“Are all stepmothers as mean as Caitlynne?”
Ethan tried to imagine Sam turning into a spiteful, grasping shrew. It was impossible to visualize.
“Anything is possible, but I highly doubt it.”
“Good. I’d hate it if she started being mean to me in class.”
One thing was for sure; if he went to any other family dinners with the Barrett’s, he was going to have to learn to bite his tongue or figure out how to put Caitlynne in her place.
Poor Sam. What a nightmare.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
WITH THE LATE afternoon sun glinting in her eyes, Sam clicked her car door shut, tucked the keys in her purse, and walked to the sliding doors at the entrance of Ethan’s medical building. All day long, she’d been dreading meeting with Ethan.
They’d shared a flurry of text messages throughout the week, but she’d refused to see him. Until he proposed that they meet at his office. His office wasn’t perfect since it was his territory, but at least it wasn’t at some coffee shop or sneaking off in the car for a heated discussion.
She hoped that his office would give her some calm detachment. Maybe she’d be able to disengage her emotions and approach the dilemma with her brain.
She took the stairs to Ethan’s third-floor office. The exercise was good for her and the baby, plus it gave her more time to delay seeing him. Emotions had gotten her into this mess, and she was going to need her intellect and reason to create a solution.
Sam checked in with the receptionist, and within minutes, she was ushered into Ethan’s office. Ethan stood at the window, and the brilliant blue sky framed his dark hair and lean, strong form. The dark blue of his collared dress shirt set off his olive skin and the hard lines of his jaw.
She clutched her purse close in her hand and forced herself to swallow the lump lodged in her throat. Ethan motioned for her to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk, and then he sat next to her.
She wished she could scoot the chair back a few inches. He was too damn close. Why didn’t he sit in his own chair on the other side of his desk? She needed her calm, but she sensed heat and tension vibrating from him.
“I’m glad you finally agreed to meet.”
“I needed to regroup after our Sunday disaster.”
“That was lively.”
“It’s been the same all week. Caitlynne and the board put me on administrative leave.”
“Can they really do that? What’s with your stepmother?”
“Apparently, it’s in my contract with the academy. I talked to an attorney friend of Austin’s who said we could probably fight it and win, but I don’t want to work under those circumstances.”
“You’re not in this alone. I’m here. I can help. I want to help.”
“I don’t want to cut you out, but I have to take care of myself and the baby.”
“Our child is as much my responsibility as yours,” Ethan said. “Don’t cut me out or sell me short.”
“I don’t mean to, but you make it hard to think straight.”
“Let me make it easier. Marry me.” Ethan’s voice was strong, steady. As if it were the simplest of choices. “I know you said not to bring it up again, but I have to.”
“Nothing’s changed, has it? You don’t want a wife.” She waited for his reaction. For some sign of his emotions.
“Everything’s different now.”
“Since we made love?”
“Sam, this is crazy. Say that you’ll marry me.” Ethan’s expression was intent. “I know you care about me, and I feel the same for you. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“Of course, I care. I don’t hate you.” Sam sprung out of the chair and stared out the window. The valley swept out in front of her with the foothills and snow-capped mountains to the east in a purplish haze.
“Marry me.” Ethan stood inches behind her. “I want you to be my wife.”
“Why?” She so desperately wished to say yes. That it could be easy.
“We could be good partners and parents. Together.” The pressure of his hands on her shoulders was reassuring. She leaned back, almost touching his chest.
“I don’t want a marriage of convenience.” She heard the doubt in her voice.
“It would be more than a convenience. You can’t deny that we have a chemical attraction to each other. I can’t get enough of you.”
“Sex is no reason to stay together.”
Ethan curved an arm around her waist and pulled her around. He caressed a silky kiss on her mouth. The light pressure turned harder as she clutched at his shirt. Her body lit on fire, and she melted into his arms like hot caramel on ice cream.
No. This couldn’t happen. Not again. She needed to be sane. She shoved Ethan back. “I don’t want to be attracted to you. You don’t want this either. Just drop it.” She shifted so the desk was a barrier between them.
“We’re having a child. Together.” Ethan’s voice held an edge of barely contained emotion. “Whether you like it or not. I’m part of the picture. I won’t abandon my child.”
“I believe you, but it doesn’t change the fact that we’re no good together.”
“You set me on fire, Samantha,” Ethan coaxed. “No one else has gotten under my skin like you.”
“Wow. That’s romantic.” Sam’s laugh was brittle. “I sound like an obnoxious rash.”
“I care for you.” Ethan ignored her jibe. “We have amazing sex together, and we’re having a child. We should be married.”
“I can’t.” He’d crack her heart and break her spirit.
“Why not? We’d be good together.”
How could he not know that she loved him? It had slipped out when they’d made love in the cabin, but she couldn’t say it now. Not like this. She couldn’t tell him that she loved him. With all her heart. That she’d die a little each day that he didn’t return her feelings. She needed it all. She deserved it all. It was so tempting to give in to Ethan, but she wouldn’t.
“I’m leaving,” Sam said. Her tone held a note of finality.
“Fine. I’ll work on you tomorrow. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll try again the next day.” Ethan crossed his arms. “Eventually, you’ll give in. Our baby needs a full-time father. I want you in my life. In Mateo’s life.”
God, he knew how to hit her hard. “I’m interviewing for a new job. In Portland.” An unlucky illness for one teacher might be her ticket out of Barrett Ridge.
“You can’t leave.” Ethan’s voice hardened, but uncertainty tinged his expression.
“It’s for the best. I can’t fight Caitlynne and you at the same time. So I’m retreating. I won’t play either of your games.”
“I’m not playing a game. We can fight Caitlynne together.”
“I’m not likely to win. I signed the contract with the school, and I knew full well that they have a morality clause. I’m in violation, so they have every right to fire me.”
“Then it’s all the more reason we should get married, so I can take care of you and the baby.”
“I’m hardly a charity case. I have at least a shred of dignity left.”
Ethan’s voice took on a wheedling tone as if she were merely being headstrong and stubborn. “Please be my wife.”
It would be so easy to say yes. Ethan loved her in his own way. He was honorable. But how long until she turned bitter and scarred that he didn’t return her feelings with the same intensity.
Was that how it had been for Felicia or had the woman merely fallen out of love, but was too afraid to get a divorce? Not that it mattered. Jami was right. She was worthy of love. She deserved the whole package. Someone who lived and breathed to make her happy. To cherish her. Ethan stood before her, asking for her hand in marriage, but it wasn’t enough. Could he be in love with her, but too stubborn to see it?
Ethan kissed her hand, and her heart quivered.
“Marry me. Be my wife. For always.”
“Do you love me?” She held her breath
.
“I’ll always cherish and protect you.”
All the air streamed out of her lungs. The ache churned. Where was love? Her hope faded. “It’s not enough. Give me a reason to stay.”
“Stay with me to create a family. For Mateo. He needs to know his sibling.”
“I wish that was enough, but it isn’t. I need more. I need all of you.”
“I can’t. I can’t give you more.” Ethan choked out the words. “I don’t know if Felicia shattered me beyond repair, or perhaps I’ve never been able to love. Not with my whole heart. Not unreservedly.”
“You love Mateo unconditionally.”
“That’s different. All I can give you is the honor that you deserve. I will treat you like a queen. I will honor you as my wife.”
And there it was. That was his final offer. That was the best that Sam could expect. She steadied her breath.
“I only want to be the woman that you love like there’s no tomorrow. I want you to move a mountain for me. I want you to hold my hand when I’m sad.”
“I would.”
“You would do it out of honor. Not crazy love.”
“Stay anyway. I need you,” Ethan pleaded.
Tears stung her weary eyes as she turned away. His voice was persuasive, and she imagined that she heard a tinge of desperation. Poor Ethan. He wanted to love her. But he couldn’t, and she wouldn’t settle for less.
It was time to put this dream away. Ethan was her Prince Charming, but some other woman had the glass slipper. There would be no fairy-tale ending for them.
And like that, the slipper smashed to the ground. Scattered into a thousand sharp shards.
Sam extracted her hand from his grip. A chill coruscated along her flesh. His warmth had been so tempting, inviting.
“I’m sorry, Ethan. I love you, but it isn’t enough for a one-sided marriage.” Sam retreated to his office door. “I’m heading up to Portland tomorrow for the interview. I’ll text you to let you know when the first ultrasound is. I know you want to be there for that.” The door handle was cold in her palm, the edges hard on her soft palm.
Ethan stood immobile with a frown creasing his mouth. A vein at his temple pulsed, but still, he remained silent.
“Good-bye.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
MATEO DUMPED HIS backpack on the floor in Pipo’s mudroom and nudged it under the bench with a kick as Ethan strolled in behind him with his son’s overnight bag. Pipo called out a greeting.
“How much homework do you have for the weekend?” Ethan asked as they traipsed into the kitchen where Pipo sipped a steaming beverage from a travel mug.
“I have to finish a book for Miss Barrett’s class,” Mateo said and gave a side hug to Pipo. “Oh, and I have a math test on Monday.”
“What’s your plan?”
“I’ll read the book before lunch tomorrow.”
“And?” Ethan prodded.
“You’ll help me on Sunday night with algebra. You’ll be home, right? I need you.”
“Sunday is a night off, so we should be fine.” He wasn’t on call on Sunday, but emergencies of all shapes and sizes sprouted up out of nowhere. What came first? Family or Patients? His fingers twitched.
“Hey, Pipo! Do the goats need feeding?”
Pipo tossed an apple from the fruit basket on the table at Mateo who caught it with a flick of his wrist. “Feed yourself first, then you can scrounge some scraps for those bottomless beasts.”
Mateo ambled back through the mudroom and off to the barns. Ethan slapped his dad on the back and made a short round trip to the spare bedroom to drop off Mat’s bag.
With an apple from the basket, Ethan slouched against the fridge and studied his father who cheerfully examined the array of tiny puzzle pieces on the table before him.
“What are your big plans for the night?” Pipo asked in the mildest of tones. “Are you taking that pretty schoolteacher out on the town?”
“No. I think I’ll catch up on some paperwork.” His dad was fishing, but he wasn’t going to take the line.
“You’ll be old before you know it,” Pipo said. “Don’t let life pass you by.”
“Last time I checked, the lovely Sam Barrett didn’t want anything to do with me.”
“What did you do?”
“Why do you assume it’s my fault?”
“Ha! No reason. Tell me what’s going on.” Pipo turned his focus back to the hundreds of puzzle pieces littering the kitchen table. Only the bottom right corner was completed and hinted at motorcycles and race cars. This puzzle must be destined for a pediatric room at the medical center.
Patience and calm energy oozed from every line of his father’s bent figure. A pang of envy filled him. Sometimes, he knew that he only wore his own calmness like a borrowed cloak. Something to hide under. Something that didn’t truly belong to him.
“I’ve totally blown it with Sam.”
Pipo nodded as a puzzle piece clicked into place. Ethan crunched into the apple. He’d better get this over with. Otherwise, his own father would likely hear the news from Mateo.
“We’re pregnant,” Ethan said in a rush. His father had been understanding, but so disappointed over the revelation of Felicia’s pregnancy. He hated to let the man down.
His father glanced up and winked. “I guessed as much.”
“What made you think it?” Ethan slid into a chair and relief flooded through him. He chomped another bite of the apple and randomly plucked an orange puzzle piece.
Pipo tapped the side of his nose. “I can’t tell you all my secrets.”
“Sam hates me now.” It felt good to confide in his father.
“I doubt it.”
“I’ve asked her to marry me, but she refuses.”
“Did you tell her that you love her?”
“I can’t.”
“What do you mean by that? Do you love her?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I think so, but I can’t forget what happened with Felicia.”
“Cursed woman.”
“Don’t say that. It was my fault, too.”
“She was selfish and self-serving. She was foolish and couldn’t see beyond her own petty needs. She was a terrible mother, and a worse wife.”
“I’m not always a bowl of cherries myself.” Ethan felt bound to defend at least a shred of Felicia’s memory. “I buried myself in my work. I was an absentee husband.”
“I wasn’t letting you off the hook, but you have to recognize that she was at least half of the problem. You need to forgive yourself for what happened. You didn’t shove the drugs down her throat.”
“No. But I didn’t know how to help her.”
“She tried therapy. She tried everything, but she gave up on herself and on Mateo.”
Ethan let the colored cardboard chunk slide from his fingertips onto the table. He had no idea where it fit in the picture. “I think I’ve given up on myself. All I’m doing right now is making sure that Mateo has his family. A supportive family. I can’t abandon him. Like Felicia did.”
“That’s a good start, but you need to forgive yourself.”
“I can’t.”
“She made her choices. You make choices. Right now. Don’t give up on you.”
“How?”
“Don’t give up on love. It’s all we have. My love for you, and Mateo and your brothers keeps me going. And just because your sweet mother has passed doesn’t mean that my life is over. I am happy. I miss her and adore her still, but I’m still breathing. And smiling.”
“Are you dating?”
“I have lunch with a few lovely women. When the time is ripe or when a remarkable one comes my way, I won’t be closed off to the opportunity.”
“Is that what you’re calling Sam? An opportunity?”
“Call her what you want, but she cares about you. She always has. And now, she’s carrying my grandbaby. What are you going to do?”
“I can’t make her marry me.”
“Do y
ou love her?”
“I don’t know what I feel.”
“You’d better figure that out. Then you need a plan. Even better, you need to ask Sam what she wants, and then do that.”
“I told her that I didn’t love her.”
His father studied him with his eyes crinkled at the corners and his mouth twisted to one side. “I won’t pretend to know what’s really in your heart, but I do know that you’re afraid.”
“I was never in love with Felicia. I don’t think I know how to be in love.”
“You have a big heart. You prefer to hide it. It’s tender and vulnerable. You adore Mateo. You love the good that you do for your patients. You get the thrill from knowing that you’ve improved the quality of their lives and that you’ve given them a chance to live and love. Don’t give up on love just because you spent too many years with the wrong woman.”
Ethan shoved the chair back, and the legs squeaked against the tile floor. He filled a glass with water and tossed it back in one, long gulp. He fought for breath.
“Dad—”
“Go home and think about it. Better yet, go hug your son, and then go find Miss Samantha.”
Ethan saluted his father and hustled outside.
It sounded simple. Ethan scanned the forest tree line on the far side of the pasture. Deep in the heart of the forest, he’d made love to Samantha in the tiny shack of a cabin. They’d almost burnt it to the ground with the fire of their passion, but it was Sam’s gaze that burrowed into his soul.
She’d looked at him as if she was home. Home in his arms. Nestled against his heart.
Could he find the same peace and perfection with her? He’d failed once before. Did he deserve another shot at happiness?
***
Sam adjusted the wireless earpiece for her phone.
Jo calling. Accept or decline Jo.
She accepted and waited for the flood of questions. Jo wasn’t patient or diplomatic. She’d cut right to the chase.
“How did the interview go?”
“Exhausting. I did three rounds of interviews. First a one-on-one. Then one-on-three, and finally in front of a board of five. Plus I helped with a class.”
Tempting Doctor Forever (Barrett Ridge Book 2) Page 12