

  “I wrote it down in your reminder,” She said. Damn! She hadn’t checked the stupid thing. She’d been so busy planning her wedding and trying to avoid Molly’s calls that she hadn’t been aware of much else.

  Molly. She hadn't seen a missed call in quite a while. She was too much of a coward to say she had suddenly called off their relationship because of issues like family and responsibility. It even sounded ludicrous, but Ellen knew she had to do it. She was her father’s first heir and no matter how much she didn't care; her mother did seem to care very much about it. She cared dearly about her Mom and absolutely would not do anything to upset her. She cared enough to be sucked in when she cried to her about getting married, in order to salvage their fathers name and her inheritance. Her father had been dead for more than a year now, but he still seemed to be in control of her life, from the stupid will he left on his passing that stipulated she get married and have children within a limited time frame or lose her inheritance. That bastard!

  She remembered the day her mother had clearly taken matters into her own hands, as though it had just happened recently instead of months ago. They had been on the balcony of her Dubai penthouse and she was having breakfast when her mother started up again with her woes of having a grandchild and such.

  "Why do I have to do anything that man says… mother?" She had asked, totally irritated that she was still bringing up this nonsense. When her father had passed, he had stipulated in his will that his first child had to be married and produce an heir or risk the wealth and birthright being transferred to the next in line. She couldn't give a rat’s ass about her father's wealth or reputation, but her mother cared deeply and that meant so much to her, even if it left her a little annoyed.

  "Do you want to see your birthright stolen?" She had been infuriated. Ellen couldn't remember ever seeing her like that. “Because it seems like you don't care about me or the family.”

  "You know I care about you mother, so please let's drop it.”

  "How can I drop it when you won't give me grandbabies Ellen? What have I done to deserve this?” Ellen could remember being on the verge of saying ‘I'm a lesbian’ and letting her know once and for all who she really was, but Mother was just so overbearing. “Do you know what the other wives are saying about us? About you?"

  “I don't care what they have to say mother; they are free to say whatever they please.”

  "But no Ellen, this is really bad! They are saying that you are… that you are ‘strange.’ Can you believe that? That my own daughter is a lesbian!" The way her mother said the word with such disgust and hatred had grated on her nerves, she made it sound like it was the most perverted thing in the world to be.

  Ellen had felt ashamed at that very moment and angry that she had to hide who she was from the mother she loved. Most of all she feared that if her mother found out, she wouldn't love her anymore, wouldn't care for her and would no longer be a part of her life. For Ellen, that would be unimaginable. That had been too much for her to bear so she had kept quiet, hadn't said a word and instead somehow found herself sucked into this horrible vortex that was marriage to this freak of a man.

  “Thanks.” She said to her PA coming back to reality. Ellen was certain that Molly just wanted to terminate their contract, nothing more, nothing less. They couldn’t work together if Ellen insisted on dodging her calls, but ironically, she was a little hurt that Molly had given up on her so soon. Anytime she had seen Molly’s number flash on the screen, it gave her heart a little nudge that at least she still cared.

  But 30 minutes later, there was Molly sitting directly across from her desk. Ellen knew that nothing would ever be the same, either things would get better, or way worse. She feared the latter was more plausible. She couldn't wrap her brain around anything except the cold uncomfortable way that Molly was starring at her. It was like she hadn't ever loved her, or like all the hot intimate moments they shared had only been a dream. It hurt Ellen to see her that way, but she didn't know what to say to make anything better.

  "We need to figure out a way to work together.” Molly said, not mincing her words.

  So, she wasn't here to terminate their contract?

  "Molly..." Ellen was cut off by Molly's raised hand.

  "It doesn't matter that we are no longer dating or that you are getting married soon--congratulations by the way--our partnership is important to the future of our fashion line, so I'm willing to put all else behind me if you are. Let’s work together."

  How could she be so rational about this? Had she ever really cared for him? Had it all been a ruse? At first Ellen's temper boiled over, but then she remembered she was the one to end the relationship without an explanation. If Molly looked calm, it was probably because she didn't want to show her pain.

  "Did you ever care about me?" she asked, her voice growing aloof. “Or was it my money that drew you to me?”

  "What?"

  “Did you ever---"

  "I know what you asked!" Molly stood up from behind Ellen’s desk and advanced angrily. "And I'm shocked that you would even ask that.” Ellen could see the anger in her face. "You want me groveling at your feet? Begging you to come back to me? When you didn't care enough to even break up properly with me?" When Ellen stood up, Molly pinned her against the wall, her breath on her face as she spoke. Somehow with all the bitterness and hurt in the air, this felt intimate, and all Ellen could think about was pressing her lips against Molly and tasting her one last time.

  "I didn't have a choice,” Ellen whispered. She could feel the hurt straight through her heart, the pain in Molly’s eyes. She had caused this, the grief she was seeing was her fault, and all she had to do was end it by turning against her mother. But was she ready to do that? Did she love Molly enough to go against her mother?

  "We always have choices,” Molly whispered back. As she looked up at her, the anger suddenly vanished from her expression and her eyes revealed a new look of desire. And then she reached in to kiss Ellen gently on the lips. The kiss was soft and tender, seeking entry, wanting truth and answers. Ellen leaned in closer, deepening the kiss. She had missed this, missed Molly. For months, she had stopped thinking about her but now here she was, in front of her, her body pressed against hers and it felt like nothing had ever changed.

  She could feel Molly’s groin, pressing against her abdomen. She moved her hands down, rubbing up and down her waist, and reveling in the sounds that escaped from Molly’s lips. She wanted Molly badly, to feel her naked skin pressed against her, as she called her name. But no, it wasn’t the same anymore, something had changed between them, everything had changed.

  Ellen broke free. "Damn!" She yelled as she ran agitated fingers through her hair, ignoring her throbbing lips and aching core. She desperately wanted to say fuck it and bury herself deep into Molly’s breasts, but that would be irresponsible, especially knowing that nothing could come of it, she still had to keep her promise to her mother.

  “I will be going to Dubai for my wedding preparations this week, next time you want to talk business get a lawyer to do transactions for you. I don’t ever want to see you again.” She turned her back to Molly, and maybe that was why she missed the look that flashed in Molly’s eyes, the look of determination, but determination of
what?

  Chapter Twelve

  ____________

  “She’s definitely not in love with him. You didn't see that kiss; it was like nothing had changed,” Molly said to Stella as she continued packing her bags.

  “Has the fat lady sang yet? She’s not married yet, so there is still hope.” Stella said, trying to be positive. They were in Molly's loft and getting ready to leave for Dubai.

  “I don’t think this is what the company had in mind when they issued us that vacation time,” she chuckled. “I know you can’t just stalk someone into accepting who she is, but this plan is eventually going to work!” She didn’t know why she cared about Molly so much but seeing her hurt twice by the same woman wasn’t in the agenda. That was why she had concocted this outlandish plan; she was going to be with Molly every step of the way, making sure she didn’t lose it.