When Julian pulled away, he stepped past Becks into the house. “Been a while, man.”
“Two years.”
Julian whistled. “I can’t believe it’s been that long. So…you and Nicky, huh? Can’t say I saw that one coming.”
“You and me both.” Beckett’s father leaned against the door frame leading into the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest. “Now that you’re home, Beckett, and awake, we can have ourselves a little chat. Julian, you stay. I’m going to need some backup.”
“Bacon!” Asher sang as he carried a plate around the kitchen, freezing mid-step. “Uh, what’s going on?”
Becks sighed. “They’re about to lecture me on my ‘life choices.’” He knew it wouldn’t be as bad as that sounded. His family wouldn’t care that he was whatever it was he was. Not like that made any sense.
They filed into the living room as the front door opened again, and the two secret service agents barreled through, ushering quick hellos on their way to the kitchen. Julian turned on his heel, his mouth opening.
Wylder, ever so helpful, grinned. “Don’t mind them, Julian. They’re just here to make sure Becks’ kidnapping of the president’s son doesn’t end up worse than it already is.”
Asher set the plate of bacon on the coffee table. “Worse than the entire world thinking we’re having some torrid affair?”
Becks collapsed onto the couch. “No one is stupid enough to think that. I mean, if I’m going to cheat on my boyfriend, it won’t be with such a high-profile, not to mention underage, guy.”
Wylder held out her phone. “Never underestimate the media’s need for viewership.” An article from one of Nashville’s largest papers flashed across the screen with the headline “The Country Star and The First Son: The truth behind their relationship.”
Great. Just what he needed. He handed his sister’s phone back and leaned his head against the cushions.
Julian eyed him, all the fondness from moments before gone. “This is going to kill him. You know that, right?”
Becks sat up. “You’ve talked to Nicky?”
“He works at my family’s diner, remember? I see him almost every day. I’ve been there when the paparazzi has chased him from his car or when he’s struggled—which is basically every day since you kissed him at the music festival. You haven’t seen what being with you has done to him, to his life. And you’re willing to throw it all away?”
“I’m not throwing anything away.”
“Really? Because Nicky hasn’t been the same since he returned from Nashville. Wylder has seen it too.”
Wylder nodded. “He’s…not Nicky.”
The thought of Nicky losing any part of himself sent a wave of grief through Becks. He didn’t want that. When he’d started this entire thing, he’d never imagined it would take so much from both of them.
Julian sat beside him. “Look, I used to know you, Becks. It’s been a while, but I like to believe people don’t change that much. The guy I knew would have cut off his own foot before hurting Nicky. You’ve always cared about him. Now, I know why. But you can’t just show up in town with a new guy. That’s not cool. You’re my bro, but Nicky deserves better.”
Asher inched toward the door. “I, uh, think this is a family conversation.”
Julian stood. “I said what I came to say.” He looked down at Becks. “He’s off today. Just in case you were wondering. He’ll probably be at home since Avery is in town too.” He followed Asher out, beckoning to Wylder to join them.
Becks looked up to find his stepmom in the doorway. She smiled at him, but she didn’t come into the room. “I have to go open the hardware store for the Sunday afternoon rush.” When her husband tried to rise to join her, she nodded toward Becks. “Stay. Spend some time with Becks. I can handle things on my own for a few hours.” She offered Becks a smile. “Love you, kid.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
She placed a hand over her heart and turned on her heel to leave.
Silence stretched between Becks and his dad. Becks watched the door his stepmom had walked through as it shut behind her. “Did you know?” His voice was quiet. Suddenly he needed to know why his dad let it happen, why he allowed Wylder to search for their mom after everything she’d put them through.
His dad, seeming to understand what he was asking, leaned back in the chair, his shoulders dropping. “Not until after she went to see her.”
“I can’t talk about it with Wylder. I sort of yelled when she told me. She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t have the memories I do.”
“People change, Beckett.”
But Becks was with Julian on that subject. People didn’t change that much. He still wasn’t sure he could trust the woman who chose drugs over her own children time and again. “Do you trust it? Her sobriety?”
“Son, I’m not sure it matters if we trust it. Only that your sister does. You have a decision to make. You can take a risk on Sadie, hoping she doesn’t hurt you again but acknowledging the possibility. Or, you can decide she’s out of chances. But you can’t get angry with your sister for making her own choices concerning her relationship with her mother.”
“I know.” A headache pounded at his temples. It was all too much. Nicky, his mother, and trying to keep his music career from ending before it even truly began. Every decision seemed to have consequences attached to it.
His father moved from the chair to sit beside him on the couch. “Do you want to tell me why you broke down last night? It was very un-Becks-like. Usually we have to pry any kind of emotion out of you. It’s like you put on this face for the world—the happy guy who doesn’t need smarts because he has the looks and the charm. You just forget we’re your family. We know the real you.”
A tear rolled down Beckett’s cheek, and he wiped it away. Another replaced it. His father was right. Emotional moments were rare for him; they always had been. And yet here he sat for the second day in a row with tears in his eyes. Lifting his face to his dad, he sucked in a breath. “Do you? Dad, what if you found out you didn’t know me at all?”
His dad wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Is this about dating the St. Germaine kid? Becks, I was only joking before. It’s okay that you didn’t tell us before telling the entire world. I don’t get to decide how you reveal such a big thing about yourself. If you felt more comfortable with the way you did it, then that’s all I want for you. You know we love you no matter what, right?”
Becks’ shoulders shook as he rubbed his eyes. “It wasn’t real, Dad. Nicky and I… We lied to everyone. I kissed him at first just to help him with his ex, and then it turned into this gigantic thing I completely lost control of. We’ve been pretending to date since then.”
His dad leaned away from him, confusion contorting his features. “Why would you do that, kid?”
None of the reasons he’d had before seemed to matter anymore. He could have told the label no. The lies he told in interviews could have been truths. The kiss at the music festival… If that hadn’t happened, none of this would have been necessary. Hunching forward, Becks buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
“Why are you in Twin Rivers then? Did you do something to Nicky? Is that what Julian meant? I’m just confused, Becks. You’re telling me you weren’t dating Nicky, that you aren’t truly gay, but you showed up in the middle of the night with the president’s son, of all people.”
“The kid’s just trying to help.” Becks pushed himself from the couch and paced the length of the room before turning to walk back. “I…” He shook his head, unable to tell his dad how he felt, that it all started as some publicity stunt but now he needed to see Nicky as much as he needed his next breath.
“Ah.” His dad stood to face him. “Can I answer your earlier question?”
“Which question?”
“You asked me what I’d do if I found out I didn’t really know you at all. I know you’re confused, Becks. But I’m not. You’re my son. No matt
er who you fall in love with, you will always be the same person to me. It doesn’t change who you are, not really.”
“And who am I, dad? Because I don’t know the answer to that.”
“Look at me, kid.” He met Becks’ eye. “Beckett Anderson is the best man I know. He took care of this family even as a kid when his mother left. He has always protected his sister, his friends, and anyone else who needed it. I have spent the past twenty years amazed by your kindness.” He tapped Becks’ chin. “Your fans don’t love you because of the handsome looks you inherited from me. They see someone to aspire to, someone to relate to.”
“I screwed up, Dad.”
“I know, kid. But it’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last. Do you remember what I used to say to you and your sister when you were kids?”
“The single most powerful thing is the truth.”
His dad nodded. “Whatever your truths are, I think it’s time you start telling them. Talk to Nicky.”
The truth. He could do that. A smile brightened his face. “You’re kinda good at this parenting stuff.”
His dad laughed. “Well, you’ve always been good at the ornery kid stuff.”
His father draped an arm over his shoulders. “Now, the son of the president of the United States has made us breakfast. It’s probably a good idea if we go eat it. I don’t fancy having the FBI tap my phones.”
“Dad, Ash can’t make that happen.” He shook his head with a laugh. “Besides, what are you saying on the phone that would pique the FBI’s interest?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
Truth. He could do this. Becks, Wylder, and Asher stood side by side by side on the sidewalk in front of the St. Germaine house, staring up at the modest home. Once upon a time, Nicky and Avery lived in a massive home—before their drunken father drained their bank accounts with his gambling problem. In the two years since, he’d been to rehab and managed to stay sober.
Becks couldn’t help but think of his mom. Rehab changed the lives of every member in the St. Germaine family. They were healing from years of troubles. Maybe Sadie was capable of the same.
“Are we going in?” Asher asked. His secret service agents stood at a distance, giving him space. Becks couldn’t help but wonder what Asher’s parents thought of the first son traipsing around some small town when he was supposed to be home.
A honking horn jolted Becks from his reverie, and he turned to find Nari parking her mom’s van along the street. As she got out of the car and walked toward them, he noticed she’d shed her usual rocker looks—ripped jeans, a tight shirt, and pink highlights—in favor of the leggings and oversized sweatshirt combo she would’ve worn in high school.
“What’re we doing?” A smile flashed across her face.
“Becks is trying to work up the nerve to talk to Nicky,” Wylder answered.
“And failing,” Asher added.
“Well.” Nari crossed her arms. “Standing out here won’t help. Nicky left about half an hour ago. I’m just picking up Avery to go meet him at the river.”
“The river.” Of course. It was where their old group of friends seemed to spend too much time. Years ago, they’d lost a friend to the falls when a car carrying three boys went over. Avery was in the accident along with Julian’s twin brother.
Since then, a lot had changed, and the river became something of an obsession.
Piling into the back of the black town car, Becks leaned his head against the window. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say to Nicky, how he’d tell him about feelings he didn’t quite understand.
The ride to the river was quiet, and by the time Danny opened the door to let them out, Becks’ heart hammered in his chest. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He’d had a plan. He’d pretend to date Nicky and then go back to being his friend. The only future Becks couldn’t fathom for them was not being in each other’s lives at all.
The park spanned this section of the river all the way to the falls with expansive grassy hills. But Becks knew exactly where Nicky would be. The falls held terrible memories for the town, yet they were mesmerizing in their own way.
He didn’t notice if Asher and Wylder followed him or if Avery and Nari arrived because, as he crested the hill, his steps faltered. Nicky lay on his back looking up at the cloudless blue sky. In his sleeveless shirt, he rested his toned arms behind his head.
But it was the person keeping him company that had Becks wanting to turn around. Kenny sat with his legs curled under him staring out at the tumbling falls. The thunderous water drowned out the beating of Becks’ heart as he watched them.
Asher caught up, huffing out a breath. “Man, you gotta slow down. Holy shit.” He froze, recognition sparking in his eyes when he spotted Kenny. Becks didn’t have time to wonder about that because Nicky’s head jerked up, his gaze crashing into Becks.
He couldn’t do this. Not when Nicky looked so content with his ex. He’d moved on from the fakeness of what they were. It only served to remind Becks none of it was real. None of the kisses held meaning. The stolen looks were only fodder for the cameras.
Ignoring Asher beside him, Becks turned and marched back up the hill, ready to return to Nashville and try to forget these feelings.
A hand gripped his arm. He stopped moving but didn’t turn.
“What are you doing here?” Nicky dropped his hand.
Becks didn’t answer as he inhaled deeply, trying to calm the emotions swirling inside him.
“Beckett.” A pleading note entered Nicky’s voice. “Please. Answer me.”
Without another thought, Becks whirled around, pulling Nicky into a bruising kiss. After a moment of hesitation, Nicky yanked Becks closer, returning every bit of fire. But it was over as quickly as it started. Nicky put a hand on Becks’ chest, forcing him away.
“There aren’t any cameras around.” His chest heaved.
Becks ran a hand through his hair, shifting his eyes away. “I know.”
“Then why would you do that? Are you trying to be cruel?”
“What? No. I’d never intentionally hurt you, Nick-Nick.”
Nicky took a step back. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I don’t know either. I’m so sorry, Nicky. God, you have no idea how sorry I am. This entire fake relationship was stupid.”
Red crept up Nicky’s cheeks, and he lowered his voice. “Tell me why you’re here.”
“I…”
“Spit it out, Becks.”
“I think I need you.”
“You need me?”
“In my life.” He met his dark gaze again. “I know I’m screwing this up again, but I don’t want us to be fake anymore.”
Nicky took another step back and glanced over his shoulder to where Kenny watched them. “Do you have any idea how much I wanted to hear that?” He sighed. “I had this insane crush on you, Becks. You were my brother’s straight best friend, but I didn’t care. Every time you treated me like I was as much your friend as he was, it made me so happy.”
“You have always been my friend just as much as Avery.”
Nicky smiled, but there was something sad in the gesture. “I don’t think that’s good enough for me anymore. While you were gone in Nashville, I spent over two years dating a guy who chose other people over me again and again. I let him and kept going back because I just wanted someone, anyone. But I’m not that guy anymore. I’m not desperate enough to settle for whatever scraps some boy will give me. I deserve to be the only one someone wants.”
“I want you.” Becks stepped toward him, needing him to see.
“That’s nice to say right now. But how about tomorrow? Or the day after that? One day, Becks, you’ll wake up and decide I’m not who you want. Kenny hurt me, but it was nothing compared to what you could do to me one day. If I don’t protect myself from you, you’ll shatter me.” His breath shuddered on its way out. He kicked his toe against the ground. “I’m sorry.” And he truly sounded it.
> When Nicky turned to rejoin Kenny, Becks only watched him, wondering how all of this went so wrong. This was it. It was over. Avery and Nari offered him sympathetic pats before joining Nicky, and Becks had never felt more like he didn’t belong.
Nicky wasn’t his. He never would be.
Wylder slid an arm around his waist, turning him away from the river. “I’m sorry, Becks.” Her words held no meaning, and they both knew it, but what else was she supposed to say?
Asher’s lips tugged down, and he glanced at Kenny once more before turning away. “I can’t believe someone like Nicky is friends with Kenny Montgomery.”
“Friend of yours?” Wylder asked.
“He was once. Now he’s just a jerk who does the bidding of his bigoted senator father.”
They kept talking, but Becks didn’t hear a word they said. He climbed into the car and closed his eyes, willing the tears to come. Unlike the night before or even this morning with his father, they stayed trapped.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he answered it without thinking. “Becks, when are you coming home?” Skylar sounded tired.
Becks knew the feeling. “Today, cuz.” As he said it, he realized that was what he needed. Twin Rivers wasn’t where he wanted to be. Not anymore. Nashville called to him. He refused to let this fake relationship affect his music career, and he didn’t want to lie anymore.
It was time for him and Nicky to break up in the media.
He got off the phone with his cousin after she told him she’d gotten him on a commercial flight since he didn’t have a car with him. Nari would fly back a day later to join the band in the studio.
Asher sighed. “I don’t want to go back to Washington after this soap opera.”
“The show’s over, Ash.” It hurt to say the words. “It’s so over.”
“I never imagined this love story wouldn’t have a happy ending.”
“I kept telling you not to call it a love story.” Maybe those didn’t exist.
After dropping Wylder at home and stopping to say goodbye to his parents at the hardware store, Becks had Danny drop him at the airport. He pulled a baseball cap down low on his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets.
Dating Him: The Series Page 14