‘Zoe…’
Toby turns to me and I look from his face to Nick’s. As they stand there in their suits, facing me with such serious expressions, I get the strangest feeling of déjà vu. My skin prickles.
‘What is it? Just tell me.’ I can’t seem to take my eyes off Nick. He really does look terribly ill.
‘Zoe!’ Toby repeats. ‘Zoe, look at me.’
I manage to shift my gaze to my husband. He takes both my hands in his and I stare into his dark eyes. Whatever he has to tell me, it can’t be that bad. We can surely get through it together.
‘Zoe,’ he says carefully. ‘Dina isn’t missing. I’m sorry, but she’s dead. And the truth is… you killed her.’
Twenty-Four
NOW
I stare at Toby for a moment before giving a small disbelieving laugh. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘I’m sorry, Zo, but it’s true. Ten years ago, on our wedding day, you killed your sister.’
‘Toby!’ Nick cries.
‘Nick, shut up. You wanted me to tell Zoe, so I’m telling her.’
‘But—’
Toby glares at his brother. ‘I’m doing this my way.’
Nick slumps down onto the floor with his head in his hands next to where Madeline is passed out in the chair, as Toby tells me this preposterous thing.
‘I think I’d know if I did something as horrendous as killing my sister.’ I shift my gaze from Nick to Toby.
‘I’m so sorry, Zoe, but I’m telling you the truth,’ Toby says.
I shake my head as though I can dislodge his words. ‘Why are you saying this? Just tell me what’s really going on. Please.’ I bend down to shake my brother-in-law’s shoulder, trying to get him to look at me. ‘Nick! Tell me the truth!’
Toby gently pries my hand away from his brother and turns me around to face him. ‘I know it’s a lot to take in, Zoe. But let me explain what happened.’
‘Firstly, I don’t believe she’s dead! And second… second…’ There’s a high-pitched whistling in my ears and I can’t seem to catch my breath. I stagger sideways and my knees buckle.
Toby puts an arm around me. ‘Come on, Zo, come and sit on the bed, put your head between your knees.’
‘This isn’t real, is it? What you said, it’s some kind of sick joke.’ As I sit down, I’m frantically trying to make connections between what he’s saying and what happened in the past, but I have no memory of what he’s accusing me of. I rake my hands through my hair, pushing it off my face and then letting it fall back down.
I sense Toby’s gaze on me. He’s about to say something else, but I cut him off.
‘What about the affair thing?’ I latch on to that as if it’s some kind of lifeline. ‘What’s that all about?’ I grip the end of the king-size bed and do as Toby suggested, leaning forward with my head between my legs, trying to breathe. The patterned rug beneath my feet is making my head spin so I close my eyes, but that feels even worse.
Toby sits next to me. ‘Like Nick said, the affair was just something I told Madeline to throw her off the scent.’
‘I can’t listen to any more of this,’ Nick groans from the floor. ‘I just want it all to go away. Get out of here, Toby.’
‘Fine,’ he mutters. ‘Nick. You need to pull yourself together. Zoe and I are going to our room now. But, you and I, we’ll talk about this tomorrow when you’re thinking straight and you’re not so drunk. Now go to bed and don’t talk to anyone until you’ve spoken to me, okay?’
He doesn’t respond.
‘I mean it,’ Toby says through gritted teeth.
‘Okay, yes, I heard you, Toby!’
‘Good.’
‘I think I’m going to throw up,’ I tell my husband.
‘Can you hold on till we get to our room?’
The short answer to that is no. I run to the en-suite bathroom and vomit several times into the toilet. Toby follows me.
‘I’m so sorry I had to tell you like this.’ Toby rubs my back while I empty the contents of my stomach. ‘If Nick hadn’t started losing his shit, we could have just gone on as normal.’
I rinse my mouth out and splash my face. ‘How can any of this be normal?’ I turn to stare at him, feeling separate from my body, like I’m talking through someone else’s mouth.
‘You’ve had a shock,’ he says.
‘That’s an understatement. I just… I don’t believe what you told me.’ My teeth are chattering and I’m shivering all over. ‘First, you say I’m having an affair, then you say I’ve killed my sister – how can I believe anything you’re saying? It all sounds like you’re telling me one outrageous story after another.’ Toby takes off his suit jacket and drapes it over my shoulders. ‘It just can’t be true. I’d know if it was. And anyway, I saw Dina outside the salon. I’ve seen her twice now. How could I have seen her if you’re telling the truth?’
‘It obviously wasn’t her. Come on, let’s go to our room and I’ll explain.’
I let him lead me out of the en suite. Nick and Madeline are exactly where we left them. Madeline’s snoring lightly, but I’m worried about Nick, who’s still crouched on the floor, his head in his hands. It doesn’t seem right to leave him there. Toby doesn’t seem too concerned as we walk past him.
We head along the corridor to our room. I’m dreading going in there. Dreading what else Toby is about to tell me.
He opens the door and switches on the light. We’re in the recently revamped bridal suite – a vast room with lots of character – mullioned windows, wooden beams, an eclectic mix of traditional and contemporary. The same beautiful room we stayed in ten years ago, only now the décor has all changed. We checked in earlier, so our cases are already open, traces of our preparation for the party scattered around the room – make-up, a couple of empty glasses, a few discarded clothes draped over the ottoman at the foot of the bed. On the dining table are an enormous bouquet of flowers, an opened bottle of champagne, an exotic fruit basket and a selection of handmade chocolates – a celebration from another time, before my husband upended my world. Before this churning in my stomach and tightening in my chest. Before this nausea and tingling light-headedness.
I walk past all these redundant signs of celebration towards a pair of leaf-print armchairs arranged either side of a circular table in front of the window. I gingerly settle myself in one of the chairs, pulling Toby’s jacket around me, getting wafts of his spicy cologne. It smells at once familiar and foreign. Outside, the snow is still whirling, the night sky almost as white as the settled snow beneath.
Toby follows me and closes the curtains against the outside world. He sits in the chair opposite and starts talking.
‘I’m sorry I had to lie to Madeline. But it was to cover up the truth. Nick has had a hard time dealing with this recently and he told her he was keeping a secret for me. I told her you’ve been having an affair, because that was the first thing that jumped into my head. She must have mentioned it to her friend Kim, and maybe some of the other school mums, which is why you and Alice were being snubbed. I really am so very sorry about that. I made a bad judgement call telling her that lie.’
I take in his words, but they offer me no comfort whatsoever. If anything, they make me feel worse. A swell of anger gives me a boost of energy. ‘That’s great, so the whole school thinks I’m a slapper, and on top of that you’re accusing me of murder. You better have a fucking good explanation for all this. Toby! I need you to tell me the God’s honest truth about my sister and why you think… why you think I would ever hurt her.’
‘Okay.’ Toby pauses. ‘Okay, I’ll tell you what happened.’ He takes a breath. ‘So, Dina came here to the hotel on our wedding day.’
‘She was here? She made it to our wedding? She told me she couldn’t come. I thought she didn’t care.’
‘Zoe, can you just let me tell you what happened, without interrupting. It’s… it’ll be easier to get through it that way.’ He shifts in his seat.
‘Okay.’
I twist the hem of my dress in my lap, the green satin crinkling and creasing as I wait for Toby to give me answers to all the questions tumbling around my brain.
‘The thing is, I knew Dina was back in the UK. I’d got in contact with her to get her here in time for the wedding as a surprise. I knew how much it would mean to you to have her there.’
My heart swells at Toby’s thoughtfulness. But then it judders when I think about the supposed outcome of her visit.
‘My plan went badly wrong. I met up with your sister a few times to plan when she should arrive and how she should surprise you. She was funny and charming, and told me lots of cute stories about you both as children… I guess you could say we hit it off.’ He pauses and wipes his forehead with the cuff of his shirt.
This doesn’t sound like the Dina I knew. My sister was always quiet and sullen. But then I guess I hadn’t seen her for years. Maybe she’d changed. ‘Go on,’ I prompt, wanting to know, yet dreading hearing the details.
Toby swallows. ‘Like I said, things went a bit pear-shaped. Dina… she… well, she made a pass at me.’
‘She what?!’
Toby holds up his hands. ‘I swear I didn’t lead her on. I was simply being nice to her, like anyone would towards their fiancée’s sister. But she must have somehow taken it the wrong way. I tried to turn her down gently, but she just wouldn’t take no for an answer. It was like she thought it was all a game. She kept saying she’d make me realise that I was with the wrong sister.’
I’m hit with another wave of nausea, but I swallow it down, forcing out words to form questions I don’t want to hear the answers to. ‘Did you kiss her? Sleep with her?’
‘No! Of course not. I didn’t touch her. I was engaged to you. I only had eyes for you. Dina and I got on well, but she’s not my type romantically – too hippyish. She seemed too much of a loose cannon, if I’m honest.’
‘So…’ I try to make my voice calm, but I can’t help imagining Dina saying those things. ‘She made a pass at you. Then what happened?’
‘I mean, that was it.’ Toby hunches his shoulders. ‘I didn’t see her after those few times. Not until the day of the wedding. I messaged her that it might be best if she didn’t come after all. I was worried she might make a scene. But she didn’t listen.’ He looks around the room. ‘I’m thirsty. Do you want some water?’
I nod, realising that my mouth tastes dry and sour.
He strides over to the minibar, takes out two bottles then brings them back to the table. I take small sips of mine. He drains half of his in one go before sitting back down.
I don’t think I believe Toby is telling the truth. It’s all too outlandish. Too much to take in. I think I’m in shock, because my voice sounds so calm. ‘So what happened when she showed up here on our wedding day?’
‘She messaged me while I was getting ready in my room to say that she was going to tell you she was in love with me. Of course, I raced round to your room to try to stop her. It was the most scared I’ve ever been. Knowing she was going to try to ruin everything for us.’
‘And you promise nothing happened between the two of you?’ I ask. ‘Not a kiss, or a touch? Nothing?’ My heart is racing as I wait for his reply. I’m not even letting myself think about the rest of the story – about what he says happened to Dina after that.
Toby fixes me with his gaze. ‘Zoe, I swear it.’
I return his gaze and he looks as sincere and distressed as I’ve ever seen him.
He shakes his head. ‘When I got to your room she was already in there with you. She’d waited until my mum and the others had gone, and you were on your own.’
I nod slowly before getting up and walking away. ‘I just don’t believe this. It can’t be true. It isn’t true. It’s mad. It’s not happening. I’m drunk, or dreaming, that’s all this is.’ I chew the inside of my mouth and rub at my arms, feeling like a crazy person.
Toby follows my erratic pacing around the room. ‘Zoe, I know it’s a lot to take in. Why don’t you come and sit down?’ He gestures back to the table and chairs and tries to put an arm around me, but I shake him off and whirl around with a glare.
‘If all this happened like you say it did, why don’t I remember any of it?!’
Twenty-Five
THEN
This woodchip wallpaper is an absolute nightmare to strip. If I’d known what a hideous job it was going to be, I might have taken Toby up on his offer to do it on his day off. But he works so hard and most of his spare time is taken up with running for town council. So I’m happy to make a start on decorating the baby’s room. Annoyingly, instead of loosening the wallpaper, this handheld steamer is reducing the woodchip to a gloopy, porridgy mess that has to be painstakingly peeled from the walls with a palette knife. I’m hot and tired and bored, so when my phone rings, I welcome the distraction.
The number isn’t one I recognise, but right now I’ll take a cold call over woodchip removal, hands down. I turn off the steamer, wipe my hands on my dungarees and snatch up my mobile before it goes to voicemail.
‘Hello?’
‘Hello, is that Zoe Johnson?’
‘Yes, speaking.’
‘Hi, this is Police Constable Alfie Graham. We spoke a couple of months ago about your sister, Dina Williams.’
‘Oh, yeah, hi.’ I remember talking to him at the station. Celia and I joked afterwards about how he didn’t look old enough to be a police officer, with his smooth skin, pale blond hair, and wide-eyed concern. Despite his looks, he seemed capable enough.
‘We’ve got some follow-up news for you. Is it okay if we call round?’
‘To my house?’
‘Yes, if that’s okay? Or you can come to the station if you prefer.’
‘No, that’s fine. You can come here. Have you got the address?’
‘Yes.’
‘Did you find Dina? Is she okay?’
‘There’s nothing to worry about. We’re just up the road from you, so we’ll be with you in a couple of minutes.’
‘Okay, see you soon.’
I rush to our bedroom to inspect my appearance in the mirror, noting my bright-red face, greasy hair tied in an unflattering ponytail, and my woodchip-splattered dungarees. Oh well, I don’t know why I’m even bothered. I think I’m just focusing on my appearance to stop myself worrying about what the police might have discovered. I almost wish I hadn’t gone to report Dina’s disappearance in the first place, because right now my heart is beating uncomfortably loud and my belly is swirling with anxiety at the thought of what news they might be bringing.
The doorbell rings, startling me out of my worry for a moment. PC Graham must have been almost outside the house when he called. I hurry down the stairs and open the front door to the same two uniformed officers I spoke to last time.
‘Police Sergeant Sarah McCormack,’ the officer says, holding out a hand to shake mine. ‘Nice to see you again.’
I usher her and PC Graham through the hall and into the small front lounge. Thankfully, it isn’t too messy. Just a few empty mugs. The curtains are still closed though, so I pull them apart, letting in a hazy cloud of afternoon sunshine. ‘Please, sit down.’
They sit next to one another on the edge of the sofa while I perch on the arm of the other sofa, my hands instinctively settling on my bump.
‘You’re expecting?’ Sergeant McCormack asks.
‘I’m due in July.’
‘Congratulations. My two are almost grown-up now.’
‘Thank you… You said you had news about my sister.’
‘Yes,’ she removes her hat and smooths back a strand of loose ash-blonde hair that’s escaped from her bun. ‘Two pieces of news, actually, that both came back this week from the Missing Persons Unit.’
I chew my lip and wait for her to continue.
‘So, first, I can confirm that Dina Williams returned to the UK from Thailand on the fifteenth of August last year.’
‘August?’ I know that Matt from the hostel sa
id he thought she’d come back to the UK last year, but I wasn’t convinced he was right. Because why wouldn’t she have called me? She would have at least got in contact with Dad. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes. It was Dina’s passport.’
Something occurs to me. ‘Could she have flown out of the UK sometime after that?’
‘We checked. That was the last time her passport was used. Also, her bank card was used in the UK frequently since she came back.’
I unclench my jaw. ‘Have you got an address?’
‘Her only registered address is your family home.’
‘So where’s she been living? Because Dad hasn’t seen her.’ I get to my feet and fold my arms across my chest.
Sergeant McCormack gives me a sympathetic look. ‘The cash withdrawals have mainly been over the border in Somerset, in and around Glastonbury.’
‘Glastonbury?’ I try to think about who I might know there. But the only time I’ve ever been to Glastonbury is when we were kids. Mum and Dad took us there on a day trip. I remember it was really hot and after we’d looked around the town, we had a picnic in a field, and a farmer with a shotgun shouted at us for trespassing.
‘The cash withdrawals were fairly regular until the end of last year.’
‘What happened after that?’ I ask.
‘They stopped.’
I try to decipher the expressions on the officers’ faces, but they’re unreadable. ‘What does that mean?’
‘We wouldn’t want to speculate.’
‘So you’re saying you don’t know what’s happened to her.’
‘Not at this time, no. I’m sorry. I wish we could be more helpful.’
‘But there are other things you can do, right? What about checking CCTV cameras or finding out where she lives or works?’
‘I’m sorry, Zoe. Because she hasn’t been in the country for so many years and we have no new address or place of work for her, it’s almost impossible. Of course, Dina’s details will stay up on the missing persons database, so if anyone comes forward with information, they’ll be able to cross-reference it there. But chances are, she’ll get in touch with you eventually.’
The Wife: An unputdownable psychological thriller with a breathtaking twist Page 17