Jeremy lowered his head and sent up a brief prayer for the man’s soul. But two of the boys ushered the others down the hall, headed toward that far room.
Jeremy hesitated to follow but decided he should, in case he was asked to take them away again.
He reached the doorway and spotted the Hawthornes hugging each other beside a large bed.
Lady Rivers was nearby, her back pressed to the wall, silent tears streaming down her cheeks in grief.
He went to her side, and when he whispered her given name, she turned into his shoulder immediately and began to sob her heart out. Surprised by her grief, he gently put his arm around her, and held her close.
While he held her, he looked about the room, a man’s bedchamber, where a still form lie, eyes closed.
Unmoving.
This was not the first corpse Jeremy had looked upon in his short life. He’d seen bodies in terrible condition in London’s filthy streets and homes, pulled from the alley behind the theater, too. Vagrants and victims of murder or neglect.
Mr. Hawthorne must have only died moments ago, but it was clear to see he was terribly missed already by the family.
Family. Jeremy had little experience with that. He had the theater but that simply wasn’t the same.
Finally, Lady Rivers remembered herself and drew back and gave Jeremy a tremulous smile. She patted her cheeks, wiping away tears. “I have known him all my life.”
Jeremy nodded. “He was a lucky man then.”
Her answering smile wobbled. “My father must be informed. I need to find a servant to break the news to him gently. They were great friends, but he’d wanted his illness kept a secret.”
What servants he could see were all weeping in the hall, and Jeremy felt they shouldn’t be asked to abandon their mistress at such a time. Jeremy didn’t want to leave Lady Rivers, but he also didn’t need to stay. “I can do that for you. I can tell him.”
Lady Rivers took hold of his hand and squeezed. She looked at him with such gratitude, he felt ten feet tall suddenly. “That would be very much appreciated, Mr. Dawes. Let him know he passed quietly, without any pain.”
“I will,” he promised.
She turned away, facing the elder Miss Hawthorne. “Boys, you two should return to your father.”
Jeremy stared at the two children trying to hide their faces. “Are they not Mrs. Hawthorne’s children?”
“No, these are my brother’s twins. They’ll show you the way home. They know the path very well.”
The twins whispered to each other and slid from Miss Hawthorne’s lap. Then they started placing flowers around the late Mr. Hawthorne’s body, and Jeremy sucked in a breath to fight a wave of unexpected emotion.
Unfortunately, Mrs. Hawthorne saw what they had done and began to weep violently again.
“Oh, my dear boys,” Fanny whispered, patting away her own tears. “They did that for their mother, too.”
“I can find my own way,” he quickly assured her, feeling unexpectedly emotional about the loss of a man he’d never know and a pressing need to escape the feeling.
Lady Rivers drew him from the room and wiped at her eyes with a whisp of fine embroidered linen that passed for a handkerchief as they headed down the hall. “I had forgotten how much it hurts to lose someone you love. I haven’t had reason to cry since…”
“Since you lost Lord Rivers?” he answered for her.
She nodded. “It was sudden with him. I had no warning. No time to prepare myself. I didn’t know what to do when I suddenly lost the love of my life.”
“Were you alone?”
“Yes. My father and sisters were here.”
Lady Rivers suddenly shook her head and patted at her cheeks again. “Look at me. Falling to pieces and boring you with the dim and distant past.”
“I’m never bored when I’m near you,” he promised, and it was true. He touched her arm lightly. “Can I bring anything back with me? A handkerchief…your youngest sister, perhaps?”
“Jessica will undoubtedly come as soon as she hears the news, but I might need a fresh handkerchief.”
He dug in his coat pocket and presented his pristine white handkerchief to her. “In case you need another before I return with your own.”
She held it tightly and nodded. “Thank you.”
“I’ll return soon.” And he finally turned away, eager to go so he could return again.
Lady Rivers followed him a few steps. “Always remember to take the right fork all the way home to Stapleton.”
“The right,” Jeremy repeated, grateful for that piece of advice since he’d simply been following Lady Rivers’ lead on the way here. “I’ll return as soon as I’ve notified the duke.”
“Thank you, but I will be here for quite some time.”
He didn’t doubt Mrs. Hawthorne would appreciate her company and support. “I’ll wait for you for as long as it takes.”
Chapter 5
“It’s been a long day,” Fanny murmured to herself as the carriage rolled along the Stapleton drive around midnight. She had stayed with Mrs. Hawthorne as her father had said his goodbyes to a lifelong friend. But it was clear her father was deeply affected. He seemed to be in something of a daze. Gillian had hold of Father’s hand, talking quietly to him. Mentioning when the babe kicked in a bid to cheer him up. But not even the antics of his next child seemed to cheer him for very long.
But that was the way it went when someone you cared about was around no more. The world seemed a little less real, less bright for a while. It had for her.
Fanny wet her lips and glanced sideways. Jeremy Dawes seemed to be dozing as they rolled along in her father’s carriage. He’d been such a help and support during the evening. She was humbled by his compassion. For the Hawthornes and for her, as well. There had been many occasions when a look from him, the brush of his hand, had brought Fanny back from the brink of tears. He’d kept to the background, listening and offering a quiet word whenever she’d needed the distraction of his conversation.
And that had been often, she’d found.
Fanny put her head back against the squabs and sighed. It had been a terrible day for her. She had been reminded too often of the day her late husband had passed away so many years ago that her heart hurt again. She’d had no family to support her then, and she’d made few close friends in the neighborhood around her husband’s estate. It was why, since Rivers had passed, Fanny spent so little time there anymore.
Too many memories, too many regrets for what should have a been a long and happy marriage cut tragically short.
But Mrs. Hawthorne had friends by her side. Children who needed her. She couldn’t stop weeping over the loss of her husband, but she had many shoulders to cry on in the coming days and years. She would not be alone or forgotten. Father had already mentioned he could take over the running of the fields and livestock on her behalf until the Hawthornes’ only boy was old enough to shoulder the responsibility.
Jeremy moved, brushing against her shoulder as they turned down the drive, and when she glanced his way, another smile played over his lips. She sought out his hand, seeking his comfort and strength in the dark. They were almost home and soon they would separate.
She would have to stand on her own two feet then and be composed. But she was far from it. She’d rather curl up in a ball and cry than see anybody.
When the carriage stopped before Stapleton, her father roused and helped his heavily pregnant wife out. Jeremy exited next and held his hand out to Fanny to take. She was grateful for that hand because she was not feeling at all steady. He hooked her arm through his and escorted her inside, following Father and Gillian silently.
“Your family requests a word with you, your grace,” the butler murmured as soon as they entered the hall.
Father waved him away. “Not tonight. I’ll speak with everyone in the morning.”
Father curled his arm around Gillian as they ascended the staircase together, guided by a servant carry
ing a brace of candles. “Good night, Father. Good night Gillian,” Fanny called.
Only Gillian waved and then they disappeared from sight.
Fanny drew in a breath and turned to the butler. “Where is everyone?”
“Waiting in the library, my lady.”
She nodded. “I’ll speak with them for my father. Why don’t you turn in. There’s nothing more to be done tonight that can’t wait until tomorrow.”
“I was just about to arrange the delivery of tea to the duke and duchess’ chambers,” the butler promised.
“Thank you.”
“If there’s anything you need, my lady, just ring,” he murmured.
Fanny turned for the library and let herself in, aware that Jeremy had followed her without being asked.
Her brother’s jumped to their feet and rushed over to embrace her. Milo caught her face between his hands and stared into her eyes. “So it is true?”
“Yes. It was a peaceful passing.”
Milo hugged her tightly, and then Samuel did as well. “You could have sent for either one of us. We would have come at a run.”
Fanny shrugged. “I wasn’t alone. I had Mr. Dawes, and the twins were there for a time, until Father ordered them home. Whitfield and Jessica will spend the night there tonight.”
Milo noticed Jeremy and nodded. “Thank you for staying with my sister.”
“No thanks are necessary.”
Fanny cleared her throat. “Papa and Gillian have retired for the night already. As you might imagine, Papa is quite upset. Tomorrow, he’ll let us know the plans for the funeral and for observing mourning.”
Milo nodded. “I’ve already decided to stay on for longer than I’d planned, keep his spirits up.”
“I’ll be staying, too,” Samuel added. “The twins are always a good distraction and with the duchess due soon, and him fretting all the time over her, I think it is doubly important to stay.”
They all looked at Fanny, but she had made no similar decision. She hadn’t even considered what happened after the wedding, if there would still be one. “You should head for bed.”
“What about you?”
“I am for bed, too, shortly.”
Milo kissed her brow. “Don’t stay up too long.”
“Wake me if you find you cannot sleep,” Samuel offered.
The pair filed out, leaving Jeremy and Fanny alone in the library. She loved her papa’s library, but women were not really allowed to linger without his permission. She remembered spying on him reading here when she’d been a girl. He’d always known when he was being watched and used to let her come in if she promised to be very quiet.
Jeremy began putting out the candles, circling the room until only one remained burning on a table beside Fanny. He paused and then slowly doused it, too.
Fanny reached for him and found herself enfolded in Jeremy’s arms once more. There was a gentle strength about him that she found entirely comforting. His heart beat steadily under her cheek, soothing her. She wished she could stay like this forever. But no one stayed forever.
She drew back from him.
“Time for bed for you, too,” he suggested in a whisper.
“Yes, bed.”
Her bed, alone, where she would imagine the day over and over again and probably not sleep a wink.
Jeremy’s fingers twined with hers and he pulled her toward the hall. Fanny followed his lead, through the silent house, up the grand staircase.
At the top, she paused. “You’re very sure-footed in the dark.”
“Candles cost money,” he whispered. “And when you don’t have it to buy them, you learn to navigate without.”
Fanny turned for her chambers and the privacy they would afford her. She was teary again, something she’d rather no one else see.
“Are you all right, my lady?” Jeremy asked as he followed after her a few steps.
Fanny wasn’t sure. She had liked Antony Hawthorne very much, but surely she had not admired him this much. How could she explain her feelings when she really didn’t understand them herself? “No. Not really.”
The man drew closer. “What can I do to make you feel better?”
Fanny bowed her head. “What can anyone do to make the pain of loss go away or lessen.”
He placed his hands on her arms. “Rest will do you the world of good.”
But she didn’t think she could sleep without seeing Hawthorne’s face and that of her own late husband in death. “I will try.”
Jeremy inched closer still, and then leaned past her to open her bedchamber door. “Good night, my lady. I wish you only good dreams.”
As he said the last, she inhaled deeply. The scent of Jeremy so close, the warmth of his hand on her arm, made her breath stall. She remembered him holding her that day, beside the bed of the late Mr. Hawthorne, and downstairs in Father’s library just now. It had felt good to be comforted by him. She thought it would feel good again now, too.
Fanny reached blindly for his hand and, once caught, she drew him into the bedchamber with her. The door shut with a soft click and then she was in his arms, though she hadn’t had to ask to be held by him yet again.
His long arms wrapped around her body tightly, his warm hand pressed against the back of her neck. He dipped his head low beside hers and the warmth of his breath against her ear made her feel infinitely better. Fanny pressed herself tight against Jeremy and let him soothe her in a way she’d never imagined she’d ever need.
Of all the men in the world, an actor, a man she paid to appear as her admirer, was exactly what she needed most tonight. She turned her head so her cheek rested nearer his heart. The steady thumping rhythm made her warm all over again and pushed back the ugly memories of death.
She held on to him as long as she dared and then drew back. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what has come over me today.”
“Everyone needs somebody now and then,” he murmured in a voice gone deeper and husky. Intimate. He remained close. “May I ask you a personal question?”
“Of course.”
“How, where, did your husband die?”
Fanny gulped and closed her eyes. The most painful memory of all assailed her and it took a moment to form an answer. “He died in bed next to me. I woke and turned to wake him with a kiss and… I never want to live through a moment like that again.”
He frowned. “Is that why you haven’t remarried?”
“No. Yes, perhaps it is one of the reasons.”
He winced. “I’m sorry there was no one to comfort you then.”
Fanny nodded. “There were servants about, but it’s not the same as having someone, family, who loves you unconditionally to cling to at such a time.”
“I’m sure it’s not.” Jeremy smiled quickly. “It’s clear your family love you very much.”
“And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them.”
She imagined him nodding because she could still hardly see.
“Well, I should go before I’m discovered where I ought not to be found.”
But she needed him still. She didn’t want to spend the night on her own.
Fanny wet her lips and looked up at him. Her arrangement with Jeremy had never been about having a true friendship, but that didn’t seem to matter to her tonight.
Her emotions were so raw, so close to the surface that without a distraction, she feared she’d be overtaken by them as soon as Jeremy was gone. “I would like to ask you to stay with me a little longer.”
“Stay? Here in your room?”
She shrugged. “I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts tonight.”
Jeremy rubbed her arms briskly. “I can stay for a while if you have need of me.”
“I do.”
He walked to the window and parted the drapes until enough moonlight spilled across the chamber to make everything clearer. He returned and his fingers immediately rose to her hair, then he was removing the pins. “Let’s get you more comfortable then.”
His fingers were nimble as he removed and discarded the jewels she had worn about her neck, too, placing them across her dressing table. He turned her about and began to unbutton her gown—more quickly than a man bent on seduction, and as efficient as any maid Fanny had ever employed. He urged her to sit on the edge of her bed, and he fell to his knees to remove her slippers. Then he untied the garters holding up her silk stockings, which he rolled down her legs.
Fanny experienced a moment of misgiving then. She hardly knew this man, and she was allowing him to ready her for bed.
She put her hand over her chest, holding up her gown so it didn’t fall and expose her breasts.
Jeremy drew back. “Where is your nightgown, my lady?”
She gulped. “Behind the dressing screen.”
He looked there and then at her again, and nodded. “If you need help to manage the rest on your own just call out.”
Fanny rushed for the privacy of the dressing screen and, once hidden from his view, put her hands over her flaming cheeks. She peeked over the top of the screen, only to find Jeremy turning back her bedding and then sitting on the edge of the mattress to wait for her return. Fanny squirmed out of her loosened gown, removed her stays and chemise and then rushed to pull her nightgown over her head. She considered donning a robe, but she wanted to make it clear she was bound for sleep and nothing else.
Feeling shy, she emerged from her corner and Jeremy was immediately on his feet. He held out his hand and guided her to bed as if she were a young child and not a grown woman older than him. He covered her with the bedding, snuggling the material around her shoulders, before closing the drapes almost completely. Just a tiny sliver of light illuminated him, and she thought she saw a smile curve his lips. He came closer to the bed and brushed her long hair back from her face with a gentleness she’d not felt for so long. Not since her husband had lived had anyone worried about her in such a way.
She caught his hand in hers and squeezed his fingers tight. “Thank you for tonight.”
“My pleasure. All of it,” he said, and started to pull away.
But Fanny could not seem to let him go.
The Lady Tamed Page 5