“Nonsense! I cannot let you sit in the coach alone. What if something happens on the ride? Williams, do talk some sense into her.”
“I will take her, Victoria. You remain with the girls, and Louis.”
Eleanor heaved a breath of relief as her father made the announcement. She did feel bad to be taking her father away from the ball for such a silly reason, but she would pick him over Louis or her mother, anytime.
“Thank you, Father.”
“Hush. I’ve got you sweetheart. Come here.”
She leaned into her father because she needed to be held, and she always enjoyed being held by him. He made her feel so safe, always. She was aware that her and her sisters were lucky to have him as a father. Not many had such fortune, and she treasured it with all her heart.
As he escorted her out, concerns were shown, well wishes flowed, and she even saw Nicholas make a move towards her, just before her father held her. She avoided his gaze still, even when she could feel the burning holes into her back. She was not certain she could keep it together if she looked at him.
Soon, they were out of Fortham House entirely and inside their carriage, on their way home. She finally could breathe, and relief swept through her as she took in lungfuls of fresh air. The ache in her heart was still there, but it was slowly losing its hold on her. For that, she felt thankful. They soon arrived at their town house, and her father helped her out of the carriage. The moment they stepped into the house, she announced that she was feeling much better and was going straight to bed.
“Are you certain? I was hoping to call for the physician,” came her father’s concerned response. It warmed her heart, and she wished she could share what ailed her.
“That won’t be necessary, Father. I insist, I feel so much better. It must have just been a fluke, probably the food or the crowd, or something, but I feel so much better now. The ride back helped a great deal.”
“Well, in that case, I shall release you to go up to get some rest. Do not hesitate to call for me if you need anything. Do you understand?”
“Absolutely. Thank you, Father.”
He caressed her cheeks as he bid her goodnight, and she found her way to her room.
Her maids were with her as soon as she stepped into her private chambers. They helped her out of the contraptions called ball gowns into a night dress her body instantly loved. She washed off the make-up from her face and sat still as they loosened her hair from the tight bun and made it into two French twists. As soon as they were done, she crawled on to her bed and buried herself under her sheets.
There, she gave herself a sound sermon. Whatever happened with Nicholas, including how he made her feel, she had to forget. This was more than her. This was about Agnes who seemed to really like him. She was aware of all that was at stake. This could very much be her sister’s last chance at getting a suitor. She could not afford to be selfish for she loved Agnes, more than she liked the man who she had only just met.
Agnes needed this to work out, for she was already well beyond marriageable age. Above and beyond, the sooner Agnes got married, the sooner Isabelle would too. It did not matter if Nicholas had flirted with her – because he had. Still, he had not make any slightly inappropriate comment in all the time she had been in that enclosed space with her. He had not looked at her in a way that made her feel uncomfortable as many men did. He was a good man; despite her grievance towards him, she knew this. Agnes was a good woman too and deserved all the good things she could get. It was only a pity that she could not be with the first man she would ever feel something for. Nonetheless, that was life. It was not fair, it was not rosy, and it was not a novel filled with happy endings. She had to forget Nicholas for good, get over her silly feelings, and learn to be genuinely happy for Agnes.
It did not matter that Nicholas had more knowledge about “Persuasion” than she did. It did not matter if he made her laugh genuinely, without a thought for propriety with his intelligent jokes. It did not matter that even now, when she closed her eyes, she could see his eyes twinkle as he argued with her over “Dear Jane.” No. She would not think of his beautiful eyes, and the way his touch had felt when his hand brushed hers, as they swapped books. Of the sensation she had felt fuss in her veins as he kissed the back of her eyes, holding her eyes with his thunderclouds. Yes, indeed, Nicholas Stamford was a fine man. The man of her dreams, but she would not think of him that way. She was young still, and there had to be another man who would make her feel all of these things out there. And if there was not, she would simply change her dreams.
With this resolve, she closed her eyes and let sleep take her under. Just before midnight, she felt her door open, and her father’s presence. Like her mother had done, he felt for her temperature, and when he was satisfied there was no cause for alarm, he placed a tender kiss on her cheeks, and quietly tiptoed away. Basking in the affection of this man whom she knew would always love her, a secret smile stayed on her lips till she awoke the next morning.
Chapter 14
Another ball was here again, and like the last one, Agnes was feeling anything but happy. In times past, her parents had permitted them to skip some balls in the season, agreeing that making one’s presence scarce was a good way to build interest and anticipation. It had been clear that this would not be the case this time around when an invitation arrived three days ago for this ball. Her mother had been ecstatic, instantly announcing that they all had to look their best for this particular ball. Now that Agnes was promised, she had to make regular appearances to become properly acquainted with her ‘betrothed’. In addition to that, she was eager to get her other daughters hitched too, for in her opinion, it would be grand to have all three daughters married off by the end of the season. Agnes did not know whether to feel sorry for her sisters, or to wish her mother good luck with achieving that feat. Neither Isabelle nor Eleanor was eager to be married, and she knew how stubborn her sisters could be, when they wanted to be.
Today made it a week since the last ball, and Nicholas was yet to call on her. She did not know what to think of it. If that meant he was simply busy or was as uninterested in this arrangement as she was. He had seemed cordial enough when they had met, and she had seen for herself that Nicholas was indeed, a fine young man. He was well mannered, had seemed kind, and above that, he was easy on the eyes. No one would ever accuse Nicholas Stamford of not being a handsome man – no one. She had been sincere when she made the offer of friendship for she truly believed she and the young man could manage such a relationship. However, that was the furthest she felt inclined to go with him. Her heart belonged to another, and despite what her parents thought, she could never grow to love a man who wasn’t Alan. A pity because she knew there was no way out of this. There was nothing she could tell her parents to get out of this – nothing that would make them see any reason of some sort, especially not the truth. She had to go ahead with this marriage as long as Nicholas agreed to the same thing. Her only hope would be if he would refuse, and she had great doubts. Although, even if he did, she was certain her parents would just marry her off to the next man who came along. Why did she even dare to keep on hoping?
Sighing, she rose from the wooden chair which graced the private balcony of her chambers and turned to join the others in the dressing chambers. She had come here after getting dressed for some fresh air, to clear her head and to prepare herself for what was to come. More than anything, she wanted to run away, meet with Alan, and let him kiss her worries away. She was yet to tell him of this development. He was overseas but promised to return soon. She had contemplated letting him know through the letters they exchanged secretly, but she knew that would be a cruel thing to do. Better she told him in person, then she would watch his reaction, and maybe when he saw her cry, he would believe she had no interest in any of this. Maybe, maybe he would finally listen to her and take her far away. But she knew he never would. Like he would always say, he would never betray her father’s trust that way. At first, she
had thought that was only due to his selfish reasons, that he simply wanted the profits that came with working with her father, but now she knew beyond reasonable doubts that it was not so. Alan was a man of honour and would never do anything to taint his good name, or lose his respect in the eyes of her father who he considered his own.
Upon reaching the dressing chambers, she found that her sisters were already ready.
“Oh, there you are!” Isabelle cried as she stepped in, and she gave a small smile.
“Do not tell me a search party has already been sent out for me?”
“Oh of course not.We were just about to send Edward to get you, only that we weren’t entirely sure where it was you had gone.”
“I was simply in my private chambers, getting some fresh air from my balcony, but I’m here now.”
“Yes, we can see that. Since we are all ready, I suggest we proceed below. Mother will begin calling for usanytime from now. You know how much she loves being fashionably late.”
Agnes chuckled at this. Isabelle was right. Their mother loved to be late ‘in time’. “Well in that case, let’s.”
They all started to leave, and Agnes waited behind so that her younger ones would go in front. As Eleanor passed her, something else pricked her. Ever since they returned from the last ball, her little sister had been so withdrawn and quiet, more than usual. It worried her that something plagued Eleanor and she knew nothing of it. However, she had been so occupied with her own sorrows, that she kept forgetting to ask her sister what it was that plagued her. She hoped that it wasn’t anything grievous like a man breaking her heart, or an attempt to violate her. Making a mental note to enquire about it later, she fell into step after them.
As the Lord would have it, Victoria declared that she would like for Isabelle to ride with her in her carriage, alongside Louis. That left Agnes and Eleanor together in another carriage. Their father had gone to White’s, the most famous gentlemen’s club in London, for a game of cards and would be joining them at the ball later. This time around, the ball was being hosted by the McCaulays, and she was somewhat consoled that it wouldn’t be so packed. Only a selected few got an invite to the McCaulays’ balls. Like her mother’s, it was praised as one of the most desired invites of the season.
As soon as they got into the carriage with the help of Edward, they settled into their seats. Eleanor was still her quiet self, and it bothered Agnes even more. Still, she held her peace until the wheels of their coach began rolling down the street. Thankfully, they sat opposite each other to balance out the weight, so it was easy to hold her gaze, even in the poor lighting of the carriage, as she spoke.
“Eleanor…” she called out, and her sister instantly turned to look at her.
“You do know that as your sister, I love you very much and care for you so dearly?”
Eleanor’s brow furrowed, and Agnes knew she was curious about the destination for this conversation, but she answered nonetheless.
“Of course, I don’t think I have ever, or will ever question that. Why do you ask?”
Agnes paused, not answering right away. She used the break to shift forward in her seat and lean towards her sister.
“Well, I do not mean to pry, but I have noticed a change in your attitude for a few days now. Since the Fortham ball, actually. At first, I thought you had simply not recovered from the ailment that befell you that night, then again as it became obvious that that was not the case, I couldn’t help being concerned. You have been so withdrawn, and it is causing me to worry. Is all well, Eleanor?”
Eleanor looked taken aback, and Agnes waited patiently as she swallowed and found the right words for her answer. The moment passed, and she finally spoke.
“I am touched by your concern, Agnes, and you must believe me when I say I truly appreciate your concern. I am sorry I caused you any worry at all. You see, I recovered from my fever as soon as I arrived home with father that night. However, I am afraid something else ails me. It is a matter of the heart, you see.”
“Oh dear!”Agnes sat up at this, a bit taken aback. Although she had considered that option, she had not really thought it likely. Preparing her mind for the worst, she leaned forward again.
“Do you think it is something you would want to talk to me about? Do remember, Eleanor, I will always be here for you. Who is he? Did he hurt you?”
Her sister’s eyes widened before she settled into a small smile.
“No, Agnes. You’ve got it wrong. There is no he. No one hurt me. You see, I have simply been sad from thinking about how much I shall miss you when you marry and leave the house. You know close knitted we are. Since when I was a little child, I have always been joined to you at the hips. This separation, it’s going to take its toll on me. I thought it would be wise if I started to put my distance right now from the onset. It is my belief that perhaps, when the time comes for you to leave, it would not be such a painful thing, any longer.’
“Oh, really?” Agnes was truly, but pleasantly staggered. Never had she considered this. The thought that her absence would affect her sister was not something that had ever crossed her mind. Her heart immediately went out to Eleanor for she understood all the words she had spoken. A matter of the heart indeed. She heaved a small sigh, gladdened that it wasn’t anything dreadful like she had feared. Leaning further, she reached for Eleanor’s hand, and once she had it in hers, she gave a squeeze.
“Eleanor, I know things are bound to change, but certainly not that much. If I do get married to Nicholas, you must know that my home will always be welcome to you, to all of you. You will always be my family, no matter what. I too cannot imagine being away from all of you for so long. I will make certain that we can arrange regular visits so that you can always come to visit me in Yorkshire. Do not let it get you down, I’ll always be here for you, always. You must believe that.”
Her heart warmed when Eleanor covered her hand with her free one and gave her a squeeze in return. Then she smiled, and Agnes knew everything in the world would be alright as long as Eleanor never lost her smile. Unable to resist a smile of her own, unwilling to, her lips spread in a wide curve, and she added her second hand to the mix.
“That is more like it. We’ll always be like this, Eleanor, always. Nothing will ever come between us, nothing, I promise you this.”
“I would love that,” came her sister’s reply, and she suddenly wished she was sitting next to her, so that she could give her a hug. Darning it, she got up anyway and succeeded in placing her arse on the bench where Eleanor had sat on. As soon as she did, she opened her arms, welcoming a warm embrace.
“Come here!” Eleanor did just that and soon, they were giggling and laughing, intense moment gone.
“I love you, little pumpkin.”
“Well, I am not so little, anymore,” Eleanor protested as they broke apart, and Agnes chuckled again.
“Of course you are not, it’s why mother is already hatching a plan to get you married off. Before you know it, you too will be moving out of the house to your husband’s home!”
“Not if I have something to do with it. They let you remain unmarried for this long. I shall plead my case as well. The notion of marriage to a complete stranger does not excite me, in any way.”
Agnes sighed as she leaned into her seat. If only Eleanor knew how well she understood. She could only pray that her sister would never have to suffer the same fate as her.
“I totally agree, Eleanor. But, it isn’t so bad. One is only a stranger for a day, and you know what Mother and Father always say, love grows. Further, you can trust them to make a good decision on your behalf. You know they want what is best for you.”
“Father, perhaps. Mother just wants to throw a huge wedding. Sad, if you ask me,” came Eleanor’s grumble causing Agnes to dissolve into a feat of giggles.
“Oh, Eleanor, as true as that is, you must also know that she would never see you married to anyone lesser in class or status.”
“You also should know
better, Agnes. A man’s goodness does not lie in his title or his wealth, only in the quality of his heart. There aren’t so many good men in the ton these days. A lot of gentry seem better off. Sadly, Mother would never hear of that. I only pray to find a man who will love me as Father loves Mother.”
A Scandalous Love for the Enticing Duke: A Historical Regency Romance Book Page 10