by Michael Todd
You get the humor in this.
It’s been an interesting month of traveling for us. I opened up my clean romance traveling series from our adventures, and next month, we’re jumping in paranormal romance, so yay. I’ve been waiting to do that for four years.
I’m writing more than sleeping, but life couldn’t be better. Mike and I are loving The Damned series. OH! And great news: book 1 in our new spinoff, Damian, is done and in review. That was so much fun to write. I love our bad-ass priest and his trusty sidekick.
You should be hearing more about that this next month actually! Mike’s been working on covers for it that blow my mind. I stay away from the art part as best I can. He’s our homerun hitter there.
I hope you loved this book. It was an action-packed, humorous, good time for us. Appreciate you spending your hard-earned money on our entertainment. We’re working hard to bring more of it to you as fast as we can. Thanks for the support. You’re the reason we do what we do. Until next time.
Slave to Many Stories,
Laurie Starkey
Juntto
War of the Damned Book Seven
Chapter One
Geraldine was getting pleasantly drunk in a bar north of 120th Street when the greasy television caught her eye. The news was on, and Geraldine grinned. It was strange how the local news had become her favorite program lately. She was wondering why that had happened when a picture of Katie popped on screen. Yeah. That was probably why.
“In a bloody turn of events yesterday, footage was captured of our very own New York City heroine Katie taking on Juntto, the Leviathan. We learned early yesterday that Juntto had been responsible for not only the senseless and brutal slaying of the two hikers in the Alps but for ravaging the townspeople in a village not far away. Sources say Juntto was on the move and attempting to raise an army for a possible takeover of Switzerland and surrounding areas.” The image on screen changed from Katie to one of Juntto holding up a large tree.
“Fuck that dude,” someone in the bar yelled.
“Yeah! Kick his ass, Katie,” Geraldine slurred, and the regulars gave her a round of applause.
“The video we are about to show may not be suitable for younger audiences,” the reporter warned, turning to a video which took over the screen.
There was no audio involved, just pure action. The crowd oohed, ahhed, and grimaced every time a punch was thrown or a kick was launched. The camera panned the area, showing a small team in the distance, weapons poised, ready to help in any way they could. Katie, who was actually Pandora at the time, was bloodied and battered and barely able to stand. She was caught in what seemed to be a hopeless position as Juntto grabbed a large tree and walked it to her.
Everyone in the bar went silent, and even the music was shut off.
Geraldine stared helplessly as blood ran from Katie’s mouth, her body bruised and beaten from the battle. She struggled to hold her head up.
Geraldine tilted her head. “She’s calling him in to tell him something.”
Another stood up and pointed. “Yeah. Yeah, look at the smirk on her face.”
The moment in the fight where Katie rallied had arrived. Although the viewers couldn’t see the change, they could all feel the strength roll back through her. When she summoned the angel weapons and armor, the entire bar went quiet. When Katie’s eyes flashed blue and she stabbed Juntto through the stomach, the whole bar erupted in cheers. People jumped to their feet and began hugging each other, still watching the fight progress.
Geraldine shook her head. “I wish we could hear what she was saying. I know what I would say to that douchebag. He thinks he’s so damn tough, but not against our angel.”
Katie reared back and kicked Juntto hard in the balls. Everyone groaned and started to slowly clap. The fight continued, with Katie holding her ground. The guns surrounding the Leviathan blasted him as he attempted to grow. Bullets flew from Katie’s gun, and his crotch exploded into red mist.
Geraldine covered her mouth and turned her head away, whispering a quick prayer.
A young man next to her grimaced. “Gonna take more than prayers to fix that, lady.”
The footage cut out there, and the reporter came back to the screen. “We don’t have the rest of the footage, but we are told that Katie is doing fine. As far as Juntto is concerned…let’s just say justice was served with the help of angels.”
Moloch sat in his lair, slumped in one of his large armchairs. He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his giant knees. His beady red eyes stared at the footage playing on his television. Moloch’s mouth hung wide open as he watched Pandora and Katie kick the living hell out of Juntto. Moloch hadn’t even thought that was possible. The last time the angels had subdued the Leviathan they’d been unable to kill him, and had instead left him buried deep in the ice of the Alps.
Moloch shifted his gaze to Baal, who was sitting next to him in another chair. Baal’s mouth was also open, remnants of the small bunnies he had been eating stuck to his lips. He began shaking his head, leaving bits of bunny fluff floating around. He had no words for whatever the hell they were watching.
Moloch shouted and pumped his fist as Juntto slammed Pandora/Katie in the stomach, sending her flying. “My man isn’t going down without a fight. At least he is attempting to put those bitches in their place.”
Baal swallowed his bunny. “Until she shoots him in the dick.”
“What? Have you seen this already?”
Baal nodded. “Yeah. It came out early this morning. I had to look away. My stomach hurt just watching it.”
When they got to that part, Moloch scooted to the edge of the chair, watching closely as she pulled the trigger and did just that—shot him square in his man-junk. Moloch jumped back, putting his hands over his mouth. “Holy fucking pickle-thumper, that bitch just shot him in his most valued asset. And that’s not even fucking Pandora! That’s Katie! It looks like Lilith’s bad attitude is wearing right off on her. Shooting someone in the meat stick is Pandora’s signature for sure.”
“I don’t know what he was saying, but I have a good idea he wasn’t talking about taking Pandora on a date with flowers and candy. That one might have been provoked.”
Moloch shoved his finger in Baal’s face. “Nothing short of stabbing someone with the dick-spear would warrant a shot like that. That was literally a low fucking blow.”
Moloch clicked off the television and slumped back in his chair, defeated. He ran his huge claws over his bald head and sighed dramatically. “All I want is to be the king of Earth. To make them bow to me, maybe worship me as their one true dark lord. Is that so much to ask, Baal? Am I reaching too far, here? Do I have delusions of unholy grandeur?”
Baal jumped from his chair and poured a whiskey, handing it to Moloch. “Now, now. You have just hit a tough spot. You are still the most maniacal beast in all of hell, and you deserve ten Earths. Don’t start getting depressed now. Buck up.” He laid a claw between Moloch’s horns and began stroking his head. “Every time you want to quit, think about the ‘shot heard round the world, and let that motivate you to kick Lilith right in the damn ovaries.”
Moloch patted Baal’s hand. “You always remind me how amazing I am and how much I deserve. Thank you, dear friend.”
Baal smiled, showing the fur still stuck in his jagged teeth. “Now, come on. Let’s figure out where the other Leviathans are. We know Juntto’s defeat is bound to piss some of those guys off. We need to get to them before that army of human bastards decides to come for us.”
Moloch stood up and walked to a table with a giant map of Earth spread across it. “Do you really think Pandora and the rest of those idiots are dumb enough to attack us here?”
Baal shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. It would be smart of us to have the Leviathans on our side, though, in case they do. Juntto was an excellent choice, but he got beat to hell and was shot to shit by her and her brood of superhero wannabes.”
Moloch groaned. “We have endl
ess numbers of troops here, and we know that humans can’t come this deep into hell. Other than that, I’m not even sure what strategy we should use to combat those morons. It’s not like they will be able to roll tanks and armor in here without us knowing. Those kinds of gates are caught, and caught fast. Still, you may be right—we may need to keep some tactics in reserve just in case.”
Baal nodded. “Yes, good thinking. And maybe we should invest in bulletproof cups. You know, just to protect our junk in case of a fight. Take my leg, take my arm, but mess with the lady-killer?” Baal shook his head sadly.
Moloch gaped at Baal. “Really? The lady-killer? What are you, some fifteen-year-old human living in his mom’s basement? If you ever say that again, I will rip your arm off and punch your lady-killer with it.”
Baal cleared his throat and moved his hand over his junk. “Right, never going to say that again. Got it. But what about…”
Moloch shook his head. “No, don’t. Just stop. In fact, that conversational topic is banned for the rest of the week. Put together some of the smarter demons and have them start researching the whereabouts of the other Leviathans. In the meantime, we will focus on our next attacks. We must make them worth our time and energy.
Baal pouted and walked to the table to look at the map. There were Barbie heads with nails through them stuck in all of the locations they had already hit across Europe. Baal flipped one of the doll’s hair up to see the surrounding countries. “I would really go for places away from where you’ve already hit. Shake it up a bit.”
Moloch rubbed his claws together. He loved few things more than planning attacks on Earth. “That’s what I was thinking. I was considering several places for minor incursions and then one large one on Katie’s doorstep. Now, obviously the large one will have to include some of our more nefarious creatures, but we can plan that one last. I want it to be a surprise. While they are looking at the other small incursions, we sneak them into New York.”
Baal was excited. “That sounds absolutely evil. I love it. What area of the world are we focusing on first?”
Moloch pointed at Japan. “We will start our world tour here, in Uji, Japan. A little birdie once told me that young Katie was a tea lover. Well, this is one of the tea lovers’ most-prized destinations. It’s where the first tea seeds were planted. It is also home to a tourist favorite, the Byōdō-in, a beautiful temple the humans can’t get enough of. It should be amazingly bloody.”
Baal smirked. “Excellent. That meatsack needs a little punch in the throat.”
Moloch moved his finger to Muuido Island, South Korea. “This beach town not only brings excessive tourism, but people actually do something called ‘camping.’ They put up these tiny fabric houses and sleep there on the beach. Strange to me, but they seem to love it. Apparently, humans all over the world do it.”
Baal wrinkled his nose. “No shower? No stove? How do they manage? They deserve a stomp in the face from a demon.”
Moloch laughed. “And we can use fire too. Fantastic—they will go up in flames in two seconds.”
Baal chuckled. “Where after that?”
Moloch slid his finger over. “We will end our Pacific tour in Mullumbimby, Australia, known to the locals as Mullum. It is overrun by those weird hippies with their art galleries and health food shops. The entire place is basically vegan.”
“By my hateful balls, vegan? We’ll have to nightmare up new punishments for those idiots.”
“Down here, veganism is a mortal sin. Up there, it’s hip. It’s cool. All the kids are doing it.”
Baal made a gagging noise. “They are filled with granola and kale. They must be terrorized. Scare them right back into their little eco-friendly huts.”
“Exactly. We don’t need to tell them that peace doesn’t win. We just need to show them that blood makes a statement.”
Baal pulled out three freshly severed Barbie heads and pinned them to the locations. He picked up another and waved it over New York. “Okay, boss, where is the big one going?”
Moloch knocked the Barbie head from his hand and reached into a drawer of the table. He rummaged around until he found what he was looking for.
Baal grinned evilly when Moloch pulled out a tiny screaming human head and nailed it to the board. The head kept screaming as blood spread out over New York City. “This one is going to be good.”
So, can I please start making that sound every time I kick someone? Pandora asked, watching the credits of Bloodsport.
Only if I can try that kick where he toe-punches that guy in the eye while he’s facing away from him, Katie replied.
I don’t know if your body is made for that, honey. Maybe if you’d been getting down with the deed this whole time to work on flexibility, but not now.
Katie’s face straightened. You are damn hopeless with this shit.
I’m hopeless? You’re the one who can’t toe-punch.
You know what I mean.
I would say motivating, not hopeless.
Katie looked out the window of the plane and watched the clouds flow beneath them. They were on their way back to New York. She sighed and glanced at Calvin. “You coming back to the condo before heading to San Diego, or are you just leaving from here?”
Calvin stretched his arms over his head. “I’m going to just jet on over there. I want to see my girl and make sure everything is on the up-and-up. She’s going into the fall semester soon, like in a week, and I want to spend time with her before she goes.”
Katie nodded. “I get it. Tell her we send our love. I can’t believe it’s almost fall already. Before long I’m gonna witness my first New York winter.”
Pandora groaned. You’re going to have to buy an alpaca-lined outfit. I’m not dealing with cold-fucking-snowflakes as we fly around. I’m already gonna have to make sure your wings don’t ice up.
I’m not an expert, but I have a feeling that my wings will be just fine. You need to relax. I am not accustomed to cold, either. Remember, I come from Nevada. We’ll figure it out.
Pandora grumped. You better, or I’m hibernating.
Calvin chuckled. “Yeah, you can teach Pandora about the white-girl obsession with pumpkin spice.”
Katie wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, probably not. Never was a big fan. I’m basic, but not that basic.”
Calvin laughed. “Hell, when it comes to pumpkin spice, I let the white girl come out. I’m as basic as can be.”
Katie laughed along with him, then her eye caught an empty seat. Katie looked at the bathroom door. She wondered what Juntto was doing in there that was taking so long. She was still nervous about having him around. Are you sure I can trust Juntto like you say I can? I mean, how long could it possibly last?
Pandora thought about it for a minute. I would say you’ve got him under your thumb for at least twenty years. Remember, we think long-term. As far as he is concerned, until he figures out a way to kill you, he has to honor the oath of fealty.
Katie didn’t like that answer. And if I’m weakened?
You’ve got to think of it this way: he isn’t a demon, which means he isn’t exactly honorable, but he’s not a total Lucifer-loving douchebag either. Plus, we will weaken him with Western decadence.
Decadence? Like donuts? That’s worked on one woman I know.
Donuts keep me going, bitch. There’s nothing weak about me. Besides, Juntto has a lot to learn. He hasn’t been here in a long time. Just as I figured he would be, he wasn’t too impressed with the people so far. We’ve just got to focus on the extras.
Katie heard a bump in the bathroom. And when he gets hooked on decadence, that means he’ll stop trying to take over the world?
Pandora cackled. Oh, hell no. That man and conquering are like two peas in a pod. That is pretty much the point of his existence.
Great.
Pandora smirked. It’s not as bad as you think. It’ll take a while before he figures out his next plan. Who knows? We might all get killed, and then all bets are off anyway.
Katie scoffed, rubbing her face. Great, I kick the bucket, and he’s good to go. My parting gift to Earth is a bloodthirsty spear-loving Viking with no conscience.
Seriously, the real threat are his food intake and his liquor bill. Viking warriors are no joke.
Katie shrugged. I’m loaded. Like, the money just keeps coming in. It’s not like it used to be.
Pandora wasn’t convinced. You just think you are. That man can eat three times as much as me, and he pays no attention to it. If I were you, I’d…
The bathroom door flew open, and Juntto came walking out with his shoulders squared and his chin chiseled. He was wearing a pair of white karate pants, no shoes, and a bandana tied around his head. He hadn’t been wearing that when he’d gone into the bathroom. Katie tilted her head to the side, realizing he looked like a young Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Juntto turned in a circle and put his hands up with balled-up fists. “What you think? Good, no? Now I can kick demon ass in style. And I can even replicate the noise. Aaaayaaa.”
Juntto kicked the headrest of the empty seat, knocking it off. He reached out and caught it, juggling it for a moment and then tossing it back into the seat. He looked at Katie with a guilty grin. “Sorry, I will replace.”
Katie rolled her eyes. “As much as I appreciate your love of eighties and nineties cinema, you can’t go walking around looking like a famous person. That will draw more attention than anything else.”
Juntto wrinkled his forehead. “What you want changed?”
Katie put her hand to her chin and looked him up and down. “I want you to change your eyes to dark brown, your hair to another color entirely, and stand taller. It’s more intimidating.”
He changed right in front of her, his hair going bright blond, his back straightening, and his eyes darkening. “Better?”
Katie sighed. “Yeah, whatever. You didn’t have to lose the pants, though.”