Léger-Félicité Sonthonax: French commissioner in charge of the free people of Saint-Domingue (aka modern-day Haiti). Sonthonax also had ties to the Society of the Friends of the Blacks, a group of French abolitionists. In fact, on August 29, 1793, the day he announced the emancipation of slaves in the colony, Sonthonax said he had “a white skin but the soul of a black man”—which I guess is the closest the eighteenth century ever got to meeting Justin Timberlake.
André Rigaud: So-called mulatto military leader who became the mentor of future presidents Jean-Pierre Boyer and Alexandre Pétion. He liked to wear a wig with straight brown hair to look whiter. No comment. Even though we can clearly see why that’s problematic. Something else that’s problematic? The word mulatto.
Dutty Boukman: A slave who was born in Jamaica who eventually became an early leader of the Haitian Revolution. On August 14, 1791, Boukman (along with a vodou priestess named Cécile Fatiman) led the religious ceremony at Bois Caïman that served as the catalyst for the Haitian Revolution. To show their loyalty, attendees of the ceremony had to drink the blood of a pig. There’s really no going back from that.
Cécile Fatiman: One of the few women in Haitian history that you can find a bit of info on. (A bit = not much, but more than the others.) Cécile was the mambo, or vodou high priestess, who co-led the kickoff to the Haitian Revolution at Bois Caïman. In fact, she was the one who slit the throat of the pig whose blood the attendees supposedly had to drink. Some scholars believe that she died at 112 years old. She’s probably still alive to this day.
Alexandre Pétion: The first president of Haiti. The John Adams to Henri Christophe’s Thomas Jefferson.1 Pétion and Christophe were such ideological enemies, they split Haiti into two separate countries. Pétion took the south with the gens de couleurs (mixed-race free people) and Christophe established his kingdom in the north with a predominantly black population. Rumor has it Oprah was inspired to produce her documentaries about colorism on OWN after traveling back to 1806 in her time machine and visiting Haiti during this tenuous period.
Like Jefferson and Adams, Pétion and Christophe died within hours of each other on the fiftieth anniversary of the country they helped create.2
Henri Christophe: Built the Citadelle Laferrière in Milot. To avoid an attempt by the southern government to steal his throne, Christophe killed himself at fifty-three years old after falling ill, leaving the crown to his son Jacques-Victor...who was assassinated ten days afterward by enemies of his father’s reign. Historians aren’t sure, but Christophe was likely buried in the Citadelle, or the location for the most adorable meet-cute ever. #shoutouttomymomanddad
Jean-Jacques Dessalines: Called for the massacre of Haiti’s white minority, which resulted in several thousand deaths. He became emperor of Haiti in 1804 and was assassinated in 1806. Fun fact: Haiti’s theme song (that is, national anthem), La Dessalinienne, is named after him.
Toussaint Louverture: The real OG.
Marie-Madeleine Lachenais: Mistress to Pétion and his successor, Jean-Pierre Boyer. The brains of the entire operation?
Marie-Louise Coidavid: Henri Christophe’s wife. She spent almost a decade in exile in Europe after Christophe’s suicide before returning to Haiti.
TL;DR: Folks fought for freedom, a lot of them died.
****Presentation update: I’m still working on the details for that side of things and have no new developments to report, other than the fact that I’m no longer making a PowerPoint. I’d like to keep it a surprise, but believe me, it’ll be worth it. Just you wait.****
* * *
1 Or John Adams to Alexander Hamilton/Alexander Hamilton to Thomas Jefferson/Thomas Jefferson to Aaron Burr/Aaron Burr to Alexander Hamilton… I suppose all founding fathers were incredibly messy.
2 Not really. But wouldn’t that have been amazing?
Thursday, January 7
From: Sister Patricia Wagner
To: Alaine Beauparlant
Subject: Re: Alaine Beauparlant -Part I Assignment
Alaine,
Your write-up on the major actors in your chosen country’s formation was very tongue-in-cheek. It had that singular voice of yours that I’ve come to know well. I would even say that the voice surpassed the content in development, and your tangents and personal opinions distracted me from the substance of the work. Did you have any rhyme or reason as to why you chose to highlight the contributions of the individuals you summarized?
You devoted just a line and a half to Lachenais after complaining about the lack of women recognized in history and mentioned Marie-Louise only in the context of her husband. Your explanations broke down along the way and I was completely unable to follow the chronology of the important historical moments. What is a “meet-cute”? And what does that have to do with the Citadelle? You gave an extensive portrait of Vincent Ogé but completely glazed over arguably the most important historical figure, Toussaint Louverture. And distilling Dessalines to three sentences? You know better than that.
I’d like to give you a challenge. Switch it up. Take this project as seriously as it should be taken. Not just for the grades component (although don’t neglect that this assignment is worth 10 percent of your final project grade), or because your aunt would want you to because of her very public role in Haiti as the Minister of Tourism. Take it seriously because you take yourself seriously. This class is about growth, and in your case, growth will mean your ability to showcase your skills in taking directions and feedback. My feedback for this submission: less is more. Save the creativity for Assignment 2 and the creative writing workshop. You should’ve given me what I asked for, which is relevant information, sans the unnecessary side comments. Just think of what your mother used to do each day for work. Her stories were supposed to be objective and absent of editorializing, right? (Some would argue that they were not...but do what she was supposed to.)
For this reason, you earned a C- on this assignment. Don’t fret! You’re a wonderful writer and, with a lot of discipline, you’ll ace the paper and hit the upcoming in-person presentation portion of the project out of the park. Don’t you love unintentional alliteration? But you know something I don’t love? Surprises. I implore you, do NOT go overboard on Tuesday, January 12.
Please let me know if you have questions.
I’m praying for you,
Sister Wagner
-----------Message-----------
From: Alaine Beauparlant
To: Sister Patricia Wagner
Subject: Re: Re: Alaine Beauparlant -Part I Assignment
Hi Sister Wagner,
I’ve read your critiques and I agree—focusing on the women behind the scenes would be an interesting story. It’ll require some digging, but I’m up for the task. And I would argue that editorializing is what sets me apart from others.
Also, a C-? Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh? I have a 3.8 GPA to uphold!
Your favorite student,
Alaine
Friday, January 8
From: Alaine Beauparlant
To: Jules Beauparlant
Subject: Ugh. When will this end?
They’re really not going to let this go, are they?
What’s Next for the Reigning Queen of Sunday Talk?
By Colt Rivers, The Capitol Post
Has Celeste Beauparlant left TV news for good? The beleaguered host of Sunday Politicos has yet to emerge from the safe cocoon that is her family home in Haiti weeks after an unexpected face-off with Florida senator Andres Venegas. Sources very close to the situation at GNN have said that they aren’t even sure if Beauparlant will ever return to television.
“Everyone’s still discussing possibilities at the network, but she’s clearly damaged goods. There’s an enormous risk of losing a segment of our viewer base,” one source familiar with the dealings said on condition of anonym
ity.
Beauparlant, who made headlines six years ago for signing a $10 million contract to stay on as host of the surprising ratings hit Sunday Politicos, caught the attention of the public for another reason last December.
“She’s got a sizable deal and the management definitely wants its money’s worth,” the source said. “But slapping a senator on live television has to be some sort of breach of contract, even if he chose not to press charges.”
Viewers are still in the dark about what caused the violent outburst from the political journalist, but sources have said that the network intends to get to the bottom of it before making any long-term decisions. With the end of her contract on the horizon, network executives may choose to cut their losses and start over with a new host. Internal speculation points to midday anchor Keith Donahue, husband of Sunday Politicos’s executive producer, William Donahue, as a strong contender for the job.
The receiving end of Beauparlant’s attack, Venegas, is not without his own negative publicity. The former rising star of the Republican Party is facing calls to resign in the wake of questions regarding his use of party funds for personal use. Venegas’s stop on the show was widely considered the first leg of a non-apology tour to salvage any future political ambitions.
Celeste Beauparlant is the Latest Victim of the Racist Mainstream Media
By Tricia Jenkins, Beautiful Brown
Celeste Beauparlant is an award-winning journalist. She has five Emmys and three Peabodys sitting on her shelf. She consistently serves face and keeps her hair in an impeccable blowout while she’s out grilling our nation’s most powerful individuals. But that’s not what we’re talking about this week. We’re not discussing how she’s the first Black woman to solely anchor a network news channel’s flagship Sunday morning political show and kill it.
A show, I might add, that was essentially a sinking ship that was relegated to her care after, rumor has it, her bosses knew they had to promote her to keep her at the network. The only stipulation: they didn’t want to give her anything “too big.” Instead, Celeste saw that Titanic for what it was and somehow fit the show’s entire production team on her wooden plank before they all died of hypothermia. Ratings hell is surprisingly cold. She demanded a new set that didn’t scream, “Our heyday was 1987!” and brought in panelists who weren’t all old white guys who were eighty-seven. She expanded the discussion topics, encouraged viewer feedback via social media, and actually implemented suggestions when they made sense.
I was never one to spend my Sunday mornings couched in front of a television screen. I wasn’t raised that way. But I still flipped to GNN six years ago because I wanted to see how Celeste would do in the new gig and ended up staying for the content. Yet here we are. Too busy pondering the fate of a woman who has done nothing wrong but fall victim to the angry Black woman stereotype.
The press is just about ready to skewer Celeste’s career without getting her side of the story. I’m sure she had a legitimate reason for lashing out at Andres Venegas the way she did. Maybe it was his touch. What made him think he could lay a hand on her, besides male privilege? I tried to contact Celeste, but her reps say she isn’t taking any interviews, which is her right; a right so often stripped from our hands as Black women in America. But that isn’t the point. Let’s not pretend that Venegas is the most popular politician in DC anyway. If that were the case, we wouldn’t be looking into his suspicious spending, hmm? Show me the receipts, Senator.
No one asked what I thought about this whole debacle, but that’s never stopped me from giving my opinion before. GNN doesn’t deserve Celeste, and if they have her step down, they don’t deserve us as an audience.
Don’t just take my word for it. I leave you with an email I received from a GNN producer with proof that the show’s management is undermining Celeste:
From: [REDACTED]
To: Tricia Jenkins
Subject: You didn’t get this from me
Thought you and your readers would like to know.
-----------Forwarded Message-----------
From: William Donahue
To: Michael Sanders
Subject: Slap-Gate
Mike,
I’ve taken the liberty of reiterating my reservations here regarding the future trajectory of Sunday Politicos. Our viewers expect to enjoy an hour and a half of stimulating intellectual analysis of the week’s political events, not watch a full-on brawl. Another freak-out like the one we witnessed in December would be most undesirable.
I remember watching Sunday Politicos growing up in rural Michigan. I don’t know if my parents would have allowed me to if they feared I’d encounter such violence on a show that should be promoting compromise and diplomacy among polarized groups. Imagine if parents around the country stop watching with their children. Those young people will never learn to love Sunday Politicos the way I did. She’s a huge liability because she could cause us to lose an entire demographic.
I’m happy to discuss this further in your office.
Sincerely,
William Donahue III
Executive Producer, GNN Sunday Politicos
Two-time Emmy Award winner
-----------Message-----------
From: Michael Sanders
To: William Donahue
Cc: GNN-SP-LISTSERV
Subject: Re: Slap-Gate
Will,
As long as the viewers love her, she stays. Please don’t take the liberty again.
Mike
GNN President
An Imagined Email Exchange Between Mom and Her Boss After Those Less Than Flattering Articles About GNN Came Out
From: Michael Sanders
To: Celeste Beauparlant
Subject: Taking a break
Greetings from the Concrete Jungle,
I hope you’re enjoying your time off to reset and recharge in the Real Jungle. As per our earlier chat with your agent, stay out of the spotlight as we conduct yet another focus group to make sure our audiences still react positively to you.
Mike
P.S. Please don’t do anything else that will add to my stress load. I can’t afford to lose any more hair.
-----------Message-----------
From: Celeste Beauparlant
To: Michael Sanders
Subject: Re: Taking a break
Haiti is not a jungle.
C
Monday, January 11
TEXT MESSAGES FROM ME TO DAD
Daddy-O
ALAINE 2:07pm:
What career do you think Mom should try next?
ALAINE 2:13pm:
Okay I’ll start.
ALAINE 2:14pm:
Pottery smasher.
DAD 2:15pm:
Not funny.
ALAINE 2:16pm:
MMA fighter’s more her speed.
DAD 2:17pm:
Alaine...
ALAINE 2:18pm:
You’re right. She should hang up her fighting gloves for good. Puppy petter.
DAD 2:18pm:
Chef.
ALAINE 2:19pm:
Rhythmic gymnast.
DAD 2:20pm:
Reality TV star.
ALAINE 2:21pm:
Yes! Contestant on “The Bachelor.”
DAD 2:21pm:
(...)
ALAINE 2:34pm:
Dad????
Tuesday, January 12
LETTER FOUND IN OPEN ENVELOPE
At the top of Dad’s “Read” pile on the kitchen island
ST. CATHERINE DE’ RICCI ACADEMY
1865 CARROLL LANE
MIAMI, FL
305-111-2222
Tuesday, January 12
Same Day Delivery Expedited Correspondence
F
ormal follow-up letter from initial phone call
Dear Dr. Beauparlant:
I will never forget the moment St. Catherine appeared to me in a vision while waiting in that CVS Pharmacy line thirty years ago. Imagine: the patron saint of the sick revealing herself to a woman picking up Tamiflu! It was in that haze of congestion that she called me to head a school of vivacious youngsters and transform myself from prematurely retired dentist to proud principal. It is this precious memory I turn to during trying times. Having to write this letter is one of those times.
All of us at St. Catherine’s have truly admired you and Ms. Beauparlant’s compassion and long-standing patronage to this illustrious institution. I repeat, we have appreciated every gift—financial or otherwise—to furthering our goal of educating Florida’s gifted youth. We will be forever grateful to you. In addition, St. Catherine de’ Ricci Academy is an institution that holds all its students in the highest regard and that is all I’ve ever wanted. There’s no one else quite like Alaine in our student body and we’ve enjoyed having your daughter bring her unique sense of humor to our classrooms.
That being said, in light of a recent incident caused by Alaine’s insistence to exercise that special brand of humor despite requests from her teacher Sister Wagner to rein in the theatrics, I have no choice but to suspend her through the end of the school year. It is my understanding that Alaine intentionally deviated from a more traditional presentation in favor of a distasteful demonstration that was never officially approved. Suspension is a very serious repercussion I feel is appropriate in this circumstance. Upon her return I strongly encourage a disciplinary hearing to address the future of Alaine at St. Catherine’s.
All the blessings,
Sister Gayle Pollack
Sister Gayle Pollack
PRINCIPAL AND FOUNDER, ST. CATHERINE’S
HANDWRITTEN NOTE FROM DAD
Found in the refrigerator next to the almond milk
Dear Haiti, Love Alaine Page 6