by Kade Cook
“She loves you very much,” Sarapheane offers, taking hold of Jarrison’s hand, and in a quiet unsure voice she offers a bit more. “And so do we.”
Gabrian knows if she lets the emotional side of her brain take over, she is going to break down and lose it. She flinches at the thought of delving into some type of depression that would cause her to want to drown within the waves of slumber, cast her time away, and pretend none of this is real—guarding her sanity within the trickery of denial. Or she can accept her parents’ truths, go forward, and try to figure out how to deal with all this in a productive logical way.
After a few minutes of silence, she runs her hands through her hair in her last moment of self-pity. She sighs loudly then turns to stare at her parents. “So...this is it?”
Catching Jarrison and Sarapheane off guard with her unusual question, they look at each other in surprise. “Sorry?” Sarapheane answers.
“This is it. This is my life now? My days going forward, filled with Shadow Walkers who can slip in and out of Shadows at will and Magikal beings who can cast spells. And best yet, people like me who can just suck the life right out of a person without even touching them?”
Not knowing how to take Gabrian’s demeanor, Jarrison and Sarapheane stare at each other, searching for words as to how they might address Gabrian’s comments.
A slightly hysterical laugh escapes Gabrian’s lips as she claps her hands loudly and rubs them together.
“Well then!” She huffs, her mouth turning upward at the corners in an edgy smirk. “Sounds like a whole lot of fun to me. Bring on the party.”
Chapter Nineteen
Darkness Within
FINALLY GETTING OVER the shock of learning about her past and who she is, Gabrian realizes she has left her office completely unprepared in case of an extended absence. Sarapheane assures her that all is taken care of, and that right now, she has more important matters to attend to.
After what feels like weeks of being cooped up inside her parent’s house, being out and about in her mother’s car is refreshing. Gabrian is happy to be in the real world again—even if it meant being on her way to meet a complete stranger that is going to help her learn how to control the monster that lingers inside of her. Or so she thinks.
As they drive along the curved and twisty roads from North East Harbor into Bar Harbor, Gabrian smiles, remembering how beautiful the towns really are. She did not remember everything about living here when she was young, but she did recall faint memories of how they used to spend their summers here.
After her parents had moved them to Manhattan in order to give her a chance at better schooling—so her father said, even though she was quite certain that her education would have been just fine growing up in Maine—they returned every summer to take in all the beauty that the Maine coastline had to offer.
Gabrian finds her mind drifting back to when she was a child playing on the beach. Closing her eyes, she can almost feel the warmth of the summer sun on her face but her jaunt back to childhood is quickly derailed when an icy cold wind blows through the car as her mom opens the door to get out. Gabrian is abruptly pulled back into the present where it is freezing, snowy, and where she is not playing innocent childish games anymore.
She feels her stomach drop when her mother peeks back into the car, giving her a look that tells her she needs to move. They had reached their destination. Completely uncertain of what is about to happen, she can feel the tips of her fingers begin to burn. She sucks in a long comforting breath and flexes her fingers—shaking them out nervously, trying to stay calm. Gabrian closes her eyes and reaches inside herself to find the voice that always tells her to be brave. Finding it, she takes one last deep breath, letting the sound echo in her mind in the hopes it will give her the courage she needs to make herself get out of the car. After all she has heard and seen these past few weeks, this should be a walk in the park. Gabrian shakes her head and thinks, Never mind, bad idea, Let’s skip the park.
They exit the vehicle and step onto the sidewalk. In front of them is a quaint little shop with the sign De Loon hanging over top of it. To its left is a small purple door that leads to Ethan Borne’s office on the second floor. Seeing Gabrian’s look of despair, Sarapheane takes her by the hand and gives it a gentle squeeze of encouragement. “Everything will work its way out. You will like Ethan. Don’t worry.”
Gabrian attempts to deliver a smile but only manages to conjure up a queer toothy grin for her mother. Sarapheane gives her another look and shakes her head accompanied by soft laughter as she starts her ascent of the wooden staircase. Gabrian falls in place and trudges up the stairs behind her.
Moments after being seated in the small waiting room, they hear a raspy voice break the silence with a warm welcome. “Sarah. So good to see you.” A very handsome middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair appears from around the corner and walks over to greet them. Sarapheane and Ethan exchange a friendly embrace before he turns his attention to Gabrian.
“You must be Gabrian,” he says, extending his right hand out to her. Gabrian politely accepts it and smiles.
“Yes,” she whispers confidently. “And you must be Mr. Borne.”
“Please, call me Ethan. It makes me feel ancient when someone calls me Mr. Borne.”
Gabrian nods and lets go of his hand.
“I hope you do not mind, but your parents and Vaeda have both spoken to me about helping you with your training. Normally all instruction is done in the Arts building at the College, but I suggested that because this is such a unique circumstance, that maybe a one-on-one approach might make the transition a bit more bearable.” Ethan smiles at both Gabrian and Sarapheane—his eyes sparkle warmly, creasing at the edges.
“Thank you for doing this, Ethan,” Sarapheane says then looks at Gabrian. “Do you want me to stay or would you rather do this on your own?”
Gabrian’s whole body wants to turn and bolt, but she knows it will not help solve anything so she sighs and softly tells her mother that she will be fine.
“What time should I come get her?”
“Don’t worry about it, Sarah. I will bring her home when she has had enough,” Ethan replies, looking over at Gabrian with an impish grin.
Unsure of what Ethan means by ‘enough’, Gabrian gives her mom a hug before being left all alone with a complete stranger who has been given complete control of her life and the challenge of unraveling the beginning of her terrifying future.
Ethan escorts his friend to the door then smiles to himself hearing the unease in Gabrian’s mind. He strolls back to where she stands, wide-eyed and alone, chewing on her thumbnail and says, “The terrifying part is only temporary, just to let you know.”
Gabrian’s eyes sharpen under her squinted brow, and she drops her hand, tucking it around her ribs. Raising her sight to look Ethan directly in the eye, she begins, “How did you...?”
Ethan’s mouth twists impishly at the edges then taps the side of his temple with his finger. “The ability to hear thoughts, just one of the special perks of being Boragen.”
With Ethan’s charismatic smile and easygoing gestures, Gabrian begins to feel like things might not be as scary as what she had imagined the last few days. Deciding to embrace this, she looks upon him with new hope—suddenly becoming more curious about what this man can do to help her take on and excel at this new challenge that now lies before her.
“Can all Boragen read minds like you just did?”
Ethan shakes his head ‘no’ as he slides around the side of his desk and takes a seat in his swivel-office chair. He waves his hand at Gabrian, signaling her to take a seat wherever she feels comfortable. “All beings have the gift of hearing thought. They just have to know how to listen.” Ethan’s mouth curls up at the edges again.
“All beings, you mean everyone?” Gabrian gasps. “Even humans?”
“Yes. All things, no matter how different they may seem, come from a common beginning,” Ethan hums to her knowingly. “W
hen the mind creates a thought, it creates an electrical current through the brain, and it resonates on a specific wavelength. And, if you happen to be one of the few who actually pay attention, you can intercept that wavelength then catch the messages that are being carried through that current.”
Ethan watches Gabrian as he explains the process to her. The overwhelmed strain across her lips softens as her somberness passes. Her eyes shift from left to right, playing tag with reason and logic as her interest grows in a more positive direction—one that he hoped to see. “The only way I can really explain how I do it is this—I quiet my mind and let it relax. The thoughts that are the strongest come in broken passages, echoes almost. And sometimes I am able to even visualize what they are picturing in their minds, depending on how vivid their thoughts are.”
Gabrian finds all this fascinating. If this is true, then that would explain how many times she was able to diagnose her client’s issues so easily while they themselves struggled to find the words to even explain what was going on in their heads.
No wonder it comes so natural.
Ethan observes her as she becomes lost within her own thoughts. “Did you want to begin with this or…”
Thinking quickly about it, Gabrian decides that it might be best to learn how to control herself—a pretty important step to learn if she ever hopes to have some kind of normal life again. She has her practice to go back to. She did not work this hard studying and working her fingers to the bone just to throw it all away.
“No. I was hoping to start with learning control.”
“True, that might be the best place to start.” Ethan nods his head in agreement, scratching the edge of his goatee with his fingers. “Especially after what happened in the park.”
Gabrian freezes, remembering why Ethan looks so familiar to her. He was there that night. He was the one wrapping light fragments around those people—the people she had hurt. Feeling embarrassed and sick about what she had done, her face turns bright red, and her aura appears around her, flickering grey sparks.
Noticing her aura finally making its appearance with a burst of flaming energy, Ethan realizes he may have hit a nerve. Not wanting to disrupt their fragile new relationship, he tries to comfort her by asking her to clear her mind, to try to focus on his energy. Gabrian returns from her dismay and tries to do as he asks—happy to forget that night, she begins to quiet her mind.
She tries to locate the sensations within her mind like before in order to feel Ethan’s energy, but she can’t find anything in the room. Outside the small office, she feels slight energy vibrations but nothing closer to her. “I can’t pick up your energy.” She huffs, breaking off her attempt at concentrating and opens her eyes. She notices that Ethan has been watching her confusion all along, smiling—his hands cupped and his thumbnails gently resting on his full lips.
“Right, that is because I am restraining it.”
Gabrian’s face twists in her confusion.
“I am, in a way, cloaking it from anyone born of the Realm or humanoid with the gift of sight, they are unable to see it or sense it,” Ethan explains.
“Is that why I have never seen my parents’ auras?” she questions him, eager for answers. “Did they cloak them from me as well?”
“No. It is not the same for them.” He laughs softly at her curiosity. “Jarrison and Sarah are Shadow Walkers. A Shadow Walker does not display an aura; therefore, they are not susceptible to the weaknesses that the rest of us deal with when facing a force that might be interested in stealing life essence.”
“You mean a Vampire. Right?” Gabrian grumbles quietly.
“Well, now that you have mentioned it, yes, like a Vampire.” Ethan sits up in his chair and leans forward, resting his forearms on his desk. “Luckily, we have not had too many issues lately.” Not wanting to discuss Vampires right now and discourage her, Ethan tries to get her to continue with her lesson. “We can talk about all that later. Now, I would like for you to try that again and this time, I will release my essence so that you will see the difference.”
Feeling nervous about seeking his energy, she hesitates but with a confident nod of approval from Ethan, she closes her eyes once more in order to concentrate. At first there is nothing—like before—but then she begins to pick up subtle vibrations that make her skin tingle a bit. She can feel it now, close by. There is more than one type of vibration though; there are a multitude that vary in strength. Right away she is drawn to the more intense vibrations. Ethan, who is monitoring her thoughts, breaks the silence. “Try to concentrate on the lower vibrations. These are the energies that you will want to seek out. The others that you find so interesting are what we call the life essences and these vibrations are the ones we do not borrow from.”
Right away she breaks the connection with Ethan and opens her eyes. Still fearful of harming someone the way she had before, her hands begin to tremble. Her mind relives her recent moments of Darkness, and she wonders if she is like him—like Adrinn; if she is dark and evil just like the monster that he became—if that is the reason why those people in the park got hurt. She feels the panic setting in and decides to find out from the only person who could probably tell her. She lifts her head, gathering her courage and exhales. “Am I dangerous?”
Ethan looks up at her and feels a twinge of sadness sweep through him as he hears the timid words leave her mouth.
“Am I dark inside like those who become swallowed up by the Fever and turn into...” Not wanting any of this to be true, she hesitates and swallows hard as she tries to spit out the words. “…into a Vampire?”
Feeling her fear suddenly fill the room, Ethan becomes aware of the depth of her fright about what she is. He tells her no. “Just because you were born with the gift of Boragen does not necessarily make you a killer. It also does not make you what the world would consider a true Vampire. So you have made a couple of mistakes, every youngling does and you were not entirely at fault. You were left alone to discover the power you possess without proper guidance and counsel—that was our fault.”
Looking down at her hands, she wrings them together, feeling vulnerable. She lifts her eyes to see Ethan’s kind face staring back at her and takes the next step to finding her answers. “Is it true that you can look deep within the mind and see whether there is Darkness there?”
“Yes, I have done that before. But...” Ethan begins to elaborate but he is cut off.
“Can you do that for me?”
“I really do not think that this is necessary, Gabrian, it is a very personal thing.” He drags his fingers through the top of his hair, letting it fall chaotically in place. “Are you sure you want me to do that?”
“Yes, I am sure.” Gabrian nods, assuring him. “I need to know.”
It is not bad enough that she is dangerous unintentionally; Gabrian needs to know for herself whether or not if she is a monster.
Ethan agrees to search her mind for any signs of Darkness that may lead to her developing the Fever. He warns her that she will feel some slight pressures within her head, and that she might become disoriented for a few moments afterward, but Gabrian insists that it is necessary—to go ahead and do it. She buries any traces of Adrinn and Cera into the deepest parts of her mind before they start. She knows he will probably find out all her secrets eventually, but this one she vows to keep hidden—at least for now.
Ethan takes a deep breath and lets his mind quiet. He listens for Gabrian’s wave length and waits for it to cross his. He finds her thoughts, and her mind opens up to him. As he stabilizes the connection within her subconscious, Ethan begins to sift through the colours of her mind for signs of concern. From his many years of working with humans and people of the Realm, Ethan knows that the truth of the matter is that all beings have Darkness in them, even if it is only a small amount.
Ethan continues to search but finds nothing more than what feels like a corridor with normal compartments in it, at first. Then he realizes he has only been allowed access
to one of the many rooms that Gabrian holds within the depths of her mind. He observes the illusion of the doors and their similar dimensions. Curious as to what secrets these rooms may hold, Ethan begins to push and probe at them gently, but they are locked, tightly—a fortress impassible from his feeble attempts to breach them. Each time he thinks that he has found a clear passage, Ethan’s mind is blinded and pushed back violently by an excruciating bright energy burst. After a couple more attempts to breech the doors, his efforts develop into a headache; an indication that although this girl has the most amazing subconscious he has ever seen, he is painfully wasting his time trying to find out why. Ethan hopes that maybe once he can establish some kind of trust level with her he may have better luck resolving his curiosity at another time.
Finding no sizable measures of Darkness, or signs of the Fever, Ethan recedes from her mind.
He sits back in his chair and rubs his brow in an attempt to appease the now present ache pulsating in his forehead. He lifts his eyes and glances over at her, feeling the weight of her stare as she patiently awaits the verdict. He contemplates his possible choice of wording; cognizant that mentioning anything about the bizarre encounter that he has just had with her subconscious is probably going to be counterproductive in any future attempts to help placate her fears.
Ethan lowers his hand and wedges his fingers underneath the grooved handle attached to the desk drawer in front of him. Pulling gently on the handle, he slides the drawer open and reaches inside, retrieving a much needed bottle of Advil. After opening the bottle and dryly swallowing two of the pills inside, he puts them back away.
“Well…” he announces, chuckling at Gabrian with her crooked lips, drooping at the edges—heavy with torment—and her eyes merely two slits beneath a wrinkled brow. “I can assure you that you are definitely not a monster. So...now that we have determined that you are not destined for Vampirism, at least not today anyways, shall we try again?