She almost didn’t want to ask, but she did it anyway. ‘Now you’re not?’
He shook his head. ‘Now I’m in love with you, Brooke. Your beauty comes from how you look, of course, but it’s because you’re compassionate and you’re smart. You work hard, you love hard. And you constantly want to do more. Now I can’t be your friend.’ He met her eyes. ‘And you don’t want to be mine either.’
Her fists clutched at the material of her dress, but because her arms were folded she didn’t think Tyler could see it.
In her mind, she was completely fine with him seeing her as cool and aloof, as if she were taking this information steadily and it didn’t cause her heart to beat harder than it had in years. In reality, she was tense. She knew Tyler would soon look at her and see someone who was panicking.
And yet he remained steady. He looked at her with the kind of confidence he shouldn’t have after declaring his love for her. Unless he was that sure she felt the same way.
‘What does it matter?’ she asked, not even caring that her question revealed that she did feel the same way. ‘I have baggage heavier than I can carry sometimes. And you...you’re leaving.’
‘But you love me?’
She exhaled, impatient with the question when he already had the answer. ‘Yes, Tyler. But what does it matter?’
‘What do you mean, what does it matter? It does matter,’ he insisted. ‘If we feel the same way about one another, surely we can work out the rest?’
‘How do we work out that I feel guilty about falling for you?’ Words spilled out of her mouth now, no filter—which she would no doubt regret. ‘I mean, I had been working it out until I realised that I was probably falling for you the week after my husband died. I was working out my grief by starting a “friendship” with you—’ she used air quotes ‘—and how can I make that okay?’
He blinked. Then blinked again as he leaned back in his chair. His expression was unreadable, with none of the passion he’d been speaking with earlier shadowing his face.
‘That’s how you feel?’ he asked.
‘Isn’t that what happened?’ she replied, even though it didn’t feel right. None of this did. ‘How do I reconcile what I feel for you now with what happened back then?’
‘No,’ he replied woodenly, ‘what you really want to know is how you can reconcile what you feel for me now with what you feel for your husband.’
‘No. No. I’m ready to move on. Just...not with you.’ She closed her eyes. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. I meant not with what’s happened between us.’
‘Okay,’ he said, straightening. ‘If that’s what you need to believe.’
‘What I need to—?’ She broke off, standing now, too. ‘Tyler, you’re leaving. You’re leaving.’
‘So come with me.’
Her mouth fell open. She shut it quickly, afraid that her heart was beating so voraciously it would jump out given the chance.
When she was finally able to speak again, she didn’t recognise her voice. ‘I should come with you? Leave my family, my job—everything I’ve worked for in the last five years?’
‘We’ll figure it out.’
He seemed unaware of the desperate edge to his tone.
‘And what happens when you’re done in London, Tyler?’ she asked. ‘When you want to come back? Do I leave whatever I’ve built there again?’ She shook her head before he could answer. ‘I built a life around a man before and it didn’t work out because of something entirely outside our control. I can’t... I can’t let go of the stability I’ve worked so hard for since then. I... I...can’t.’
‘Even for the sake of us?’
‘Are you listening to yourself? Are you listening to me?’
He looked as if he were about to answer, but no words came from his mouth. Slowly, she saw him realise what he’d asked, what was happening. He took a step back, then another. Took a deep breath, then another.
‘I... I’m sorry. I didn’t...’ His eyes met hers, the plea in them clear. ‘I didn’t realise...’
She didn’t have anything to say to that. There was too much panic in her brain, in her body, for her to be receptive to an apology. To an explanation.
‘I love you,’ he said, a long time later.
‘And I love you,’ she replied. ‘But that doesn’t change anything.’
She was faintly aware that she was pushing him away. That she was closing herself down to protect herself in any way she could. But when she succeeded and he left, she didn’t feel protected at all. She only felt empty.
And, standing in the garden her deceased husband had designed for them, she also felt alone.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
‘YOU’RE STILL MOPING AROUND? It’s been three months since you stopped working for Brooke!’ Tia said, eyeing Tyler.
Two months, two weeks, four days, to be exact.
Tyler didn’t respond with that, though. Instead he glowered at her, before turning his attention to his nephew. Nyle was fascinated by the trains at King’s Cross Station, his eyes going wide each time one stopped. Too fascinated to pay attention to the adults in his family.
‘He’s not going to help you,’ Tia commented. ‘He’s been like this since we got on the train at the airport.’
‘Has it only been a month since I left?’ he asked blandly. ‘I have missed you so.’
She stuck out her tongue and he smiled because, damn it, he had missed her. She’d called him a week after he’d finally told her about the expansion opportunity because she was ready to talk. When they had, of course she’d supported him. She’d needed some time to get her head around it, she’d said, but she wanted the best for him.
The remaining weeks he’d spent negotiating his contract with his new business partners, convincing Tia to look after June while he was gone, and then preparing to live in London.
He’d wanted that preparation to include closure with Brooke, but he hadn’t known how that could happen. He’d messed up royally, and he had no idea how to fix things.
The realisation had haunted him before and after he’d left. She hadn’t contacted him; he hadn’t contacted her. The best thing for both of them to do was to accept things were over.
Except he hadn’t been able to do that in the last five years—when he hadn’t even been in love with her. It sure as hell wasn’t going to be easy now that he was. Especially when he knew he had pushed her too hard, too fast. He knew it. He had panicked, had thought being together was better than being apart, and he hadn’t realised how much it would scare her.
When he had realised, it had been too late. He’d realised he was forcing her to make a decision she didn’t want to make for his sake. His fear had pushed him into his father’s territory. He had stopped before he’d put a flag into the land and declared it his own, but he was horrified. And so was she.
So, yeah, he had no idea how to fix that.
‘Are you going to keep moping, or can we get going?’ asked Tia.
Tyler didn’t bother answering, but he made a concerted effort to let go of his melancholy. It was his constant companion. When he was lucky he could forget it, but those moments never lasted for long. Not when he wanted to talk to Brooke about the opportunity of his lifetime. Not when he saw the vibrancy of London, noticed its moods, enjoyed its people and wanted to share it with her.
But for his sister and nephew he would try harder.
He thought he was doing well until his sister heaved a sigh during dinner and said, ‘Maybe you should come back home.’
‘What?’
‘Come home and fix things with Brooke.’ She helped Nyle with his food, the restaurant’s signature pizza. ‘You’re clearly not going to be happy until you do, and what’s the point of even being here if you’re not happy?’
‘I am happy,’ he said stubbornly. ‘Besides, you don’t know what hap
pened between me and Brooke.’
‘I know enough.’
‘How?’
‘You’re not together.’
It was a simple answer he had no comeback for.
‘Plus, she’s miserable, too, so clearly whatever happened isn’t what either of you—’
‘Wait—what? How do you know that?’
‘Oh, didn’t I tell you?’ she said smugly. ‘Brooke called the agency with a glowing recommendation of my work and asked if I could work for her permanently.’
He stared at her. The only thing that came to his mind was, ‘I thought they only dealt with temporary jobs?’
‘They do, which is why they said no. But then she called me directly, made me an offer I couldn’t refuse, and now we’re here.’ She stole an olive off Nyle’s pizza and popped it into her mouth.
‘And you’re only telling me this now?’ he asked slowly. ‘How long have you been working for her?’
‘A couple of weeks.’
‘Again—you’re only telling me this now?’
‘I thought it would have more impact if I told you in person.’ Her eyes sparkled at him.
‘There’s a lot about this that bothers me...’
‘And we’ll get to all of it, I’m sure.’
‘But the foremost question I have right now is why?’ he continued, as if she hadn’t interrupted him.
‘It’s a good opportunity. And it comes with insane benefits, like the fact that she’s letting me bring Nyle to her house after school and will give me as many sick days as I need. Also, she’s told me that June can come over to play with Mochi whenever I want. I almost asked her to look after June while we were over here, but I thought that might be too awkward. We left June with a friend.’
He closed his eyes, letting the information run through his brain. ‘You’ve had good opportunities before,’ he said slowly, and opened his eyes. ‘And if I’d known you wanted something like this I would have—’
‘No,’ she interrupted. ‘I didn’t want to work for my brother. Nor for any of his rich acquaintances who see the help as being beneath them.’
‘You don’t even know Brooke!’ he exclaimed. ‘How do you know she’s not like them?’
‘Because you wouldn’t have fallen in love with her if she was.’
He hadn’t told her that, but of course she knew. He sighed in answer, hoping the tension would rush out of him like air from a balloon. But no. He was still curling his fingers under the table, his shoulders still felt as if there were boulders on them, and he was still actively trying not to frown, so as not to upset his nephew.
‘I also would have quit if she was terrible,’ Tia continued, oblivious to his turmoil—or perhaps not caring.
‘And you would have lost your job with the agency in the process.’
‘I would have found another. And this way, I can spy for you.’
He resisted for all of ten seconds. ‘In what way?’
‘I’ve already told you she’s miserable.’
‘That’s it?’
‘What more do you want?’
‘I don’t know,’ he answered because he really didn’t know what he wanted. It was unlikely that Brooke would tell Tia if she wanted to be with him.
Huh. Maybe he did know what he wanted.
‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’ Tia asked.
‘Not really.’
He told her anyway, since she already knew everything that had happened except for the argument that last night.
To her credit, she didn’t say anything. Not even when he told her about his stupid request for Brooke to come to London with him. She just listened in between eating and helping Nyle to eat, nodding in encouragement or acknowledgement every now and then.
When he was done, she said, ‘I feel partially responsible.’
‘Why?’ he asked. ‘Because you made me hope things would work out when you told me that love would conquer all?’
‘I did not say that.’
He gave her a look.
‘Okay, fine, I said something like that. But I hoped...’ She heaved out a sigh. ‘I think I made you think you needed to figure it out right at that minute, when really you both needed time. She probably needed more time than you.’
‘Yes, I can see that now,’ he said dryly.
‘So why are you still here?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, if you’re still miserable, I figure you didn’t tell her that. She doesn’t know that you regret pushing her and that you’ll give her as much space as she needs. That you’ll be there when she’s ready, whenever that might be. Assuming you will be, of course,’ she added.
His initial answer was yes . He had spent five years waiting—what was five more? Ten more? But he knew he had to give himself time to think it through.
He gave himself until the night before Tia and Nyle were due to leave, actually. He sat up after they’d gone to bed, trying to think about what it would mean to commit to Brooke in that way.
No matter what angle he came to it from, he reached the same conclusion. He loved her. He wanted to spend his life with her. And, after what he’d said to her that night, he needed to prove that he was serious about it.
So he booked himself on the same flight back to South Africa as his family.
When Tia found him the next morning, she took one look at his face and said, ‘Don’t get me fired.’
‘I can’t promise that,’ he replied, hope curving his lips into a grin.
It made him feel lighter than he had in a long time. Which turned out to be a good thing, since that feeling of weightlessness helped him duck when Tia threw a pillow at him.
* * *
Brooke didn’t spend her days missing Tyler. No, sir. She spent them working. Fixing bugs or anticipating them. Helping with other projects. Since she had come out of the first phase of her project, and the second phase required time to figure out how Phase One would affect it, she had free time, too. She spent it wisely. When she got home, she put everything into training Mochi, which was bittersweet.
Every time she succeeded she would hear Tyler’s voice in her head telling her she was doing a good job. Every time she failed she’d hear him saying it was because she wasn’t being assertive enough. Or she would hear him tell her to keep trying, which she did. Not because he was telling her—even though it was only a mental version of him—but because she knew Mochi needed consistency. That was what the training videos she watched and the books she read said. And, to their credit, it was working.
Mochi seemed happier than he had been in months. He was thriving. He loved having a friend to play with whenever June came to visit. Which was bittersweet as well because it never failed to remind her of Tyler.
Dom had attributed Mochi’s behaviour to the fact that Brooke was at home more, that dogs loved having their humans close by. He was probably right. Hell, she thought he might have been right about Mochi all along. The dog seemed quite fond of her now. And she thought that she might have been pushing Mochi away, too, thinking that he didn’t like her.
Which made her wonder how much she had sabotaged things with Tyler. Clearly, if she couldn’t accept love from a dog, she wouldn’t be able to accept it from a human.
It took her a long time to figure out she was scared. Scared of being robbed of that love again. She made an appointment with her therapist to talk it through. It helped, even if he did tell her things she’d already known he would say.
Her biggest takeaway was the fact that it was okay that she needed time. Except it didn’t feel okay. Not when Tyler hadn’t been able to give it to her and she felt as if she’d robbed them both of something beautiful.
Over time though, she stopped blaming herself so much and started blaming him a little more. Why hadn’t he realised that she needed time? Th
at everything was happening too fast and the information about their past would make it seem even more like lightning speed? Why hadn’t he thought about how losing her husband would affect her ability to be in a relationship?
Because you didn’t say any of that to him.
It was an annoying realisation to have when, again, she absolutely did not spend time thinking about him.
Mochi started barking, giving her a reason to stop thinking about what she wasn’t thinking about.
‘Oh, you’re hearing Tia, are you?’ she asked him, though he’d already sprinted through the trees for the back door.
She could leave it open these days since Mochi spent any time she was in the garden at her side.
It was more comforting than she’d anticipated, the dog’s company. As was Tia’s. She only saw her new housekeeper in the mornings, and sometimes after work if she came home early. When she did, she got to see Nyle, too. And seeing Tyler’s family made her feel as though he wasn’t so far away even as it reminded her of his absence.
Sometimes, when she walked into the house and heard people in it, she still thought it was Tyler. And Tia and Nyle’s faces held enough of Tyler’s features that her heart would stall when she saw them—and then break when she realised they weren’t him.
Still, she wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not when they were her only connection to him.
She could hardly believe it had been three months. She had felt this emptiness echo inside her for three months.
And she’d believed she’d succeeded in not thinking about him. She was a fool.
With an exhalation, she walked back to the house. Her lighter workload meant she didn’t have to work the same hours she had during the last project, but she did have to show her face at the office at a reasonable time.
She stopped when she saw Tyler crouched on the patio, rubbing Mochi’s belly.
Until the moment he lifted his head and met her eyes, Brooke was pretty sure he was an apparition. Seeing him was just one small step away from hearing his voice, after all. But she wouldn’t have been able to conjure up that little jolt of electricity she felt when their gazes locked. Or the way her stomach felt as if it were an eagle, swooping down from the sky.
Awakened by the CEO's Kiss Page 16