Kas frowns at him, giving a slight shake of his head, and Jude laughs.
Um, what?
And he’s heard of me. What the hell is that supposed to mean? And what was the frown and head shake all about?
Jude brings his eyes back to me. “Ignore Kas. He’s just pissed off because I was beating his arse.”
Kas scoffs, causing Jude to grin at me.
He has a really nice smile.
Honestly, if I were butter, I’d melt right now.
“And, here I was, thinking I was the eternal cause of his grumpiness.”
“Nah, don’t take it personally. Kas is just a miserable bastard ninety percent of the time.”
“What about the other ten percent?”
“He’s usually sleeping.”
Jude grins, and I giggle.
“I am still here,” Kas growls as he walks over to us.
Jude winks at me, making me smile again.
“Were you boxing?” I ask Jude as Kas comes to a stop beside him.
“MMA,” Kas answers, forcing my eyes to his. “Mixed—”
“Martial arts,” I finish.
“You like MMA?” Jude asks.
“It’s okay.” I shrug before flicking another glance at Kas, who is frowning at me. I swear, sometimes, he almost looks like he’s in pain when he’s looking at me.
“We’ll be done in here in an hour,” Kas says to me, his tone hard. “Clean my office now. It’s about time you did it.”
I have to stop myself from saying, The reason I’ve never cleaned it is because you’re always in there!
I repress a sigh and say, “Fine.”
Turning, I pick up my bucket and cleaning supplies and hook the vacuum under my arm.
“You need a hand?” Jude asks from behind me.
I glance back at him, ignoring Kas’s stare on me. “I’m good, but thanks.”
“It was nice meeting you, Daisy.”
“You, too.”
I start to walk to the door. Surprise has me nearly tripping over myself when Kas quickly moves past me and holds the door open for me.
Okay…
“Thanks,” I utter.
“How did your meeting go?” Kas asks in a low voice, bringing me to a shocked stop.
I really don’t get this guy. One minute, he’s Kas-hole, being a total dick to me. The next, he’s Kas-nice, asking how my meeting went.
His mood swings are really starting to give me whiplash.
I turn to him to find that his eyes are soft and fixed on me. A stark contrast from the way he was looking at me mere seconds ago.
I give him a sad smile. “Not as well as I had hoped. But thank you again for letting me have the time off. I do appreciate it.”
Hand still on the door, Kas lifts a shoulder, shrugging off my comment.
We stare at each other for a long second. I feel a tension start to rise in the air between us. His eyes darken and flicker to life. I see his hand tighten around the door. My own breathing is coming in faster. My skin prickles to life under his intense gaze.
Then, as if coming back to his senses, he steps back, holding the door open wider. I walk through it.
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you.” Kas’s soft words touch my back.
I glance back at him. “Yeah, me, too.”
Then, he’s just staring at me again. There’s no warmth in his eyes this time, but there is definitely something. Almost like an invisible thread attaching us.
Then, I watch as his face shuts down. He gives me a sharp nod and releases the door, letting it close.
I stand, staring at the closed door.
Who is this guy?
Letting out a sigh, I turn to walk away, but one of the cleaning sprays slips from my hand.
“For eff’s sake,” I mutter.
I bend down to pick it up, and that’s when I hear my name being said from behind the door.
Of course, I have to listen in.
“So, that’s Daisy.”
“Mmhmm,” Kas answers.
“She seems nice. Hot, too. You didn’t mention that.”
“Why would I?”
Hang on…was that Kas saying he thinks I’m hot in a roundabout way?
“So, you actually admit you think she’s hot?” Jude sounds really surprised by this admission.
Kas sighs. “Of course I think she’s hot. A man would have to be fucking blind not to see that she is.”
Wow. He thinks I’m hot.
I steadfastly ignore the thrill that runs through me at the knowledge.
“And?”
“And what?”
“And what are you gonna do about it?”
“I’m going to do absolutely nothing about it.”
“Come on, Kas.” Jude’s tone is teasing, coaxing.
“She works for me. End of story.”
There’s a long pause.
Then, I hear Jude say, “Well, if you’re not gonna ask her out…then I will.”
“Jude…” Kas’s tone is like a warning.
Interesting.
Um, hold up…I’m not bothered that Kas is pissed off at the thought of Jude asking me out.
Am I?
“What? You’re not gonna ask her out,” Jude counters. “She’s hot as fuck, and she seems like a really cool girl.”
“You don’t know her.” His tone is really harsh and blunt.
Wow. Okay. That hurt.
“That’s the point of asking her out, dickface. You know, so I can get to know her.”
“Not happening. Daisy is off-limits to you.” Kas’s voice sounds like a growl.
Um, what?
Jude laughs. “Off-limits? To just me or everyone?”
There’s a pause, and then Jude laughs again. “You so wanna bang her.”
“Jesus Christ! Will you just shut the fuck up about Daisy?” Kas bites.
“Hey, no need to get all testy, man. But be real for a sec. This is the first time in all the years I’ve known you that I’ve seen you get all bent out of shape over a chick. That’s gotta mean something.”
“It means nothing.”
“Come on…”
“Seriously, Jude,” Kas snaps. “Just fucking drop it, will you?”
There’s a long silence.
Then, I hear Jude say, “Consider it dropped. We sparring again?”
“Yeah.”
Jude chuckles. “Come on then, pretty boy. Give me your best shot.”
Knowing their conversation about me is over, I move away from the door.
I walk down the hallway in a daze, not really sure what to do with what I just heard.
Kas likes me. Well, he thinks I’m hot.
So does Jude, but that’s neither here nor there.
But Kas…he’s such a prick to me, like all the time. If I fancy someone, then I tend to be nice to them.
I’m so bloody confused right now.
“Daisy?”
My eyes snap up, my insides jumping like I’ve just been caught doing something wrong.
It’s Cooper.
“Hey.” I paste on a smile.
“Hey. Everything okay?”
I nod my head.
“I was just coming to grab some milk. We ran out, and I’m dying for a cuppa.”
“Sure. You want me to grab it for you?”
“Looks like you’ve got your hands full.” He nods at the stuff I’m carrying. “How about I help you with this stuff, and then we can get the milk together?”
“Sure,” I say, smiling, as I hand over the bucket to him, my thoughts about Kas momentarily forgotten.
Thirteen
I’m nervous.
Scared and beyond terrified of how Jesse is going to be when I see him.
God, I wonder what he looks like now. I haven’t seen him in so long, not since the day I was sentenced in court.
“You ready?” Cece’s soft voice comes from beside me.
We’re sitting in Cece’s car, across the stree
t from where Jesse lives. She offered to drop me off before she heads to work.
“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t know if I can do this, Ce.”
I’ve wanted to see Jesse so badly since my release, but now that I’m so close to it happening, I’m sick with nerves.
She places her hand over mine, gripping it. “There’s no need to be afraid. It’s just Jesse—that sweet kid you raised, who adores you.”
“Not anymore. He hates me.”
“No, he doesn’t. He’s fourteen and angry, and he has a massive chip on his shoulder because he convinced himself that you’d left him. He knows, deep down, that it isn’t true. He just needs to see you. I think, once he sees you and you guys start talking, things will be okay.”
I look at the surety in her eyes and try to feel it myself.
“Yeah, you’re right.” I force a smile. “Thanks for the lift.” I lean over and kiss her cheek. “Have a good day at work. See you at home later.”
“Have a great day,” she calls as I climb out of the car. “And tell our boy I said hi.”
“Will do.” I give her a thumbs-up and then shut the door.
I watch her car pull away, and then I cross the street to the boys home where Jesse lives.
Walking up the steps to the front door, my legs are trembling. I take a deep breath and lift a shaking hand to ring the doorbell.
I wait, my leg jigging on the spot.
Through the frosted glass, I see someone approaching the door. Then, the door opens, revealing a man with light-brown hair, who looks to be in his early thirties.
“Hi, I’m Daisy Smith, Jesse’s sister. I was told to ask for Tim Marshall.”
“I’m Tim.” He smiles. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Daisy. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
He has?
That must mean that Jesse has talked about me.
It’s just what I needed to ease my nerves and lift my spirits a little.
“Come in,” he tells me.
I step inside. Tim closes the door behind me.
It’s quiet in the house, and I wonder where the rest of the boys who live here are.
As if reading my mind, Tim says, “The house is empty—aside from Jesse, of course. The boys have gone out for ice cream with Jenna, who works here with me,” he explains. “We thought it’d be nice to give you and Jesse some space.”
“Thank you.” I smile, but it feels awkward and clumsy on my lips. My hands are shaking. My head feels like it’s about to explode. I bind my hands together in front of me, trying to ease the trembling.
“Jesse’s just in the living room.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“You can breathe.” He gives me a gentle smile.
I laugh softly, exhaling.
“I know how nervous you must be feeling right now. But, trust me when I say, it’s going to be okay. Jesse will never admit this, but he’s just as nervous to see you.”
“He is?” I hate to think that Jesse is feeling nervous, but knowing that I’m not alone in this and that he does actually want to see me helps.
“Don’t tell him I told you this, but he was up at six thirty this morning. He showered and is wearing his nicest clothes. For a kid who I have to put a bomb under to get him out of bed for school every morning and practically hose him down in the garden to get him to wash…well, it says a lot.”
“Yeah.” I smile, but his words also hit me. Telling me just how much Jesse has changed.
The Jesse I knew was always up and out of bed early. And he loved taking baths.
I’ve missed so many changes in his life.
Tim walks down the short hallway. Stopping at a door, he opens it. “Jesse…Daisy’s here.”
I follow inside behind Tim.
And there he is, the sole reason I get out of bed every morning.
Love floods me. Tears prick my eyes. I feel like I’ve been smothered in happiness and punched in the chest with a fistful of pain, all at the same time.
The boy I knew looks like a young man. Even sitting, I can see how tall he is. His legs are so long. And he looks so much like Dad. He must have grown about two feet in the last eighteen months.
His hair is different. He always liked to wear his hair short. But, now, his dark brown hair is all grown out, curling around his ears. His jeans are black with a chain fixed on the pocket, linking to his belt that has a skull on the front of it. His T-shirt is black with a band on the front that I’m not familiar with. He looks a world away from the boy I left.
And the way he’s looking at me…
It’s the exact same way he looked at me the last time I saw him.
Hurt mixed with disappointment. And loss. So much loss.
Pain curls like a fist around my heart and squeezes tight.
Jesse sits forward in his seat, his eyes never leaving mine.
“Hi,” I say softly, my voice not offering much.
He stares blankly at me.
“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll make us a drink. Tea or coffee? Or something cold?” Tim asks me.
Taking a seat across from Jesse, I answer Tim, “Coffee would be great. Thanks.”
“Jesse?” Tim asks.
Jesse doesn’t answer. He just shakes his head.
“Right. Well, I won’t be long.”
I watch Tim leave the room.
When I look back, Jesse is still staring at me.
The tension in the air is unnerving.
It makes me sick to my stomach to know the size of the wedge between us.
This is a kid who would talk nonstop to me. A kid who I could sit in perfect silence with and always feel at ease.
Now, it’s almost like sitting with a stranger.
But a stranger I love very much.
My mouth is dry, so I lick my lips before speaking, “You look…so grown-up.”
I watch as his eyes shut down. Shutting me out.
He’s looking at me like Kas looks at me.
Like he hates me.
Pain spikes me in the gut.
“Yeah, well, it’s been eighteen months. I’m not just gonna stop growing ’cause you haven’t been around.”
“I know. I’m sorry—”
“Save it ’cause I don’t want to hear it.” He turns his face away, looking in the direction of the TV. Leaning back, he stretches his long legs out, folding his arms over his chest.
I fight back the tears burning my eyes and take a deep breath. “So…how have you been?” I ask.
He sighs and drags his eyes from the TV and back to me. “You want to make small talk, Daisy? Really?”
Daisy. He always called me Mayday.
Another spike of pain hits me—this time, in the chest. I rub at the ache. “I just want to talk to you, Jesse.”
“Okay, let’s talk.” He swivels around in his seat, hands pressed to his thighs. He looks like he’s roaring for a fight. “How was your time in prison? You learn any new tricks? How long you staying around for? Or should I expect another visit from the cops sometime soon, telling me that you’re going back inside?”
“I-I’m not going back, Jesse. I’m here to stay.”
He lets out a bitter laugh. It hurts to hear.
“Like Mum and Dad?”
“Jesse, please…I’m not like them. You know this. Deep down, you know this. I’ve missed you so much. I just want—”
“I don’t give a shit what you want!” he yells, jumping to his feet. “As far as I’m concerned, you don’t exist anymore!”
Pain punches me square in the chest. I push to my feet. “Jesse, please. Y-you don’t mean that.”
He laughs bitterly. “Yeah, I do.”
“So, why see me today? Why let me come?”
He steps closer. “So, I could do to you what you did to me. You left me, Daisy. You fucking left me on my own. And, now, I’m leaving you. I never want to see you again. Do you hear me? As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a sister. You’re as dead to me as Mum and Dad are.”
/>
I feel like I’ve been shot.
Tears fill my eyes. I can’t help them or stop them from running down my cheeks.
Regret flickers in his eyes, but he quickly shuts it down. “I want you to leave.” His voice is low.
“Je-Jesse, please.” I press the heels of my hands to my cheeks to ebb the flow of tears.
“I said, go!”
His anger hits and shakes my body.
I stumble back, moving for the door.
When I reach it, I turn back. Putting strength in my spine and my voice, I say, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m saying it anyway. I’m going now because you asked me to, and I’m respecting your wishes. But I love you, kiddo. I will always love you. I need you to know that I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay. Never again will I leave you. I will do nothing to risk ever being taken away again. I swear that to you.”
I press my hand to my chest. “I let you down, and it will never happen again. I’m going to prove to you that I mean every word. And I’m going to keep coming back every Saturday and knocking on your door until you decide to let me back in. I won’t give up on you—ever.”
“Yeah, well, good luck with that,” he mutters before turning his back on me.
Pain clamps a strong arm over my chest.
It takes everything in me to pull that door open and walk out of it, leaving him standing there.
Fourteen
Alcohol.
The. Best. Invention. Ever.
Wait…was it invented? Or was it just made?
I don’t know.
And, really, who gives a shit?
Not me—that’s who.
All I give a shit about is that it makes the hurt go away.
Away…away…away.
A few drinks…okay, well, more than a few but less than a lot, and I’m no longer hurting over what Jesse said.
Jesse.
See? Even thinking his name doesn’t hurt like it did an hour ago.
Hurt be gone because Daisy Smith is pain-free!
And it’s the best feeling ever!
I mean, why haven’t I been drinking all along? I’ve been feeling shitty for years, and all that time, I could have been drinking the shitty feelings away.
Alcohol—the cure to all my problems.
And, speaking of alcohol…I have some serious drinking time to make up for, considering I’ve never really drank.
You know, with trying to be a responsible adult and a parent to the kid under my care.
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