by Isha Fáng
“Fuck!” I scream when the veins on my cock pulses, my back arching. “Gods…” the words trail off as a shudder weaves through my body.
This would have been such a pleasurable experience if I had someone with me right now. Someone who would trace the line of my neck, my leg, my thighs. Kiss the hollow of my throat as they undress me, kiss my lips as they enter my ass. Feel the pulse beating in their body, feel the rhythm of their heart tuning to mine.
Everything would have felt amazing, if only I had someone right now. But I’m not that lucky. I have to endure this alone. All by myself.
I can feel the orgasm coming on strong, my toes curl and my hearts stutters. This one will shatter me. My flushed body arches, pulse spiking in my veins. My eyes roll back in my head, every muscle in my body flexes. I know my body will be torn apart in a moment now.
I hump against the door, my ass tighten, and then I am shattering.
Relentlessly.
Sensually.
Painfully.
Exploding, detonating like a bomb, coming all over in my pants. “Fuck!” I feel the orgasm rush deep in my bones. Deep in my soul. I can feel it pulling me down. Down deep deep deep into the darkness, rather than pushing me to soar high.
It happens sometimes. If I haven’t had an episode in more than an hour or so, then when I do, it’s strong and can leave me exhausted. Drained
I slide down the door until I’m sitting. I lean back and rest my head. I close my eyes, listen to the waves crashing against the shore. I heave a shuddering sigh and let the darkness pull me.
Darkness is better.
Darkness doesn’t have pain.
It’s blissful and I feel nothing.
Better than feeling anything.
My eyes flutter open and I realize I haven’t moved from my spot. I leave my bag near the door and get up.
I need to open the windows. Let some fresh air in.
That’s exactly what I do. The bright light rushing through it illuminates the small living room. There’s a two seater against the window wall, and two corner chairs and a coffee table at the center. There’s also a forty seven inches tv, a small vas next to the tv with fresh flowers. I can see the ocean from the windows. The cabin is positioned in such a way that no matter where you turn you can see the vast ocean.
After taking a deep breath, I head toward the tiny kitchen and look for water bottles in the small refrigerator. I take out one bottle, twist the cap and drink half of it, then walk toward the door and open it. I enter the decent size room. There’s a queen size bed, a corner chair and a small coffee table, a small closet to keep my luggage and things. And another door, which I’m sure is to the attached bathroom. I like this. Cozy and warm.
But I wish I had someone to share it with.
Will I ever find someone who is not embarrassed of my disorder? Will he love me despite my lack of social life? Will he want to have a life with me?
Sometimes I feel like it will be so much easier to just end this life, and maybe start over.
Not that I can start over if the life I know is over, but you know what I mean.
What if I can go someplace where nobody knows me and most people there have PGAD? Fucking hell, life will be fabulous if I can find a place like that—which doesn’t exist.
Well, it is what it is.
I sigh and look down at myself and cringe. I should take a shower and wash the cum off me.
After taking a quick shower, I decide to stay in. I’m too exhausted. I haven’t been able to sleep properly the last couple days due to this trip, plus my PGAD has been hell on my insomnia.
I shoot a quick message to my brothers to let them know I’m tired and calling it an early night, and that I’ll meet there m tomorrow.
Arion
I walk beside Sama’el and our brothers. They all decided to accompany me. Why? I have no idea. But I’m thankful to have them with me. It’s a little overwhelming, to be honest.
I don’t believe there are witches in real life, or that they possess power to foresee one’s future, but I don’t mind visiting one just to pacify my brothers and to prove them wrong that it’s all a hoax to con people.
I walk silently, taking in all the boats and people around me. After breakfast, all of us visited Catalina Island Museum, Green Pleasure Pier, botanic garden, and did a Catalina food tour. It’s been fun and I have had very few orgasmic episodes.
I’m enjoying this trip so far. It has been great to reconnect with all of my brothers while exploring a new place. Maybe this is what I have been needing to finally relax and not worry about my PGAD.
Even though the island is small, it’s still so lively. So full of life and positive energy.
“Okay, we are here,” Sama’el announces.
My hearts stutter and I freeze in my spot. I blink, then blink some more and look around me. Sama’el points his finger toward a shop entrance covered with a beaded curtain.
“That’s the Oracle’s shop. Go in and find out what needs to be done to have a good, healthy life.”
“My life is good, and I’m healthy,” I grumble and look down at the floor.
It is. My life is good. So what if it’s lonely and recluse, it’s still better than those that are less fortunate than me.
“You know what I mean. Find out if there is a cure for your perpetual horniness!”
Varun smacks him on the head, and the rest of the brothers cuss at him. “Dude, watch that slithering tongue of yours!” Lir scowls.
“It’s okay, Ari. Just ignore him and his talks. You go in and have fun. It might not be something you believe in, but there’s no harm in trying it.” Warren, the peacekeeper of the family, says softly with a wry smile. “And you never know, you might like the whole experience. It can be one of those tales you can share with others during a party or get-together, you know.”
I nod, but I’m not sure the Oracle can help me. And since I promised Sama’el I’ll visit her, I have no choice but to stay true to my word. I sigh internally and look up, only to see all my brothers eyes on me. Especially Sama’el who is looking at me like he’s ready to wrestle me in if I decide to bolt.
Well, I’m not going to. I’ll keep my word, and I let him know this with a raised brow, and narrowed eyes. He gives me a sheepish smile.
“Get in,” he cocks his head toward the shop, “Go on.”
I take a deep breath and step toward the shop. The beads rustle as I push them aside and enter the establishment. I’m hit with lavender and sea smell. There are several things in the shop that I’m sure usually catches a person’s eyes, but what grabs my attention is the beautiful woman sitting at the small round table. Her eyes are closed, but there’s a serene smile on her face. She looks young—too young if you ask me—to be an oracle.
She takes a deep breath and my body takes me toward her. It’s like with each breath she inhales, it’s calling to my soul, pulling me to her. I walk, hypnotized by the rise and fall of her chest, the smile still intact on her lips.
As I reach the table, her eyes snap open and all I see is the white as snow eyes, glazed over, lacking any color beside a pure icy white. I watch them moving rapidly, rolling and fluttering. Her hands rises, fingers dancing to a tune deaf to my ears.
“Come closer, Arion, son of Maximus, Prince of Salvation, saviors of Aeonian.”
The fuck?!
Is she tripping? High on drugs? Or just plain old crazy?
And who the fuck is Maximus?
She’s definitely crazy! Definitely high on drugs, or maybe one of her potions. That’s what they call it, right? Potions?
C-R-A-Z-Y… like I said.
“Please take a seat.” Her smooth, lilting voice flows like a gentle creek. It’s so soft, sweet, yet controlled and firm. “I know why you have come here.”
How the hell can she know why I’m here? Did Sama’el tell her? Can’t trust that guy to not play pranks on me. My confusion must have shown, for the next words that come out of her mouth has me blinking.
&nbs
p; “You are here to find a cure to your diseases, but it is not. It is a desire that can only be satisfied by the Prince of ocean.”
My spine straightens, and my chin lifts high, hating the words coming out of her mouth. Hating when she calls my disorder a disease, like it’s contagious, like I asked for it, but I can’t forget the words that she uttered moments ago.
Prince? What fucking prince?
Oh, man. What is she blabbering?
I open my mouth to ask her what she is talking about, but she
“You will continue to writhe and pale, till you find your mate. A mate who is on the verge of losing his soul, that can only be saved by your core.”
The hell is she talking about? A mate? What is a core?
“Meet him under the two rocks, as the two moon will docks. Destiny has spoken, Fate has stepped in, it’s your turn to let in. Blessed are your hearts, your soul will be freed. Just take the first step to your kismet…” I watch her, trying to make some sense of her words, but failing miserably. “…go near the rocks, and meet your mate. Sail high around the blue sea, race the time before the moon blinks.”
Her chin hits her chest and her shoulders drops as if all the energy has been drained.
Pulled.
Squeezed.
Twisted out.
I sit and blink several times, before opening my mouth to speak. Like a fish I open and close my mouth, unable to word my thoughts and dilemma.
I came here to ask her about my PGAD, to know if there is any way to control it. To ask why am I going through this, what caused it in the first place, but what I’m hearing is some bull crap. Half of which sailed over my head.
I hold my breath when she slowly lifts her head.
“You must go tomorrow, Arion. Only you can save them.”
I stare at her incredulously. This woman has definitely lost her mind.
She narrows her eyes when I don’t say anything. Those intense eyes bore into me, searching, ransacking my body, trying to find something. With every second that passes with her eyes still drilling into me, I squirms and tap my right foot insistently. “Lives are depending on you, Arion. Go save them.”
Go where? Save who? Whose lives are in peril?
The questions must have come out of my mouth because a small smile tugs her lips and she leans forward.
“There are two islands closer to Santa Catalina, go there tomorrow when the sun has retired—alone—and you’ll find the cure for your problem.”
“You know about my problem?”
She cock her head to the side, gazes at me. “I know everything about you. Believe me, my words. You will find what you are looking for, and what you are meant to find.”
“You are sure there’s a cure for my—”
“Yes, there is a cure for your…” she makes a jerking motion. “It’s a little unconventional… but it’s there, and you’ll find it on one of those two islands. Don’t second guess. Have faith and hope, and visit.”
Do I believe her words?
Can I do this? Visit an unknown place alone?
Only time will tomorrow if I make it or nix the idea.
Arion
“How far is it?” I ask the driver and climb up the ladder. I don’t look down, afraid I’ll change the mind. I’m not afraid of being in water, I love it in fact. But I’m afraid of triggering my PGAD.
Like I’ve said plenty of times to others, small things can trigger an orgasm.
I finally get on the boat and take the stairs to the upper deck. This is a two deck boat, and it’s big enough to hold hundreds of people. And luckily those ninety nine are not here right now, because I rented the whole boat.
Renting a boat after sunset is very difficult on Catalina Island. No one was ready to leave the bustling island to take me to the isolated one after dark. They all had only one thing to say, it’s dangerous to ride at night. The sea is dangerous after sunset. Monsters lurk and things come out. The island is safe because it is protected by enchantments and what not.
I don’t believe in those things, but I understand what they are saying. It put a small dent on my bank balance. I had to pay triple the price to rent one for the whole day, and I didn’t want to take a chance of finding a boat at the last minute. I want to find the cure the oracle promised I’ll find on one of the two islands, don’t care if it empties my pocket a little.
“It’s a three-hour boat ride.” The driver, a middle-aged man, is busy rolling-up the anchor.
I look up and see the sun coming down toward the ocean. It’s only four in the evening, but the sun is ready to end its day. It’s coming down at a very slow pace. Like it’s ready to kiss its lover a kiss goodnight. A perfect conclusion to a bright day. It is such a beautiful moment to watch daily. I’m captivated by it, but the beauty… it’s exquisite.
I’m thankful that we simple mortals get to experience it in our life. The thinness of the fleeting colorful clouds blanketing the could in the sky, the way the light is distributed unevenly over the ocean, shining, glistening, is simply beautiful. It's tinted everything into its bloody color. I love watching the illuminated quivering path across the ocean, bathing it in the juxtaposition of bright, rich and bold colors.
It’s the reflection of hope and faith for a new day, new opportunities, new life.
The sight fills me with warmth.
I jump slightly when my cellphone buzzes in my pocket.
“Fuck!” I quickly pull it out of my jacket’s pocket. Can’t sport a hard-on in front of a stranger. However, I can feel the tingling rising up in my veins and down my spine.
“Not now, Fucker. Not now,” I mutter, my shoulders tensing, and my hearts roaring wildly against my breast bones. I decline the call and clench the phone tightly in my hand. Waiting for the tingling to pass.
It doesn’t. Fuck!
I walk quickly, heading toward the stairs to get to the lower deck. “I’ll be down,” I shout over my shoulder, not waiting for his reply, or even look at him.
I have one mission, to get to a spot where I can be alone and let the pleasure wave wash out.
“Alright.” I hear him, but don’t respond.
I walk down and gaze around the deck and decide the restroom is the safest and best place to be right now and look for it. I find it at the back. I quickly enter and latch the door closed, drop my phone on the sink counter, open the water tap, open the toilet seat, then open my pants and shove it down and sit on the toilet.
Not even a minute and my whole body tightens, my cock hardens even more, and the orgasm hits me with force without even jerking myself. I erupt all over my hand, and tights, my breathing labored, feeling the rush all over my being.
I sag when my cock stops pulsing in my hand, and I finally take the first calming breath since coming on board.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves and erratically thumping hearts.
Fuck! I really hope there’s a cure on one of those two islands. I cannot go on like this. I don’t want my life to be a series of finding places to hide while my body does whatever it wants when it wants.
I hear the engine firing. Oh, great, we are moving. I hope there won’t be any more intervals till we reach the Islands. I quickly wipe myself with tissues, then get up to wash my hands when my phone buzzes.
It’s Varun.
I accept the call and switch it to speaker mode. “You are on speaker,” I announce and pump some liquid soap on my hands and rub them.
“Did you leave the Island?”
“Yeah we just left. It’ll take us three hours to reach it.”
“Do you think it’s safe to go on those Islands after dark? What if there are things… like, you know, snakes and dangerous bugs that can harm you?”
“I know, but this is the time she said I must go, so I’m going.”
I can hear him sighing. “Be careful, okay. Don’t take any unnecessary risks. If you don’t see anything, just leave and come back.”
“I will.” But I won’t. I know
I will not. Now that the seed has been planted in my head about the cure being there, I will find it by any means necessary to live a normal life again.
“Okay, good luck! I hope you find it on the first go.”
I hope so too.
Sutil Island was a bust. I couldn’t find anything there. It was nothing but a big blob of rock. We went around it—thank god for daylight saving—and couldn’t find anything. There was not a speck of life on it.
We have reached Santa Barbara Island. The driver finally stops the boat near the landing dock and drops the anchor. I can hear the sea lions, I saw a few harbor seals and elephant seals in the distance.
I quickly get off the boat and walk through the landing deck. I have another two hours or so before it gets dark and I can’t see anything. It’s empty and quiet. You can hear nothing but the waves crashing against the rocks, the animals chattering, and the wheezing of wind. I send a quick prayer—to who ever will listen to me— that I don’t have any episodes while I’m looking fo the cure.
After walking the whole island for miles and finding nothing, I give up. There is nothing here, only a few endemic plants indigenous to the island and tall, wild grasses.
This trip was a waste of my time and money. There is no cure for my disorder. No cure on this island. The oracle lied and conned us. Took our money.
I take a deep breath and will my lungs to relax. I’m crushed I’ll never have a normal life. I blink away the tears that threatens to fill my eyes at that thought.
Did I give her the money? I don’t remember paying her before leaving. I shrug my shoulder. Doesn’t matter if I did or did not.
I should get back to the boat. It’s time I stopped acting like a fool by raising my hope on the words of someone who likes to play with people’s faith and emotions, but the tears that blur my vision— I can’t stop them. It’s like my hearts are broken into million pieces and tears are the only proof of it.
A single tear of hope that is pulverized from my being.
A single tear of faith that has been erased from my hearts.