Irrelevant Jack

by Prax Venter

  “Correct. It’s situational.”

  “Won’t I miss out on precious loot?”

  “Yes. But you’ll live.”

  Jack considered the options. The moment he attacked the four egg-hurling orblike birds in the clearing ahead, at least three of them would retaliate. And if taking a hit on his shield from their projectiles dealt 1 point of damage, not blocking an egg most likely did more.

  “Okay, I’ll scout out the whole Floor, and then we’ll go from there.”

  About an hour later, and thirteen bird creatures skipped, Jack came to a vast open area with a small hill. Standing on top of that hill was a single ominous-looking scarecrow. It wore bulging blue overalls that were severely overstuffed. Its head hung forward with a rotting straw hat obscuring its face. The thing’s arms were far too long and tied, spread open, to a t-shaped post with thick lengths of rope. Shreds of clothing hung from the unique creation in drooping tatters.

  Off to one side of the hill was the telltale Exit Orb, and Jack knew he had found this floor’s Boss.

  Jack pulled his sword from his possessed leather hilt.

  “Alright, Alt. Let’s do this.”

  - 16 -

  Jack sprinted up to the foot of the hill, and with a flash of intention, he sent forth a tight beam of deadly concentrated fire directly into the scarecrow’s bloated chest.

  Floor 2 Boss [-6 | 44/50]

  The very instant the Boss was struck it lifted its head, and Jack was drawn to its horrifying eyes. The creature’s face was mostly made of twisting shadow, but its terrible glowing eyes seemed to penetrate straight into his heart. When Jack started losing Hit Points, he realized the Floor Boss had a magic death beam of its own.

  Jack -3 | HP 15/22

  Jack winced. His heart felt as if it were being squeezed in a vice. Even as the flames licked the scarecrow’s wicker hat, its hate-filled eyes continued to stare black rays of pure evil.

  Floor 2 Boss -6 | HP 38/50

  Jack -3 | HP 12/22

  There was no way he could outlast the damage this creature was causing. With a snarl, Jack canceled his Mining Laser and pulled up his shield an attempt to block this despicable creature’s deadly gaze.

  With his line of sight broken by the wooden boards of his Splintered Old Buckler, Jack took a step back and contemplated a full retreat.

  Coming back to Town again as a failure consumed his mind for a few seconds before he realized that the pain had receded, and the damage had stopped. Jack peeked over his shield to see the residual flames from his ability sputter out. He also saw a few more of the scarecrow’s Hit Points whittle away.

  Floor 2 Boss -3 | HP 35/50

  However, as soon as Jack made eye contact with the vile stuffed monster, its demonic head snapped back up and sent out its pair of black death rays.

  Jack -3 | HP 9/22

  Jack quickly broke his eye contact with the scarecrow using his shield, and the attack stopped once again. He stood frozen at the bottom of the hill with his eyes turned down to the brittle dried grass under his fished-up boots, trying to work out a plan.

  He could take three more seconds of attention from that thing up there before death, and apparently, it could only attack if he looked directly at it.

  “Alt,” Jack began, “do I need to see my target to use Mining Laser?”

  “Yes.”

  “What about melee? Can I hit it with my sword without looking?” He felt stupid for even asking. Was his solid metal blade going to pass right through if he didn’t look? Then again, he was dealing with the game-like physics of this universe.

  There was a pause and then, “Might retaliate on attack.”

  “Didn’t you program this game- or universe, or whatever this is?”

  “No. Borrowed resources.”

  Jack tried to process what he meant by borrowed resources but gave up quickly. He was standing in the middle of a damn Boss fight.

  He considered walking up there and testing out a single no-look swipe. He was betting that demonic scarecrow would either not strike back or- if it did turn on the death beams, that it would stop again if Jack stopped attacking.

  His promise to Lex about not taking any risks echoed in his mind, and a small voice told him to head back to the entrance, keeping his eyes averted the whole way. The moment it did, a larger voice in him roared in defiance against such cowardice.

  Jack knew himself. The choice was now out of his hands, and he took a single step forward. The dehydrated grass crunched softly below his feet as he took another step. Then another.

  “Can you tell me when I’m close?” Jack whispered to his waist.

  “Twenty-three more paces,” Alt answered in his mind.

  Jack counted the steps in his head, overly conscious about the lengths of his strides- how long was a “pace” anyway? His boots ate up a lot of grass as he approached the dormant Floor Boss. It felt like he was going to run into its post any moment and be directly under its horrible, limp head.

  Then a dark shadow appeared in the grass below his shield, and Jack froze. He was looking at the thing’s shadow, and nothing was happening. He took that as a good sign.

  Jack calculated where he thought the bloated sack of the scarecrow’s stuffed guts were located and jabbed upward while keeping his eyes locked on its shadow.

  His sword almost flew out of his hand when he completely missed.

  “Too far away,” Alt whispered in his mind. Did he sound afraid?

  Jack took in a sharp breath and was glad that his sword flailing didn’t set the monster off. He shuffled a few steps closer. Confident that he was finally close enough, Jack lunged blindly again, and this time his blade met resistance.

  A line of text flashed up by his face

  Floor 2 Boss -6 | HP 29/50

  Bracing himself for a mad dash to the Exit Orb, Jack waited for the terrible dark pain to constrict his heart- but nothing came.

  He let out the breath he’d been holding and stabbed upward again, straight towards the shadow cast by the ten-foot scarecrow.

  “Fortunate it’s stationary,” Alt said in his ear as he poked the Floor Boss full of holes.

  He missed more than a few times, even standing right under the thing, and Jack attributed that to his Hit Chance likely being modified by his blind stabs. Eventually, the Boss was whittled down to almost nothing.

  Floor 2 Boss -6 | HP 5/50

  With only a few HPs left, a smile grew on Jack’s face. Instead of one final stab in the helpless monster’s guts, he looked up and pointed his blade inches from the creature’s disturbing face.

  Strange whispers assaulted his mind as its creepy, purple-white eyes drilled into his heart.

  Jack -3 | HP 6/22

  “Burn,” Jack said with a snarl and activated his Mining Laser at point blank range. The demonic scarecrow burst into a cloud of glitter, and a leather chest item fell to the ground at his feet, but Jack barely noticed that as another jolt of indescribable pleasure ripped through his body. With a huge grin, he checked the top of his Character panel.

  Jack - Hero Class: Irrelevant | Level 3

  “Boom! Level Three!” he shouted into the egg-filled forest around him.

  “Thoughtful abuse of mechanics,” Alt said, and Jack definitely detected a hint of awe in his electronically modulated voice.

  “What, hitting the Boss without looking?”

  “NPCs would not attempt.”

  “Lex wouldn’t have abused its weakness?”

  There was a long pause again. To Jack, it felt like Alt was trying to phrase his answer just right.

  “Lacking creativity, risk-taking.”

  “Well, I’m here now,” Jack said, puffing out his chest. Getting to Hero Level 3 felt damn good, and his will to climb the Tower and restore the Town of Blackmoor Cove had never been stronger.

  He looked down at the Boss-dropped armor and accessed its info panel.

  Dark Jerkin - [Chest | Value: 9]

  | Def: 4 |

&nb
sp; | Dodge +5 |

  | Max HP +3 |

  “Sweet! That’s a huge upgrade.” He immediately moved the armor Kron had gifted him into his inventory and then equipped the Dark Jerkin.

  Jack was still wearing the white cotton shirt in his decorative slot, so his new, deep purple armor slipped right over it like a vest. He felt both more protected and lighter on his feet.

  His face-splitting grin grew wider when he noticed the golden Boss Chest by the Exit Orb. He also noticed the new free-standing, wooden door with a 3 burned into its front.

  With only six Hit Points left, Jack felt almost no temptation to try his luck again, but he had absolutely no issues with looting the chest. He walked down the hill and held his hand out with the intention of searching its contents.

  Floor 2 Rewards - Boss Chest

  Weighty Spear - [2-Hand Spear | Value: 7]

  | Dmg: 5 |

  | Hit Chance -0.05 |

  | Crit Chance +0.03 |

  Ancient Dusty Robes - [Chest | Value: 9]

  | Def: 1 |

  | Max MP + 10 |

  | Magic Power +2 |

  Broken Greatsword – [2-Hand Sword | Value: 8]

  | Dmg: 5 |

  | Crit Chance +0.03 |

  “Can you, um… upgrade with a spear?” Jack asked, moving all the items into his inventory.

  “No.”

  “Okay, then here comes the 8 Value Greatsword.” Jack moved his gloved hands over his eyes and combined the two items. After the transformation, he inspected his blade.

  ARV Alternis - [Sword | Value: 15/25]

  | Dmg: 7 |

  | Hit Chance +0.03 |

  | Crit Chance +0.06 |

  With a pull of crisp autumn air into his nostrils, Jack let out a deep and content sigh.

  “Ten more points, and we fill you up again. What will happen when we do?”

  “Increased complexity.”

  Jack chuckled. “Great. Let’s get out of here.”

  It was a short walk to the Exit Orb, and Jack slapped his hand onto its warm, glowing surface as soon as it was in range. White blindness filled his eyes, and then he was standing outside the Tower. The sky was gray, and a light mist was falling over everything. The sea air was always the first thing he noticed when he appeared on the smooth, round pebbles covering the ground near the fountain.

  Ryea was out to greet them again, and he gave her a smile before turning towards Lex. She turned her weary eyes up to meet his, and he saw exhaustion in their golden depths. Her expression dramatically changed when she inspected his Level, however. Her darker eyebrows arched, and her small mouth hung open slightly as she tried to rationalize what she was seeing. She had the slightest overbite, and her little teeth within the shadows of her pursed lips drew his eye as she stared at him. How could anyone be this damn cute?

  “Wow!” Ryea said, clomping up to them. “Now you have a great new vest, too?”

  “Yeah!” Jack said, slapping his chest. “It’s got a special name, Dark Jerkin.”

  Lex stepped up closer to him, her eyes bouncing around as she Inspected his equipment.

  “And shield, and gloves, and…” The Bastion trailed off. Jack knew she had focused on his sword.

  “It was a good day,” Jack said, quickly filling the awkward silence. “Here, let me show you my haul.”

  He moved his loot over to Lex via a trade window, and she looked up at him when he was done.

  “36 total Value. Not bad,” she said, but her eyes narrowed, and her voice grew serious. “Take it easy from now on, okay. No risks. Promise me.”

  “I promise! How much did you get?” he asked, one eyebrow raised slightly.

  “317,” she said, crossing her leather-clad arms. Then added, “but it’s not a contest.”

  Jack gave her a slowly growing, sly smile that clearly conveyed it most certainly was.

  She let out an amused snort and shook her head, the straight blonde strands swishing with her. Then with a sigh, she began dumping her items into the chest by the fountain. Jack did the same.

  A slight bubbling sound caught his ear, and he noticed that the fountain had risen to about half an inch out of the stone disk’s center.

  After their items were deposited, they all went to eat at the inn. Everyone paid for their own meals and rooms, which seemed to be the preferred way of doing things. The conversation was light, and Jack made the women laugh when he embellished some parts about the egg-throwing birds. He left the part out about how he defeated the scarecrow, downplaying the risk. It was at this point that Jack realized his talking sword belt had been completely silent since he had exited the Tower.

  Lex excused herself early, and the dark circles under her golden eyes broadcast her weariness. Jack wasn’t far behind her. He planned on some alone time to talk to his imaginary friend, ARV Alternis.

  He closed the door to his room, sat on his bed and patted his irremovable leather scabbard.

  “So, thank you for not speaking to me in front of other people. I’d look even crazier than I do already.”

  “You’re welcome,” the electronic voice of Alt said after a brief pause.

  Jack laid back onto his small bed with his hands behind his head and tried to make sense of everything that had happened to him since he went into the silver mines- what was it now, four days?

  Jack wanted to ask more questions but every time he had before, the thing in his head never really answered them. Perhaps tomorrow he’d find enough blades to increase his decorative scabbard’s complexity. He closed his eyes and tried to think of good, simple questions for the voice in his head, but there were so many he didn’t know where to start.

  It only felt like his eyes were closed for a moment before Jack jolted awake, moderately rested. He willed the Tower clock countdown panel to appear.

  03:39:12

  Jack rubbed his eyes with his fingers. He had an hour and forty minutes before he needed to meet Lex for breakfast. He looked around his cramped room, then down at his small cot of a bed. There was no way he was getting back to sleep- he never could once he was up.

  “Morning, Alt,” he said down to the leather sword sheath strapped to his waist.

  “I greet you,” the voice said.

  He reequipped his new vest and headed down the stairs. No one was in the common room of the inn when Jack pushed open the front door and stepped out into the weak morning sun.

  A gray blanket of clouds hung low, backlit by the bruised red of an early morning sun, and the Tower stood motionless against them as the puffs of condensed moisture moved inland from the sea.

  Jack left the inn and Tower behind him as he followed the dirt path toward the Wall. His brisk pace kept the morning chill from his body, and he made it to the crumbling fortification in no time.

  One of the bleary-eyed guards on the wall noticed Jack approaching and called down to the tall, horned figure standing in the center of the gate. The big man in plate armor spun to face him as he approached.

  “Jack,” he said, extending his wide, gauntleted hand. “I hear you are doing well in the Tower. What are you doing back up this way so early?”

  Jack took Kron’s hand and gave him one solid shake.

  “I’m doing alright, I suppose. I came here for two reasons. First, I wanted to give this back to you.”

  Jack opened his inventory and transferred the Simple Leather Harness over to Kron. “This was a big help, but I figured if you wanted this fed to the Town, you would have done that already.”

  The big man’s cold eyes held his for a moment and then accepted the trade.

  “Second?” Kron asked.

  “I’d like to train more if you can spare someone to spar with.” Swinging his sword out on the cliffs helped, but it wasn’t anywhere as useful as having to deal with someone fighting back. Although the world seemed to have video game physics and the amount of damage a person did with a weapon was tied to a specific value, he had seen actual benefits regarding his ability to hit and avoid being
hit from the last time he trained in The Yard.

  “Look at him, Kron,” a familiar gruff voice said from behind him. “Already Level 3? And Inspect the sword.”

  Jack turned around to see Harrak lurching up from the ground where it appeared he had been sleeping. His eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. Lex’s father continued as he stumbled forward. “A thing like him ain’t natural. He don’t belong.”

  “We talked about this,” Kron said. “He’s feeding the Town. He’s on our side.”

  “You’re damn right,” Jack said, crossing his arms and attempted to stare down this angry, old man.

  Harrak narrowed his beady eyes and started to nod, slowly.

  “I’ll fight him. In The Yard.”

  “Deal,” Jack said quickly before Kron could speak. He knew he couldn’t die in there, and that he couldn’t really hurt Lex’s father, either. And maybe they would both gain something from this exercise in therapeutic aggression.

  “Don’t cha’ worry, Kron. The freak’ll beg to stop after one round.” The old man kept his hateful eyes on him, and Jack wondered what exactly he had gotten himself into, but he was never one to back down.

  “Fine,” Kron said, waving a plate-covered arm in dismissal. “Jack, try and learn something and feel free to stop whenever you like. Harrak does have a few Levels on you, after all.”

  “I’ve got to be back at the inn for a rest bonus in about an hour.” He turned his gaze on the old man and then added, “I need to help Lex save this Town.”

  Lex’s father said nothing and only moved to stand inside the roped-off area that was The Yard. Jack equipped his new shield and joined the old bearded man inside. The status effect appeared in the corner of his vision.

  Sparring Yard -

  No negative effects from attacking Heroes or Townsfolk.

  HP will not drop below 1.

  HP/MP lost will be restored on exit.

  Cannot be dispelled while inside Sparring Yard.

  ~ Power is wasted without control.

  Standing as close as he was, Jack noticed Harrak was shorter than he seemed. It must be why Lex was about a head shorter. His mind drifted briefly to how procreation worked here- that was, until Harrak began to scream. Jack saw the older man’s body blur an instant before his thick shoulder obliterated Jack’s chest.