“I would trade with you in a heartbeat,” Henry said and the shadows under his eyes looked like dark pits. “Can you get me any drugs?” He had asked her for opiates, anything she could get her hands on, but she shook her head.
“I couldn’t. Mom’s like a pit bull, I swear she watches me when I go to the bathroom to pee. Henry?” She looked at him. “I’ve got something to tell you. The baby. It’s a she. The baby is a she.”
She wasn’t prepared for Henry’s reaction. His eyes lit up with the purest joy she had ever seen and she sat back in her chair, jealous of his happiness.
“A little girl!” He was delighted. “The whole thing just seemed so horrible. I will be honest, Meg, it felt to me like some kind of alien flesh had invaded you and taken you from me but now, it is not an alien. She is a little baby girl! What shall we call her? I must get healthy. I want to be a good father. I really do.”
“And me, Henry? You never wanted to get healthy for me. What am I? Your precious daughter’s human carrycot?” Megan had raised her voice and her tone was bitter.
Henry looked dismayed and bewildered by her outburst. “Meg, what is going on? Don’t you love her?”
“Clearly I don’t have the same passion for her as you do.” Megan’s eyes were cold and she got up.
“Wait, Meggie, please don’t go. Please, let’s talk about this. You know I love you.”
“But you love her more.” Megan was irrational and vicious and she walked away without looking back.
In the car, with her mother, she sobbed, inconsolably. “I hate this child,” she said, tears streaming down her face. “I never thought he’d love it more than he loves me.” She hit her belly with her fist and her mother swung the car off onto the side of the road and she grabbed Megan’s hand.
“I understand your pain but don’t you EVER do anything like that again, do you understand me?”
Megan, cowed by her mother’s anger and shamed, dropped her head and nodded. “I know it’s not the baby’s fault,” she said. “But he’s my true love, Mom, and you should have seen the way he looked when I told him. It’s like the lights went on inside his heart and it should have been me who did that for him.”
Life isn’t fair, her mother wanted to say, but she didn’t.
“I should go back,” Megan said. “There’s still half an hour of visiting time and I ran out. Can we go back, Mom?”
“Of course we can,” Megan’s mother said and she swung the car around.
“I’m sorry,” Megan said to Henry when she got there. “I was jealous. Not admirable but there it is.”
“Meggie, I love you, you. But this is something else. I can’t describe how I feel. Tell me what does it feel like to have her inside you?”
“Like a butterfly,” Megan said. “Mainly I just feel fat even though I’ve lost some weight. Sometimes she moves and it’s cool but she doesn’t feel like a person to me.”
“Let us think of a name,” Henry said. “She needs a good name. She needs to be named after a brave, bold, clever, adventurer who was not afraid of anything, someone who was fearless. I know! How about Amelia? After Amelia Earhart?”
“But she died young,” Megan objected. “I don’t want a flashy and tragic end to our daughter’s life, thank you very much.”
“Let’s ask her what she thinks,” Henry suggested. “I’ll say some names and you tell me if you feel her move.”
Henry listed a bunch of names and to Megan’s annoyance, the baby was utterly still until he said “Amelia.”
Megan shrugged. “Fine,” she said. “Amelia it is.”
“We should get married,” Henry mused and Megan’s heart leapt in happiness.
“You need to propose first,” she said, grinning. “Ask me properly.”
“Megan, my love, my only true love and mother of my daughter, the amazing Amelia, will you please, please, please marry me? Yes, me, Henry, crazy locked up poet who will one day, hopefully soon, be healed and well?”
“Yes, Henry,” she said, “I’ll marry you. I’ll tell Mom and we’ll start planning immediately! We can have it in the chapel here!”
“Time’s up, Henry,” the orderly arrived. “Hi Megan. How’s the baby?”
“She’s good. We’ve named her Amelia and we’re getting married!”
“Good for you,” the orderly said. “Come on, Henry, time for meds.”
Megan rushed over to her mother who was waiting at the car.
“Mom, Henry proposed! We need to plan the wedding!”
Her mother sighed inwardly. “Sure, Meggie, sure,” she said. She looked at the sky thinking now was as good a time as any to start smoking again, or take up drinking heavily.
“I don’t know why you can’t be happy for me,” Megan scowled as she opened the car door. “No, wait,” she said, slamming it shut. “We need to go back and book the chapel. Come on, Mom.”
Her mother trailed behind her bouncing daughter, who turned to her. “We’ll have to buy the rings too. Oh, Mom, isn’t this exciting?”
Megan’s father cried at the wedding. Megan wore a smile from ear to ear while Henry looked vacuous, close to drooling. He answered robotically and was unsteady on his feet.
The chaplain hurried the ceremony along and afterwards Henry’s psychiatrist took a few photographs. “Now let’s see,” the psychiatrist mumbled, tripping over his own feet. “Um, wait, no, that’s not it, hang on, okay smile, excellent. Come on Henry, give us a smile.”
“He doesn’t seem very organized,” Megan whispered to her mother. “I don’t like him being in charge of Henry’s meds. No wonder he’s so out of it. What happened to the other guy? I liked him better.”
“I agree,” her mother said. “We’ll see what we can do. Just smile for now and don’t let it ruin your special day.”
“I can’t work this thing. I’m going to find an orderly,” the psychiatrist said. “Everybody wait here.”
He returned with a nurse who handled the camera with ease.
“Henry,” she called, “give us a smile, honey, come on!”
At the sound of her voice, Henry gave a lopsided smile and that was Megan’s wedding picture: Henry smiling lopsidedly at the nurse, oblivious to what was going on around him.
But Megan didn’t care. She fed pieces of wedding cake to Henry who seemed to have forgotten how to chew. Bits of cake fell out his mouth and onto his shirt. Ed had rented a suit for Henry that hung from him and he looked like he was drowning in the clothing.
Megan clung to Henry during the ceremony. Her belly jutted like a proud prow and raised the front of her cream satin Empire-waist wedding dress by nearly half a foot, and her feet were tiny in their sparkly shoes.
“Not what I had in mind, if you’d asked me some years back,” Ed admitted quietly to Ethel and they smiled at each other.
“Me neither,” Ethel said. “Oh, Ed, what a mess.”
“Yeah, but we’ll roll with it, Eth. It’s what we do. So far, so good. Henry on the mend, Megan’s happy and fitter. We’ve made progress.”
“Don’t know if I’d call Henry’s state progress,” Ethel said watching Henry drool more cake and Megan lovingly wipe it off. “This new guy’s suspect, if you ask me. I’m going to come in and have a word with him as soon as I can get an appointment. He’s not as accessible as Dr. Marks.”
A couple of weeks later, it turned out there wasn’t anything Ethel could do. Dr. Shiner was Henry’s new state-appointed therapist and that was all there was to it.
“I understand you’re worried,” he stuttered, refusing to look her in the eye. “I’m trying a series of new medications. We need to find the right balance, which isn’t easy. I admit we may have made the dosage a bit high, but we’ve cut back today and he’s better.”
“Can I see him?”
“It’s not a good time. Come back tomorrow, you
’ll see an improvement.” And with that, the therapist got up and held the door open and Ethel understood she had been dismissed.
She passed the nurses’ station on the way out. “How’s Henry, really?” she asked one of the nurses in an undertone.
“Dr. MultiMeds has gone crazy,” the nurse muttered, “but you never heard me say that, right? Don’t worry, though. He’ll lower the dose. First he gives them enough to kill a horse and then he lowers it. Henry will be okay. How is Megan?”
“Fine,” Ethel said, distracted. “She’s fine, I guess.” She laughed. “Actually, everything is nuts, but like my husbands says, we’re rolling with it. Rolling, rolling, rolling.”
She went home to Megan who was putting her wedding pictures into frames and hanging them on the wall.
“Henry’s hair’s too long,” she said, adjusting a picture. “Mom, look, his hair’s too long. You’d think they would have noticed, for such an important day as this.”
“I’m going to lie down for a while, dear,” her mother said. “I’m a bit tired out from everything.”
“Yeah, Mom. Listen, I’ve been really good with all the rules, haven’t I? So can I have a grilled cheese sandwich with mayo and watch TV?”
“Yes, dear,” her mother said, going up the stairs. She felt too weary to do battle with Megan over a sandwich, and she thought that one day’s deviation wouldn’t make any difference. “Today you can do anything you like. You can eat anything you like and watch as much TV as you like. We’ll get back on track tomorrow.”
“Awesome!” Megan rushed at the refrigerator and yanked open the door. “You’re the best, Mom!”
4. MEGAN AND HENRY AND AMELIA
MONTHS PASSED AND HENRY SETTLED into a solid state of nothingness. Ed had wanted to let Henry’s parents know what had happened, even though Megan protested, certain that they would not care. And she was right.
She guided Ed by memory to the large mansion in Rosedale and Ed gave a loud whistle when he saw the size of the house.
“No one’s home,” a neighbour said, after he saw them pressing the door bell at the front gate. “They’re on a cruise. They asked me to keep an eye on things. Can I help you?”
“Do you know their son, Henry?” Ed asked and the neighbour gave a broad smile.
“Of course! What an original boy! Drove his parents mad but I thought he was a bit of genius. Is he all right?”
“Not so much,” Ed admitted. “This is Megan, his wife. I’m Henry’s father-in-law.”
Ed took out a piece of paper and wrote down his phone number. “If you can get this to his parents and let them know I can chat anytime, that would be great,” he said, handing it to the man who looked doubtful.
“They never seemed to care what Henry did,” the neighbour said, “as long as he wasn’t running around naked, which also happened a fair bit. I’ll pass on the message but I wouldn’t hold my breath that they’ll be in touch. They’re good neighbours but damned cold parents if you ask me.”
“I told you, Dad,” Megan said as they walked back to the car.
“Makes me very sad,” Ed said. “Our poor Henry.”
Megan snorted and Ed ignored her.
“If you keep him on his meds, you can take him home,” Dr. Shiner said helpfully one day, and Ethel and Ed looked at one another.
“Sounds good,” Ethel said, questioningly.
“Can do,” Ed said, “but Doc, are you sure he’s okay? Not going to burn the house down or anything?”
“No, no. Besides, he’s never been violent. It’s not in his repertoire of behaviours. And, given the cocktail of meds I’ve got him on, he’s hardly going to develop any new psychoses.” He studied the file in front of him. “No, no, you’re safe as houses. Your house is safe as houses!”
“Well,” Ed got to his feet, “let’s go and get the fellow then.”
“Bye Henry,” the nurses called after him. “Have fun out there, be safe!”
Henry gave them a half smile as he shambled down the hallway to meet Ethel and Ed.
“Meggie was going to come,” Ethel apologized to Henry, “but the baby’s getting so big and she can hardly move.”
Henry didn’t appear to have heard her and Ethel was glad because it was a lie.
“He’s like a frickin’ retard,” Megan had said on the way home from her last visit to Henry. “I’m not visiting him again if he’s like that. He doesn’t even know I’m there, for god’s sake. There’s no point. It’s a waste of my time.”
“He’s your husband,” her mother reminded her. “For better or for worse.”
“Yeah, well, I kind of thought marriage would be different than this,” Megan said. “Nothing’s changed, if you ask me, except that Henry’s disappeared into some no-man’s land of weirdness.”
Ethel and Ed loaded an uncomplaining Henry into the back of the car.
“What is Shiner giving him?” Ed asked. “I’m going to do some research.”
“Oh Ed, don’t mess with things you don’t know about,” Ethel said and Ed bit his tongue.
They got Henry home and led him inside. “This is your room,” Ed said to Henry, guiding him up the stairs, past Megan who was watching TV in the living room and didn’t even look up. Megan had refused to share the downstairs room with Henry.
“Put him in my old room,” she had said. “There’s only your sewing junk in there, Mom. There’s no way I am having him near me.”
“Henry? Can you talk to me?” Ed asked. “You’ll be happy here. It’s a nice room, don’t you think?”
Henry sat down on the bed as if he wasn’t sure if it was solid.
“Look, Henry,” Ed pointed to the small desk in the corner. “I got you some model airplanes.”
Ed couldn’t be sure but he thought he saw a flicker of interest flare in Henry’s eyes. “They’re all yours, Henry,” Ed said. “Are you hungry? Do you want a sandwich?”
There was no response.
“I’m going now,” Ed said and he checked the windows, making sure they were locked shut. Ed stopped at the door and looked back at Henry who hadn’t moved a muscle. “See you later, son,” Ed said heavily and he went downstairs to find Megan arguing furiously with her mother.
“He’s your husband!” Ethel said. “The father of your child.”
“Words, Mom, just words. When the real Henry makes an appearance, I’ll be behave like a wife. But this retard, he’s nobody to me. He’s like a zombie.”
Ed decided not to engage in the quarrel and he went back upstairs to check on Henry who hadn’t moved.
Ed went to his and Ethel’s bedroom and emptied Henry’s medications out onto the bed. He studied them for a while, and then he gathered them up in a plastic bag and left the house, with Megan and Ethel still shouting at each other.
Ed drove to the local pharmacy. “I need you to tell me exactly what this stuff is and what it does,” Ed told the pharmacist. “Take your time. I want to know every single thing there is to know.” He returned to the house two hours later, carrying a second bag filled with information that the pharmacist had given him, along with the notes that he had made.
“Frickin’ flaming sugar,” Ed said to Henry who was still sitting on the bed where he had left him. “I’d be in a coma too, if I took these meds. Listen, between you and me, we’re going to start adjusting the dose. That all right with you, boyo? Now I’m going to get you a sandwich. You’ve got to eat.”
Megan had vanished to cry in the basement and Ed found Ethel sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands. He sat down and put his arm around her.
“Eth,” he said gently, “these are hard times but we’ll get by. Why don’t you go and have a nice bath and a big glass of wine? Take the treats when you can get them.”
“You’re a good man, Ed,” she said. “You always have been.”
“Glad you chose me over the poet?”
“You better believe it,” she said fervently and he laughed.
As if by tacit agreement, Ed looked after Henry while Ethel managed Megan, who was growing grumpier by the day.
“Stupid baby’s supposed to be born already,” she commented a thousand times a day. “Why won’t she come?”
“First ones are always late,” her mother replied, also for the thousandth time. “Patience, Meggie, patience.”
“I want her out of me!” Megan screamed and Ethel wanted to hit her.
“I understand, dear,” she said, instead. “Why don’t you watch some TV or have a nap?”
“I can’t sleep! And I can’t see over my stupid stomach. I am so tired of this, sick and tired!”
Meanwhile Henry, under Ed’s careful ministrations, slowly improved. “You’re messing with his meds, aren’t you?” Ethel accused Ed and he blushed.
“Ah Eth, come on, you can’t say he was okay like that?”
She nodded. “Be careful, Ed.”
“I will, you know I will. But he’s looking more human, wouldn’t you say?”
“He does look better,” Ethel agreed. “More awake.”
“And I’m sure he said my name yesterday,” Ed was excited. “Well, he said Dad, he called me Dad, I’m sure of it. But I’m going to have to get him to lie to Shiner,” Ed mused. “He’s got to look as drugged as he was, or Shiner will know I’ve been up to something.”
“Now we’re conniving psychiatrists,” Ethel said and she gave a humourless chuckle. “Ed, how did it come to this?” she asked and Ed shook his head.
“Who knows, Eth? I wish Amelia would make an appearance, let Meg get on with her life.”
“Her life won’t be her own for the next dozen or so years,” Ethel said. “She’s got no idea what’s coming.”
“Who’s got no idea?” Megan appeared, looking out of sorts as usual. “Mom, please can I have some ice cream? I need something nice in my life.” She slumped down into her chair, her hands on her huge belly.
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