by Kira Adams
“No!” they cry out in unison.
I look between the two. “Alright, then you need to compromise and decide on something you both like, and remember, keep it down.”
I walk by the bedroom and notice my mother tucked into bed. Her eyes are closed, but I can tell she isn’t asleep. Quietly, I slip inside and lie down beside her on top of the covers.
“Ciera,” she says softly.
“Hey Mom,” I reply, turning so I’m facing her.
“Did you have a good day?” she asks, not bothering to open her eyes.
“Yep,” I respond. I don’t tell her about my troubles with school. We already have so much to deal with as it is; I don’t want to stress her out even more.
It’s been difficult being around her the past couple of months, her eyes always filled with sorrow and heartache. I hate the fact that I’m the one making her sad and I can’t do anything about it. I worry about how she will handle it, how she will be able to overcome the obstacle that is approaching in our lives. I know she’s strong, but she is one person. I wish she had more of a support system.
I forgot how nice it feels to sleep on an actual bed. I shift my body, making myself more comfortable. I’ve been sleeping on a couch for the past six years. My mother is all we have, and she works her ass off to make ends meet. I’m thankful we even have a roof over our heads.
When we found out, she tried to baby me, basically forcing me to sleep in the bed, but I don’t want to draw more attention to myself than necessary. We haven’t told Rose and Wesley anything yet. They’re too young to have to deal with something of such weight and intensity. I worry about the time when we can’t avoid it anymore. I love seeing them blissfully happy.
I’m sure it’s not exactly ideal for my mom to share the bed with two little kids, but it’s better than nothing, and I never hear her complain. I swear she’s like Wonder Woman.
She works the graveyard shift at a bank call center. Every day she has to listen to people complain, bitch, yell, and moan, and then she comes home and has a handful to deal with because of my siblings. I try to help out where I can and not be a burden for her. Because we don’t have enough money for a sitter, I help out when I can. I also have a job I’ve been working at for the past few years. I work five hours a couple of times a week and then sixteen hours during the weekend. It’s minimum wage and really not a lot, but every penny goes toward our bills. Sometimes we find ourselves with a little extra money, but that is always spent on Rose and Wesley. Although we don’t have a television or internet or even cell phones, I’ve been thankful that, over time, we have been able to get them a radio and even a small handheld Gameboy. They fight more than they use either device, but I’m happy they even have the option.
I know my mother will have to start getting ready to leave within the next few hours, so I decide to take advantage of the small amount of time I have and close my eyes for a few moments.
It’s halfway through my school week and I’m looking forward to work today—not that I don’t look forward to it every time. Most people dread the thought of going into work, but I actually enjoy the work and my co-workers. They don’t treat me like everyone at school does. They, instead treat me like a real human being.
It’s lunchtime and I make a quick pit stop at the restroom before I head to meet Mack. I can hear loud chatter as I enter, and my stomach ties up in knots as I realize Sophia Thompson and Alyssa Justice are standing inside, applying lip gloss.
Both cheerleaders, they are in the hierarchy of the A-Team. They’ve had it easy their entire lives; popularity, friends, money. I don’t think they’ve had to work for anything they have. They are both dressed in their skimpy cheerleading outfits as today is game day.
They stop talking abruptly as I enter and simply glare at me. I keep my eyes averted as I quietly slip into a stall. As I close the door behind me, they resume talking.
“Did you hear about that YouTube video?” Sophia asks.
I can see them through the slits in the stall doors. Alyssa shakes her head no.
“It’s up to 50,000 views. They are calling her a train wreck.”
My stomach dips even lower as I realize they’re speaking about me. Sophia is doing it simply because I’m in their presence, I can tell…
The crazier part is Sophia and I used to be friends. Best friends. She’s punishing me for things I have no control over. When we became freshmen, we didn’t have any classes together, and we began to drift apart. She started hanging out with the crowd who bullied me. In middle school they never took it further than mean words and being ostracized. I still had a handful of friends, but eventually, her new friends took it upon themselves to make fun of me every chance they got, embarrassing me in front of crowds of people. The first few times, she didn’t join in, just kept her head held low. She came to my house one more time after that and told me her friends were only making fun of me because I dressed differently and had an old soul. Not a month later, she was the one initiating the bullying, calling me out for my ‘granny panties’ and basically driving the friendship we had into the ground.
I finish doing my business and flush the toilet, wincing at how loud it is.
“She is so disgusting…” Alyssa trails off, pulling her blond hair into a high ponytail. “I mean, have you seen her clothes?”
I look down at what I’m currently wearing. I know it is nowhere near what is in style nowadays, but it’s never bothered me that much until this very moment. I pull down on my mother’s oversized sweater uncomfortably and slip my backpack over my arm.
When I exit the stall, the two cheerleaders swivel their heads in my direction, and I can feel their eyes burning into me.
“I think there’s something wrong with her…like I think she’s slow. Have you noticed how she never looks anyone in the eyes?”
I can feel tears burning at the edges of my eyes as they continue to talk about me like I can’t hear them.
I quickly make my way to the sink to wash my hands. I just want to get out of here.
“Hey! You in there?” Sophia shouts condescendingly, knocking with her fist on the side of my head. I pull away from her touch, ripping paper towel off and drying my hands at a rapid pace.
“See? What did I say? Retarded,” Alyssa whispers loudly.
Just when I think I’m seconds away from freedom, I hear a spitting sound then feel something hit my hair. I reach up and touch the spot and feel something sticky.
The girls begin to laugh hysterically. “Oh my god! You did not!” Sophia cries out, still laughing.
“What? Not like she will even know what the hell happened,” Alyssa replies, grabbing her purse and pushing away from the mirror. “Come on, let’s go.”
I don’t move an inch as the girls push their way past me, laughing the entire way out. As soon as I know I’m safely alone, I run to the mirror and look up. Sure enough, blue gum is sticking to my blond hair, and it looks like it’s really embedded.
The tears begin to spill down my cheeks unforgivingly. I can’t hold it in any longer. I mind my own business. I don’t talk to anyone. I know I don’t deserve this. Soon, I am crying so hard I can barely see out of my water-logged eyes. My sides hurt from how twisted up my stomach feels.
I hear the bathroom door open and I panic. I don’t want anyone to see me this way. I think about racing into a stall, but I’m not fast enough, and one of the girls from the A-Team stands there, staring at me. What happens next is something I am not expecting in the least.
“Are you okay?” she asks, genuine concern filling her voice.
Although I never look people in the eyes, I can’t help but wonder if she is being sincere or playing a trick on me…so curiosity gets the better of me. I shoot a quick glance at her face before letting my eyes fall back to the floor. It’s Madalynne Johnson. She’s been a part of the A-Team her entire life, but I’ve never had any classes with her or even any encounters. She’s a year younger than me, a junior. The most I really know a
bout her is she is dating Parker Grant and has been for years. They make a ridiculously cute couple and are always making people jealous wherever they go.
I shrug, not knowing how else to respond. It’s already obvious enough that I am not doing well.
She takes a few hesitant steps toward me. I can see her hands reach up to my hair, and I flinch out of habit.
She pulls back quickly. “Did someone do this to you?”
I nod without bothering to say a word. Apparently they already think I’m slow. Best if I live up to their expectations.
“Those asshats,” she remarks.
I’ve never spoken a single word to her in my life and am beginning to realize maybe I was wrong to classify her in the same group as the other jocks who torment me.
“Come here.” Her voice is quiet and gentle. “Let me help.”
My foot moves instinctively, and before I can stop myself, I’ve closed the distance between us.
I can feel her hands in my hair and then pulling. I wonder how much hair I’m bound to lose from Alyssa’s ridiculous stunt.
“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Madalynne whispers as she notices me wince every few moments from the pain. “Can I ask you something?”
I shrug.
“Who did this to you?”
Your friends? “It doesn’t matter.”
I watch as her body tenses up, and then she lifts my chin with her fingers so I’m looking her in the eyes. I haven’t looked an A-Team member in the eye in years. The feeling is foreign and uncomfortable for me. Her brown eyes are kind and genuine, and it makes me wonder why I’ve been so scared to do so in the first place.
“What’s your name?” she asks.
“Ciera,” I answer in a small voice.
“Madalynne.” She sticks out her hand for me to shake.
“I know,” I reply instinctively.
This seems to surprise her. “Oh,” she says, almost embarrassed. “Well Ciera, whoever did this to you is a coward. They pick on you because they’re unhappy in their own life.”
I take a deep breath, nodding slightly.
She returns to her attempt at freeing my hair from Alyssa’s gum.
I take a moment to look her over, without feeling threatened or guilty. She has long brown hair and a gentle demeanor. She is definitely naturally pretty, and I can see why Parker likes her.
“So I have good news and bad news…what do you want to hear first?”
I look into her chestnut eyes, and she looks conflicted. “I don’t know…you choose.”
Her lips pull into a small smile. “The good news is I was able to get most of it out…”
“And the bad news?” I choke out.
“You’re going to need a haircut…with lots of layers.”
I switch my eyes to the mirror and look at my reflection. The aim of Alyssa’s gum was pretty high, and unfortunately for me, Madalynne is right.
She continues to smile timidly at me. “Look, my boyfriend’s cousin is a hairstylist. She normally cuts us a deal because she’s family. Want me to talk to her for you?”
I don’t know why she’s being so nice to me, but although foreign, it feels nice. “Thanks. I don’t really have any extra money at the moment, but I appreciate it.”
Her eyes lower as she appears to be deep in thought. “Here.” She pulls out a pen and paper. “Carly owes me a favor. Tell her I sent you.” She writes down a number on a piece of notebook paper then hands it to me.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I ask. I can’t help it. I need to know.
Her smile vanishes from her lips. “People are jerks. Don’t ever let anyone treat you with any less respect than you deserve.”
She ruffles through her purse and pulls out a gray beanie. “Here, it’s Parker’s. I’ll just tell him I lost it. Maybe it will help hide it.”
I take the beanie from her, shooting her a simple smile. “Thank you.”
She returns my smile. “Any time, Ciera. Don’t be a stranger.” And then she turns on her heel and exits the bathroom. It seems as though she completely forgot why she came in the first place.
I look back at my reflection in the mirror. My tears have dried, but my cheeks are still a dark pink along with my nose. It’s obvious I’ve been crying. I slip the beanie over my hair and look back at the girl staring back.
Don’t ever let anyone treat you with any less respect than you deserve. Her words echo through my head on repeat. For the first time in a long time, I feel like there may be hope for me yet.
“Hey,” Sophia says softly, slowly approaching me.
I am sitting at the docks at the end of Boone Woods. It’s our secret spot.
I glance up at her but know within that short glance that things are not the same anymore. Her facial expression is forlorn, and before she even opens up her mouth, I can tell it isn’t going to be good.
“What are you doing out here?” Sophia asks, taking a seat next to me on top of the familiar log.
I stare back at her. “I could ask you the same thing.”
Sophia exhales a shaky breath. “I need to talk to you.”
My stomach clenches with anxiety. They got to you, didn’t they?
“Listen, Ciera, I can’t—” She can’t even finish because I jump in.
“They don’t want you hanging out with me anymore. Am I right?” I snap.
Sophia’s expression drops. “It’s not that…”
“Then what is it? Since when have we cared what other people think?”
Sophia looks considerably shaken up about it. “Sometimes people grow apart. We hang out with entirely different crowds.”
“No, you do. I still hang out with the same people we’ve always hung out with. You’ve been obsessed with being popular since we turned thirteen. You were never like this in elementary school.” I know I sound like a bitter teenager, which I am, but I want to scream in her face, “I told you so!”
Lately, Sophia hasn’t been stopping her friends from picking on me. She doesn’t encourage them, but she doesn’t stop them. I fear the day when she leads the pack.
“Look, I’m really sorry, Ciera. I am, but you know this kind of opportunity isn’t available to just anyone.” She shows no remorse for what is about to transpire.
“And maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I thought my friend would never take an opportunity like this. Maybe I thought my friend had more heart in her.”
Finally, there is a glimpse of the old Sophia. She looks hurt, offended even. Her hand instinctively goes up to cover her chest as my words reverberate in the air. “That’s not fair. I’m done talking about this. After today, I won’t be addressing it again.”
“Good,” I huff. “After today, don’t address me anymore.”
“Deal,” she bites out as she hops to her feet and begins backing away.
It stings to know our friendship is over just like that, but like they say…all good things must come to an end.
5
I returned home after a few days at Joe’s, and surprisingly my father was nowhere in sight. The house was empty and quiet, and I wasn’t sure where he had disappeared to. I didn’t want to call him, seeing as I had been avoiding him and wasn’t sure I was ready for the conversation that would inevitably follow. He didn’t return home at all that night. When I left for school this morning, the house was yet again eerily quiet.
Guilt is beginning to eat away at me every second I go without speaking with him. This is the longest we have ever gone without speaking. After my mother died, we were all each other had. Although he’s been busy over the years and we haven’t spent as much time together as I would have liked, he’s still been the best father he could be for me.
It’s game day today, so I figure I may or may not see him when I make it home from the game. But knowing my friends, there will more than likely be a party afterward in celebration of our win. I’m cocky, but our team is good. We’ve been undefeated all season, and today we play against Central High, whose team is kn
own for its losing streak.
I make it to the locker room half an hour early and immediately begin changing into my gear. There are a couple of guys from my team already there, and more continue to spill in as the clock ticks by.
“So,” Joe says as he opens his gym locker next to mine and stuffs his bag in. “There’s a party tonight at my place. The parental units are out of town. Everyone is invited. You down?”
I look over at him from my seated position on the bench, shrugging. “Yeah, why not.”
He shoots me a quick smile. “Good. Let’s kill it out there and then let’s get wasted!”
I chuckle. “Okay.”
Joe is the quarterback on the team and just as cocky as I am.
“By the way, I saw Sophia out there and she said she was looking for you.” He motions with his head toward the locker room doors, which lead out to the field.
I nod. It’s been our routine since she joined the cheerleading team and I joined the football team that before every home game, we meet for a few moments to rub good luck off on one another—more like we meet for a few moments to get it on so I can be amped up for the game. It turns out we’re both nicer people once we get off.
Lately though, it’s been difficult to keep it up when we go at it. The excitement I used to feel when we hook up has fizzled out, and sneaking around doesn’t even cut it anymore. Frankly, I’m bored. I need something to shake up the dull routine. I wish I could tell Joe and Sophia I know about their secret and have him do my dirty work, but I’m too content with the way things are.
I sigh as I stand up.
“Don’t act so excited or anything,” Joe jokes. “Is everything okay with you and Sophia?” There is a mixture of feelings emanating from his words. Concern, worry, hope—I hear them all.
Because he is still my best friend, part of me wants to tell him the truth, but the knife he put in my back stops me from doing so. I nod without saying anything else and make my way outside. There is about fifteen minutes before we will need to be in place for the game.