by Fanny Blake
She studied his face with its familiar contours, less defined than they once were but distinctive all the same: his hooded eyes embedded in laugh lines; his nose straight and pointed, widening a little near the top; his dark thick eyebrows; his wide narrow-lipped mouth with even teeth. She knew every mark from the tiny thread veins on his cheek to the chickenpox scar by his ear. How he bit his bottom lip if he was angry. How his left eye narrowed a little more than his right when he laughed.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I don’t know how it happened.’ She didn’t want to hurt David any more by telling him the truth. ‘I’ve already told Rick it can’t go on.’
His eyes lit up for a moment then the light faded. ‘But you were still going to Barcelona? To see him? You were still going to pretend you were working?’
‘Yes.’
‘But why?’
‘Because I’m an idiot.’ She didn’t have the words to explain. ‘Because I’ve taken you for granted. I know I’ve lied and done things I shouldn’t, and I’m sorry. I really am. I want us to try and forget what’s happened, and start again too.’ She sounded like someone who’d walked straight from the pages of a romantic novel but for once at least she was speaking the truth. By coming here, he had showed her how much he cared. How could she not be moved by that? As a result she was almost stripped of pretence. Almost.
The relief on his face was a pleasure to see. ‘You’ll tell him you won’t go?’
‘I’ll tell him.’
‘Now?’
‘What? In front of you?’ But she could tell how much it mattered to him. She got out her phone.
‘Why not?’
Typing quickly, she wrote:
Won’t be coming to Barcelona after all. David and I are spending a couple of days in Mallorca. We can’t meet again
‘Will this do?’ She held out her phone so he could read the message, worded so Rick would understand what had happened without David realising.
‘Fine,’ he said, immediately looking out at the square, but he looked as if he was a million miles away. After a moment he came to. ‘Have you sent it?’
She held out her phone, pressed send and they heard the whoosh of a message being sent through cyberspace. ‘Yes.’
‘You said we were spending a couple of days here?’ He looked puzzled.
‘Why not? I’ve got the days off and now we’re here … so, if you can, we might as well start the way we mean to go on. Together.’
‘No.’
She was startled by his forcefulness.
‘I want to go home,’ he went on. ‘We can’t just pretend nothing’s happened by having a nice holiday and brushing it all under a rug. We need to get back into the real world and sort out where we’ve gone wrong.’
‘But we could do that after a break.’ The thought of a few more days in the sun, putting things right, appealed to her.
‘Absolutely not. For one thing, I’ve got a presentation on Friday and need to prepare with the guys for that. I mean everything I’ve said but we’re going home.’
‘But my flights …’
‘We’ll change them online, and then we can have dinner.’
There was no point in arguing. Once his mind was made up, changing it was a work of weeks. She raised her glass, the wine less vinegary now. ‘I give in. Shall we go back to the hotel now and sort it?’
‘Perfect.’ He held out his hand for her to take.
She did, feeling its familiar warmth and solidity. They were going to be all right. They had so far managed to avoid the in-depth analysis of their relationship that she so dreaded. The last thing she wanted was to be driven into a corner where she would be pushed to tell him the home truths that should be left unspoken. The dread word ‘counselling’ had not been mentioned. Whatever anyone said, she didn’t believe that baring one’s soul and telling all was necessarily a recipe for success. Some things were better kept to oneself. If she were careful, she would get away with this.
‘Let’s go to one of the restaurants up the hill. The guy in reception told me the first one on the left does great fish.’
She hesitated. Situated on the side of the main road, anyone sitting there could easily be seen, but Amy, Kate and Linda were going into Sóller so there was no danger they would bump into them. And Dan would probably be visiting friends. ‘Let’s try it.’
After he’d paid, they set off to the hotel. She felt the weight of her phone in her bag. She couldn’t help wondering how Rick would reply.
25
By the time we got to Sóller, I was exhausted. The past few days had taken their toll. This had been so far from the reunion I’d thought it would be. Yes, I wanted the answers to my own questions but I’d got a lot more than I’d bargained for, as had everyone else. At least we’d got rid of Jane. I’d run out of patience with her and the other two were leaving the following day. I would miss Kate and Linda but I only had to hold it together for twenty-four more hours. I could do that.
I prefer Sóller by night when the town empties of people and the main square is at its best. I’d chosen the pintxo restaurant not far away where the alleyway outside it was packed with crowded tables. We were given a table at the back and I ordered wine and water immediately. Still reeling after so many revelations that had put my own teenage problems into the shade, and worrying away about the Rob situation, I was pretty much functioning on autopilot.
‘And then there were three,’ said Linda, raising her glass of Rioja in a toast. As we all clinked glasses, I couldn’t help reflecting how far she and I had come since she arrived. I’d been too ready to dismiss her then, far too quick to judge, but over these few days I’d discovered a new respect for her. More than that, I liked her. What had happened to me when I was seventeen was bad, but when all was said and done, I had moved on from it and made a good life for myself. What happened to her was so much worse. She had endured so much: promises made and promises broken, but she had survived. And even in the short time she’d had on the island, I could see she was feeling better about herself. I had an idea about a job for her but, whatever happened, I was resolved to keep in closer touch with her from now on.
‘I’ve loved it here,’ said Kate. ‘Thank you.’ She blew a kiss across the table at me. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t lend Dan the money he needs but—’
‘He asked you?’ My brother had got through his life, largely living off his wits and me, but as far as I knew he’d never tapped any of my friends for cash. He must be more desperate than I realised. I should have listened to him, asked questions, because this was embarrassing. ‘I’m so sorry. How did he take it?’
‘Not well.’ She shrugged. ‘He stormed off and left me in the bar.’
‘He’s probably trying his luck with William.’ Dan was shameless. ‘But he won’t have any joy because I’ve already briefed him. I don’t want to give Dan any more money unless he’s earning something for himself. I’m doing him a favour. No, really.’
The other two had begun to laugh.
‘You sound like the frustrated mum of a teenage son,’ said Linda.
‘That’s what it feels like sometimes.’ And it did. Dan relied on me, always had, but I couldn’t rely on him for much in return.
‘The funny thing is that I thought he fancied me,’ said Kate, beginning to smile. ‘He was so lovely. And … I even thought I fancied him. It was kind of like being back at school but this time everything was going the way I used to want it to. Except it didn’t.’
‘I’m sure he does,’ I said. Kate might have put on a bit of weight but she hadn’t lost her looks or her personality. Part of her charm lay in the fact that she didn’t know how attractive she was.
‘He just wanted your money more.’ Linda shook her head. ‘Bloody men.’
‘Mine’s not so bad, you know,’ said Kate. ‘I was so fed up with him when I came out here, but this break’
s been enough to make me see that he just needs a few minor adjustments and I’m going home to make them.’
‘Poor man! I feel sorry for him. But can people ever really change?’ Judging by Dan, I doubted it. I wondered about Rob and whether he’d had affairs that I’d been too blind or too stupid to cotton on to.
‘He’d better,’ she said and raised her glass in a toast. ‘Here’s to our new lives.’
‘Good luck with that.’ Linda’s scepticism about men was hardly surprising, I guess.
‘Wish I’d had the chance.’ I hadn’t meant to sound so self-pitying, but the knowledge that Rob had gone for good washed over me like the sea at high tide. Having the others round me had helped steady me and made me see that I had let what happened to me at school get way out of proportion. If Linda could survive what happened to her, I had done more than that. And now Rob had gone. I would survive that too. However desperate I might feel, I had to pick myself up – as impossible a task as it seemed – and remake my life. I would get that money back and make sure everyone who worked for us was still employed by the end of the year. I would. As for Jack Walsh: Why had I spent so much time brooding over the bloody man when I would have been better concentrating on what was happening in the present?
‘The past is a different place,’ said Linda, sounding almost wistful. ‘I’ve made so many terrible errors of judgement – and look where they got me. All I’ve got left is a job where my days are numbered and my aunt to look after. Apart from the fact that being with you has made me realise that I should moderate my drinking,’ she raised her glass with a grin, ‘my future isn’t exactly sparkling.’
I wasn’t sure what to say.
‘Let’s drink to that. To your dreary future’ said Kate, making us all laugh as we clinked glasses. ‘Can’t you persuade her to go into a home?’ Forever practical. ‘It’s just finding the right one that’s hard. One friend’s mum was adamant about staying in her own home but then she fell and broke her wrist, and was persuaded. Now, instead of sitting home alone, she’s always at an art class, playing cards, going on an outing or having her hair done. Loves it.’
‘Sounds like my idea of hell,’ I said, before I realised how unhelpful that was. ‘But perhaps I’ll feel differently at that age.’
‘I’ve tried, and she won’t consider it. At least the new carer seems to have got her measure. Thank God.’
We all stared as food was brought to the table next door to us. It smelled good.
‘Shall we go inside and see what they’ve got left,’ I suggested.
‘Yes.’ Linda put down her wine and led the way into the wood-panelled bar. For a moment we forgot our conversation as we chose from the cold pintxos that were left along the counter by the window. Outside, we put the coloured cocktail sticks that came with them into a container so we could be billed later. We took ages to order the hot ones, unable to decide between the battered octopus, the salmon tataki or the prawns in dough with wasabi foam. In the end we had the lot. When they came, each plate looked so beautiful, it seemed a shame to dismantle them. But we did.
Over supper, we rallied as our conversation revolved around how our perspectives on our own lives had started to change over these past days. Extraordinary in such a short time, but true. By chance we’d come together at various turning points in our lives and each of us had been kickstarted into seeing ourselves a little differently and how life might be changed. Our mood was positive, forward-looking and warm.
‘You know what you should do, Amy?’ Linda was markedly more positive. ‘Do something new. Set up something in Spain? I mean, why not? You love it here – what could go wrong?’ She stopped. ‘What is it?’
Kate was gazing at something happening at one of the tables nearer the road as if she’d seen a snake. ‘It’s Jack Wilson.’
I glanced quickly over my shoulder to see him and a younger woman taking a table near the main road. I suppose I shouldn’t have been so surprised. The restaurant was a highlight in the town. Linda was less discreet and was staring hard. ‘I don’t want to sit in the same restaurant as him.’
‘He hasn’t seen us. Take no notice.’ Kate put her hand on Linda’s shoulder.
I sympathised. Even though he was at the other end of the alley, I felt uncomfortable too. Given his impact on our lives, it didn’t seem fair that he should be living his as if nothing had happened. I didn’t want to think about how he’d messed up his own as well. ‘Let’s get the bill,’ I suggested. ‘We can go for a coffee in the square instead.’
‘Good idea.’ Linda signalled for the waitress. ‘Though I don’t see why we should be the ones who have to move.’
As we left, squeezing our way through the tables, there was no way of avoiding his. I hoped that we’d pass him without drawing attention to ourselves. Linda, however, had other plans.
‘Hello, Mr Wilson. Fancy seeing you again,’ she said loudly enough for him to hear. ‘Holidaying with a friend?’
I was embarrassed, but delighted to see him knock his water glass flying. He recovered himself enough for a gruff, ‘This is my wife, Anika.’
‘She looks so much younger than you but I suppose that isn’t so surprising, given your history.’
Anika was blotting her skirt with a napkin but stopped immediately. ‘What does that mean?’ She looked at Jack, puzzled. ‘Why do they call you Mr Wilson?’
‘I thought he might not have told you. Perhaps you should ask him to be more open with you. I’m sorry we can’t stop for longer.’ She swept out, with Kate and me rushing out as best we could behind her. I was aware of Anika sitting, mouth slightly open, bemused.
‘Who is that?’ she said, staring up at me as I went by.
‘Just someone I knew a long time ago. No one who matters.’
If I hadn’t been so averse to public scene-making, I would have picked up his knife and stabbed him in the chest. Instead, perhaps wisely, I raced round the corner with the other two where we high-fived each other.
‘I shouldn’t have done that.’ Linda looked worried. ‘That was a terrible thing to say.’
‘Of course you bloody should.’ Kate clapped her on the back. ‘That’s the very least he deserves.’
When I woke up the following morning, I decided I would go to the gallery on my way back from the airport. We had gone on talking about Mr Wilson over coffee, and agreed that he shouldn’t get away scot-free. He may have paid for what he did to the fifteen-year-old, but he hadn’t paid back Linda for what he did to her. An insincere apology was not enough. I was glad Linda hadn’t overheard the way he dismissed her the previous evening, but I was furious too, and wanted to do something, though I was unsure what.
Before we left, Dan emerged from the pool house and joined us for breakfast. He was beaming like someone who’d just won the lottery as he sat in Jane’s place. After a couple of minutes, Kate left the table and walked to the other end of the terrace.
‘You’ll be pleased to know that a friend of William’s from the party has asked me to build him a wood cabin, so I’ll be gainfully employed for a couple of months at least.’ Thank God for William. He knew what was needed and was generous enough to find a way of providing it.
‘That’s great. Where?’
‘Pollença. So I was just thinking if I could base myself here and use your car, I could begin to pay off my debts.’ As if we’d never had that conversation, but this was the way he got through life.
I was irritated by his assumption that I’d let him stay. But of course I would. I’d had to postpone the work meeting we had planned at Ca’n Amy – too much that still had to be sorted out at home – so there was no good reason why he shouldn’t. That aside, I wanted him to pay off his debts. ‘Of course you can.’
‘That’s great. Thanks, sis. I knew I could rely on you in the end. And there’s one more thing I need to do. I owe Kate an apology.’
I
was so glad he’d come to that decision on his own.
He went over to Kate who was photographing the view. They talked together briefly and at the end they were both smiling. A kiss on each cheek seemed to cement whatever had been said.
‘It would never have worked,’ she said with a little regret as I drove us down the mountain. ‘I’m too much of a homebody now.’
‘Don’t do yourself down. That’s not such a bad thing to be.’ In the rear-view mirror I watched her stare out of the window.
‘But I’ve never done anything much with my life. I look at the three of you and wish I had.’
‘And I’ve never made a comfortable family life,’ said Linda. ‘I’ve never worked on a farm. So which of us is the worst off?’
Kate leaned forward to talk to us. ‘Neither, I guess. What are you going to do when you get home?’
‘You mean about the library or Aunt Pat?’
‘Both.’
Linda turned round in her seat so she could talk to us both more easily. ‘I haven’t decided about work. I’m so tempted to cut and run. What Brendan said on the boat about no one regretting taking redundancy really struck a chord. I’ve been thinking about my one or two friends who have, and they’ve got new things on the go. It’s a big risk but—’
‘—but it’s a risk to stay. We’ve only got one life, so we’d better make the most of what’s left.’
We both groaned.
‘Don’t say that!’ said Linda.
Kate pulled a face. ‘But it’s true.’
I glanced at Linda. ‘But I’m going to try to find something for you.’
‘I didn’t think you were serious.’
My eyes were back on the road as we entered the tunnel. ‘I can’t promise anything, but I do have an idea. I’ll ask around, too.’ I was determined to help her if I could but didn’t want to raise her hopes too high.
‘Really?’ She sounded disbelieving but pleased.
‘I’ve got to talk to Kerry first. What about you, Kate?’