I had just settled on the excuse of being distracted by a friend who I had gone for a smoke with when I felt a familiar pair of hands settle around my waist and pull me into the kitchen which was relatively empty except for a few of the catering staff. I turned around to face Bastien’s piercing glare and assumed an air of innocent delight at seeing him.
He smirked at me. “Oh no, belle. You don’t get to play the innocent card with me. I saw the tail-end of your little reunion with my dear friend. Tut tut tut.” He sighed as though he were telling off a naughty schoolgirl. “What shall I do with you?”
Panicking slightly, I smiled and tried to stay calm. “Bastien, it’s fine. Nothing we can’t handle. I’m not going to go blabbing…”
“You better not. There’s too much at stake,” he said, his voice as cold as his eyes.
“I thought you were the one out of the four who was all for love. I thought you were going to help us.”
“Oh, so this is love is it?” he said sarcastically. “A weekend with Blaise as opposed to ten years with Xander?”
“Don’t even go there, I don’t fully understand it myself.”
“Then why have I been told by numerous people that you are back with Xander? Quite the talk of the party, some might even say that it overshadows the actual engagement.”
“I don’t even know what’s happening with that…”
“So let me get this straight.” He held a hand up, stopping my trite excuses. I swallowed, suddenly feeling chastised. “I agreed to help you but you deliberately went behind my back to come to this party, pretending that you are back with Xander? Can you not see how fucking foolish that is on so many levels? Putain!” he cursed, hitting the wall. “Now Xander’s back in the picture it’s all complicated and, between you and I, it would appear that you are having your fucking cake and eating it? How can I trust that you actually want to be with…”
Anger clawed at me and, unable to hold back, I snapped. “Fucking trust me, okay? I do and if I didn’t I wouldn’t have risked going back with Xander.”
“Okay, so you actually understand the gravity of something that pertains to you but you don’t understand that this is so much bigger…”
“…what’s bigger?” I heard a familiar voice float through and I turned to see Jaz standing in the doorway. What the fuck was she doing here? She looked just as shocked to see me but it soon dissolved to a sneer. “What are you doing here? Working the party?”
“Some might say that about you, Jaz.” I replied coolly, glaring at her.
“Girls, girls,” Bastien interjected, back to his modus operandi. The jokester. I scowled at him and he smiled encouragingly at me. “It’s a party. Let’s just be nice, mmkay? Do you know each other?”
“From work.” I spat out, turning to Jaz who had was a little bit too close to Bastien. “I’m assuming Gem is somewhere here if you are?”
“Gem?” She asked.
“Gemma, the girl this boy is infatuated with.”
Bastien smirked at me. “How about I come with you? Be good to find her, make sure my charge doesn’t cause any more mischief.”
I seethed at that. I didn’t need a fucking babysitter. “Sure, that’d be lovely, Bastien.” I linked my arm with his and towed him away from Jaz who looked murderous. “Lovely seeing you around, Jaz. Hope you’re not too out of your depth in this situation. I know it can be overwhelming for a first timer.”
We disappeared before she could respond. Bastien said conversationally. “It would seem the lovely Xanthe can’t be helped because all sorts of girls seem to hate her. And all the boys have fallen under her siren song.What a talent.”
“You don’t know that girl. She’s a bitch. And she wants you.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t betray your sweet friend, Gemma. She’s an angel. 100% nicer and more trustworthy than you are, by the way.”
“Just because you’re allowed to pursue a relationship with her doesn’t mean you can judge me,” I snapped back. “Would you dump Gemma if your precious Club forced you?”
“For God’s sake, you and Blaise deserve each other. He’s always harping on about this too. But guess what? We’re lucky enough not to be in this situation. Now will you two just act like adults, please?” he said as we entered the living room. I scowled at him. “Behave, okay?” He retreated from me, waving his fingers in farewell.
“Xanthe! Thought you were at Grace’s?” Noelle called from behind me.
I flushed with embarrassment. I was caught. The awkward inevitable had happened. “Change of plans.” I smiled weakly.
“You are so naughty!” Noelle exclaimed, knowing exactly why I was here.
“Xan, there you are. I was wondering where you were,” Xander said, approaching us.
Noelle glared at me and I smiled back apologetically. “Hmmm, yes. Sorry, got distracted. You know how parties are.”
He pulled me into an embrace and murmured threateningly, “Well, you better have behaved yourself.” I swallowed at the threat and pulled back. He turned his attention to Noelle and said with disdain, “And of course you’re here as well.”
She waved sarcastically. “Hiya. Lovely to see you as always. Would love to catch-up, but I need to talk with my girl here.” Before he could protest, I was dragged away. He glared at me threateningly but, in honesty, I was glad for the escape. Once we were in the corridor Noelle glared at me. “What the fuck, Xanthe Anastasia Meylor?”
“Not here okay? Let’s just go somewhere private.” I led her back to Blaise’s balcony, locking the door behind us.
We settled on the worn sofa and I blushed at the memory of what had recently passed here but I forced myself to focus on Noelle. “So? Why are you back with that abusive piece of shit?”
“Do you believe in love at first sight?”
She paused before sighing. “This is about Blaise, isn’t it? Xander was your way into this party. Babe, could you not have waited until we had come up with a plan? I mean, that was seriously rash involving Xander.”
“He would have just claimed me back somehow. Might as well take advantage of an invite to a party my girls didn’t want me to come to.”
“Fuck’s sake, Xanthe. You know that if Gemma and Bastien…”
“And that’s the biggest injustice of it all. It’s fine for them but a different story for me.”
Noelle slapped me then and I gasped in shock but she held up a hand to silence me. “No. We are ending this pity party. You need to be happy for them. It’s shit but it’s luck of the draw, understood? Gemma might not have wanted you here because of that but we both needed more time to figure out a plan. Work out how to use Bastien. For heaven’s sake, we only found out about this on Wednesday! And it’s Saturday! What if it isn’t real?”
That shut me up. I was going to counter her but I heard a voice from the entrance to the bedroom. “It is for real.”
“Blaise,” I breathed out. “How did you get in here?”
“My room, remember?” He said, waving some keys. “Needed a breather from that insane party. Isadora is a nightmare.”
“You didn’t need to get engaged to her.”
“Noelle,” I rebuked. “We’ve covered this. It’s beyond us.”
“Oh that stupid Club Bastien was talking about,” Noelle huffed, flopping back.
Blaise laughed, slipping in next to us, positioning me on his lap. I snuggled back, feeling secure. “Clearly that fucker Delacourt gave away secrets too, thanks to love.”
“It’s antiquated. Why can’t people love who they love?”
“So are you on board with what my friends call the crazy train?” Blaise smiled, running his hands up and down my thighs, reigniting my lust from earlier. I squirmed against him, causing him to use his hands to pin my body still and I moaned out a protest. “Behave, needy girl. We’ll have all the time in the world for that,” he murmured in my ear.
Noelle laughed, oblivious to us, stroking her pentagram tattoo. “I don’t know, I guess when peop
le’s energies are aligned there’s little you can do. When the winds of change blow in a love this mad you kinda have to go along with it.”
He chuckled at that. “It is mad but maybe we are too far gone to quit.”
“Fair. I suppose Xander hated me so I consider it a win if one of Xanthe’s boys likes me.”
“True that,” Blaise said as he absentmindedly rubbed the tattoo on my wrist, meus ad infinitum. I cringed, cursing my stupidity when I was younger to have a symbol of our relationship permanently marked on my skin.Thankfully, Blaise made no comment. He moved his hand from my wrist to fish his wallet out of his pocket. “Now who’s down for a little fun? Will need it to survive this party.”
He waved a bag in front of us and I breathed out, “Fuck yes.”
Noelle laughed. “Absolute fiend, babe.”
“Speak for yourself” I mumbled back.
She laughed at me and we finished up in the roof-terrace, spending more time there than was probably wise but I think none of us really cared anymore. On leaving his room, Noelle and I returned to the kitchen, snagging a bottle of champagne and a few glasses.
We ran into Gemma outside and I exclaimed, “Look Gem! We’ve got champagne.”
She looked between us, sighing. “I knew there was nothing I could do to stop you from attending this party.”
“Nope,” I said, popping the ‘p’ for exaggeration before catching Noelle’s gaze and we collapsed into hysterical giggles.
“And I don’t even want to know what you guys have been up to.” She sighed, catching my jaw in her hand to peer into my eyes. I danced away, laughing like a fool. She just smiled and shook her head.
“You loved it in Paris,” Noelle said dismissively. “Anyway, let’s go finish this and have a dance!”
“Probably going to need it if what I’ve heard is right,” Gemma said cryptically. I looked at her askance and she looked at me in accusation. “Xander?”
I replied sheepishly, “I guess. We are just figuring out where to go from here. He knows he needs to work on a few areas.”
“A few…” Noelle spluttered from behind me.
“No-No!” I exclaimed, poking her in the ribs.
“You love me, babe,” she declared unremorsefully.
Gemma looked between us in an amused exasperation as we collapsed on the sofa, giggling. “Love you both, too. Even if you are completely insane.”
“Only way to live,” I declared, popping the cork on the champagne and cheering as we sloppily filled up the glasses.
“Cheers to that and to us, Queens of Chaos!” Noelle raised her glass and we clinked together, cheering.
The rest of the evening passed in an amusing blur. The best part was me and my girls spending time on the sofa chatting rubbish, sipping champagne, and living our best bougie life but then Bastien came and stole Gemma away, instructing Noelle and I to behave. We did behave. Sort of. We enjoyed ourselves and I managed to behave around the right people which was the most important thing, I suppose. My bitterness about Gemma and Bastien faded away when I considered the decision I had made for this evening. I felt smug satisfaction. The cards were all mine. Now I just had to find out a way to play them to my advantage. Little doll no fucking more.
Xanthe
Sunday was a write-off. Thank God, Xander had allowed me to go home by myself. He was my boyfriend again. I was his little doll. He could do with me what he pleased so it was a small mercy he was still keeping his distance. It was fucked up but I didn’t think that Blaise would be all too pleased if we started sleeping together. Even if I now realised it was under duress.
The anxiety was brutal on Sunday. I couldn’t stop thinking about Isadora and Blaise. Did he sleep with her? Was I okay with him sleeping with her? He was mine and I knew realistically I needed to be a grown-up about it but it didn’t make it any easier. She was probably shitter in bed and she was ugly too, so it was his loss really for having to put up with her. If he had just sorted out everything then we’d be fine. Fucking men. I didn’t care that he had no idea about this, he should have done something. Anything other than treating me like he did on the Eurostar. A pathetic attempt to push me away when he already had me sign some fucking blood oath. Of course I enjoyed it, what girl doesn’t enjoy a guy going down on her? But I still didn’t agree to be sliced with a knife, or to sign a blood oath, beforehand. Now I would. Of course I would. I just wish that he would honour it and man the fuck up and not enter some forced arrangement.
Noelle eventually grew bored of my moping and went to Tesco’s and came back with tequila, the only alcohol that wasn’t a depressant she claimed, and pizza. I didn’t know if I believed her about the tequila but it did its job in calming my overwhelming anxiety about the whole situation. Gemma refused to take part and just judged us from her bedroom with Bastien. He was judging us too.
Moody fuckers couples are. Sure, they were lucky enough to have each other and I was happy for them, but just sometimes I couldn’t cope with it. Sunday was one of those days. Did that make me a bad person? Was this the new Xanthe?
Anyway, Monday came too soon and before I knew it I was unloading the dishwasher and trying to listen in on Jaz and India’s conversation. Sometimes this world was too small. Not only was Isadora Blaise’s fucking fiancée, her best friend happened to be my bitch of a co-worker. I had managed to avoid her at the party on Saturday but I was intrigued to hear her version of the night.
“The party on Saturday was fun then?”
Jaz looked over at me but I ignored her. “It was, in the end. I am worried about Isadora though. I’m not sure that Blaise is fully committed to her.” She paused, looking at me. The dishwasher was nearly unloaded so I faffed around, boiling a kettle. “Don’t you have some work to do?” she asked me pointedly.
I sighed. “Let me just finish this.”
“Anyway, I think it’s fine.”
“God. Arranged marriages sound so weird.”
“I know. So out-dated but Isadora is happy at least. That is, if Blaise treats her right and stays faithful.” The last bit was so pointed, I wanted to laugh but I refrained. Jaz looked at me and gestured at me impatiently.
Refraining from rolling my eyes, I left and glanced down at my phone.
* * *
Blaise: Missing you – stay good for me x
* * *
I rolled my eyes at that. Complete silence yesterday and then this.
* * *
Blaise: Bastien told me about you and Noelle yesterday.
…
Fucking three dots.
* * *
Blaise: You don’t need to worry – you are the only girl for me, needy girl. I know I didn’t treat you well at the beginning but you are too precious for me to lose xx
* * *
His terrible communication had made me question everything. There were too many players who would turn on me in a heartbeat but, more importantly, there were too many already against me. We were supposed to be fighting together. I had assumed we had agreed that on Saturday but his utter silence made me question myself. Was I just a deluded fool? Had he spent Sunday in post-coital bliss with Isadora? I mean, sucks to be him because I was certain he was downgrading the experience by staying with her, I thought angrily as I tackled my to-do list.
My phone started to buzz like my angry thoughts and I cursed as I looked at it. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. I glanced around the office and then hurried to the bathroom. This was not a conversation I wished to have in the public setting of our open-plan office.
“Yes?”
“Are we good?” Blaise asked immediately, stress clipping his words.
Before I could allow myself, I let out a sob. Internally cursing myself, I pulled myself together and smiled, trying to infuse as much confidence as possible into my words. “All good, babe.”
“Fuck’s sake, Xanthe, don’t cry. You agreed to this.”
I hiccupped. “I know. I know. I barely understand this and right now it�
��s causing so much stress. What is the situation with you and Isadora? How can I keep Xander at bay? Are we just going to have to do this secretly for years?”
“Shhh…where is the strong girl I spoke to on Saturday? I’ve got this, okay? We just need to figure this out. I’ll come see you sometime this week. I know how my needy girl needs reassurance,” he laughed.
I smiled, temporarily relieved. “That’d be nice.” I paused. “Are we insane for doing this?”
Blaise was quiet for a while and then said, “Listen to your friend Noelle. She’s sensible. I’d love to run away with you but I need to figure stuff out.”
“I know and I understand that,” I responded, tired of that. I just wish he had the balls to do it.
“And I didn’t tell you something on Saturday,” he continued.
“What?”
“Isadora is mentally unstable,”
“Oh fuck that. I get that people have genuine mental illnesses but hers is entirely fabricated and she has been using it since we were little.”
Blaise laughed darkly. “I love your cynicism but that’s beside the point. I wouldn’t put it beyond her to stage an overdose or something if we were to try and be together. The girl has my bank account and my image firmly in her sights, I’m fairly certain she’ll stop at nothing to achieve that. As her father says, a dead bride is not a great look.”
I laughed bitterly. “Of course she’s twisting her ‘mental health’ for this,” I sighed. “It’s fine. I can be patient.”
“And I will see you, okay? I’m doing my best to sort things out as we speak. You know there are so many moving parts, and besides, her father is obsessed with the idea of her marrying me. Probably because the poor girl won’t get anyone without Daddy’s intervention.”
His dismissal of the situation warmed me, gave me hope. “I know. I’ve got to go but we’re all good, Blaise. Truly.”
“That’s good. Have faith and I’ll see you soon, darling.” He hung up and I sat a while longer in the bathroom, processing the conversation. As I left the bathroom, I bumped into Jaz who eyed me suspiciously but said nothing.
Little Doll: Queens of Chaos 1 Page 21