I can’t give Stephanie any of this. I have a nice cattle ranch, as far as ranches go, it does well and in turn I do well financially, but I’ll never do this well. I could never give her anything remotely close to this.
Making my way toward her back patio doors, I turn the knob and tug it open, stepping outside into the sunlight. It’s late afternoon, closing in on early evening, and I look around her yard.
It isn’t huge, there’s a pool and a small patio area, but it’s surrounded by clear glass and I know without a doubt that the gate at the back opens up to the fucking beach. I can see the sand and ocean in the close distance.
Before I came out here, I’d grabbed my phone. I had the intention to call someone, but nobody knows what I’m going through. Beaumont and Hutton reconnected, but Beau is the one who has the money, same with Louis.
Walking toward the glass banister, I rest my forearms on the edge and lean forward, feeling the wind wash over my face. It smells and tastes like salt, it’s gorgeous and it just solidifies the fact that I’ll never be able to give her this.
Stephanie left Gallup to make something of herself, and fuck me, but she did just that. She’ll never be happy as a cattle rancher’s wife. She’ll never be content to be mine. To have my babies, raise them on the family land. To get eggs from the chicken coop, pick vegetables from the garden, to fucking can green beans and pickles like Erica did while me and Jimmy were away.
I knew it all the day she walked away from me. I’ve been kidding myself if I thought that any of that had changed. Maybe for now it seems like something fun, like a change in pace, but that newness will wear off and no longer will it be fun and exciting.
Sooner rather than later, it will be true hard labor, it won’t always be fucking and orgasms. There won’t be parties and premiers. There will be no paparazzi and no dressing up to walk around the city, not like now.
Taking my phone out of my pocket, I decide to schedule an Uber. She left me twice and now maybe it’s time that I do the leaving. I schedule the driver to come in a couple of hours. That’ll give her enough time to rest. Then, it’ll give us enough time to have our talk and I can be gone before shit gets too much more awkward than it’s already bound to get.
Shoving my cell back in my pocket, I let out a heavy sigh. I hear something to the left and my entire body jerks. My eyes widen when I see a man standing on her property, watching me with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Help you?” I growl.
His entire body jolts as if I’ve hit him. Then his eyes narrow on me. “So, you’re the one she decided to leave me for?”
I almost laugh. The tall, thin, and almost pretty man says. I know now, without a doubt, that this is that Sebastian fellow. Crossing my arms over my chest, I turn to face him fully, inhaling a deep breath to make sure he realizes just how much bigger I am than he is.
“Help you, partner?” I rumble.
“God, if you aren’t the epitome of male patriarchy, I don’t know who is,” he says with a sniffle, sticking his nose up in the air.
I snort. “Says the man who cheats on his fiancée with whoever he sees fit?”
He opens his mouth, then snaps it shut without commenting on my observation. He can say whatever he wants about me, but I’ve never cheated on Stephanie, or anyone else. Not that I’ve ever been in a relationship with anyone else, because I haven’t.
“What’re you doing here?” I ask with a sigh.
He turns his head to the side, as if he doesn’t want to tell me, but knows that he doesn’t have a choice in the matter, either. Finally, he shifts his gaze back to meet my own.
“Heard she was worried about me, she called me, but it’s not safe for me to talk on the phone, so I came by to talk to her.”
“Why the fuck wouldn’t it be safe for her to talk on the phone?” I snap.
He shifts his gaze to his feet, then flicks it back to meet mine. “I didn’t say anything about it not being safe for her. I said it wasn’t safe for me,” he says, stressing the word, me.
“Talk to me you fucking piece of shit or I’m going to make you talk.”
He snorts but jumps back when I take a step toward him. I tower over him by four inches and have him beat by at least forty pounds of muscle. I’ve also been in my fair share of fistfights and bar brawls. I’m guessing he’s never been punched in his face even once in his life.
“I got in a little financial trouble. Sterling was supposed to help me out. Apparently, she’s struck some kind of deal with the lender and now I’m at their mercy and she doesn’t give a flying fuck.”
“Why should she?” I ask. “That’s your shit, why did you even involve her?”
He’s quiet for a moment, thinking about my words, or maybe he doesn’t give a shit and he’s just acting. He turns around and I watch as he looks out at the waves rolling in and out against the shoreline.
“She’s the only way I’m going to be saved. The only way I won’t be indebted to them. I can’t dig myself out of the hole that I created.”
“Sounds like that’s your shit as a man, not her burden to carry.”
He turns to look over at me. “She’s mine, you know she belongs here, not some farm in Bumbfuck, Nowhere. She was made for this life. Do you know how many pretty women never even make it to a movie set, and look at all she’s accomplished.”
“How about you stop telling me where she does and doesn’t belong when all you want to do is use her?”
He laughs, it’s humorless, and he shakes his head. “I don’t know what kind of life you live, cowboy. But here in the real world, everyone uses someone else for something. That’s just the way it is. You see her, tell her I’ll be back in the morning.”
“She won’t want to see you,” I point out.
He laughs, jumping her glass barrier, and I watch as he coolly walks down the beach, away from her house.
“She’ll see me, you’ll be gone by then,” he calls out before he turns a corner and is gone.
The fucker of it is. He’s right. I will be gone by then.
Chapter Twenty-Five
STEPHANIE
Stretching my body, I let out a long moan, feeling every ache in every single muscle. I’m completely naked, and again, totally alone. I don’t know why Ford doesn’t sleep next to me, but I’m going to find out.
Going into the bathroom, I take care of business, looking at myself in the mirror, shrieking silently at the sight of my appearance.
Quickly, I brush my hair, fix my face, then make my way into my closet and grab my silk kimono robe before I slip on a pair of sandals and go in search of the man himself.
It doesn’t take me long to find him. Ford is leaning against the glass barrier of my back yard, looking out at the ocean. It’s the reason I bought the house, spent far too much on it, but have loved every second of calling it my home.
Ford is shirtless, his broad back on display for my eyes only. He’s also wearing just his jeans and his feet are completely bare. How on earth he looks so sexy, I don’t know, but he does.
Mouthwateringly so.
As if he senses my presence, I watch as he turns his head, looking at me from over his shoulder. His lips twitch into a smile and he jerks his head before he shifts his gaze back out to the ocean. My feet carry me toward him, far too quickly, and yet, at the same time, far too slowly.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” I ask.
He doesn’t say anything as I approach his side. Instead, he lifts his arm, sliding it around my shoulder. He tugs me against his side, never looking down at me, but keeping his gaze toward the setting sun.
“You needed your rest. I was too rough,” he says, keeping his voice cool and low.
I hum, wrapping my arms around his waist. “You weren’t. It was wonderful, best I’ve ever had, Ford.”
He doesn’t say anything and the silence feels… off. I almost ask him what’s wrong, what’s changed between the time we made love to now, but I can’t form the words. Also, I�
��m not sure you can call what we did making love, but I decide to think of it that way, mainly because I loved it so much.
“We gotta talk, honey,” he murmurs.
His words cause my body to jerk. That’s what I’m supposed to say to him, not the other way around. Clearing my throat, I disengage my body from his, turning my back to him.
“We do,” I agree as I start to walk back toward the house.
“Sit out here? It’s a nice evenin’,” he calls out to my back.
Turning my body, I woodenly walk toward my patio furniture. Taking the sofa, I sit in the corner, tucking my feet under my butt as I wait for him to approach.
Refusing to watch him, I can’t see his glorious body as he makes his way toward me. I know that this is the end. I can hear it in his voice, sense it in the way he holds himself—distant, contemplative. The same way I behaved toward him before I left Gallup a few weeks ago.
He sits down on the edge of the sofa, resting his forearms against his thighs as he drops his head. My heart starts to race in my chest. This is it. I’ve pushed too far, for far too long. I can’t swallow the lump in my throat, it sits there, threatening to choke me.
Wordlessly, I wait for what’s to come.
The inevitable.
The end.
He turns his head to the side, his eyes lifting to find mine, his lips a straight line as he looks at me, watches me, all in fucking deafening silence.
“You are such an asshole,” I hiss.
Ford sits up straighter, his brows lifting as his eyes widen. “What?”
“You came all the way here, fucked me like that, and now you’re leaving me, aren’t you?” I snap.
His eyes watch me and goddammit, I’m right. The sadness that fills his gaze, causes my heart to clench. I deserve every second of this, every ache, every ounce of pain. I deserve it all. I just never thought that Ford would be the one who would deliver it to me.
I always figured that he was my constant, I always thought I could go back to him and he would be there waiting for me with open arms. Never once did I think that he would be the one to break things off, especially after getting his fill of my body.
“You’re an asshole.”
“Am I?” he asks, finally speaking.
My shoulders jerk. “Yeah, you are. You came here, fucked me, and now you’re leaving. I call that being an asshole,” I snap.
He shakes his head, lifting his hand to run his fingers through his hair. “Whatever you and that Sebastian guy have going on, I’m thinking maybe y’all might deserve one another,” he says. “He had some valid points while he paid me a little visit.”
“Sebastian was here? Is he okay?” I immediately ask, then regret my question as Ford’s face crumples in obvious pain.
Reaching out for him, I wrap my fingers around his forearm and squeeze. “You don’t understand, let me explain.”
“I don’t know if I care,” he says softly.
“Please,” I whimper.
Ford shakes his head once, his eyes never leaving mine. “I don’t know what to believe anymore, what’s real and what isn’t,” he murmurs. “I do know that you won’t be happy in Texas. I was kidding myself that I thought you could be.”
“Why do you say that? I’m ready to leave my life here, I’ve set the ball in motion, I’m coming to Gallup.”
“For how long this time?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
There’s a moment of silence, and then he finally explains himself to me. “Honey, you’re bigger than Gallup, always were. You’ll never be happy being my wife, makin’ my babies, living out in the country the way that I do.
“I want my family to be raised off the land, fresh produce, eggs from my chickens, beef, venison, turkey, and hog from my property. Not a lot of red carpets, parties, or award shows in Gallup.
“Ranchin’ ain’t a novelty when it’s day-in-day-out. You knew that when you were eighteen and you ran. What happens in five years when that shit ain’t fun anymore? You gonna up and go, try to take my baby? I’m tellin’ you right now, I can’t have that—won’t have it.”
“You’ve sabotaged us before we’ve begun, Ford,” I whisper.
He shrugs a shoulder, the rest of his body staying stock still. “Maybe. Maybe I’m just thinking realistically, same way you were until recently.”
Licking my trembling lips, I press them together so that I don’t show him the absolute agony I feel inside from his words. I haven’t even told him about the Russians, about anything. He’s ready to run and I’m not going to try and stop him.
“Maybe you are. Maybe I’m just the dreamer and the fool. Always have been anyway,” I state, shifting my gaze from his to my lap.
He makes a noise in the back of his throat and I look up to meet his gaze with my own. “I don’t know what to do here, Stephanie,” he admits.
“Be with me. Love me.”
“Never said I didn’t.”
Tears fill my eyes. I’ve completely destroyed this man over the years, I can see it deep down inside of him. He’s showing me just how badly he hurts, and I know without a doubt that it was me who did all of this to him.
I panic.
“Sebastian fucked up, big time, I only came back because he was threatening to leak a sex tape that I didn’t know he had of us and another of you and me from a PI that he hired to follow me in Gallup,” I quickly ramble.
Ford closes his eyes with a heavy sigh. “It ain’t just him,” he breathes. “It’s the other shit, too. Can you honestly say you can give this up, give up your career for life on my family ranch? I gotta tell you, I can’t give you even a quarter of any of this shit.”
“I have my own money, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ve invested well, Ford.”
It’s the absolute wrong thing to say. I know it as soon as the words escape my lips. Ford stands, he marches away from me and toward the back of the property, toward the glass wall. I watch his broad back as he goes and a pit forms in my stomach.
Ford is all man, as true as it gets and as alpha as it gets. He’s tough as nails just like his daddy and granddaddy were, but he’s prideful and stubborn just like they were too. Me mentioning the fact that I have more than him, that I can provide, that just burned him up, instantly.
Shit.
FORD
It’s not the fact that she has more than me. I know that she does, have known it for years. It’s the fact she doesn’t need me, never did. I can’t help it, no matter how it sounds, how you want to paint it, I am a man that wants to be needed by his woman.
I feel her cool fingers touch the center of my back, my muscles tighten at the sensation and my cock twitches. Letting out a heavy sigh, I turn my head, tipping it slightly to look back and down at her.
“It ain’t all about money. You don’t need me, you never did,” I admit. “You’ll get tired when it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, when it’s backbreaking work and you’ll come back to the life you had, the life you fought tooth and nail for. I won’t be able to stop you, wouldn’t anyway.”
“You’re assuming a lot, Ford.”
“Yeah,” I agree.
The look in her eyes, it tells me that my assumptions are not all wrong, either. She’s searching and, honest to fuck, I don’t think she knows what she’s looking for.
Everything about this is so fucked up. I let myself hope. I promised myself that I wouldn’t, but I did anyway and now here we fucking are.
“Promise me, Stephanie. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you want a life with me like the one I described.”
She hesitates. Her eyes shift across to the ocean and she watches as the waves roll in and out, the tide coming in as the sun sets down. She doesn’t speak, she’s completely silent and there is more said in that silence than I think she’s said to me since she came back to Gallup.
“I can’t make a promise like that, Ford. I haven’t lived that life. I don’t know if I’ll love it or hate it, but I do know
that I want to try. I want to be by your side, I want more than what I have right now.”
The risk. It feels far too great for me to bear. I want her, need her with everything inside of me. She is mine. But she has to want to be mine too. I could claim her, carry her back to bed, fuck her over and over again, but that won’t make her want to stay.
Nodding my head, I decide to give her a chance. One that I wasn’t going to take from her just an hour ago. Clearing my throat, I wait for her to face me again and when she does, the tears filling her eyes cause my whole fucking body to ache.
“I’m not going to make any decisions for you, honey. You’re a woman, strong and capable. You make the decision for yourself. You want to live on the ranch, be a rancher’s wife and give all this up, then I’ll be at the airport at six in the morning for my flight back to Texas.”
“Is this your way of giving me an ultimatum?”
Shaking my head, I chuckle. “Nah, this is me giving you a choice. Something you never once gave me. Maybe that’s a dick thing to say, but it’s the truth.”
“It was a dick thing to say,” she mutters.
Smirking, I reach out, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. “You want to be here, fix whatever shit Sebastian has got himself in, then that’s that and we’ll try to navigate life without one another. But I can’t have you turning and running on me, not ever again.”
She presses her lips together, her eyes searching mine, looking deep for something that I’m not sure she’s going to find. I don’t have the answers for her, never did. Just like she did a few weeks ago and seventeen years ago, she’s going to have to make this decision all on her own.
“Sebastian got caught up in the Russian mafia, I couldn’t just let something happen to him.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
FORD
Stephanie’s words cause my entire body to freeze, but I shake them off, deciding that I’ll dive into that shit later. Right now, it’s not my concern. Nothing but Stephanie concerns me and if that fuckwit gets caught up and killed by some mafia guys, that’s his problem, not mine.
COWBOY (Unfit Hero Book 5) Page 18