by Nic Saint
“Was that... a cat?” I could hear Dante ask.
To which Fluffy replied, “I didn’t see nothing.”
And we were going well and moving in the direction of Odelia’s room when suddenly I collided heavily with an immovable object. The immovable object turned out to be a large lady, who suddenly bent down and picked me up by the front legs, so that the rest of my not inconsiderable corpus was left dangling. Not a pleasant position to be in, let me assure you!
“And what do we have here?” she asked sternly. I was face to face with the woman now, and I was reminded of Dante’s joke about growing a long and tangled beard. This woman did have a beard, and a mustache, too. Neither of them was particularly long or tangled but they were still there. “Out with you lot,” she grumbled, and hoisted me in the direction of the door.
“Hey, no!” I said. “I’m an honored guest here.”
“Max?” said Dooley. “Where is that woman taking you?”
Of course she didn’t understand me. She was one of those people who seem to think that cats belong out on the street and have no business being inside the house.
So she opened the door and threw me out. Actually threw me out! Then she returned to grab Dooley by the scruff of the neck and repeated the procedure. Quick as a flash, I tried to return indoors, but she blocked my passage, snapping, “Cats don’t belong in the house. Now bugger off.”
And then she slammed the door in our faces!
Chapter 12
There was a tap at the door and Odelia went to open it. She was surprised to find none other than Tessa standing before her. “Can I come in?” she asked.
The newly-minted royal looked anxious, Odelia thought, and nervous.
“Of course,” said Odelia. “This is your house.”
Tessa nodded and quickly closed the door behind her. “So?” she asked. “Any news?”
Chase, who’d been channel-surfing and had finally decided to watch sports on ITV, walked over. “Hey, cousin,” he said.
Tessa grimaced. She clearly was not in the mood for levity. “I’m sorry, but I’m so nervous I can’t think straight. My heart is beating a mile a minute, like, all the time. And the worst part? That I have to lie to Dante about all this.”
“Your mother seems to feel very strongly about him,” said Odelia.
“She does. I’ve told her already that Dante can’t be behind this—he just can’t—but she doesn’t believe me. She feels that it’s better not to tell him anything. And it’s killing me!”
“I can only imagine,” said Odelia. If she suspected Chase of wanting to kill her she’d probably feel exactly the way Tessa did right now.
“So who are your suspects?”
“Well, we have the list your mother gave us,” said Odelia, handing Tessa the list. “Your cousin Nesbit drew it up.”
Tessa stifled a shocked cry. “This is every single person I’ve been in contact with. My cook, housekeeper, maid, assistant, Dante... Wait, what is the Queen doing on this list?”
“That was Angela’s addition. She feels the Queen doesn’t like you all that much, and might have gotten it into her nut to have you bumped off. Her words, not mine.”
“She thinks the Queen wants to make your death look like an accident,” said Chase.
Tessa shook her head. “I don’t believe this. The Queen has been nothing but kind to me. I can’t believe she’d want to have me crushed or poisoned.”
“Who’s Damien Card?” asked Odelia, indicating suspect number five.
“Dante’s oldest friend. I guess the logic is that Damien thinks I stole Dante from him. And in a sense that’s true. Ever since we got married Dante hasn’t spent as much time with his old chums as he used to. But that’s not my fault. That’s because Dante has been busy with other stuff. Like becoming a father for the first time. And it’s a little weird for a father to drink himself into a coma or to get arrested for stealing a constable’s helmet and tie it to a church spire.”
Odelia gave the Duchess a questioning look. “Boys will be boys?”
“Apparently that’s the kind of stuff Dante was up to before we met. Before he turned into a responsible husband and father.”
“Which is why Damien is upset with you,” Chase said.
“I guess. But it’s hardly a reason to try and kill me. Though I suppose it could be true. Damien is a spoiled rich kid. Very immature and peevish.”
“I talked to Suzy,” said Odelia. “She said Cook speaks very harshly of you. Doesn’t like you meddling with her cooking.”
Tessa nodded. “I know. She hates it. I’d fire her and do everything myself—it would spare me the aggravation of having to deal with her grumpiness and her constant badgering. Unfortunately I just don’t have the time.”
“You could always hire another cook,” Chase suggested. “One that doesn’t try to kill you.”
Tessa smiled. “Carolyn may not like me very much, but I hardly think that’s a reason to kill me.”
“She did make the tea that was poisoned,” Odelia reminded her.
“And Suzy brought me that tea,” said Tessa. “After it had been standing on the kitchen counter for God knows how long. It was almost cold by the time I got it.”
“Which means anyone with access to the kitchen could have dumped in the Belladonna,” said Odelia.
“We need to talk to this Carolyn person,” said Chase.
“Oh, this is all so frustrating,” Tessa groaned with an irritated shrug. “If only we could have this out in the open, so the police could come in and properly question everyone. Look for potential witnesses. That sort of thing.”
“Why don’t you?” asked Odelia.
Tessa threw up her arms. “Mom’s idea, and she does have a point. There’s this thing going on in the media right now. A regular shit storm. And I’m right in the middle of it. They invent story after story, making me look like evil incarnate. They’d probably claim I invented this whole murder story just so I could get attention. It would be amazingly awkward and embarrassing to the royal family, and put Dante in a really tough spot.” She shook her head. “No, we need to be very discreet about this. Nothing can leak to the media or the Queen will kick me out of the family for good, royal baby or not.”
“So the cook, the maid, the best friend… How about your housekeeper? Does she have a reason to want to get rid of you?”
“I suppose,” said Tessa. “She claims I stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. But it’s my household, after all, and I have very particular ideas about what I want and don’t want.”
“And so does she.”
“So does she,” Tessa confirmed. “Which means we don’t always see eye to eye.”
“And what does Dante think about all of this?”
“He doesn’t get involved. He’s actually used to this sort of thing. His mom had very particular ideas, too, and so does his grandmother, obviously. He’ll always back me up, but he doesn’t want to come across all heavy-handed either. He likes to keep the peace, and hates to make a big fuss over things.”
“Tough spot to be in, for you,” said Odelia.
“You have no idea,” said Tessa, crinkling her brow. “It’s been a tough couple of months. Everything I say is misinterpreted, whatever I do is wrong, and wherever I go I’m gawked at as if I’m some kind of circus freak.”
“At least the people still support you. Angela says you’re popular.”
“Yes, but for how long? Their minds are poisoned and they’re being set up against me. And who are they going to believe? The media that writes garbage about me every single day, or me, who can’t say a word in my own defense? Dante says I shouldn’t take it personally. He says it’s a kind of hazing thing the English press do with every single person who marries into The Firm.”
“The what?”
She smiled. “The royal family, also known as The Firm.” She sighed. “I’m not so sure, though. I talked to Dante’s aunt the other day, and she says she’s never seen it being play
ed so rough and so vicious. She thinks it might have something to do with the fact that I’m not English born.”
“Or the fact that you’re a charming, intelligent, attractive and outspoken young woman,” said Chase, which earned him a laugh from Tessa and a smile from Odelia.
“Thanks,” said Tessa. “It’s nice to know that there are still some people in the world who don’t think I’m the worst thing to happen to this country.”
“Let’s focus on finding the person trying to kill you,” said Odelia. “Speaking of which, what do your protection people say?”
“Well, my cousin says it must be someone with access to my schedule, so presumably someone in my inner circle. For instance the fact that I was going to be at the Newtmore Summer Show at that exact time.”
“Who would have known about that?”
Tessa held up the list. “Everyone on this list, and the people on my protection detail, of course.”
“Could they be behind this?”
“Oh, I don’t think so. My cousin vouches for them. They’ve all worked for the royal family for so long—they’re really devoted.”
“That could be the reason they’re doing this.”
“If they see me as a threat to the monarchy, you mean.”
“Exactly.”
Tessa blinked. “If that’s the case, then this list isn’t nearly long enough. There are probably thousands of people who wish me harm right now—maybe millions.”
Chapter 13
I didn’t mind being locked out. What I did mind was being locked out in an environment that was basically unknown to me. No familiar faces here, or even familiar sounds of the night. No, it was all very new and frankly a little scary. So I did what any sensible cat would do: I cleared my throat and politely asked, “Um, could anyone please let us in?”
“Yes, please,” echoed Dooley. “I would like to go to bed now.”
When that didn’t seem to yield immediate results, we tried a different tack: we both started yowling—loudly! Unfortunately Baby Silvy chose this exact moment to start yowling, too. And as much as it pains me to admit it: she beat us squarely in the yowling department. Apparently we have much to learn, and Silvy was leading the way. So our yowling was drowned out by the noise of the royal baby, and we had to pursue other avenues to resolve our situation.
We checked the house for a possible means of egress. And that’s when I saw it—or, rather, him. A man was sitting in a car, parked nearby, with one of those very large cameras obscuring a large part of his face, shooting pictures of the house. I could hear the shutter going clickety-click as he did.
“Who’s that, Max?” asked Dooley.
“That’s a paparazzo, Dooley.”
“What’s a paparazzo?”
“It’s a kind of parasite. It breeds on other humans, sucking their lifeblood.”
“Nasty things.
“Very nasty,” I agreed.
“Is he taking our picture, you think?”
I darted a quick look at the house, and realized he wasn’t. Through the window, Tessa’s profile was outlined. She was holding Silvy, consoling her.
“Bad paparazzo,” said Dooley, who’d noticed the same thing.
“Very bad indeed,” I said. Taking snapshots of a private scene for the sole purpose of exploiting it for monetary gain.
And Prince Dante must have had the exact same thought, for at that moment he returned from his walk with Fluffy and spotted the man sitting in front of his cottage.
“Hey!” he bellowed. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
The man, caught, instantly started up his engine. In response, Fluffy started yapping like a mad dog, and then, before Dante could stop her, launched herself through the open window of the car and onto the paparazzo, who was making frantic efforts of putting his car in gear and driving away.
The man yelped in dismay as the thirty-pound English bulldog landed in his lap, and the next moment the car lurched forward, the dog still inside, with Dante running after it, yelling and screaming all the while for the car to stop.
It was pandemonium out there, and just as I wondered what had happened to all the security people who were supposedly guarding the royal couple, a burly man came running out of the house, still clutching a sandwich, took one look at the Prince, racing after the car, and went in pursuit, sticking a finger of his free hand into his ear for some reason and yelling to himself.
Instantly, three more men came running out of the house, and now the gag was complete: the paparazzo was obviously in the lead, with Dante right on his heels, and four security people chasing after him. It would have been funny if it hadn’t been so serious, and I really felt for Fluffy, being abducted like this without a moment’s notice.
I would have run after the group, if I had the kind of body made for exertion. As it is, I’m more of an intellectual than an action hero. Dooley obviously felt the same way, for he stayed put right next to me.
The door flew open once more, and disgorged even more people: Tessa, cradling the baby, Odelia, Chase, Angela, and some of the household staff, who apparently worked long hours. All of them started running in the same direction the others had gone, except for Tessa, who had the baby to contend with. Harriet and Brutus were the next ones to emerge from the house, and joined us in staring after the strange nocturnal fitness activity.
“What’s going on?” asked Brutus.
“A paparazzo was taking pictures of Tessa, and when Dante saw it, he decided to put a stop to it. Oh, and Fluffy jumped into the car and the paparazzi drove off with her, so there’s that to take into consideration.”
“Terrible business,” said Brutus. “Do you think the paparazzo is the one who tried to kill Tessa?”
“I doubt it. You can’t kill a person by taking their picture.”
“There are some people who believe that you can,” said Harriet. “They believe that by taking your picture, they control you. That’s why some people never want their picture taken, so no one can do them any harm.”
Dooley shivered. “Creepy,” he said. “Imagine someone takes your picture and decides to do all sorts of bad things with it. I don’t think I’d like that.”
“I don’t understand how he was allowed to get this close to the house,” said Brutus. “Aren’t they supposed to have a security perimeter?”
“I guess royal security isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” I said.
“Or maybe the English are more loosey-goosey when it comes to security.”
From the house, Gran now emerged. “What’s going on?” she asked.
I repeated my brief summary of recent events, and she tsk-tsked freely.
“Bad business,” she said. “If those damn paps can get this close to the house, anyone can.” She pushed at her white curls, which were a little lopsided. She’d obviously been sleeping when the ruckus erupted.
“Do you think that a person can gain control over you by taking your picture, Gran?” asked Dooley. He seemed worried now, after learning about this new and hitherto unknown-to-him potential threat.
“No, I don’t,” said Gran. “If that were the case, all the politicians, celebrities, and people in the public eye would be under the control of the millions of people who look at their pictures. Heck, I had a picture of Rock Hudson on my wall for ages, hoping one day he’d happen to be in town and swing by. Do you think he ever did? Nah, don’t you believe that crap.”
“It’s like voodoo,” Harriet insisted. “Where they put a pin in a little doll?”
“Rubbish,” said Gran decidedly.
She seemed to know what she was talking about, almost as if she’d had her likeness turned into a doll and had strange people put pins in them all her life.
Just then, the paparazzo’s car came driving back up the road, only this time with Prince Dante behind the wheel. A long procession followed, including but not limited to Chase, Odelia, four security people, and... the pap, hands tied in front of him with plastic handcuffs.
Waddling behind them was Fluffy, who looked particularly pleased with herself. She had a piece of cloth clasped between her teeth, which was an exact match for the hole in the pap’s pants.
It was a great night for a good dog.
Chapter 14
“I have every right to be here,” said the man, looking particularly cross that Fluffy had bitten him in the ass. “And you have no right to detain me—or to confiscate my camera and destroy the images I shot!”
The security people had parked the man’s car, and were now taking a crack at the paparazzo. The police had been called, and they’d be there soon.
“Who is he?” asked Odelia as she found herself standing next to Tessa and her mother.
“Otis Robins. He’s a famous reporter,” said Tessa. “He has his own show on television and everything, and he writes for one of the big tabloids.”
“So what was he doing out here, taking pictures of you?”
“He says his regular photographer bailed on him so he decided to take his place. He’s doing a series of articles on me and this appears to be part of it.”
“Major-league jerk, if you ask me,” said Angela, who glowered at the man.
“Yeah, he’s leading the charge against me,” said Tessa. “Must hate me something pretty bad.”
“So what did you ever do to him that makes him hate you so much?” asked Odelia.
“Beats me. I never met the man before in my life.”
“You married a prince,” said Angela. “These islanders always react viciously when an outsider moves in and sweeps up one of their own.”
“Or maybe his daughter had a crush on Dante and really wanted to marry him,” Odelia suggested.
“From the way he’s acting, you could very well be right,” said Tessa.
The reporter and Dante stood toe to toe, with the Duke shouting that the man was out of line and would pay dearly for this breach of privacy.
“Who cares a sod about your privacy?!” Otis Robbins yelled, his face red and the veins at his temples throbbing furiously. “You’re a public person—you have no privacy!”