by MJ Howson
“Janet thinks we’re meant to be together,” Dawn said as she twisted one of Eve’s hands back and forth. “I’m a firm believer in fate. Did I tell you I planned to name my baby Eve? After my mother. Well, actually, it was Evelyn. She preferred the full name.”
“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” the voice assistant asked.
“Cancel,” Dawn said. She chuckled and shook her head. “I think you’ll like Jacob. And I think he’ll like you. If he sees how well I care for you, well, then . . . .” Dawn pulled Eve close and hugged the doll. “Then he’ll want to try again.”
With the curtains fully open, and the sun about to set, Dawn’s apartment became bathed in a blood-orange hue. Dawn brought Eve over to the sliding door and stepped outside onto the terrace. The cool September air felt crisp as it tickled her nose.
“Would you believe I hate heights?” Dawn chuckled as she took a few cautious steps toward the middle of the patio. “But I couldn’t say no to the best view in town.” New Jersey was backlit with ribbons of red and orange as the sun slowly dropped beneath the horizon.
Dawn stood in the middle of her terrace with her arms around Eve. The doll faced outward so they could both enjoy the gorgeous light show of the setting sun. The orange glow illuminated Eve’s white porcelain face. Once the last remnant of the sun vanished below the horizon, Dawn took Eve back inside.
After getting pregnant earlier this year, Dawn had collected different magazines and catalogs for new mothers and babies. She spent the rest of the evening enjoying her wine, listening to jazz music, and reading different articles. She made a list of items she saw that she might like to buy for Eve.
At ten o’clock, Dawn, wiped from the long day, picked Eve up and headed to the private elevator. On her way to the top floor, she asked Evelyn to secure the apartment. The elevator doors opened, and Dawn brought Eve into her bedroom. She placed the doll against the pillow, adjusting the arms and legs to hold it in place. She smiled and said, “You could have been a cat.”
After changing into white silk pajamas, Dawn went into her bathroom. She removed Jacob’s sapphire pendant and hung it from a nearby cabinet handle. Her Prozac, Xanax, and melatonin bottles sat beside the sink. She poured the proper dosage of each into her palm and filled a glass with tap water before heading back to the bedroom.
Dawn stopped beside her bed and placed the pills and glass on the nightstand near Eve. She dropped to her knees to get the box hidden beneath her bed. Dawn gently ran her fingers across the curved edging and slowly opened it. She briefly stared at the fertility pill bottle before finally popping the top and removing a pill. Dawn returned the bottle to the box and slid it back into the shadowy depths beneath her bed.
Eve was sitting against the pillow, facing the bathroom, its jewel-like eyes open. Dawn stared at the doll and wondered if she’d positioned it that way or not. She looked at the fertility pill and then the doll. She said, “Jacob doesn’t know I’m still taking these. Neither does my doctor. It’s our secret, okay?”
Dawn downed her meds and placed the glass of water beside the bed before sliding beneath the covers. She turned off the light beside her bed, leaned over, and kissed Eve on the cheek. “Sweet dreams, Eve. For both of us.”
Dawn smiled, her eyes heavy with emotion and wine. She ran her fingers through Eve’s hair. The doll’s eyes clicked closed. As Dawn drifted off to sleep, she felt more relaxed than she’d been in months. Unfortunately, Dawn’s mind soon filled with an all too familiar dream.
Dawn found herself once again running barefoot down a long passageway. This time, the surroundings were different. The arched white walls now glowed from an orange light she couldn’t see. The dirt floor, once coarse and gritty, was now paved in rough cobblestones. Her ruby red gown flowed effortlessly behind her. Dawn turned the corner and stopped. Far ahead, a young red-headed girl stood motionless. Dawn stared in disbelief, stunned to see a different person from her prior dreams. She was taller and older. The girl smiled, turned, and ran down the never-ending passageway, her curly copper locks bouncing in slow motion.
Dawn felt breathless as she chased after the girl. This hallway, unlike in her earlier dreams, seemed to twist and turn endlessly. Dawn’s chest burned, and her feet ached as she made one last turn. A dark wooden door stood ominously at the end of the corridor. The young redhead stopped, opened the door, and ran inside, slamming the door behind her. Dawn kept running, but the end of the hall remained far away. Her bare feet ached as they pounded against the cobblestone floor. Suddenly a voice in the darkness cried out from behind the closed door, “Mom! No!”
Dawn screamed herself awake, her body drenched in sweat. She looked around her bedroom in confusion. The time projected on the ceiling read 11:55 p.m. Dawn fumbled for the lamp on the nightstand, finally turning on the power.
Eve was sitting silently beside her in bed, eyes open, staring across the room.
“I . . . I thought these dreams were over.” Dawn pulled Eve closer. “Especially now that I have you.”
Dawn’s hand trembled as she picked up the glass of water on her nightstand. She took a sip and shook her head as she replayed the dream in her mind. She glanced over at Eve’s curly copper hair. “This time, it was different. The girl who was running away from me. She . . . she wasn’t my daughter.” Dawn ran her fingers through Eve’s silky locks. “Her hair was different. Was it . . . you?”
Fourteen
Meeting Eve
Dawn knew she’d bought too much food. It was 10:30 p.m., and she had no idea if Jacob would even be hungry after working such a long shift at the bar. But she wanted everything to go perfectly this evening. Dawn hadn’t told Jacob about Eve and was looking forward to surprising him.
Three different boxes of crackers and four blocks of cheese covered the kitchen counter. A white marble wine chiller was filled with ice and an open bottle of chardonnay. She also had three different bottles of red wine nearby for Jacob.
As Dawn retrieved two white ceramic plates from the kitchen cabinet, Evelyn announced, “Jacob Jilani arriving.”
Dawn refilled her glass of wine and walked to the entrance, standing a few feet away from the door. She fidgeted with her white and black floral kaftan, smoothing it across her thighs. Her heart pounded in anticipation of finally seeing Jacob. They hadn’t seen one another since her birthday almost two weeks ago. Since getting Eve last weekend, all they’d done is chat on the phone and exchange text messages.
The door opened, and Jacob stepped inside. Dawn thought he looked as stunning as ever. Black wool pants and a skin-tight white dress-shirt clung to his sculpted body. He glided forward and presented Dawn with a dozen white roses. Dawn gasped when she saw them. She took them in her hands and buried her nose against the soft silky petals.
“Jacob, these are gorgeous.”
“They’re your favorite.”
Dawn looked up from her bouquet and noticed Jacob had one hand behind his back. She glanced at his reflection in the mirror and asked, “What are you hiding?”
Jacob revealed a single red rose. Dawn took it and brushed it against her pale cheek. She fought back tears as the sweet aroma from the flowers enveloped her.
“You’re so sweet.” Dawn clutched the sapphire pendant around her neck. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. I’m . . . I’m sorry.”
“For what? I’m the one with the crazy schedule.”
“My outburst at the restaurant. It’s just that–”
“Stop. It’s all in the past. That’s why I bought these.” Jacob leaned forward and kissed Dawn’s lips. “You look good.”
“I’m glad you noticed.” Dawn slid her arm around Jacob and led him toward the kitchen. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be hungry. Would you like a glass of wine?”
“Sure.” Jacob leaned against the kitchen counter and surveyed the food spread in front of him. “You didn’t need to do all of this.”
Jacob kissed Dawn on her cheek. He selected a bottle of merlot and set ab
out pouring himself a glass. Dawn went to the dining room and returned with a white porcelain vase. She grabbed a pair of scissors and began trimming the stems.
“You really do look great,” Jacob said. He placed his hands on Dawn’s trim waist and let them slide along her hips as he pulled her closer. “It’s nice to see you smiling.”
Jacob helped Dawn arrange the flowers in the vase. As he did, he said, “Between the bar and my clients, I never seem to have any free time these days. It’s been a bit overwhelming.”
“It’s okay. I was just worried that, well, maybe you were avoiding me.”
“No. Although, to be honest, I wanted to give you some space, too. I felt like you needed it.”
“Really? Maybe . . . maybe we both did.”
Jacob began to fill the vase with water. When done, he pulled Dawn close and kissed the top of her head. He said, “Let’s just move forward, okay?”
“Sure.”
Dawn followed Jacob to the living room. Together they made a couple of trips to bring the flowers, wine bottles and glasses, and two plates of food. They sat together on the loveseat facing the twinkling fireplace. Dawn buried her head against Jacob’s chest, taking in his scent.
“Do you remember when we met?” Dawn asked.
“Of course. Why?”
“I’ve always believed it was fate.”
“Fate?” Jacob raised an eyebrow and chuckled. “Why do you say that?”
“You know what a homebody I am. I never venture out. But when that hotel opened, I simply had to see what the buzz was all about. The Harbor View lounge was the talk of the town. So, I walked over, and there you were, working behind the bar.”
“And you think that’s fate?”
“Jacob, don’t you remember you told me you were supposed to have that night off. Someone called in sick, and you were covering.”
“That’s right.” Jacob took a sip of wine and nodded. “I’d been there less than two weeks and was pissed because I had to cancel on a client. But, I couldn’t risk losing that bartending job.”
Dawn closed her eyes and thought back to the night she walked into that lounge. The place was packed, but Jacob stood out like a statue on a glowing pedestal. His bright white shirt and broad shoulders towered over the crowd. She’d come for the view of the Hudson but ended up sitting at the bar fixated on the handsome, charming bartender. She looked at Jacob and said, “See. Fate.”
“If you say so.” Jacob kissed Dawn on her cheek and draped his arm around her. “I’m more of a make your own future type of guy.” He pulled her closer. “And that’s why you need to get better. Fate won’t make your nightmares go away.”
“I . . . I guess.”
“So, how are your sessions going? With the doctor.”
“They’re okay.” Dawn’s smile faded. She was hoping Jacob wouldn’t try to pry into what she’d been discussing with her therapist. “I . . . I still don’t know if they’re doing much for me.”
“If you aren’t making progress, just find another. New York has plenty of shrinks.”
“He’s fine. He’s just a bit, well, simple.”
“Simple?”
“His office is a bit dowdy. And smells like a litter box.”
“You can afford better. The best. Why this guy?”
“He came highly recommended.”
“By who?”
“My friend Peter. He owns Possedimenti Gallery.”
“An artist?” Jacob rolled his eyes and suppressed a groan. “Well, don’t hesitate to get rid of the doc if you aren’t happy.”
Dawn nodded, frustrated by the conversation.
Jacob pointed at Dawn’s glass of wine. He said, “Why are you drinking? What about your meds?”
“A glass every now and then won’t kill me.”
“Just be sure you follow his advice.”
Dawn smiled and looked at Jacob. She’d spent the evening trying to figure out how to introduce Jacob to Eve. This gave her the perfect opening. “Funny story about the doctor’s advice. So, last week he told me to get a pet. Like a cat.”
“What?”
Dawn laughed and leaned back against the loveseat. “He did! He said it would give me comfort.”
Jacob looked around the apartment and grinned, his scar twisting his upper lip. “If you get one, make sure it isn’t black or white. You’d never find the damn thing.”
“The weird thing is his suggestion led me to something even better.” Dawn stood up and extended her hand to Jacob. He took it and stood up. “I think it was fate. Just like us.”
Dawn led Jacob across the room and over to the spiral staircase. As they ascended the alternating black and white marble steps to the second floor, Dawn recounted the black and white cats that led her to the odd little store on Charles Street. The door to the nursery was open. All the lights were off except for the projector sitting atop the chest on the far side of the room. Ribbons of white flowed across the walls and ceiling, interspersed with twinkling stars.
Jacob followed Dawn into the room and stopped beside the crib. Eve lay nestled inside beneath a white cotton blanket, its eyes closed. Dawn reached in and adjusted the blanket, tucking it tighter around the doll’s body.
“Jacob, this is Eve.” Dawn ran her fingers through the doll’s curly copper hair and adjusted the bow. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
Jacob’s eyes darted back and forth between Dawn and the doll. “So, instead of a cat, you got a doll?”
“You make it sound so cheap.” Dawn picked Eve up and cradled it in her arms, causing the doll’s eyes to click open. “Look at that face. And her hair.” Dawn slid her fingers in the folds of the doll’s dress and retrieved the locket. “And look. She came with this.”
Jacob palmed the necklace and rolled it across his fingers. He slid a fingernail against the clasp, and Dawn yanked his hand away.
“Don’t! You’ll break it.”
“What’s the W for?”
“I don’t know.” Dawn began to sway back and forth, rocking the doll in her arms. The rhinestones on the edging of Eve’s dress twinkled softly. Dawn looked at Jacob and smiled. “See? Won’t I make a great mother?”
Jacob crossed his arms across his chest. He said, “Just as long as you know a doll isn’t the same as a baby.”
“Of course.” Dawn kissed Eve on the head and gently returned the doll to the crib. She tucked Eve beneath the blanket and took Jacob by the hand. The doll’s eyes remained open. “But it’s truly lovely having her here.”
“Why did you give her the same name you were planning for the baby?”
“I didn’t. The store owner told me that was her name. And her birthday was around the time our baby was to be born.”
“Birthday? Sounds like a scam artist to me. Did she tell you your fortune, too?”
Dawn ignored Jacob’s question and said, “The birthday’s on the back of the locket.”
“Really?” Jacob peered into the crib and flipped the locket over. His eyes widened when he read the inscription. “Okay, that’s kind of weird.”
“No, Jacob. It’s fate.” Dawn led Jacob back to the door. She stopped in the doorway and said, “I already know what you’re going to say. But, I was wondering if maybe you . . . you could spend the night. I’m . . . I’m sure you have clients in the–”
“I don’t. And yes, I’d love to spend the night with you.”
Dawn tilted her head back and looked up into Jacob’s mesmerizing brown eyes. She ran her fingers across his stubbled chin and against the scar that ran through his lips. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Jacob bent down and kissed Dawn deeply. Dawn slid her arms around his shoulders and allowed herself to collapse in his embrace. He moved her into the hallway and over to the staircase.
“Let me turn off the nightlight,” Dawn whispered. “I’ll meet you upstairs.”
Dawn watched as Jacob ascended the spiral staircase. She walked back into the nursery and paused beside the crib. Ribbons of lig
ht danced across her face as she stared at the motionless doll. Dawn leaned down and kissed Eve’s forehead, causing the doll’s eyes to snap closed. “I’m sorry, Eve, but you can’t sleep with me tonight. Jacob’s staying with me. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Dawn left the room, and Eve’s eyes clicked open.
Fifteen
Progress
Dr. Cole stared at the smartphone resting in his hand. The six-year-old device had seen better days. The shattered screen made the touch functions hit or miss, and minor fractures covered the dull red plastic case. With all the wear and tear, he’d been unable to deactivate the phone’s vibrate function. He adjusted his glasses as he scanned the blurry notifications on the screen. A knock on his office door startled him.
“Yes?” Dr. Cole opened his top drawer and dropped his phone inside, placing it next to a newer pristine blue-cased cellphone.
The door opened, and his wife jutted her head inside. Luna bolted between her legs and ran into the room. Flo shook her head and said, “Miss Easton’s here, Winston.”
Dr. Cole looked down at his notepad and frowned. He’d been so wrapped up in playing with his phone that he’d forgotten to finish prepping for his session. He licked his fingertip and used his damp finger to flip through his notes. “Okay, you can send her in.”
Flo tracked down Luna and snatched the tabby into her arms. She went back to the waiting room, leaving the door open. Dawn stopped beside Flo and looked at Luna. Flo said, “Be careful. She sometimes scratches.”
Dawn briefly held her hand out toward the cat but then pulled it back. She looked at Flo and said, “Is this your only cat?”
“Miss Luna here is my little princess.” Flo kissed the top of the tabby’s head. “She used to have a brother, but we lost him two years ago.”