The question reverberated around my head, chasing its tail. Our brief encounter was so sexually charged I was shocked the pub hadn’t gone up in flames or that we hadn’t been kicked out for indecent exposure. I swear this was not meant to happen in real life. It felt like I was suddenly a cameo in a movie where a hot guy forced himself into my life, took control, and I was the helpless victim along for the ride, powerless to do anything.
F-U-C-K T-H-A-T. I chanted internally once more.
I decided to shake off the meeting, choosing not to tell my girls about him as they would think it was more than just a chance encounter. He would most likely forget me and act like some arrogant tosser to another girl. As if he could pay for the wine and expect that I would dance to his tune?! The attraction I felt between us had scared me; I wasn’t ready to be with someone else with the breakup being so fresh. I just hoped that he tried his luck on someone who was more pliable than I was. Xander liked me pliable, his little doll who acquiesced to his every whim, but I had broken up with him, so fuck that. I was never going to be so passive with a future partner. Never.
Thinking of my passivity pulled me back to the unpleasant brunch I’d had earlier with Xander. I had stayed over at his flat and the mood was already sour because I had said no to him that morning. I was so done with letting him have his way when I wasn’t in the mood for it. I thought that he would understand and when I broached the topic at brunch it hadn’t gone well to say the least…
* * *
“I hope you can overcome your little temper tantrum, little doll,” Xander said conversationally as he took a bite of his omelette.
Scowling at him, I took a hearty gulp of my Bloody Mary and snapped back. “It wasn’t a temper tantrum, Xan. If I wasn’t in the mood, I wasn’t in the mood. What’s so hard to understand about that?”
“I’m your boyfriend, of course you wanted me,” he said dismissively as if he was God’s gift to Earth.
I had truly thought that as well once. He was my best friend. He was my lover. He was my confidante. My partner to go forth in this world with. But I had just wanted him to treat me with more respect. To not dictate my life so much. To grant me a crumb of freedom. Was that too much to ask?
Not wanting to cause a scene, I had smiled tightly and said, “I don’t think it works like that, Xan.”
He had smiled indulgently at me as if I were a petulant child, “You belong with me, Xan.” He paused, taking a sip of his coffee. “Indeed, I think it’s high time that we got engaged. You know that your mother was keen for a wedding at the end of school but she respected that you wanted to wait.”
My heart thrummed in panic at that. I couldn’t marry him. There was too much to iron out. So many boundaries to establish. It had taken almost a decade but I had realised that I couldn’t just smile and acquiesce to every whim that Xander had. That wasn’t how relationships worked. “No,” I blurted out, unable to maintain my public persona thanks to the panic.
Xander looked at me in confusion, “What do you mean, no?”
“I mean exactly that. No. Maybe it’s time for you to understand, Xander. I’m not just your little doll, who you can dress and make her dance the way you want her to.”
“I think you must be fucking deluded, little doll. You have been mine since we were babies. What has changed?”
I shivered at the fury lacing his words but held my ground. “Nothing has changed, Xander. I want to live my life and find out who Xanthe is. Find out who she is, other than your possession.”
I had never seen this side of Xander, the cold, calm, icy anger directed at me, before but I tried to keep a handle on my fear. He wouldn’t do anything in public. For once I was grateful for the necessity of not causing a scene which had been drummed into us from when we were little. “You are clearly going through something. If I have to drag you down to the altar, I will.”
At that point, I had downed my Bloody Mary and pushed the chair back. “That will never happen because I’m breaking up with you.”
Xander had laughed indulgently at me. The bastard had the fucking audacity to laugh. “Breaking up with me? Really? You were the one to start this. You agreed to this.”
I had looked at him sadly, the years of memories threatening to smother me, and murmured. “No, Xan. I didn’t agree to this.”
I had walked away and heard him call, “I will grant you time to get over this, but mark my words, you will come crawling back.” I had swiped at the tears threatening to spill over, kept my back straight and marched home.
* * *
I shook off the dregs of the memories and the random encounter with the guy at the bar, the weird and undeniably terrifying attraction that had flared brief and bright between us. I did not need any man. They were more trouble than what was claimed on the tin. The tin fucking lied. Good thing I was no longer enamoured by the pretty packaging but could see the sordid contents, rank with botulism, for what they really were.
Shading my eyes to reorient myself, I laughed. The others must be getting so thirsty and so impatient, wondering where the hell I had gone. I breathed in, feeling the coke dance around my body and sauntered back out to the back garden where my girls were, feeling overwhelmingly empowered. The control, the power I finally had access to… it was dizzying.
Noelle spotted me and stood up, raising her hands dramatically. “F-I-N-A-L-L-Y!” she exclaimed, drawing out the words for added effect. Pinning a stern gaze on me she added, “Where the fuck did you go, bitch? Gem and I have been waiting and waiting, parched…” Laughing, I pulled them in for a hug and Noelle pulled back, pinching my face to study me. “Fuck’s sake, Xan, if you were going to do that you could have filled us in! I knew it was gonna be a mad one tonight!”
Gem sighed despairingly, looking up at us. “You haven’t, Xanthe?” I smiled conspiratorially with Noelle. Looking back and forth at us, she sighed once more. “Fuck’s sake. Can’t be trusted, can you?”
I giggled, “Guess not, babe.” Brandishing the bottle, I exclaimed. “But look! We have wine!” I topped them both up generously and saluted them both. “To friendships and crazy nights!”
The girls clinked their glasses with mine, laughing in assent. I waited until we had all taken a deep sip and sat back, the happy buzz I had going on before my encounter with the mysterious twat rushing back like a tidal wave. Before I could speak, I caught Noelle’s gaze who fully understood why I was feeling so happy. It was why we connected initially all those years ago at uni; we immediately recognised a kindred, chaotic spirit. My chaotic queens. We both burst into hysterics.
Gem looked at us and joined in the hysteria. “A quiet night, home by midnight, never really was on the agenda?”
“Absolutely not! Our Xanthe is free and is celebrating it like the queen of keys she is.”
Gasping, I pinned her with a stern gaze. “Seriously, babe? Queen of keys? More like, Queen of Chaos.”
Gemma giggled and Noelle looked unruffled. She shrugged, “Well if the shoe fits…”
Laughing, I said, “You’re ridiculous… but I love you. Love you both.” I pulled both of them in for another hug, breaking up with Gemma screaming about us needing to watch out for the wine glasses.
I was about to start discussing the plans for the night but my attention was diverted by the group approaching us. Typically the twat from the bar was leading the pack, the others in loose formation behind him. He just couldn’t leave me alone. I masked my frustration with a deep, fortifying sip of rosé.
His gaze met mine once again and, upon recognising me, he looked almost pissed off. I recoiled slightly, fury brewing in my belly – what the fuck did I do? He was the one who was presumptuous when he decided to win me over with paying for the bottle of wine and now he was pissed off at me. He could have just left me alone.
The girls followed my gaze, wondering why I had trailed off. Noelle started to positively vibrate with excitement. “Who are they?”
“Shush! You have Jay, you slut,” I hissed
back, desperately looking for an escape. “Could always get you that key now?” I asked hopefully.
She glared back at me. “Absolutely not, Miss Meylor.” She fanned herself dramatically, “Hotness incoming.” I rolled my eyes at that, resigning myself to the inevitable.
My gaze settled on the mocha skinned boy who had pushed past the leader, startled once more by his good looks. Their collective good looks. His piercing arctic gaze settled on Gemma and he pulled her into an embrace that was overly familiar. Who was he? Did she know him?
Noelle and I looked at each other in confusion but before we could say anything the boy in question announced, “Found you, my blonde-haired siren!” we laughed in confusion and he directed a question at us, his attention diverted. “Is that funny, my fair ladies?”
“Just a bit surprised you guys came up to us. Gem, do you know this guy?”
Still having not fought free of his embrace, she replied, “Nope, not a clue.”
He looked down and ruffled her hair fondly. “Ah, but you will.”
Noelle outright scoffed at this. “But what if she has a boyfriend or girlfriend?”
He pulled back, looking disaffected, and waved the question away. “Minor inconveniences.” He looked down at her seriously, “You don’t have anyone right?”
Gemma leant back, clearly enamoured by his good looks, and smiled. “Nope, I’m sure I can give you the time of the day… see if you make the cut.”
He chuckled before turning back to his friends, the mysterious twat still seemingly pissed off for God knows what reason. Smugly, he declared, “I told you that we needed to drop by here, I’ve found her!”
Pissed off twat snapped back, “And what Delacourt? You’ll just take her to Paris with us tonight?”
“I don’t see why not…”
Pissed off twat raised his hands in despair and addressed the other two guys. “I think we should just leave him. He has lost his brain in pursuit of pussy.”
One of the guys slapped him over the head, “Fuck’s sake. Have some manners, no need to be so coarse. You’re being so serious about this evening. I’m sure it will be fine to bring them along, two of us can look after them and two can go and deal with what we have to deal with.”
Blue-eyed boy smiled like the cat with the fucking cream and declared triumphantly. “Ludo’s settled it, bastard Blaise. I can bring along this sweet girl here and you can get to know your dark-haired beauty better.”
Dark-haired beauty? Had he been talking about me? Despite his rudeness he clearly was taken in by me which made me smugly preen myself. Looks like he couldn’t control himself after all.
“What if we don’t want to go?” Noelle demanded coquettishly. I rolled my eyes at this. She was bouncing up and down at the prospect of leaving London.
The guys were about to reply but I cut her off, “It’ll be a laugh, babe. And Gem needs to find out more about…” I raised an eyebrow at the blue eyed boy.
“Bastien,” he offered, pulling me in for a hug. “Pleasure to meet you. The moody bastard behind me is Blaise and the two other idiots are Damien and Ludo.”
“Here I was thinking you were just called Pissed Off Twat,” I challenged, staring at the one I now know to be Blaise, refusing to back down.
He arched an eyebrow at me while his other friends dissolved into laughter. “Pissed off twat!” the one with auburn hair, Ludo, spluttered. Blaise jabbed him sharply.
“Shut up you fucker,” Blaise snapped, before turning his attention to me. “What would your names be then?”
“Xanthe. The girl Bastien is obsessed with is Gemma and this here is Noelle.”
The guys all smiled, with the exception of Blaise, and exchanged pleasantries before we all sat down. To my surprise, Blaise sat next to me. Noelle smiled knowingly. Fucker, she knew exactly what was going to happen. It was as though her witchy sixth sense knew about that heady instantaneous attraction between us. Gemma was deep in conversation with Bastien and I felt a rush of happiness and relief for her. Poor, sweet girl hadn’t had the best of luck with guys despite being such an angel.
Sipping my drink, I shifted my focus to the issue I had to deal with, Pissed Off Twat. It irked me that he was so moody and I was so fucking over that. We were strangers with each other. If he was so annoyed with me then I would not provoke him by paying him attention. We didn’t need to speak. I would just talk to his friends. I turned my attention to the boy with auburn hair and mischief matching Bastien’s who was sitting next to me. “So, Ludo was it?”
He smiled back at me, pleased with the attention. “It was indeed, darling.” He clinked his glass with mine. “Pleasure to meet you.”
I smiled back, pouting slightly. “Pleasure’s all mine, babe.” Ludo chuckled. “So what happens in Paris then?”
He wrapped his arm around me, lounging back with me pressed up against his side. “Debauchery, darling.” I smiled at that, tracing his abs with my finger and his pupils went hazy before he continued. “There’s a gig we want to attend and it happens to be in that beautiful city. Have you heard of Dubois?”
I captured his hand, tucking his arm tighter around me and murmured up at him, “Debauchery you say?”
“And seducing beautiful women.” He smirked at Blaise before his gaze shifted once more back to me, dropping to my chest, undressing me with his eyes.
A hand fell on my other leg and I lazily leaned into Ludo to see Blaise, fury blazing bright on his features. “What game are you playing, Mackenzie?”
“What do you mean? Is this a game?” I feigned hurt, glaring at Ludo who was smirking, sipping his cocktail, a Negroni I assumed from the ruby red liquid, with disaffected insouciance. Other than Bastien, he seemed to be the most mischievous out of the group and the one more likely to be up for a good time. The very opposite of moody and bored Blaise.
“Yeah, Blaise. You heard the girl, is this a game?”
“Children, children. Share nicely,” Damien drawled in exasperation from the other side of the table, leaning back to exhale, and looking for all the world like he would rather be anywhere else. He intrigued me; he was mostly silent but he was always watching, assessing, as if for some threat. But what threat? The thought sent shivers down my spine.
Blaise had given up all pretence of being nice and territorially lifted me up into his lap, tightening both hands around my waist, glaring at Damien. “Well I don’t fucking share, mmkay?”
Giggling nervously, Gem said. “Everything okay guys? Xanthe, if you want I can see Bastien some other time…”
“No, fuck that. You are not giving into their childish ways. You are all coming to Paris.” Bastien snapped, arm curled tightly around Gemma.
She wordlessly questioned me and I looked back, smiling in agreement. I could feel Blaise’s hard body under me, his grip vise-tight against my midriff and his intoxicating spicy scent drugging me with desire.
Noelle, ever the queen of breaking an awkward silence, declared, “That’s that then! Now tell me what you guys are all doing? And what we’re doing in Paris? How are we getting there? And who is Dubois? What kind of music is it?”
Everyone laughed, welcoming the shift in intensity. I offered round some cigarettes as I was in desperate need of the sweet relief of nicotine. To my surprise, Blaise lit me up, planting a kiss on my cheek. Smug thoughts of victory, of having the upper-hand infused my being; he clearly desired me as much as I did him. His ‘pissed-off twat’ persona was clearly exactly that. A persona. An act. An illusion. But why? Why was he so determined to keep me at a distance? It wasn’t like I was going to go psycho on him after tonight. Would it really be that hard to enjoy one night of hedonism and leave it at that? It wasn’t like I was planning to stalk him, blackmail him into a relationship. I could be chill.
Lightly chatting among ourselves, we found out more about the guys but finding more just gave birth to more questions, buzzing and spinning around. They were an impregnable enigma, but I would find out what that was. Crack the code.
Decipher the deceits. What was evident was that they were not normal. Normal in that they had an average 9-5 job, they lived for the weekends, and time spent with their friends and family. I could see similar questions dancing in Noelle’s eyes. Gemma was too wrapped up with Bastien to question anything. My happiness at that resurfaced and I smiled contentedly; the girl deserved the world and if he hurt her then the bastard would pay and regret ever crossing her or us.
She giggled and I looked up. She looked at me despairingly, “Babe, did you realise you said that out loud?”
Smiling, embarrassed, I replied. “Oops…I meant it though!” Trying to be threatening, I pointed a finger at Bastien. “Behave or we’ll hurt you.”
Noelle nodded enthusiastically at that. “Exactly. Be very afraid.”
Gem laughed at us, her eyes desperately trying to tell us to chill. To back off. “Guys it is fine, okay?”
We smiled and Noelle stood up. “Well I’m going to the toilet. Xanthe, you coming with?” We knew Gemma wouldn’t be ready for that just yet. She liked to party like us but she always needed a couple drinks down her to rid her of her inhibitions.
I trailed after her to the bathroom and we settled ourselves in an empty cubicle. She looked up at me seriously. “You know I love you, right, Xanthe?”
I looked back down at her and said, in utter seriousness, “Of course – ride or die forever.” I smacked a kiss on her cheek.
“Well then know that I fully support this adventure tonight but be warned that I’m worried about you and Blaise.”
I bristled at that slightly. Worried? I had it under control. Mentally chastising myself, I remembered I had only won one round against him, but it was all to play for. He was still a brooding, slightly terrifying mystery. Was it a good idea to go to a foreign country with him? I bit my lip, concerned suddenly. Concern was sobering, it made you look at things in the cold, harsh light of day. Re-evaluate decisions.
Little Doll: Queens of Chaos 1 Page 4