by Traci Sek
When I finally get in the window, I pull the rope up as fast as I can with my limp shaking arms and jump into my bed, not even bothering to take off his sweater. It was so warm and soft. For the first time in a year, I feel safe. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
The New Girlfriend
The weekend went by way too fast, making me dread going back to school to face Spencer and Gia and anybody else who saw me. The utter thought makes me feel sick. I walk into biology and slump into one of the old rickety wooden desks, slowly turning my head to look in Gia's direction.
"Oh my gosh, girl, you have got to explain yourself! Everybody's been talking about the new girl who totally dominated the dance!"
"Really? They aren't laughing and saying how crazy I am?"
"Nope, in fact, you have 90 percent of the girls jealous. They wish they could have danced like that with Spencer."
"And what did Spencer say?"
"He's not saying much." Her eyes glance at the sweater sitting on my desk. "What is that?"
I look down at the black sweater that I hadn't taken off until this morning.
"It's Spencer's. I have to give it back to him."
"Wait, how did you get it?" A smile was now creeping on her face.
"Um, it's a long story, I'd rather not say here." I look around the room, hoping Gia would catch on to how uncomfortable I was feeling. Some kids were starting to whisper, looking in my direction.
"Can you give him the sweater back? I mean, you know where to find him better than I do." I quickly shove it towards her.
Gia laughs. I give her a pleading look, practically begging her inside. Gia stops laughing. "Fine, just this once." She grabs the sweater from my outstretched hand. "Are you coming to my party this weekend?"
"I don't know if my dad will allow it. Plus, I feel bad for leaving my sister alone again."
"Well, just talk to him, and your sister can come too."
"Ok, I'll see what I can do." Gia practically squeals, piercing my eardrum. What was I getting myself into? Part of me was excited even to be invited to a party, let alone go. However, the other part of me was nervous about being around half the people that attended these silly dances.
***
I grab my usual lunch: A slice of pizza and milk and sit down with Gia to eat.
"I gave Spencer his sweater. I must say he wasn't happy that I had it. I think he was hoping you would deliver it." She raises her eyebrows a few times jokingly.
I look down at my plate and say nothing.
"You can tell me what happened. I won't say anything."
I look around, my eyes land on Julia, who is in her usual seat fixing her makeup. Alex gets up to throw away his garbage. "I'm sorry, Gia, not now. I can't risk certain ears overhearing."
She sighs dramatically, "fine, I understand, but you can't avoid him forever." Gia looks up and points over my shoulder. I turn my head to see what she's pointing at only to see Spencer coming our way.
"Great," I sigh under my breath. I stand to throw my garbage out and come face to face with him. Those eyes were enough to melt my insides. Flashes of the dance come back to me, slightly increasing my heart rate again. I notice he has faint traces of where he must have gotten hit the other night. I feel terrible but hold my ground. I step around him and continue to the trash can.
"Hey, Jessa."
"Hi."
"Jessa, can we talk please?"
"There is nothing to talk about."
"There is plenty to talk about Jess," he whispers, following my path.
I hesitate. "Why does everybody insist on talking today? Can't you just respect that I don't want to talk about anything right now?"
"I can respect that, but you can't avoid it forever."
"I know that." I dump my tray, slam it on the counter and walk out of the cafeteria, leaving Spencer standing shocked.
When I return home after school, Roy's car is parked outside. Ugh, not what I need today.
"Hey, dad," I say through gritted teeth. I hate calling him that. After all, he wasn't much of one to begin with, but I didn't want to fight.
"Hi, Jess," he responds in a weird cheerful voice. "How was school?"
"Since when do you care about my day at school?" As he goes to respond, I hear the toilet flush. "Wait who's here?"
Before he can answer, a young woman, about five feet tall, comes strolling out of the bathroom. She's wearing a tight long black skirt and a red blouse; complete with red high heels. Her blonde hair was wound up in a tight bun. She stops when she sees me, and Roy clears his throat.
"Jessa, this is Sarah, my boss from work. We will get back to that school comment later."
"Hi," Sarah says a bit too bubbly as she stretches out her hand. "It's nice to meet you."
I don't move for a minute.
"Don't be rude," Roy snaps.
I quickly reach out my hand and shake it. Then turn to my father, who gestures for me to sit on the couch.
"Where is your sister?"
"She had to stay after for a group project."
"How wonderful," Sarah pipes up, interrupting us. "I just love group projects, that was my specialty in high school; that's why I became a manager." She lets out a high-pitched chuckle.
"Oh, I was hoping to introduce her to Sarah."
"Why?" I ask.
"Well, I want you guys to know that we have started dating." Roy scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.
I let out a breathless laugh, and my heart started to race. Roy and Sarah stare at me with concern.
"Oh, you're serious?" I ask, starting to breathe heavily.
"Yes, Jessa, I know how you must be feeling, but I..."
"No, you don't know how I'm feeling. You haven't known that for the past two years. In fact, it's only been two years. Don't you think you're rushing things?"
"Jessa, I was in a funk, a black hole, and I will always love your mom, but Sarah makes me feel alive again and happy, and I need that."
Hot tears stream down my face. "I can't believe you." I manage to say.
"Jessa..."
I get up from the couch as fast as gravity will allow and run out the door. I need to leave to get away from everything. I can hear Roy calling my name, but I don't look back. I run until I'm completely out of breath. I Stopped for a minute to wipe the tears from my face. I look around at my surroundings; I'm at the town park. There's no one about, which wasn't surprising. I sit down on the park bench, feeling numb. How dare he do this? Thoughts are racing through my head like a freight train. What am I going to do? What if we have to change schools again?
"Jessa!" A familiar voice calls interrupting my thoughts. I look up and see Gia walking towards me with a well-dressed, slightly taller woman with wavy brown hair.
"What's going on? What are you doing here?" I ask.
"Well, my mom and I decided to take a walk. We like to talk occasionally. Are you ok?"
I want to say yes, but I can't. I look at Gia, who seems to understand.
"Hey mom, I'll meet you back at the car."
"Ok, honey, call me if you need anything."
"Thanks, mom. I will."
Gia sits down next to me. A moment of dreaded silence follows. "So, what's going on with you lately? I mean, I know we have only known each other for a short time, but you can trust me."
"Well, at this point, I have nothing to lose." I take a deep breath and focus on the small pond in front of me. I know if I look at Gia or see her reaction, I will run away again.
"My mother died two years ago from cancer. My dad decided to go into this stupid depression. We have been evicted from three apartments so far because he can't hold down a job. We've lost a lot of stuff because of it. He doesn't go grocery shopping, doesn't clean, and doesn't give us money. So, most times, we are starving, especially over the weekend. He just sleeps all the time. My apartment is a shit hole. We don't even bother unpacking anymore. That's why I never went to a dance before. That's why I didn't have school supplie
s, and that's why I eat so much at lunch. I never know when I am going to eat again."
Gia lets out a gasp. I close my eyes and continue. "And the best part is yet to come, today I found out, out of the blue, that my dad is dating his boss."
"Oh, my. I'm so sorry, Jess. I can't imagine how you must be feeling."
"I don't even know how I feel anymore. I mean, how can a father be so unpredictable? He has no regret for how he's been treating us."
"I don't know much about depression, and losing a parent can't be easy. And what's the deal with Spencer?"
"I don't know. One minute I like Spencer, and then he says something stupid, and I can't stand him. Besides, it doesn't matter; I'm no good for him.
"Hold on. What makes you think that?"
"Haven't you been listening to anything I just told you? Why would anyone want me? My life is a mess."
"First of all, everyone here has secrets and family issues. Second, it doesn't matter where you come from; what matters is how you act as a person. And just from what I've seen, you are a great person with a big heart who just lacks a bit of confidence. I would rather see him with you than half of the girls in our school who are currently pining for his undivided attention." She takes a deep breath before continuing.
"Third, he's a unique person, and I can tell you he's a good guy deep down, but it's high school, and you know how hard high school can be. When we were in 8th grade, the other kids made fun of him a lot, and he didn't fit in with anyone, and then high school came, and he slowly became popular. I don't think he wants to go back. He has insecurity issues. I can also say no girl had had such an effect on him as you have, and you made it even harder when you danced with him."
I blush. "Yeah, that was such a spur of the moment thing. I hit my boiling point. I felt bad for Spencer but was mad at him for not sticking up for himself. Plus, I wanted to show him and everybody that I was not some shy, meek girl they could laugh at. I have a lot to offer despite my home issues. I also felt so alive, like free for a minute. You know? But then I came to my senses and was so embarrassed; I didn't know what to do except leave. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."
"Oh, no worries. I totally understand. I must say you shocked the whole school, though."
We both laughed.
"So one other question. I got to know. How did you end up with Spencer's sweater?"
I give her another look and explain in detail what happened. "Oh, my Lord!" Gia says, shocked. "Just when you think it couldn't get worse. Thankfully Spencer followed you!"
"I know, right? Please don't say anything to anyone." I find myself begging Gia once again.
"Like I said before, I won't tell a soul."
I smile. I trust Gia, which is something I had a hard time doing with anyone. "Anyway, I should go get my sister from school. I'll see you tomorrow?"
Gia simply nods.
We part ways. I take the quiet opportunity to think what and if I was even going to tell Kate.
Emotions Unravel
When we get home, Roy's truck is there, but now in a different place, which reassures me that Sarah is no longer here. I haven't told Kate yet what had happened. I didn't know how she would react, but I knew Roy would speak to her as soon as he got the chance. We walk into the house, and Roy jumps up from his chair.
"Hey, dad," Kate says. I don't look at him.
"Hi, girls. How was your day, Kate?"
"It was ok, I guess." She shrugs her shoulders, not even realizing the mood shift from our dad. Roy looks at me.
"Are you ok, Jess?" I still don't respond or look at him. He sighs.
"What's going on?" Kate asks, looking between Roy and me.
"I need to talk to you girls... well, mostly you, Kate.
"Sit down," Roy says with a stern voice. "I'm sorry Jess that you got bombarded like that earlier. That's not how I planned for that to go."
"Seriously. What's going on? You're making me worried."
Roy continues. "Listen, Kate, like I told your sister earlier, I loved your mom tremendously. You know that, right?"
"Yes."
"Ok, well, I was in a terrible state of mind these past two years until I got this new job."
"Well, that's great, Dad. I am glad you like your job. Does that mean we are finally staying in one spot?" Roy holds up his hand.
"Wait, I'm not finished. I met this wonderful woman. She's my boss at work, and she makes me feel alive and happy again, and now we are dating. Unfortunately, Jessa had to meet her in the wrong way."
Kate's mouth fell open. "I never meant to hurt you, girls. Not now and not these past two years. I know I have been a terrible father. I know I have put you through hell, and this is me trying to fix it. The truth is, I didn't know how to handle you guys. I didn't know how to handle life without your mom. And every time I look at you guys, I see her. I think that killed me the most. Sarah has experienced a similar loss, and we connected. She's helping me to see the other side of things. I hope you can forgive me, and I would really love for you guys to give her a chance and meet her the right way."
I can't hold it in any longer. I start to cry again. "You put us through more than hell. We had to go on without mom, and you should have too. We had to be adults when we had no idea how to be. We have starved because of you, humiliated because of you. We had no school supplies. We have lost everything from being evicted several times, and all you can say is I'm sorry and that some stranger is going to make you happier? And how is this woman going to start making you care about us? How come we didn't make you happier? How come we didn't make you want to do more?"
"You're right, Jess; I'm an idiot. I have no excuses, and I am truly sorry. I am. I don't expect you to understand and forgive me right away, but I am trying now, and I am going to keep on trying until you do."
"And what if she leaves you? Are you going to go back to not being happy again and not taking care of us?"
"I am not going back to the man that I was, no matter what. If that does happen, we will cross that bridge together. I have learned my lesson."
"Well, good, then you want to make it up to us? Start getting us new clothes, school supplies, food for the house, cell phones, and there's a sleepover we have been invited to this weekend, which we are going to."
I know I'm pushing his limits, but I can't help it.
I stop and give Roy the nastiest stare I can muster. He stares blankly at me for a minute and then says, "ok, fine. I suppose that's what it takes. I can't promise all of those things because obviously, I don't have a lot of money, but I can get you the main things if and only if you agree to meet Sarah and be nice to her, give her a chance."
I roll my eyes. I was going to give Roy the hardest time because he deserved it. I look at Kate, who's in utter shock at all the back and forth. For a second, I feel bad that I hadn't even considered Kate's feelings. "What do you think, Kate?"
"Yes, Kate." Roy retorts. "What are you feeling?"
"I'm not sure what to think. I mean obviously you two have it all figured out. I mean, I might be only thirteen, but I can see you guys have deep issues. I am just trying to make it through 8th grade, but I do have one stipulation."
"And what's that?"
"That you never forget our mom and all the things she did for you. Also, I don't want this lady at my graduation."
"Kate, I will never forget your mom. Ever. I loved her so much. You have no idea. You shouldn't worry about that. Just because I am dating Sarah, doesn't mean I am completely erasing your mom."
"Good. Then if you don't mind, I have homework to do."
"Ok, well, get to it."
Kate gets up from the couch as do I.
"Are we ok, Jess?
"Yeah, I guess for now," I say sarcastically and walk away.
I lay on my bed, reeling from the conversation. In no way did I feel any happier even with my list of demands and the way Roy handled them. I was testing him. He must have known that. He stayed way too calm. Spencer's face comes to
mind and the way I talked to him even after saving my life. I feel utterly terrible. Who am I turning out to be? I shake the thoughts from my head and turn to Kate.
"So, what do you think about Roy?"
"I think you should really give Dad a chance, Jess. I mean, he seems like he's trying."