by Dawn Brower
She pushed on his chest lightly and sat back on her haunches. “While that was lovely, it can’t happen again.”
“Do you believe in risks?”
She nodded. “Some risks are too great, but yes, there are times they are worth it. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve made too many mistakes in my life to risk my heart. I can’t love anyone.”
“That would be unfortunate,” she said softly. “For you, more than anyone, needs love. Our lives are best left to fate. Some pain is worth living for. You can try to prevent it, but by doing so, you’ll miss your greatest joy.”
He wished he could take her advice, but he couldn’t do as she suggested. It was clear to him, by her little fortune, happiness wasn’t something he could afford to try for. The world would be better off if he remained alone. His pain wasn’t meant to be thrust on the innocent.
“Are you going to at least tell me your name?” he asked as he came to his feet. Fin straightened his jacket and glanced at her. He didn’t like the look of sadness that had filled her violet eyes. “Not you too.” Fin was tired of the pity so many people bestowed upon him. Surely, she didn’t know that he’d lost his father and grieved. He didn’t want her to see him as damaged, even though, deep down, he couldn’t be any more unworthy of her.
“My name doesn’t matter. I’m leaving tomorrow, and I have no plans of returning. I doubt we will ever cross paths again.”
“Then it won’t hurt for you to share it.”
He didn’t know why it was so important to have her name, but he felt in his gut he should know it. They’d shared a kiss. Shouldn’t they at the very least be on a first name basis? He knew they had no future together, but he wanted something to hold on to in the cold, dark nights ahead. He’d never have love, but he wanted this small thing.
“Lulia,” she said quietly.
He nodded at her and smiled for the first time in days. “Lulia,” he said her name softly. It was almost like a benediction for him. “Thank you.”
“For what?” She tilted her head, her accent a melody he’d never tire of. “I’ve given you nothing but grief and set you on a path of destruction.”
“That’s not how I see it,” he explained. “You have given me a purpose. I’ll be stronger for it.”
She frowned. “No,” she replied defiantly. “You’ll be alone. I’ll never forgive myself for it. I pray that, in time, you’ll realize there is a better choice to make. There will be a time when you reach that fork, and when you do please choose love.”
With those words, she spun on her heels and left him alone. He would probably never forget her. She was wrong though—he could never choose love. That would be the one thing he could never do. It would be the beginning of the end if he did.
Chapter 1
London, 1815
Something about the cold winter chill invigorated Lulia Vasile, but then, she was not the normal society lady. She’d grown up alongside her family and embraced their way of life. Her mother was Kezia Vasile Alby—a Romany princess. She’d married Lulia’s father at eighteen against her family’s wishes. When Lulia turned eighteen, she’d had to make a choice of her own—stay with her father’s family or embrace her mother’s. Her free spirit hadn’t felt right confined to the strictures of society and decided to see what living as a Romany meant.
Not once had she regretted that choice. It had led her down a wonderful path and to the one person she considered her friend—Diana. Her friend had married and was now the Countess of Northesk. At first, Lulia hadn’t liked her friend’s future husband, but the man had a way of worming into a person’s good graces. Lulia didn’t tell him that though. She liked making him miserable. Someone had to… The Earl of Northesk could be a tad arrogant at times. Lulia wanted to ensure her friend’s happiness, so if it meant keeping the earl second-guessing what she might do—then, yes, she would browbeat him as often as possible. It was Lulia’s way of protecting her friend, and she would do almost anything for someone she cared about.
Today Diana had planned a soiree of some sort. Lulia would much rather be fencing, or really anything other than socializing. The things she did for friends… If Diana wanted her to—Lulia shuddered—socialize, then she’d do her best. She walked up to the Earl of Northesk’s townhouse and rapped her knuckles on the hard surface. When Diana had lived alone in her father’s London home, Lulia had waltzed in without a care, but there were certain boundaries in place she had to follow now that Diana had wed the earl. They deserved a certain amount of respect and privacy, even if they had servants around them. Lulia would not be rude.
“Miss Vasile,” the butler greeted her. “So good of you to join us today. Lady Northesk will be pleased.”
She scrunched up her nose. “Of course, she will.” It didn’t take much to please Diana these days… “She’s as happy as a bee in a fresh flower patch. Move aside now.” Lulia brushed past him and entered the foyer. All right… Some habits couldn’t be broken. She hated standing on ceremony. “Where is she holding this soiree of hers?”
“You’ll find all the guests in the drawing room,” the butler answered. “A few have arrived thus far.”
The old man had a stiffness to him that made Lulia question his humanity. No person should be that—straight. He barely moved, even when he bowed to the lords and ladies of the ton. It was probably a result of too much starch in his clothing. He couldn’t possibly breathe well in all that taut clothing. “I’ll see myself there,” she told him and left him alone in the foyer. Lulia visited often enough she might as well reside there. It was for that reason that she could find her own way and didn’t require an escort.
Laugher echoed through the hall. That was the only sign of life she received as she headed toward the drawing room. When she entered, she found Diana, her husband, Luther and two other people. The butler hadn’t lied when he’d stated not everyone had arrived. She didn’t know the other individuals. Well, that wasn’t completely accurate either. She did recognize the man. He was Lord Northesk’s friend, the Marquess of Holton. The lady at his side she didn’t know though.
“Lulia,” Diana said gleefully when she finally noticed her arrival. “I’m so glad you decided to attend.” Her friend came over and hugged her.
“Was there any doubt?” Lulia stepped back from Diana’s embrace and lifted a questioning brow. “You were quite insistent. So why do you need me here?” Truthfully, Lulia couldn’t deny her friend much. It had been that way since they first became acquainted when Diana was fifteen. The four years separating their age made little difference. In some ways, Diana was the sister Lulia never had.
“I have some news,” Diana replied. “We’ll talk more later. Come meet Lord Holton and his cousin.”
Diana pulled her over to the group near the center of the room. Lord Holton was a handsome man with sandy brown hair and mesmerizing hazel eyes. She could see why Lady Katherine Wilson was taken with him. At some point, those two would figure out they were meant to be together—once they got out of their own way. Diana smiled at Lord Holton and his cousin. “I’d like you to meet my dear friend Miss Lulia Vasile.” Then she turned to Lulia. “This is Lord Holton and Lady Lenora Huxley.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Lord Holton said smoothly. He appeared the perfect gentleman, though Lulia had a feeling he disapproved of Diana’s relationship with her.
“It is,” Lulia agreed even though, so far, it hadn’t been pleasant. “And you as well, Lady Lenora. How are you on this fine day?”
“Oh…” She glanced down. “I’m…”
The lady was a shadow of who she would eventually be. Lulia could almost see her future self. One day she’d blossom into a strong, independent woman. With Diana and Katherine’s influence, she’d discover who she was meant to be. Lulia would help where she could, but she was no society matron. Her role was best left to the background. “You’re lovely,” Lulia supplied for her. “Perhaps you’d like to visit the refreshment table with me. I’m parch
ed.”
“Oh, I suppose I can do that.” She glanced at Lord Holton and then back at Lulia. “Um… If you’ll follow me…”
Lulia smiled to herself and then brazenly met Lord Holton’s gaze. Let him disapprove. He’d come to realize it meant nothing to Lulia. As long as Lady Lenora didn’t come to harm from her boldness, she saw nothing wrong with thwarting the marquess. She spun on her heels and followed Lady Lenora to a nearby table. A punch bowl, tea service, and tiny sandwiches were displayed artfully on top of it. Lady Lenora nibbled daintily on her bottom lip. “Do you prefer punch or tea.”
Neither really… If given the choice she’d rather have a snifter of brandy. “Punch will do nicely,” Lulia answered. “I can serve myself.” She reached for a tiny goblet and filled it with the fruity mixture. “Do you not want any?”
“Oh, no,” Lady Lenora answered. “I’m too nervous.”
The little bird would take a lot to come out of the nest on her own. Lulia would work with her a little and encourage Diana and Katherine to as well. Lady Lenora was far too timid, and she’d be crushed when the season began again. How could Lord Holton have allowed her to close herself off from everything? Lucky for them both, Lulia couldn’t turn away from a lost soul. Lord Holton wouldn’t thank her at first, but in time he’d see why she was a blessing for Lady Lenora. “Why?” she asked. “Are you not amongst friends?”
“Yes, I am.” She glanced away. One day she wouldn’t be afraid to meet a person’s gaze. “I’m not comfortable here. I’d rather be at home—in the library. Books are more relatable to me.”
“Well, that’s no way to live now, is it? Everyone needs someone at some point. Don’t close yourself off to the possibility of meeting new people. You never know when you might meet the love of your life.”
She shook her head. “I doubt love is in my future.”
“Don’t you worry about it. When you’re ready for it, or even when you least expect it, love will find you.”
Lulia believed in love—for other people. Lady Lenora may have already met her match but hadn’t realized it yet. Sometimes, the man was the obtuse one; however, this particular lady was more oblivious than most. A gentleman could flirt with her, and she probably wouldn’t notice.
“I wish I had your certainty,” Lady Lenora said softly. “But I’m not brave enough to explore love. Almost everything is frightening to me.”
Lulia placed her hand on Lady Lenora’s arm. “Maybe not now, but one day you will.” She took a sip of her punch, and then set it back down on the table. It was a terrible mixture that was bland—a bit of water would have been better than the punch. Perhaps she should have had the tea… “Let’s join the others again.”
They turned to walk back to Diana and her guests, but someone else entered the drawing room. Two someones to be exact. Both had dark hair and striking features, but Lulia was drawn to one of them. He’d always be familiar to her. That man had haunted her dreams nightly, ever since their first meeting. A part of her had started to believe they would never cross paths again. She lifted her hand to her chest and reminded herself to breathe. Perhaps he wouldn’t recognize her. She’d been curious about him after their initial meeting and uncovered his identity. Back then he’d been so melancholy and for good reason. A man on the brink of leaving his youth behind shouldn’t face it alone, and especially without his father. It must have been difficult for him to suddenly hold the mantle of the Clare Dukedom.
“Do you know the gentlemen?” Lady Lenora asked gently. “Do you wish to stay by the refreshments longer.”
“No,” she answered. She wasn’t sure if it was for recognizing the gentlemen or to staying by the table. Either way, the answer worked. Staying by the refreshments would perhaps encourage one of the gentlemen to come over to them, but Lulia didn’t want to give the Duke of Clare a reason to speak to her. If she could avoid him, she would. “Let’s take a stroll around the room instead. I find I’m restless.” A truer statement had never been uttered. She’d run out of the room as fast as her legs would carry her if it wouldn’t embarrass Diana.
“The one gentleman is friends with my cousin,” Lady Lenora offered, but didn’t indicate which man. Lulia hoped it wasn’t Clare.
“Oh?” She lifted a brow. “And what does that mean to you?”
Her cheeks pinkened at Lulia’s question. The lady had tender feelings for the gentleman she spoke of. So perhaps she had already found love, but love hadn’t sparked between them both. “He’s Holton’s friend—nothing more.”
The lady doth protest too much… “I don’t think it’s that simple. Tell me about him,” Lulia encouraged. “I’ve been known to be a bit of a matchmaker at times. I can even tell your fortune if you’ll allow me.” She’d done it often enough as a young girl when she worked at fairs. It was one of the first things she’d learned living amongst the Romany. They taught her many things, but fencing was what she loved. Fortune telling had its uses—like easing Lady Lenora into trusting her, but it wasn’t her strongest gift.
“The duke is one of the biggest rogues of the ton,” she said. “I doubt he even sees me.” Lady Lenora glanced away from Lulia and toward a nearby window. “I may as well be invisible.”
So, it was Clare she spoke of… Drat. “Some men are blind until one day they’re not. Don’t discount him yet.”
It had been several years since Lulia had last laid eyes on the Duke of Clare. He was as handsome as she remembered—no, more so now with age. He had a scar across his cheek that hadn’t been present then. Maybe he’d received it while at war. He’d join Wellington’s campaign versus Napoleon against the better advice of those around him. Sometimes Lulia believed Clare had a death wish. It had been evident in his eyes when she’d met him at fifteen, but even more so now. There was a darkness to him that remained prevalent.
“I’ve known him most of my life—it’s who he is. I wouldn’t want to change him either way. I wonder who it is he’s with.”
“The Duke of Clare?”
“Is that who he is?” She lifted a brow. “Imagine two dukes at one soiree. How often do you think that happens?”
Who was the other man then? She was curious now that she realized they were not speaking of the same person. “I’m not acquainted with your duke. What is his name?” She wasn’t familiar with a lot of the members of the ton.
“Julian Everleigh, the Duke of Ashley,” Lady Lenora answered. “How are you acquainted with the Duke of Clare?”
“His ancestral estate is in Tenby,” she answered. “Near where my father’s family is located.”
Truthfully, her father’s family was a county over from Tenby. The village was where her father had decided to settle down. His family hadn’t approved of his choice in wife any more than her mother’s had liked her marrying him. It left them both on the outskirts of their families, and Lulia torn between two worlds. “Would you like to meet him?”
She doubted Clare remembered her. At first, she didn’t want to find out, but now she had a bit of morbid curiosity about him. She wouldn’t know unless she went over to him and discovered the truth for herself. Lady Lenora would give her that opportunity whether she realized it or not. She didn’t wait for her to answer. Lulia looped her arm with Lady Lenora’s and guided her across the room. It was time for them both to seize control of their destiny.