by Lizzie James
He shook his head before his shoulders dropped. For a moment, he looked disappointed. “You shouldn’t have to thank someone for thinking of you.” He turned his head back to me. “It makes me angry: it's obvious that David never did. Think of you, that is.”
“He did,” I said, disagreeing. “He just thought of himself more.”
“He’s a fool.” He reached his hand out for mine before he pulled me up and yanked me closer to him. He rearranged me, placing me across his lap. “To not see what he had. To not want to be like this with you whenever he could.” His eyes trailed down to my neck before he leaned his head back against the cushion and looked back up into my eyes. “I can never seem to stop touching you.” He trailed his hands beneath my t-shirt, whispering his fingers against my skin.
“You’re sounding very sweet, Alex. I always took you as a bad boy. I had no idea that we could be like this.” I scraped my fingers through his soft hair, running my nails along his scalp. I expected a witty comeback, but he just stared up at me. When he looked at me like this, I always felt like his chocolate brown orbs saw more in me than I was willing to share—more than I had allowed anyone else to see. “What?” I asked. “What are you staring at?”
“You.” He reached up and took my face in his hands, tangling his fingers into the hair behind my ears. “Just you.” He slowly pulled my face down to his and softly nibbled my bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth. He pulled my forehead down to rest against his before he closed his eyes.
“You’re frightening me,” I whispered.
He chuckled. “Then what I am about to say to you is going to terrify you.”
“I can handle it.” I strengthened my voice, trying to demonstrate that I could. “It won’t change anything between us.”
“If you say so.” He leaned back up and kissed me. This time he thrust his tongue in between my parted lips, stealing my breath from me. After a moment, he pulled back before whispering, “I think I’m falling for you.”
I stared down at him in surprise before I pulled back, disentangling myself from his grasp. “Uh...” I shuffled back into my seat, tightening my grip on the bottle. “Okay. We can talk about that.”
He chuckled before he turned to face me. “I have freaked you out.” He picked his bottle up from where it was standing at his feet. He took a swig and continued. “Trust me. I am just as surprised as you are.”
“Have you ever...” I scratched my eyebrow, collecting my thoughts. “Have you ever felt this way about anyone else?”
“No.” He reached over and took my hand, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to surprise you this much.”
“You didn’t.” The lie came so easily from my lips that I wanted to slap myself. “You did.” I rolled my eyes at myself. “It's just a little fast.”
He flattened his lips before he breathed out a sigh. “I understand that.” He stood up, walking over to the window and gazed out on to the street below. He dropped his hands to his sides before he clenched his right hand into a fist a few times and dropped it back to his side. “I’m sorry that you don’t feel the same.”
Now I felt like a bitch. He had just opened his heart a little more to me and he had probably felt like me removing myself from his hold as throwing it back in his face a little.
“I didn’t say that,” I reasoned. “I just said it was a little fast.”
“Fast.” He stared out into the night before he straightened his posture. “Do you know how long I have wanted you? Every time that I saw you with that piece of shit, I wanted to smash my fist into his face. I have only ever felt that sort of loss of control once, and it was a time that the course of my life had changed.” He turned around and stared at me, unapologetic. “When I saw you walk into my bar for the first time, it happened again.”
“We were friends,” I whispered.
“No.” He put his hands into his pockets. “I was your friend. You—” He turned back to the window, hiding his eyes from mine. “You were the girl that I always wanted and found that I could never have—that I would never be worthy of.”
18
Alex
I was a fucking jackass.
Why the fuck did I decide to tell her how I was feeling after all of the bullshit that she had recently gone through?!
She was right. It was too fast. Well, for her it was.
When she had been with David, I hadn’t been blind. I’d seen the way that she looked at him. When they were together, it had been pretty safe to estimate that she’d felt for him what I thought I was feeling for her.
“We were friends,” she whispered shakily. She sounded like she was trying to convince herself that that’s what we were.
“No,” I disagreed before putting my hands in my pockets. “I was your friend. You—” I sighed before turning back to the window, unable to look at her. “You were the girl that I’d always wanted and found that I could never have—that I would never be worthy of.”
Ever.
I stared down at the street, focusing on the taxi that was parked at the kerb. He was waiting for a fare and that’s when I realised we had that in common.
We were both waiting.
I decided that I would always be waiting for her. After what she had been through with David—and was still going through with him—it was unfair for me to stand here and expect her to feel for me in the same way. She was the first woman who I could picture an actual future with. Just because I was finally ready to settle down, it didn’t mean that she was.
“I should go.” I turned around, but before I could attempt to move past her, she shot up and put herself in my path, blocking my way to the door.
“Don’t go.” She placed her hands on my chest, stopping me. “Don’t leave. I’m sorry. You just surprised me.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything.” I wrapped my arm around her shoulders before pulling her against me. “I mean, you did say you thought that we would be a temporary thing, didn’t you?”
She fisted my t-shirt in her hands and cuddled her head into the centre of my chest.
A few moments of silence passed before she eventually spoke up.
“I don’t want us to be temporary,” she muttered. She lifted her head and gazed up at me. “I think I had just convinced myself that we would be.”
“Why?” I asked, needing to know.
“David hurt me, Alex,” she whispered. Her eyes glistened up at me. “I don’t know how I would handle it if you did that to me.”
“I promise not to cheat with a member of my staff,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.
She giggled, leading me back to the sofa. She took the middle seat and cuddled against my side before tugging my arm around her shoulders.
“I think you and Scott would make a cute couple.” She grinned at my look of disgust.
“I prefer redheads,” I teased before pulling her lips up to mine.
We spent the rest of the evening on the sofa before we finally called it a night and went to the bedroom. After checking the locks, I pulled my t-shirt up and over my head and discarded my jeans on the floor. I turned the light off and climbed into bed, pulling Charlie against me. I tangled my legs with hers and wrapped my arm around her, entwining our fingers. We fell asleep in each other’s arms, and as I lay there, holding her, that was the moment that I made a promise to myself.
I would wait for her. However long it took. She was worth waiting for.
The next day, we walked to her shop, sharing a coffee and donut before I made my way next door to the bar. I had a delivery today and I needed to be there to check it. The last time we’d had one from this supplier, I’d had a suspicion that we hadn’t received everything. I had left James in charge last time and he was terrible at paperwork. He just ticked everything off without checking usually, so I had no proof of it.
“How did it go?” James asked from behind the bar. “Good night?”
I glared at him as I walked past him, heading for t
he stairs to my apartment. A shower was needed.
“That good, huh?” he called after me. He was like the male version of Addie. No wonder they both spent so much time together. They were both gossip queens.
I jogged up the stairs, stripping as soon as I got through the door. Walking into the bathroom, I tossed my dirty clothes aside and hopped in the shower, soaping myself up. It was the quickest shower in history. I had suppliers coming and a clueless brother when it came to audit checks.
After wrapping a towel around my waist, I walked through my lounge, needing a drink. I knew I had water in the fridge, and opening the door, I saw a clear plastic bottle standing at the back. I quickly grabbed it and unscrewed it, taking a large gulp from it.
Before I could take another swig, a sound from behind had me freezing. I reached forwards, grasping the handle of a black knife that was propped up in the knife block sitting on top of the worktop.
“Now, now,” a voice mocked from behind me. “I thought we were past the violence stage of our friendship.”
I didn’t need to look to confirm what I knew. It was a voice that I’d never wanted to hear again for as long as I lived. Fate, however, had other plans. “I didn’t think I’d see you again,” I said, replacing the knife in its slot. I turned around, attempting to relax my shoulders and let the tension go. “What brings you here?” I may have appeared laidback but I was the farthest fucking thing from it. This man was a stone-cold killer, and I knew to be careful around a man like this.
Anton Giovanni.
I had spent five years at his side in prison. I had been a sinner when I went to prison, but this man had turned me into a monster—a monster that I wasn’t willing to unleash into the world again.
“I’d like us to talk.” He cocked his head behind him to the lounge. “Go and put some clothes on.” He turned away and walked into the lounge.
I glared at his back before I did as he directed and walked to my room. I quickly grabbed a t-shirt and jeans before pulling on a pair of socks. I wasn’t in the fucking mood for this bullshit today. I had said goodbye to this part of my life, and there was no fucking way I was going to let it back in now.
“What do you want?” I asked. I took a seat in the chair opposite him.
He smirked at me and I knew he was thinking about knocking me out. Anton was the perfect example of everything that was wrong and cruel in this world: hitman, killer, gun dealer, drug cartel... He was a vicious animal.
“Who’s the girl?” he asked. His eyes flicked behind me, no doubt looking for signs of her.
“What girl?” I asked back immediately.
“I don’t like liars,” he threatened. “You know that.”
“Why are you here?” I asked.
He stared at me for a few moments before he looked at the door. “Bring him in!” he called loudly.
Seconds later, the door to my apartment opened and in walked two guards of his security. They dragged my brother in with them and threw him to the floor.
“What the fuck is this?” I shouted, waving my hand to James. “I thought we were cool.”
“We are.” He nodded his head at me. “I haven’t forgotten what I did for you and I know you haven’t, either.” He smiled at me coldly.
“I had a visitor the other day, Alexander.” His eyes flicked to James still kneeling on the floor before coming back to me. “David. Smith.” He pronounced each of his names slowly before continuing. “I believe you all know each other?”
“I, uh...”
“It’s okay.” He raised his hand dismissively. “You don’t need to explain anything.”
“He didn’t get your name from me,” I quickly interjected. “He and I aren’t exactly the best of friends.”
“So, how do you think he got my name?” he asked. He was oozing confidence, and it made me think that he already knew the answer.
“I don’t know.” That fucking bastard was determined to make my life a living hell. “He didn’t get it from me.” I maintained eye contact with him to show that I wasn’t lying. “I swear.”
“I believe you.” He nodded his head before he walked past me and walked to the door.
He fucking knew.
“What did he have off you?” I asked. I needed to know what type of shit-storm was coming my way.
He slowly turned to face me, taking his sweet time in confessing. Before I could lose my patience, he spoke, shattering the peace that I thought I had finally found. “He bought a gun.” He gave me a two-fingered salute and turned back to the door. “Watch your back, Alex.”
I watched him walk out the door before turning to James. “We need to talk,” I said.
He nodded his head, getting up and taking the seat that Anton had vacated.
I sighed before I started pacing to the window and back. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Just say what he did for you,” he said bluntly. “And who the fuck is that guy? He looks like a stand-in for a bad mafia movie.”
I chuckled. His description wasn’t too far off the mark. “Anton was my cellmate,” I shakily admitted. “He was pretty much the big guy in prison. Top dog if you like.”
“He looked out for you?” James asked, trying to fill in the blanks.
“Yeah.” I took a seat back in the chair opposite him, hating the truth that I was forced to share. “It wasn’t a pretty place, James. I did things in that hellhole that I’m not proud of.”
“Like what?” he asked, pushing further. “You never talk about your time in prison.”
“Because I hated it there. I counted down every day to my release, bro.” I was getting agitated now. “I worked for Anton in prison: collected debts for him, organised beat downs, helped pass drugs from cell to cell, took part in fights for him...” I shrugged my shoulders. “It helped to keep my nose clean and it made sure I got out on time.”
“I’m guessing something else happened.”
“Yeah.” I tightened my hands into fists before I continued. “A few weeks before my release, a guard found drugs on me.”
“Fuck,” he gasped.
“Anton took the fall for me. A couple of years got added on to his sentence and I got to leave the big house when my time was done.” I ground my teeth. “Anton got me out of prison.”
“So, he’s a decent guy, then?” James asked. He was grasping for straws, trying to convince himself that we were okay.
“No. He’s not.” I rubbed my hands together, feeling anxious. “I always knew I would owe him one day. It was a debt, and now it looks like it’s time to pay the price.”
“Wait, what happened to the guard? I mean, he was a witness to you having the drugs, right?”
I stared at him. “Anton’s a powerful man. Even back then he was.” I blew out a deep breath. “The guard was involved in a hit and run accident.”
“Fuck, man.” He looked at me with sympathy and I fucking hated it. “What do you think he’s going to ask for?” James asked.
I shook my head. “I doubt he’ll ask for anything yet. I’m pretty sure we will see him again though.”
19
Charlie
It had been a few days since I had last seen Alex. We had both been so busy with our own businesses that the relationship had been forced to take a back seat. We had spoken on the phone and had been sending messages back and forth but that was it. I had thought more than once about sneaking over to his place one evening, but I had often crashed and fallen asleep on the sofa, waking up to a dark apartment.
I had put orders in to suppliers for some baked goods, and my workload had lessened a little since their first delivery. I was happy about that, and the customers seemed to really enjoy them so it was a win-win situation.
I’d woken up early, excited for the day ahead. I had stayed late last night, making extra goods for today and storing them in the fridge in the kitchen to keep them fresh. Addie was looking after the shop today, which meant that I had the whole day to hopefully spend with Alex.
/> I grabbed my bag and left the apartment and walked down to where Alex’s bar was at the end of the block. I waved to a few customers before I grabbed the door handle, frowning when it wouldn’t budge. I guessed they hadn’t opened up yet.
Looking around the corner, I noticed James’s car was parked outside the gate to the side door, so I followed the path, relieved when I found it was unlocked. I gently closed it before following the corridor behind the bar and slowly walked up the steps to Alex’s apartment.
I pulled the caramel bites out of my bag that I had made especially for him. I raised my hand to knock but noticed that the door was ajar. Frowning, I wondered what was going on when I heard James’s and Alex’s voices coming from inside.
“When are you going to tell her?” James asked. He had a bit of a snappy tone to his voice. “She needs to know what’s going on. You can’t keep avoiding her.”
“I’m not avoiding her!” Alex fired back at him. “I just need to get Anton the fuck away from here before she...”
I couldn’t stand there any longer. David had lied to me so many times, and now here Alex was basically doing the same thing. He was supposed to be different from him and now... Now I was being made to feel as though I wasn’t good enough to share in his problems.
“Before she what?” I asked. I walked inside, reaching back and shutting the door loudly.
Both of their heads turned sharply to where I was standing.
“Well?” I asked. I put his sweet treats back in my bag before placing it down against the wall. “It sounded like you were—what’s the word I’m looking for?” I asked sarcastically. “Oh, yeah.” I placed my hand on my hips before continuing. “Avoiding me.”
“I’m not avoiding you,” Alex said, standing up and turning to face me.
“No!” I said, pointing my finger at him. “Avoiding would be something, but what I just walked in on…” I glared at him. “Right now, you’re doing more than avoiding me. You’re lying to me!” My voice broke at my outburst, and I fucking hated that I couldn’t be strong about this without my stupid emotions getting in the way.