“Ah. I suppose I should explain that I was not confused at all about you or us or myself. The reason I knew it wouldn’t matter is that I was already out to my parents. They were part of the art scene, as photographers, and I suppose it would’ve been more of a shock for them if I hadn’t turned out to be at the very least open-minded about life in general. Like the church, they were surprised I went on the trip at all.”
“So, why did you?”
Annie laughed. “Partly to please my grandmother, but mostly I saw it as an opportunity. I knew I wanted to see the world, and this was an easy way to start. I had no notions of becoming a full-time missionary.”
Jo turned that over in her mind. “Your grandmother?”
“She brought my brothers and me to church from the time we were old enough to sit still. My parents hated it—and so did we—but they allowed it because their faith was still important to them even if church was not. I suppose they thought it would be good for us in some way.” She laughed quietly. “She gave up on all three of us after that summer, and I doubt my parents were sorry. I know my brothers and I were happier.”
“And you thought my family would be more angry if they believed I’d chosen you on my own.” Jo nodded.
“Yes. I could face Grandma’s wrath, since I knew my parents would support me. You? I had no idea what your family was like.”
“Not quite as understanding,” Jo acknowledged. “Mom thought for a long time she’d done something wrong. She came around, but not for years. She was a single mother, and she already felt as though people blamed her for everything. She needed me to prove she could raise a good daughter.”
They didn’t speak for a while, absorbing the weight of their different histories. Jo thought about the things Annie had said when they were out with the others, about never marrying or having children. Did that mean she hadn’t found anyone? It certainly implied she hadn’t wanted to bury her identity in a loveless relationship.
“What did you mean—” Jo stopped short.
“Go on,” Annie urged.
“About not getting married. It sounded like you didn’t need to pretend like I did, but…” Jo didn’t want to ask about the man Annie had mentioned.
Annie took another bite, her expression thoughtful. “I haven’t been trying to fit into anyone’s expectations. I’ve had relationships, some of them longer than others, all of them by my choice. I simply never settled down.” She met Jo’s gaze. “Maybe I’ve always wondered what would’ve happened if you and I hadn’t been hindered by what everyone else wanted from us.”
“Maybe I have too.” It was a bold admission, and Jo almost wished she could take it back. If they’d both been willing, they wouldn’t have needed to wait forty years.
“There’s no reason we couldn’t find out.” Annie exhaled heavily. “I had another reason for setting up this reunion.” She reached for Jo’s hand but rested her fingers on the table between them instead. “I wanted to know how it would be between us. If we might have another chance.”
Jo sat back and looked at her intently. “The same thing occurred to me, but I don’t know how I feel about a long-distance relationship.”
“It wouldn’t be. I’m moving back home.”
“What?” Jo stared at her, mind swirling with all the things she wanted to say or to ask. None of them formed into coherent sentences.
“My parents are older. Mom needs help caring for Dad these days. A friend of mine from my undergraduate years is opening her new office as a nurse practitioner, and she needs a consulting physician. I’ve also taken a faculty position at the university as an adjunct. It means I have time for family instead of so much travel.”
“Can you really be happy living like that?” Jo blurted. She instantly clamped her lips shut.
Annie only laughed. “It does seem hard to believe. I’m ready, though.”
Now Jo reached out and brushed her hand over Annie’s. “There’s no reason we can’t figure it out.”
They rose from the table and discarded their trash. On the way back to the hotel, their arms brushed. Jo wished she could take Annie’s hand, but they weren’t at that stage yet. They weren’t giddy new lovers with a constant craving for contact, nor were they comfortable, settled partners who found joy in the small touches. Perhaps over time, they would become both.
The sky had darkened while they lingered at the café, and shadows enveloped the hotel. They entered and rode the elevator in silence to Annie’s floor. Jo followed her out to say goodnight. They paused outside Annie’s door.
Shaking a little from nerves, Jo leaned in. Annie tilted her face up, and they shared their first soft kiss in forty years. Jo half expected fireworks to pop behind her, but instead, all she felt was the sweet exhilaration of finally coming home.
They parted, and Annie said, “Did you want to come in with me?”
Jo hesitated. She would have liked nothing better than to spend the rest of the night with Annie. It wasn’t wise. They needed time to find each other again in the lives they’d carved out for themselves. To find out what had remained the same and what the years had altered.
She shook her head. “Not tonight. But when you get into town, be sure to call me.” Jo touched Annie’s cheek. “I want to do it right this time.”
Annie smiled. “Sounds perfect to me.” She kissed Jo again then slid her key card into the slot and pushed open her door.
Jo retreated to the elevators, hoping she’d done the right thing and that it wouldn’t be another lifetime until they were back in each other’s arms.
***
A week after Jo returned home, she still hadn’t heard from Annie. She’d gotten Cindy’s call, however. The message only said to meet her for lunch at a bar and grill downtown. On a rainy Monday, Jo slid into the booth and opened her menu while she waited.
At last Cindy breezed in, dropping her purse onto the seat and sitting down noisily. She shook her wet ponytail a little. “Weather’s awful, and traffic is nearly as bad. Why do people get stupid when it rains?”
Jo chuckled, causing Cindy to narrow her eyes. Stifling her laughter, Jo contorted her face into a more serious expression with some effort. Leave it to Cindy to begin their first lunch together in years by complaining about something.
“Did you need a minute?” Jo asked. “I can order a drink for you if you’d like to go to the bathroom and freshen up.”
“No, I’m all right.” Cindy picked up her menu.
As soon as they’d ordered, Jo got right to the point. “I don’t mean to be rude, but why did you ask me to lunch?”
Cindy stalled by way of taking a sip of water, folding and re-folding her napkin, and toying with her fork. At last she looked Jo in the eyes.
“It was Ron’s idea. He thinks it’s time.”
That surprised Jo. Their brand of Christianity was conservative, with an emphasis on male headship and “family values.” She’d always had the impression of her son-in-law as a rules-bound type. Why he thought his wife should reconcile with her lesbian mother was beyond Jo’s ability to reason through.
“Why?” she asked.
“He says…” She trailed off and rubbed her forehead. “We’ve been having some issues lately. He told me he’s done with church, and he wants me to stop dragging him and the girls there. As though that’s what we’ve been doing.” Her tone was bitter. “He’s supposed to be our family’s leader, especially in spiritual matters. Not me. If he’s treating me like this is all on me, he’s more gone than I thought.”
That seemed out of the blue. Had Ron had some crisis of faith, or was there more to it? Jo didn’t press Cindy for answers. If she wanted to explain, she would.
“And I’m part of this somehow?”
Cindy nodded. “I told him what you’d said about being a missionary. He thinks if I listen to you, I’ll understand him.” She was quiet for a moment, and Jo watched her struggle to hold herself together. Cindy’s breaths were sharp inhalations, a fight not to cry in
public. She eventually cleared her throat and dabbed at her eyes. “So I’m here to ask you about that summer. About what happened, and why it made you leave the church. About how you knew you were…” She motioned with her hand. “You know. Into women.”
Jo nodded. “It’s a long story,” she said. “I didn’t leave the church, not right away. I married your father first.” She clasped Cindy’s hand in hers. “I’m not sorry I married him or had you. But being dishonest has consequences.”
“That’s what Ron says.” Cindy brushed her thumb under her eyes with her free hand.
“Is there something else going on?” Jo asked, keeping her tone gentle.
Now she was crying. “He says he loves me, and he wants to stay with me, as long as he can be completely honest about everything he’s dealing with.”
Jo sat back with a sigh. “First, let me tell you about my missionary summer,” she said. “And then I think I know someone who can help you both. Phil is a specialist in caring for people working through religious and spiritual changes as well as family issues. He can’t take you as clients—he’s my friend, so it’s a conflict of interest. But he knows people, and he’ll find someone you can talk to. All right?”
Cindy nodded as she fished in her purse for a tissue. “Okay.”
“Good. Now, about that summer. I’ll explain how I ended up going and why I never talked about it. It’s only fair if you understand about Annie.” Jo smiled, despite her sadness that Annie hadn’t called her. If they never spoke again, they would always have that one July.
“Who’s Annie?” Cindy blew her nose.
“She was my first love.”
For nearly two hours, Jo poured out her heart with Cindy listening and only interrupting to ask questions. Jo hadn’t spent that long talking about her history in one sitting before, not even with Phil. They went through lunch, several cups of coffee, and some excellent apple pie a la mode before Jo finished and sat back.
“I wish I’d known all that,” Cindy said.
“Would it really have made a difference?” Jo asked. “And would you honestly have traded knowing for the life you have now?”
“I’m not sure.” Cindy fiddled with her napkin. “It might not have changed anything.”
“Or it might have changed everything.”
Before Cindy could respond, the server stopped by. “Did you need more coffee?”
Cindy glanced at Jo. “I should get back. I left the girls with Ron’s mother.”
Jo nodded. To the server, she said, “I think we’ll just take the check.”
Almost the moment the server left, Jo’s phone buzzed. She pulled it out, and when she saw the number, her heart sped up. She must have made a face because when she looked up, Cindy was eying her.
“Everything okay?”
By that time, the vibrations had stopped. She gripped the phone in her hand. “It’s fine.” The phone buzzed one last time with a message.
“Is it her?” Cindy asked. At Jo’s nod, she said, “Well, aren’t you going to find out what she wants?”
“I—I don’t know. We left things unfinished, but now…”
Cindy reached across the table and grabbed Jo’s arm. “Do it, Mom. If I could call you and have lunch after all this time, surely you can listen to a message.”
Jo laughed softly. “This might not change anything.”
“Or it might change everything,” Cindy answered.
***
Annie was waiting at the place she’d asked Jo to meet her. She sat outside the single-floor building on a faded green bench. The shrubbery around the building needed a good pruning, and the flower beds had sprouted weeds. Aside from Jo’s and Annie’s cars, the parking lot was deserted. Jo took a few minutes to collect herself before opening her door and climbing out.
She headed slowly toward Annie, who waved as soon as she spotted Jo. With every step, Jo’s heart hammered. This would be harder than she’d anticipated, but it was necessary. She couldn’t start something new with a person who made empty promises. Not when she was only now becoming reacquainted with Cindy and her family.
She stopped in front of the bench, and Annie stood up. She looked perfect in her soft gray pants and sleeveless blouse. For a moment, she seemed like she might reach out to embrace Jo, but she refrained.
“Thank you for meeting me here,” she said.
“What is this place?”
Annie turned to face the building. “It’s where my friend is setting up her private practice. Women’s health.”
“Looks like you could use a good landscaper.”
With a sigh, Annie said, “Is this all we’re going to talk about?”
Jo shoved her hands in her pockets. “You tell me. You’re the one who finally called.”
“I didn’t mean to leave it so long.” She brushed Jo’s arm with her fingers. “You didn’t want to come in when I offered at the hotel, and I wasn’t certain you wanted to hear from me again after Chicago.”
“I did.” Jo drew in a shaky breath. She understood where Annie was coming from; things often appeared different in the morning light. “Staying with you then didn’t feel right to me. I wanted the chance to find out who you are now, not go on my memory of who we both were then.”
Annie turned her face up toward the gray sky. “That’s fair. We could’ve just talked, nothing more.”
“We were both riding a bit of a high from the reunion. Would we have stopped with talking? Or even started there?”
“I don’t know.”
Jo knew what she would have wanted in the moment, and it was why she’d held off. “I’m not looking to relive my adolescence, nor did I want only the one night. I suppose I could have called you, but I needed to be sure you were really coming back here.”
“I am.” Annie turned to face Jo. “I know I spent a lot of years away, but I’ve always thought I’d land back at home. I left it far too long. The time is right, and I’m not going anywhere. I asked you to meet me here so I could show you this is real.”
“We can’t pick up where we left off forty years ago.” Jo might have been trying to convince herself as much as Annie.
“Of course not.” Annie’s voice was soft, wistful.
Jo reached up to touch Annie’s cheek. “But we can start something new.”
When Annie smiled, it was the sun breaking through the clouds. She pulled Jo close, holding her. Jo pressed her nose to Annie’s hair, smelling the warmth of her skin and the light fragrance of berries. She didn’t want to let go.
They parted at last, and Annie’s cheeks were damp. She brushed at them, and Jo wanted to hold her close again. More than that, she wanted to know every detail of Annie’s life between then and now. She wanted to share her own, all the joys and heartaches and frustrations and triumphs of the last forty years. When her gaze met Annie’s, something in her believed they had all the time they wanted to study each other’s history.
Jo did lean in this time, pressing her lips to Annie’s. A memory, a question, and a promise, all rolled into one. In the short span of that single kiss, a hundred thoughts flew through Jo’s mind of all that had happened and all that might be. Just like her missionary summer, the world was shifting beneath her feet. She pulled back to look at Annie and was rewarded with her sweet smile.
“I would like that,” Annie said. “To start something new.”
About A.M. Leibowitz
A.M. Leibowitz is a queer spouse, parent, feminist, and book-lover falling somewhere on the Geek-Nerd Spectrum. They keep warm through the long, cold western New York winters by writing about life, relationships, hope, and happy-for-now endings. Their published fiction includes several novels as well as a number of short works, and their stories have been included in anthologies from Supposed Crimes, Witty Bard, and Mischief Corner Books. In between noveling and editing, they blog coffee-fueled, quirky commentary on faith, culture, writing, books, and their family.
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By A.M. Leibowitz
Fifteen Minutes
Electricity
Finders Keepers
The One That I Want
Chemical Reaction
Imperfections: An Anthology
The Law of Radical Expressions: An Anthology
Christmas at Mary’s
The Royal Family of Hell
(S)no(w) Angels
Pink in the Mirror
An Act of Devotion
Lower Education
Ashes & Alms (Never Too Late)
Passing on Faith
Walking by Faith
Leaps of Faith
Keeping the Faith
Anthem (Notes from Boston #1)
Nightsong (Notes from Boston #2)
Drumbeat (Notes from Boston #3 - expected 2018)
Never Too Late
Never Too Late is a collection of nine stories featuring characters over the age of fifty – stories of travel, finding your purpose, of friendships past and present, and of love.
Never Too Late brings you to a world where gender sees no borders, where the only way you’re identified is by the goodness of your heart.
The Stories:
Trapped by Ofelia Gränd
Ashes & Alms by A.M. Leibowitz
The Palette – A Lifetime by Caraway Carter
Clara by Hans M Hirschi
To Be Sure by Debbie McGowan
Nectar by Laura Susan Johnson
Moving by J P Walker
Cue The Music by Alexis Woods
Ocean of Tears by Phetra H. Novak
Beaten Track Publishing
For more titles from Beaten Track Publishing,
Ashes and Alms Page 4