“It didn’t. I just… I need to get back. My obligations are starting to pile up and I can’t take any more time to play around.”
I watch as my words are a direct hit. I hate myself a little more as each minute passes. This is the exact reason that I ran from him seventeen years ago instead of talking to him in person.
Ford Matthews is the perfect man. He’s kind and gentle, he’s tough when he needs to be and he’s a badass when he needs to be that, too. With me he’s always been nothing but kind and gentle even when I didn’t deserve an ounce of it, like now.
“Not letting you walk away a second time,” he snaps, closing the distance between us.
Before I realize what’s happening, his hands cup my cheeks, his mouth is immediately against my own. I moan when his tongue invades me, I welcome the sensation of the way that he fills me. Whimpering, my entire body melts against his.
Lifting my arms, I wrap them around his shoulders and press against him, rubbing my hardened nipples against his chest. I want him again, I don’t know why or how, but I do. He nibbles on my bottom lip, biting it hard once before licking the sting away and lifting his head.
“Ford,” I exhale.
He shakes his head, and I think that he’s going to deny me. He takes half of a step back, bending slightly to wrap his hands around the backs of my thighs and picks me up. God, I don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that he can pick me up and carry me around so completely effortlessly.
I expect him to go back inside of the house, but he doesn’t. Instead, he slams my back against the wall, his mouth devouring my own. Moments ago, the ache between my legs made it painful to walk, now that ache is replaced by one of pure need.
His hand dives beneath the waistband of the shorts that I’m wearing. His fingers fill me in one swift motion. Ripping my mouth from his, the back of my head bangs against the wall as I let out a whimper of pain mixed with pleasure.
“Feel that?” he asks on a growl.
Dipping my chin, I look into his eyes, eyes that are filled with fire and rage. Sucking my lips in, I sink my teeth into my bottom lip and shake my head once. “What?” I whisper.
He smirks. “That ache, that need, that overwhelming feeling where you don’t know whether you want to come or push me away because of the pain?”
“Yes,” I exhale. “Yes,” I moan.
He leans forward, his lips touching the underside of my jaw, skimming my skin and leaving me wanting—needing so much more. He chuckles, but it’s humorless.
“This is what you won’t get any more of if you walk away from me a second time, Stephanie. I won’t be around for you to do this shit a third time.”
“Ford,” I whisper.
My legs drop from his hips and I think he’s going to turn around and walk away from me, but he doesn’t. Instead, he reaches for my shorts and yanks them down my legs before he spins me around gently, but firmly, placing his hand in the center of my back and pushes me forward.
Lifting my hands, they slap against the limestone rock of the house, stinging as they land. Turning my head to the side, I press my cheek against the wall, closing my eyes as Ford shoves the t-shirt I’m wearing up my hips.
His hands wrap around my hips, tugging them backward and arranging me the way that he wants. I hear the clanking of his belt, then the zipper of his jeans.
There aren’t any other sounds around us, there is nothing for miles, not a single soul to see or hear anything that happens against this tiny house.
I should stop this from happening. I should tell him no, but I don’t want to. I want this and I want him. I want all of him, everything he’s offering, even if it’s completely selfish and fool-hearted.
Just one last time.
FORD
Aligning my cock with her slick center, I slam inside of her without warning. She cries out, her fingers attempting to dig into the rock and failing. I don’t give her a moment to become accustomed to my invasion.
Pulling out of her, almost to the tip, I slam back inside with a groan. She’s wet and warm, her thighs trembling as she attempts to keep herself upright. My fingers grip her hips tighter, bruising her delicate flesh even more than I already did last night.
“God,” she moans.
I decide I don’t want her to be able to say any actual words, just moans and groans, as I fuck her. Words just piss me off right now. Growling, I slam into her harder, taking out all of my frustration on her beautiful, welcoming body.
Just when I think that I may be slamming inside of her too hard, she pushes back against me.
“Yes,” she whimpers. “More.”
It’s all I need. Sliding one of my hands up her back, I fist my fingers in her hair, tugging her head back. I completely lose my self-control as I take her. The animal inside of me becomes completely unleashed as I fuck her hard, fast, and without the ability to rein myself in.
Stephanie is beautifully arched for me. If I were a guy who gave a fuck about art, I’d say in this moment, she is truly a masterpiece. She lets out a groan, then whimpers as I keep my grueling pace.
Sweat trickles down the center of my chest, my lower back, and between my shoulders. Clenching my jaw, I grind my teeth together as I try to hold back my climax. I’m so close, on the verge, but I can’t, not yet. I need to feel her release first, need to know that she’s satisfied.
Her thighs tremble at the same time I feel her pussy flutter around me. The sensation spurs me on, fucking her even harder. She’s going to ache for days, but I want her to remember me, remember this moment when she has doubts about what we could be. When she walks away, but I have a feeling there will be no keeping her.
Her entire body stiffens, her pussy clenches so tightly that my own orgasm is forced from my body. Burying myself inside of her, I let out a groan as I come.
I fill her with my release, realizing that I’m coming inside of her, again, without asking her if she’s on birth control or anything else about her history, or telling her about mine. I should have the conversation with her, but fuck it.
Stephanie’s arms start to fall. My hand around her hip quickly slides up and I wrap it around her chest to keep her upright. At the same time, her legs completely give out.
Slipping from inside of her body, I bend down and cradle her. I can’t walk anywhere, my pants are around my calves, so I turn us around and slide down until my ass hits the porch and my back presses against the wall.
Holding her close to me, I touch my lips to the top of her head, closing my eyes and inhaling and taking in the sweet scent of her shampoo.
“What are we going to do?” she asks softly.
“You’re going to tell me what got you all flighty earlier and I’m going to tell you what we’re going to do about that,” I murmur.
She lifts her head, her eyes narrowing on mine. “You can’t fix it for me, Cowboy. You can’t fix everything,” she whispers.
Moving my face closer to hers, I slide my nose alongside her own. “Not a boy, honey. I know I can’t fix shit for you. What I can do is help you if I’m able and support you if I’m not. You think I’m so arrogant that I believe I’ll be able to just fix anything you got goin’ on?”
There’s a moment of silence and I snort as I pull back from her, my head bouncing slightly against the side of the house.
“We don’t know who we are anymore, honey. That much is crystal clear, but I want to get to know the woman sittin’ in my lap. I like her a helluva a lot.”
Her lips curve up into a small smile. “I like you too, Cowboy.”
Shaking my head once, I smirk. “Tell me what’s goin’ on,” I urge.
She shifts her gaze from mine to the porch, then back to mine. “It’s Sebastian.”
I almost laugh. Almost. If I didn’t want to beat the shit out of the pencil dick, I would. “He leaked those pictures to the media, I’m guessing?”
She nods, her eyes wide. “Yeah.”
“Figured as much,” I grunt. “What’s happ
ened now with him?”
She shakes her head, letting out a heavy sigh. “He wants to talk, he’s demanded we talk. He says he has another tape and he’s going to leak that next if I don’t come back home and speak with him. My publicist also set me up with a couple of interviews next week and I have to go to those.”
“You gotta go on TV and talk about the pictures?” I ask.
She nods slowly, her eyes finding mine. “I mean, America’s Sweetheart with nipple piercings? I can’t just pretend those aren’t out there, Ford.”
Her words are a low whisper and I hate them, fucking hate them. In no way whatsoever should she ever be embarrassed about her gorgeous nipples, or any other part of her body, but she also shouldn’t have to have them on display for the world to see either, not unless that’s what she wants.
“So, what you’re not saying is, you’ll be going back to LA, back to your life there and possibly back to his bed?”
I watch as her eyes shutter closed. That’s exactly what she is planning on doing. Going back to him, to some fuckwit who sold her naked pictures to the world, embarrassed her, and caused a shitstorm.
“You go back to him, then I don’t even know what to say to that. It’s obvious that you don’t love him, hell, I’m not sure you like him.”
“I don’t,” she softly admits.
“Then, why?”
“Convenience.”
I let out a snort. “You’re not the girl who settles for convenience, honey. Never were. Don’t start that stupid shit now.”
“God, you sound just like your daddy right about now.”
A sad smile curves on my lips as I think about the legend himself, my dad. Shaking my head a couple of times, I look down at her, tucking some of her wild hair behind her ear.
“He was a smart man. Learned a lot from him. Also learned that you can’t force it, you do and you’ll never be happy. It’s why I never scooped you up and brought you home. I wanted you to come home for me, for us. It’s also why I won’t chase you down this time either.”
“Ford,” she whimpers as tears build in her pretty eyes.
Closing my eyes, I reopen them slowly. “I want to make you stay. Make you see what we could have if you would just give us a chance. I want to take your goddamn choice to leave away, because I think that there could be something beautiful between us, something lasting. I won’t do any of that, though. I won’t force you to be anything you’re not. I’ll never make you stay. I don’t deserve that.”
“Deserve?”
Nodding, I shift her off of my lap, helping her stand to her feet as I do the same and fix my jeans. Lifting my eyes to hers, I stare intently, probably for the last time.
“I’m not perfect, I know that. I live a fairly simple life out here on a cattle ranch, don’t have fancy shit or anything like that. But, I feel like I deserve to have someone who wants to be at my side, who wants to build a life with me. If she never comes, then I’ll be alone and I’m okay with that too, I’ve made my peace with it.”
Walking past her, I make my way over to my pickup truck and wait for her to climb into the passenger seat. She does and silently I drive toward her car. The air is thick as she jumps out of the truck and walks over to her car, never saying a word—never looking back either.
This is it. This is the end of what could have been another beginning for us.
Chapter Fifteen
STEPHANIE
Driving back to the hotel, I wonder what the absolute fuck I’m doing. Why? Why am I walking away from him again? Tears stream down my face as I pull the car into a parking spot. I don’t move right away, choosing to sit in my own self-made pity party.
After thirty minutes of allowing myself to just feel, I shake off the sadness and decide that I need to do what’s best for everyone, including Ford. That means leaving. Sebastian will make my life miserable, he’s already threatened as much.
Plus, there’s the little problem of my schedule and the fact that I don’t live anywhere near Ford. I stand firm on my decision seventeen years ago and my reasoning for that decision. I cannot suggest that Ford give up his life here to be with me there. I can’t leave there and be here, not with my responsibilities.
We’re just too different, our lives polar opposites, it wouldn’t ever work.
Making my way into my room, I take Ford’s oversized clothes off and put my own on. My entire body aches and with each ache it sends a reminder of why I feel this way along with an image of Ford’s body straight to my head.
Locking up my room, I slip back inside of my car and head over to my childhood home. I need to get this done and get the hell out of here before I realize that I’m still very much in love with the man I ran away from, again.
I should call Damion and Grace back, but I don’t. Instead, I turn the playlist on my phone as high as I can and get to work. Deciding to forego the sentimental anguish of the last time I was here, I don’t think too hard about each item as I put it into keep, donate, and trash piles.
“Knock-knock,” a woman’s voice shouts.
My body jerks, I’m bent over, my head in a cabinet. As I pull out of it, I slam my head against the shelf like an idiot. Turning toward the voice, I blink at the sight of not just Channing, but Exeter standing in my parents’ living room.
“Um, hey,” I call out as I take my phone out of my back pocket and pause my playlist.
Channing smiles widely as Exeter glances around the disaster that is this old house. “I noticed you’d been here all day and didn’t think you’d eaten, so we brought burgers from the diner,” she smiles.
I blink. I don’t have the heart to tell her that I don’t eat like that, I can’t. Not only do I have to watch my weight, but as each year passes, I really have to watch my weight. And my trainer would kill me if I ate a greasy burger and fries… he’d have my ass. But the scent swirls around me, I wonder if just one would hurt?
Channing lifts her chin toward the dining room and I bite the corner of my lip as I climb down from the kitchen counter. Walking over to them, sitting down in one of the chairs as they do the same.
This doesn’t feel like a friendly neighborhood visit, it feels like so much more, kind of like the way their husbands walked in on me here and basically said I was a bitch for not giving Ford a chance. They weren’t wrong and I know whatever these women say, they won’t be wrong either.
“Why are you really here?” I ask.
Channing places the Styrofoam container in front of me, then takes one out for Exeter before another for herself. She does this all silently and I hold my breath as I wait for what she’s going to say to me.
“We like you,” Exeter starts out.
Shifting my gaze from Channing, I look at Exeter. She shifts from side to side in her seat and I can tell that she’s nervous.
“A lot,” she continues. “But we love Ford.”
“Okay…”
Channing inhales a deep breath then releases it on a sigh. “We’re not bitches, swear. We just… Ford’s never been happy since we’ve known him, and after his initial shock at seeing you, we think that you guys could find your happiness with one another. We don’t want you to run away from that.”
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I pick at the little closure of the container, not opening it. My gaze flicks back and forth between the women as I try to think of something to say that doesn’t make me sound like the biggest bitch on earth.
“It doesn’t have anything to do with him. It’s me,” I whisper.
Channing reaches out, her hand wrapping around mine, squeezing it tightly. “If you want him, you can have him.”
“I know,” I whisper. “It doesn’t have anything to do with wanting. We um… we reconnected yesterday,” I blurt out.
Exeter laughs softly at the same time Channing lets out a giggle. Shaking my head, I close my eyes tightly before I reopen them to look at the women in front of me. Happy women. Women that I could see being friends with, in a different life.
“Just once?” Channing asks. My eyes widen, flicking between them, and I press my lips together. Channing’s eyes widen as well and she shakes her head. “That’s not what I meant. I just meant, is it over?”
A laugh bubbles out of me, and I nod my head as I catch my breath. “I’m leaving tomorrow,” I admit.
“No,” Channing shouts.
“I am. I’m not like Beaumont and Louis, I need to be back in California. I have interviews and responsibilities.”
Exeter shakes her head. “Beaumont has them too, so does Louis. They had them when shit hit the fan and their relationships with Hutton and Tulip were new.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Is it not the same because deep down you don’t want Ford?” Exeter asks.
Pressing my lips together, I roll them a few times as I look down at my lap. Slowly, I lift my gaze to meet theirs. “I never stopped loving Ford Matthews. Last night was the best night of my life. I don’t think I could have dreamed of a better night,” I whisper. “We don’t fit though. He’s here with his cattle and I need to be back there.”
Channing stands, leaving her food where it is. “I’m disappointed,” she whispers. “I thought that you were made of sterner stuff, Stephanie. I thought that you were driven.”
“Driven for dick?” I ask with a snort, sounding snotty as hell.
Exeter clears her throat. “These men, they’re not easy. But when they love, they love hard and when you’ve been on the receiving end of that, it’s easy to feel as though it could disappear as quickly as it happened. I know you had Ford when he was young, but he’s not the eighteen-year-old you remember, just like you’re not the eighteen-year-old he remembers.”
“When he finds out who I really am, he won’t want anything to do with me.”
“He already knows about the pictures, what else could there be?” Channing asks.
Shrugging a shoulder, I refuse to tell them. They wouldn’t understand. They have all the happiness in the world, they have everything they could ever want.
COWBOY (Unfit Hero Book 5) Page 11